Law of Attraction: Once I Deal with My ‘Ick’ Do the Good Feelings Automatically Come?

Hello Kelli! I had a quick question: “After going through the ick and all the resistance, will we naturally feel better or I have to try to feel better?”

Yes you will naturally feel better. Post Over.

Just kidding. I know the mind needs a bit more to go off of.  There are a lot of nuances to personal growth work and energetic transformation that need a bit of teasing out to more fully understand how it all works. Things that seem very simple and straightforward become anything but once the good old mind gets involved in the process. 

Why It is Automatic

If you clean a dirty window what are you left with? Gleaming, shiny, clear glass. This is the natural state of the window. We didn’t have to do anything to create the gleam, the shine, the sparkle, the clarity. 

We just had to clean off the crap making it look all gross and dirty. 

The same thing with our emotional state. The main problem really isn’t a lack of positive emotion and happiness per se…there is just lots of negative emotion dominating and making it hard to get in touch with feelings that are part of our natural state of being. 

We don’t come into the world sad, anxious, bitter, angry, fearful, frustrated, depressed or resentful. Look at little kids and how happy they are–they aren’t trying to be that way. They aren’t consciously trying to cultivate positive emotion. They just haven’t been touched too deeply by the crappy programming and the like that starts piling on as we get older. 

Our mind has grossly misinterpreted most of our life experiences, and the resulting stories, narrative, conclusions and decisions felt really badly and are at the root of all our negative feelings. 

We have a lot of beliefs about ourselves and how the world works that make us feel disempowered and stuck, that make us believe things we want aren’t possible, and to think we can never have all this stuff that our mind thinks we need to be happy…well, that feels pretty terrible right? 

We have zero tolerance for negative feelings and we do everything we can to try and avoid dealing with them. Most of our personal growth works becomes a hunt for all sorts of ‘work arounds’ so we can get happy and get our ‘stuff’ without ever having to deal with any of that crap. 

And all those feelings, all that energy, just stays stuck, it keeps dominating us. And then we wonder why all our efforts to ‘raise our vibration,’ to more consistently feel more positive feelings always falls flat. We can’t seem to get a handle on this whole ‘happiness’ thing which just makes us feel 1,000 times worse. 

So, yeah, if you deal with all your ‘ick’ feeling better is a natural byproduct without a doubt. 

Your negative feelings didn’t come out of nowhere—all your mind chatter has some sort of emotional component and since most of the chatter is shit, you will feel like shit in turn! So once you start questioning the validity of that chatter, and see none of it is true, the feelings start automatically transforming because that is where they were coming from. 

Once you let yourself really deal with your negative emotions, engage in brutal honesty about how you feel and why you feel that way, the energetic shift is huge. The emotional component of the beliefs and perspectives you consciously opt for instead feel wonderful–joy, peace, security, trust, faith, self-love. It’s all automatic. 

The reason ‘feeling better’ seems so hard for most of us is because we do all we can to avoid dealing with what’s making us feel badly. The harder you are ‘trying’ to feel better, the more crap there you are swimming upstream against. 

Achieving a real, genuine sense of well-being in and of itself isn’t the ‘hard’ part of the personal growth journey, it isn’t something that requires ‘effort’. The willingness to deal with everything keeping us out of that space is what’s challenging but if we accept it’s challenging, it will feel less so. 

If we are finally willing to admit we have no choice but to deal with our ‘stuff’ realizing that is the only real barrier to energetically aligning with more desired circumstances, and actually feeling genuinely happier, you’ll just do it.

It will suck sometimes but you’ll see it isn’t that bad. You’ll see the process can’t actually hurt you, that you can’t get ‘stuck’ in the feelings, that feeling them is the way through them. 

So yes, essentially it is an automatic process since the presence of the negative feelings is the actual problem, not any ‘deficiency’ in positive ones. But given the reality of human nature and the various tendencies of the mind, we need to understand… 

How It Isn’t Automatic 

There is a  10 day meditation retreat I have done several times over the years. There is no talking. No internet. No phones. You are basically cut off from the outside world. 

While there were times where I certainly felt agitated ,and wanted to run screaming out of the meditation hall because I felt I couldn’t sit there quietly for one more freaking second,  for the most part, I experienced a sense of peace, a quietness of the mind that I never had in the ‘real world.’ 

And it’s easy to see why. I wasn’t absorbing anyone’s negativity, no having to listen to anyone complain, no having to engage in discussions about low-energy topics that would trigger my fear and other ‘ick.’ I couldn’t do any complaining of my own, indulge any of my mind’s nonsense. 

No exposure to news or anything else that would sully my mind and energy. 

Essentially I wasn’t receiving any sort of external output that would disrupt my internal world in any way. I wasn’t having any experiences that would challenge my positive thinking and sense of peace. There was nothing undermining that energy, nothing chipping away at it. 

But these aren’t the conditions in which most of us find ourselves. We aren’t shut away from the world, devoting our lives to spiritual growth and nothing more. 

Most of us aren’t enlightened beings who can continue to exist in the world without ever getting caught up in the nonsense.  We will be ‘in’ the world’ and ‘of’ it as well. 

We are constantly getting sucked into the illusion. There are lots of powerful negative energies and beliefs on the collective level of humanity that you likely have bought into to some degree. 

We have desires and with that will come attachments; there may always be that part of us that believes we must manifest certain things to be happy. 

There may be a part of us who will always believe certain elements of our past have done permanent damage to us psychologically and emotionally, leaving some black mark on our existence for as long as we live. 

We have this ego/mind part of us that is very powerful and has been running the show for quite some time. 

There are all manner of external ‘saboteurs’ that can undermine our efforts to be a truly emotionally healthy, happy person, both big and small.

Everything from the news to an encounter with a rude service person to rocky relationships with family members to television shows to the political party in power….the list could go on and on. 

So with all these ‘threats’ to our emotional well-being, and efforts to truly, deeply, genuinely embrace certain beliefs and ways of thinking, most of us are probably going to need to consciously and actively ‘manage’ our feelings.

We’ll need to do things that help nurture and protect the more beneficial energies we are looking to cultivate, that reduce our stress and keep us in a more positive frame of mind. 

And how we go about accomplishing this is a very unique, individual journey. 

What do you need to subtract from your life? Watch the news too much? Spend too much time watching reality shows full of ridiculous people you just love to hate? A toxic friendship? Drinking too much to cope with stress? Stretched yourself too thin with a variety of commitments, leaving too little time for yourself? 

What do you need to add? Do you need to exercise more? Do you need to do things to manage a health condition better? Do you need to find more positive people with whom to surround yourself? Do you need to start meditating or engage in other tools that will help manage stress more effectively? 

What are your major ‘triggers?’ right now for emotional ‘ick?’ A family member who pulls you into one emotional crisis after another, completely draining you? A relationship with a serious lack of boundaries that has you bending over backwards to meet their endless demands? 

Feeling resentful for not having enough time for yourself? Committing to something you don’t actually want to do, don’t have the energy for?

If all the emotional transformation essentially comes from within by way of conscious choice about what we believe, conscious effort to embrace certain beliefs and really try and ‘activate’ the energy they bring us, by way of allowing our negative feelings so they don’t build up, then the variety of tools and techniques available to us aren’t technically necessary.

But most of us are going to need some support, a way to deliberately activate certain energies so they gain real strength and momentum. So for most of us, things like meditation, affirmations and the like will be a very important and helpful part of our journey, of our ‘vibe management.’ Doing these sorts of things helps keep the ‘bad’ energies at bay, helps weaken them. 

Most of us have things going on in our life that will challenge our well-being and we’ll probably have to make certain changes, and make certain decisions, that would interfere with our effort, that create energies that undermine what we are trying to do. 

We have likely fallen into some bad habits that need changing; we may be spending our time in ways that aren’t serving us and we need to do something about that. 

So, while essentially we don’t need to ‘do’ anything to feel better, while it is something that naturally occurs when we deal with the ‘crap’ obscuring all the positive feelings that comprise our natural state, the reality of our human experience means certain changes and actions are often necessary to support these inner transformations, to keep that energy dominant. 

Your Turn

What did you think of the post? Anything resonate in particular? What helps you support your internal transformations?


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4 thoughts on “Law of Attraction: Once I Deal with My ‘Ick’ Do the Good Feelings Automatically Come?

  1. Hi Kelli
    I’ve been on a personal growth journey for years. I do believe that one needs a third party coach (like you) in order to work out the kinks. Meditation gets better and better as we commit to it on an ongoing basis. We can feel aligned, but things often change such as sickness in a family member, to even positive growth, there can be that ick inside of us. That’s when we need to reach out to someone for help. I find you can’t do it alone all the time. Life changes and we may encounter watching the news which can ruin the best day lol. We have to keep ourselves clear of the negativity via negative people, to even negativity on social media.
    Even though I can meditate on a drop of a dime, I still have those times whereby I need to be sort of redirected to make my energy flow properly.

    1. Hi Donna
      Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your experience. You are right that private coaching can be a very valuable resource. Being a coach and seeing the transformations and benefits my clients have gotten helps me see this first hand. But my enthusiasm for it actually comes more from being on the client end of the relationship and seeing the profound benefits it has given me. Yes, so many things are happening outside of us that can easily bring all but the most enlightened beings down. Most people on this sort of journey will probably find changing their relationship to social media will play a major role in enhancing their well-being on that day to day level. It’s just too much sometimes in so many different ways, from the negativity to slanted perspectives on world events to wrongly thinking so many people are happier and better off than you when in reality they are having their struggles just like you, and may even be going through something ‘worse.’

  2. This whole feeling your emotions idea has really blown my mind. For years and years I feared my negative emotions, fearing I would drown in them and never leave. Then I learn if I take the time to sit with them/release/identify/express them they go away! No drowning. I feel there are a lot of emotions to sort through, stuff I ignored and that will take time. However it does seem to get a bit easier each time. I still have to laugh though – who knew the solution was the one I was running away from all the time!

    Enjoyed the article. Thank you!

    1. Hi Maryann
      Isn’t that such a freeing realization–we don’t have to deny and suppress. We don’t have to see them as some sort of enemy. Knowing letting ourselves feel them and being honest about how we are feeling is the key to all the healing and well-being we seek completely changes our relationship with these feelings and this is a good thing because they will probably show up in our lives in various ways and in response to many typical human experiences!

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