Ready for a Change? Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be Part 3

Hey kiddies. Welcome to part three of my tips on how to make positive changes in your life, and move from where you are now to where you want to be. This was supposed to come out Wednesday, but I hit a couple of snafus, and didn’t get to post.

So, for any of you who were waiting with bated breath for this latest installment, my apologies 🙂

In truth, I probably could have, and my excuses are probably a bit lame. But it is what it is, right? So, I vowed to get back on track with my schedule and write it for Friday.

I know I usually have an introduction that can serve as a blog post in and of itself, but I decided to just jump right in to the meat of the matter because I really couldn’t think of anything profound I wanted to say, so why force it? For your reading pleasure, my next set of tips…..

Honestly Evaluate Barriers

This is one of those things that you probably already know on some level, but have not quite fully and honestly admitted to yourself. We can go to great lengths to avoid that final acknowledgement, and stay in denial.

But, if you are serious about walking the path of true change, it is not something that can be put off any longer. You must honestly evaluate the barriers to making the change you want, and then decide how you can get around them.

This may require facing some uncomfortable truths. A common one is realizing you need to limit your time with certain people, or certain relationships may fade away as you change because the only link to this person was a shared interest in activities in which you no longer want to engage, like getting black out drunk on the weekends, or using drugs.

It will force you to face behaviors that you know are bad, and have caused you much shame, guilt or other destructive emotions—remember to be kind to yourself here. This evaluation is not meant to be some exercise in berating yourself, it is merely about admitting the truth of the situation. Because we cannot truly make significant change in our lives until we can be honest about what has led us to where we are now.

And when I talk about these barriers, I’m not just referring to big things like utterly toxic people who you need to kick to the curb immediately , but all the little things that can trip us up as well, like the tendency to hold a major bitchfest every day at your job with your co-workers—for someone trying to be more positive and complain less, this could prove a problem.

The more clearly you can identify the stumbling blocks, the more effectively you can find ways to deal with them.

Realize Not Everyone May Be Happy for You

When talking to various people about their own journeys of positive change in their lives, I noticed a common theme in many of the stories—the fact that their efforts seemed to cause various rifts with people close to them.

How this plays out—and whether this actually happens to you at all– depends on many individual factors, such as the exact change you are trying to make, and the type of people in your life. And I use the term happy kind of broadly—sometimes the reaction may not necessarily be unhappiness, but perhaps, merely not understanding. So, I can’t sit here and outline exactly what you should expect—if you are lucky, you won’t deal with this at all, but just be prepared for the possibility.

Other people pose one of the biggest barriers to positive change, but we have to remember that this issue is still an internal one, and all about how we are reacting to what other people are doing and saying to us. We can’t ever hold anyone else responsible for things in our life not being to our liking, as easy as that may seem to be at times.

This can be a tough one because you are just trying to be a better person, a happier person, why can’t people be happy for you? Because it is very hard for us to be happy for other people when we are unhappy with ourselves or when people doing what they want interferes with what we want. There may be a fear that your relationship will change, and that can be really scary.

When people see you trying to change the things that they wish they could change within themselves, this causes great discomfort, and this discomfort is not usually channeled in ways that can be of great service to the person. Instead, people try to quell it by criticizing and judging others—we go to great lengths to avoid admitting we may have made poor choices, we are unhappy , some aspect of our life is spinning out of control or some issue has truly become a serious problem.

Some people may not want to see you succeed—not because they are horrible, evil people, but because their own jealousy, insecurity, fear of change and all that other yucky stuff is getting stirred up big time, and they would much prefer things stay the same.

This can kind of suck, and I hope that you don’t experience this. But, it might, and you have to remember a few important things.

The first I have already said, but bears repeating. Don’t use other people’s reactions as an excuse to get off track—we have to take full responsibility here.

Second, remember their reaction has absolutely nothing to do with you—it’s all their own stuff.  

Third, work on connecting with people who do get you, and do support you—even if it is some online group, it can make all the difference in your efforts.

Fourth, be careful about who you talk to—most of us aren’t that good that we can keep other people’s opinions, judgments,etc..from affecting us. We need to protect our precious energy, and our goals, from people who will squash them, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Remember to Give Yourself Credit along the Way

If you are serious about making changes, you will be doing plenty of good along the way. It is easy to overlook this though, and just focus on the times we mess up, and when we don’t handle things in the way we would prefer. This natural tendency of ours can really screw with us when it comes to making improvements in our lives and ourselves. As you move along your path, remember to celebrate the ‘little’ victories along the way, because they are actually anything but little. When you tune into all the things you are doing right, it will help shift your attitude, and lift you up when you are not feeling so great, and when things don’t seem to be happening as fast as you hoped, or are going as smoothly as you would like.

So, that’s all I have to say on that…hope you enjoyed the series, and you found at least a few helpful nuggets to help you in your own efforts to make positive changes.