Hi Kelli,
I find that moving towards the things I want give me sooo much anxiety. How can I keep my energy grounded while pushing myself towards things that are out of my comfort zone?
The Core Reason
There can be different things going on for different people, but this one issue is going to be at the root for pretty much everybody. It’s normal and kind of unavoidable given how the mind functions.
There has to be some compelling reason we put up with so much unwanted stuff in our life, not do things that would clearly benefit us, clearly make us happy. There has to be a compelling reason we cling to habits, beliefs and stories that cause us so much suffering. There has to be a compelling reason for constantly sabotaging our one true goal–to be happy–and constantly acting against our own best interests.
And this reason is our mind’s extreme aversion to unpleasant feelings in all their forms— feelings that will likely be unavoidable if we do all these things we need and want to do. This ranges from the discomfort of trying something new to worrying what other people will think of our choices to fear of the unknown to diving into our emotional pain.
This aversion is so strong that it is perfectly happy to keep you right where you are, regardless of how unhappy you may be because at least those unpleasant feelings are familiar.
Your circumstances are familiar and that is preferable to the unknown no matter how much they suck. You have gotten used to your dissatisfaction with your life, you have probably come up with all sorts of coping mechanisms to dull the pain.
You probably have some things in your life that bring at least some modicum of pleasure and that keeps you going well enough. You may be very unhappy in certain regards but the pain isn’t great enough to actually inspire change.
Most people seem to be unhappy, not doing much of anything and what not ,so maybe that is just how it is supposed to be. You can take comfort in knowing you are certainly not alone in your ‘predicament.’ It gives you permission to maintain the status quo.
So with all that going on, if you decide to actually make the changes, and step outside your comfort zone in even the smallest way, a lot of ‘stuff’ is going to get rustled up.
This will probably be the case no matter how much you intellectually understand certain things, no matter how much ‘work’ you do on yourself, no matter how much ‘prepaving’ you do, as Abraham Hicks would say, no matter how much you try and prepare yourself emotionally for whatever changes you are hoping to make.
Whatever the next step in your journey, you’ll probably be dealing with this to some degree. Make peace with that and it will be a lot easier.
Whatever beliefs, energies and the like influenced how you lived your life up until this point and the choices you made, won’t just magically go away, and along with the external changes, you’ll have to work on all that inner ‘stuff’ too. Not all of you is just going to get 100% on board with this new life you’re trying to build and new person you’re trying to become.
Make peace with this reality of the human experience, the mind’s response to change no matter how good and the like, and you’ll have a much easier time.
Getting at the Root of Anxiety
Beyond that anxiety and discomfort that stems from simply doing new things and moving in new directions, the other ‘causes’ will likely vary among us, and we will be tasked with the annoying job of actually going within and seeing what’s happening inside, being honest about our feelings and all that jazz.
Big pain in the ass I know, but without being more conscious of what’s happening inside, conscious creation becomes basically impossible.
I know we are constantly looking for the ‘work arounds’ and ‘hacks’ that would allow us to bypass this part and still be able to make all this dramatic change inside and outside, but can’t do it. And it’s not that bad really.
You have to ask yourself –What in particular is making me feel so anxious?
And a little note here… a lot of the stuff you come up with may sound a bit like Psych 101–unsexy, boring cliches. Don’t gloss over this…these issues tend to be the biggest problems for the vast majority of us. Cliches are such for a reason.
You may feel anxiety about moving towards certain goals if you have a negative association with actually achieving it. There is a part of you that doesn’t want it.
You may feel anxious about moving towards a goal if you worry you’ll fail. Same goes for if you actually succeed–kind of ties into the negative association thing above.
You may feel anxious about how people may view you if you make certain changes.
You may feel anxious the new you won’t be compatible with your family.
You may feel anxious you’ll evolve past your boyfriend and you’ll have to break up.
You may feel anxious about releasing certain parts of your identity regardless of how problematic these identifications have been.
You may feel anxious your heart will lead you in a different direction than the one your mind wants.
The problem with the feeling of anxiety in particular is we tend to just try and find ways to cope with it in the moment–calming the racing thoughts and the physical sensations that crop up. Obviously there is value but the real key to dealing with it is figuring out what is causing it in the first place.
Setting the Proper Intentions
One of the most helpful discoveries I made when learning more about energy, conscious creation, human tendencies and various other elements of ‘personal growth’ is understanding the importance of intentions and motivations. How it’s not really our actions that matter, but the energy driving them. This is a big determinant of how our journey unfolds, what it feels like.
We want to do our best to do things from the ‘positive’ side of the coin.
The journey of simply trying to attract what you don’t have will create a hell of a lot more anxiety and other negative feelings than the journey of prioritizing inner transformation, knowing the outside will change in kind.
The journey of moving away from the unwanted will create a lot more anxiety than the journey of moving towards the wanted.
The journey of trying to make changes in your life and in yourself to simply minimize pain will create a lot more anxiety than the journey of making these changes to maximize well-being.
A journey of healthy living that is fueled by fear of disease is very different than the journey fueled by the desire to live your best life and show love and reverence for your body by doing things that keep it healthy and feeling good.
If a more ‘negative’ energy is fueling the journey, a big contributor to this anxiety is in a rush to change your circumstances, to change yourself, to get rid of your bad feelings, you may be pushing yourself too hard and too fast.
While lots of things we do may not feel comfortable, we should never really feel like we are ‘pushing’ ourselves–there is a big difference.You may be doing things for which you are not really ready. You may be doing things that aren’t resonant with you. You are likely solely focused on action and not paying attention to the inside at all. None of that is going to feel good.
If you were to consider the journey from that more ‘positive’ angle, there is a good chance you would probably do some things differently.
Examining Attachment
Another ‘universal’ cause of this anxiety regardless of the person is we tend to be very attached to most things we want in this life. And this is because we don’t really want them so much as NEED them.
And why this strong need? Because your mind believes the lack of this or that is the cause of your emotional pain at its deepest levels. It’s really not–I know that is hard to believe but if you are willing even just a little bit to consider the ideas your mind shuts down immediately, you’ll see it’s true. You’ll see how far astray it is leading you about pretty much everything actually.
And if we believe certain things must happen for us or we never get to rid ourselves of said pain, of course we are going to feel very attached to these desires. And this attachment gets kicked up like a million notches once we start ‘using’ the law of attraction and ‘trying’ to will it into our lives.
You will feel anxious about whether or not you are doing manifesting ‘right.’ It’s not an action so this isn’t possible FYI.
You’ll obsess over ‘signs’ from the Universe and interpreting them ‘correctly.’
You’ll go into a emotional tailspin every time something happens your mind doesn’t like and the resulting extremely erroneous interpretation of events and what it all means for you.
You’ll agonize over decisions, worrying if you don’t make the ‘right’ one you’ll mess everything up.
You’ll get super-attached to potential channels through which the manifestation may come or representations of it that may not be the ‘final’ one, that aren’t supposed to be.
You’ll feel a constant sense of tension underlying all of your personal growth and energy ‘work.’
You’ll become hyper aware of your thoughts and feelings in a way bad way–not a helpful way– that will make you worry you’re never being ‘positive’ enough.
You’ll constantly be on the lookout for ‘signs’ what you are doing is ‘working’ and that your stuff is coming, which just makes you laser-focused on what you don’t have.
Once the mind gets a hold of this information, it has us work with it in a way that ends up feeling like sheer torture. No wonder people always talk about feeling worse since learning about this teaching in particular!
So in order to head off all this nonsense, you have to examine your attachment. Understanding what lies behind it is the first step to relinquishing it.
You may still want whatever it is you want, but this ‘need’ goes away. You don’t feel like a slave to your mind’s wants and agendas anymore. You stop trying to so hard to ‘create’ and you begin to ‘receive.’ Your relationship with action will be much more pleasant.
General Vibe Management
And now we come to my all-time favorite piece of advice because it is can be the antidote to pretty much every issue we face on this journey.
Anything that will help you feel better overall is good for managing this anxiety and any other negative feeling that crops up.
General vibe management helps neutralize our energy, which makes it easier to embrace, on an emotional level, all these new better-feeling perspectives that would quell this anxiety.
It creates the space within to begin moving from simply intellectually accepting the truth of these ideas to feeling them to be true in your heart.
It feels less hard to make all these uncomfortable changes. You are better able to contend with your uncomfortable feelings.
You can think more clearly. You see things more as they really are. You see a lot of the problems your mind is harping on are not actual problems, or if they truly are, they aren’t as bad as your mind is making them out to be.
As you start to feel better in the immediate moment, your attachment to whatever it is you want starts to loosen since you are seeing first-hand in your own experience that it is possible to feel better without these things having happened yet.
What this general vibe management consists of is a very individual thing. Only you know what changes you need to make in your life–what you need to add and subtract.
What makes one person feel better may be different from another. What tools, techniques, routines and rituals resonate with one person may not with another. The key is once you figure all this out, you actually implement the changes. Sounds obvious but it is very easy to keep putting off that final step.
Your Turn
What did you think of the post? Anything resonate in particular? How do you deal with the uncomfortable feelings of this journey?
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