Serenity Now: Creating Peace in Everyday Life Part 3

 No matter what we want in life, there is that same core desire lying at the root—to just feel good, to feel at peace. This feeling can seem very elusive at times; we may think it is out of our reach completely, or that our embraces with it can only be sporadic and short-lived.

For much of my life, I felt a restlessness inside—there was always something stirring and I just wanted to feel more peaceful, to be able to handle things better, to not let my emotions get the best of me all the time. So began my journey of self-improvement. And, I have learned a lot, and changed in ways I never thought I would have.

I found ways to cultivate this inner peace I so desperately wanted. I realized I had a choice in the matter, and that I could choose to feel a certain way, regardless of what was happening in my life. And you have that choice too.

It is not about becoming some perfect person who never gets angry, never worries about the future and just feels like she is floating on a cloud all the time. I’m sure there are people out there like that, and if you are one of them, definitely share your secrets in the comment section below.

There will be times when your emotions get the best of you; there will be times when you will lose perspective and have reactions totally disproportionate to the ‘problem’; there will be times when you just feel like shit; there will be times when you just want to punch people square in the face just so they can feel the same pain you do; there will be times when you feel really down about yourself and your self-esteem is in the toilet; there will be times when you feel so fearful about what the future may hold, you just wish you could disappear into thin air so you don’t have to worry about anything anymore.

But, if you have been making an effort to cultivate this inner peace, these episodes will likely be less frequent; when they do surface, they usually don’t last as long; you will be more accepting of them and the absence of resistance creates less emotional strife. You won’t be so hard on yourself for acting in a way that you don’t want to be acting.

So, onto my third set of suggestions for living a more serene and peaceful life….

Let the Universe Work Its Magic

God, how I used to worry about anything and everything….it was to the point when during those rare moments when I wasn’t worrying about something, I actually felt anxious because I was so unused to feeling like that; I was so used to resting my mind on some unpleasant thought, I felt lost. I was basically worrying about not worrying.

I wish I could say I completely kicked my worry habit, but I haven’t. But, I have come a long way. And I owe that to a shift in my mindset and belief system.

I realized this world is a very mysterious place, and just how little we really understand about the nature of reality. I was ready to be open, and see what happened when I became more trusting, developed greater faith, not let logic rule the day, let go of the need to try and understand everything and demand ‘proof.’

I believe in the Law of Attraction and I’m not ashamed to admit it. When I started studying it more closely, something within me just clicked and it made sense. I knew there was something to this, and when I started changing my thoughts and behaviors, my life changed along with it, dramatically.

There were things that didn’t make sense to my logical mind ,and there were things that happened I couldn’t understand from an attraction perspective, but I just went with it. I was studying it to improve my life, not to ‘figure out’ the world.

And, with this new perspective, came a greater sense of peace because I knew there was no reason to worry; I saw how much good I had manifested as a result of the work I had done on myself, and I knew that pattern would continue so long as I kept being this way. And, no you don’t need to feel this way all the time to get results—thank God.

So, my advice to you is, let the Universe work its magic. Be more open to the idea that things can work out for you so long as you feel they will; that you can get what you want so long as you believe you can. Give that logical part of your brain a beat down when necessary, and don’t let it bring you down.

Know there are infinite ways the things you want will be brought to you, and the solutions to your problems are out there somewhere, and will have an easier time reaching you when you are open to receiving them. Don’t put so much focus on ‘how’ things will happen; don’t try to figure everything out. Just trust.

I speak from experience on this one, and my experience has been all the ‘proof’ I needed there is something to this way of being.

Don’t Take Things Personally

Unless you plan on retreating to a cave, or mountain top, completely removed from other human beings, finding ways to more successfully interact with, and handle any issues, arising from contact with your fellow man will bring you a long way in increasing peace in your life.

And, one of the first things to which you want to turn your attention is trying not to take things personally. Everything any of us do or say is always about us. It is understandable we have a hard time grasping this because when we are on the receiving end of these words and actions, it can feel very personal. After all, they are doing and saying these things to us.

This is one of those things that I think most of us know, but this knowledge doesn’t always trickle down into the realm of our experience and emotion. But, anytime we can remember it, our outward response to what others do is dramatically different, as is how we feel about whatever it is they have done.

If you can remember that the criticisms and judgments of others regarding your life stem from their own insecurity, jealousy, crappy belief system, and the like, you won’t be bothered by it as much. That part of you that may naturally harbor doubt about your own path (like any human does) or that cares about what other people think (even though we know you shouldn’t we sometimes do), will not be activated as frequently, or when it does, it won’t be as intense and it will shrink back more quickly.

If you can realize other people’s rudeness, meanness and other negative behavior towards you is because they are suffering in some way, you won’t feel as angry about how they treat you; you will feel more compassion towards them.

Start Paying More Attention to What You are Feeding Your Mind and How it Makes You Feel

So much of our mental and emotional state hinges on what we are feeding our minds throughout the day. The more crappy stuff we feed it, the more crappy we feel; the more positive stuff we feed it, the better we feel.

There is a lot of shitty stuff happening in the world, and while I think it is good to have an idea of current events,etc…I am not a big fan of absorbing every piece of information. So, now you know all the horrible things that are happening…now what?

Is it going to spur you into action to do something to rectify the problem? For most of us, the answer is probably no. Can you do anything about it? In most cases, probably not.

There is also a lot of good things happening in the world too…why not put some effort into learning about those things? I am not advocating living in denial, or to being a callous person who doesn’t care. I am simply making the suggestion to not put so much focus on all the crappy stuff happening, whether in your immediate area or around the world.

Limit your exposure to things that make you feel badly about yourself, make you feel like you’re not good enough, or don’t have enough.

Flip through any women’s magazine, and you are bombarded with images of women who have been airbrushed to the point they barely look human; ad after ad for beauty products that only serve to remind you of all your ‘flaws’ from large pores to unsightly cellulite. Crafty marketing that implants the idea in your mind you need various things to be happy, from clothing to the latest gadgets.

Repeated exposure to all of this can really do a number on us—on a conscious level, we can say we reject it all, and we aren’t ‘falling for it,’ but on a deeper level, after years and years of seeing these things, it probably has gotten to you to some degree.

Facebook is another big one. I think this site definitely has its benefits—as someone who travels a lot, it makes me feel connected to my friends and family even though I’m far away.

While we have always had a tendency to compare ourselves to others, in the age of Facebook, we can now do it at rapid speed, and the results are not good. Within minutes, you can get a glimpse into the lives of dozens of people, and they are just that, glimpses. While you definitely have your people who are not hesitant to share the turmoil of their life for all to see, most of us aren’t like that.

So, what you are seeing for the vast majority is their ‘highlight reel.’ The fun nights out with friends, the cutesy couple pictures, the photos of their smiling kids, the vacations and all that other good stuff. While some people may be trying to deliberately craft a certain image, or make people jealous, most of us are just engaging in the normal tendency to share the ‘ups’ of our lives, and keep the bad stuff private.

They are not going to talk about the fights with family, post their suspicions their spouse may be cheating on them, they are drowning in debt and have been ducking calls from creditors all day, talk about how they think having children was a grave mistake, or are living a lie and actually hate their life.

Again, this is something that we know  on an intellectual level, but this knowledge often does make it down to the emotional part of us, and it is this part of us that causes all our problems. Based on this one dimensional representation of someone’s life, we make all sorts of assumptions  that lead us to believe people are better off than us.

We think of how unhappy we are because of a certain something lacking in our lives, and conclude anyone who actually has whatever this thing is, must be happier than us. We feel inadequate and jealous.

Like our natural tendency to compare ourselves, we also have a natural tendency to want approval, positive feedback,etc no matter what our age… and not getting a lot of ‘likes’ or comments may make you feel badly. You take it as some sort of ‘rejection.’

Really pay attention to how you feel when you are on the site. Clean up your feed to make it a more pleasant experience. You don’t even have to worry about ‘unfriending’ and offending anyone–just choose to ‘unfollow.’

If you are struggling to get pregnant, clear out the people who do nothing but post pictures of their kids day in and day out, and can’t go more than a couple of days talking about how they love being a mommy.

If someone’s posts get you all riled up because you don’t agree with their opinion on certain subjects, get him out of there. If you find jealousy creeping in when a certain person’s updates appear on the screen, take him out (and do a bit of self-reflection on why you feel this way, and how you can get whatever it is you covet in his life.) If someone is always complaining or being negative, don’t let them infect you…unfollow now.

Try to spend less time on FB…your mind will be the better for it.

Watch things that make you laugh and feel happy; read books on topics that interest you, and that can help you improve your life, and become a better person. What we focus on expands, so focus on things that make you feel good, and more good will come into your life too.

Till next time….