Law of Attraction: Knowing Something isn’t Right vs. Remaining Open

I manifest dates, but not with anyone who I feel would make a good partner. So, I break things off and then feel guilty for not being more “open” to the different ways my manifestation might appear. Any advice on how to know when to walk away versus staying open and receptive to different possibilities?

Kate

Ah, this is one of those lovely questions whose answer seems so elusive, a question that can’t be answered in the way our mind wants it answered. It wants that definitive guideline so we are guaranteed to be making the right choice so that we are in turn guaranteed to get what we want without slowing it down or messing it up in some way.

The fear of doing it ‘wrong’ is palpable. The fear we may have only limited chances, and we don’t want to ‘mess’ it up. The fear the Universe may be delivering the perfect manifestation, but maybe we just aren’t seeing it, and then what if we let it go?

This is one way that knowing about the law of attraction,  being more conscious of our energy, and more focused on what we want can really work against us. But keep in mind, knowing you create your reality is never a bad thing.

The issue is the tendency to develop some bad habits we want to work on breaking sooner than later, like obsessing over every manifestation and decision, getting too attached to specifics, and all that other fun stuff that can easily edge out all the positive energy we are working to create, and make things a lot harder than they have to be.

So, again, this question can’t be answered in the way our mind wants it to be answered. But I think I can share some insights that will help you get a better sense of how to do this for yourself.

Only a Question We Can Answer for Ourselves

This is one of those issues that demonstrates the crucial importance of that annoying inner work, self-reflection and self-exploration. If we are really honest with ourselves, most of us really have no interest in this. We just want to figure out how the law of attraction ‘works’ so we can just get all the stuff our mind wants. I get. I get it. Fellow human in the house. 

Knowing ourselves, and getting clarity is a key component of conscious creation however. It is challenging to align with the things that would enhance our lives most when we don’t have a clear sense of who we are on deeper levels, of what we want to do, be and have.

And when I say what we want, I mean what we truly want–not the surface things our mind wants, like the specific person, job, or experience that may or may not be the best representation. I am talking about the core energies. 

And as that knowing gets deeper, you have a much clearer sense of whether certain opportunities, people, and experiences are for you or not.

You get a better sense if your ‘negative’ reaction to them is borne of knowing your preferences, or a lack of openness and too narrow a focus on what your mind wants or how it thinks things should happen.

There are just some questions we can only answer for ourselves. External guidance in the form of coaches, books, programs, blog posts and any other medium through which this type of information is delivered, can certainly help us, but can only take us so far.

Here are a couple of examples from my own life.

I have never enjoyed loud, crowded places, like bars and clubs–the energy repels me. I also don’t drink alcohol, which to me at least, makes these sorts of environments even more intolerable.

I want to be in more relaxing environments where I can sit comfortably, and not have to scream to have a conversation. I like calmer, quieter places.

So, if someone were to ask me if I wanted to attend the opening of the hottest new club in town, I could confidently say no without a second thought.

I know my preferences, and I know that wouldn’t be enjoyable for me. Now, would it be possible I could go to this sort of event and have a good time? Yeah, sure. But by and large, I don’t think I’m passing up some great opportunity.

As many of you know I travel quite a bit, and I love my lifestyle. I have always had a passion for traveling, and the last six years have been an amazing experience for me and Ryan.

I consider myself to be a friendly, open person; I’m not shy by any means. But I am definitely an introvert, and I am not overly social. I’m not particularly compelled to get out there and meet new people. I’m not the person scoping out the local scene and available activities in a new place.

I don’t want to talk if I don’t feel like talking. I don’t want to be absorbing the energy around me if I am already feeling ‘full.’

A few months ago, Ryan and I were walking down the street in Yangon, Myanmar. We had just gotten there a few hours previously, and were walking around, just exploring, which is my favorite thing to do.

On the way back to the hotel, we passed a Burmese woman who just stopped to say hi and ask where we were from. She wanted to know if we wanted to go get dinner. She told us she taught English, and she loved meeting travelers.

Being hot and tired, not exactly being a social butterfly anyway, my first reaction was to politely decline. I just wanted to go back to my air conditioned hotel room, and most likely putz around on the internet.

I didn’t want to worry about having to eat food I didn’t want to eat–my sense of adventure does not extend to eating by any means.

But I decided to say yes, and I am so glad I did. That night she took us to this wonderful local place with delicious local food; she graciously paid for our meal.

The next day she took us on a tour of all these awesome places outside the city and we learned so much, and saw so many cool things we wouldn’t have otherwise.

We had great conversations about so many topics from Burmese culture to spirituality, and she was such a warm and caring person.

This was one of those experiences that makes travel so special, that stands out to me as one of my best travel memories.

So even though it felt uncomfortable, even though the initial reaction was to say ‘no’ I was open. The situation brought me tremendous benefit, and my ‘rationale’ for saying no really wasn’t based on some solid knowing of my preferences of what I would enjoy and not enjoy. It was based more on the idea of not wanting to do something that was uncomfortable.

Only we can know what is causing the reactions we have to what shows up in our life, why we feel we like or don’t like it.

Only we can know the motivations behind our actions and decisions.

Only we can know the full contents of our inner world.

Only we can know if we are saying ‘no’ because we confidently know our preferences, and what works and doesn’t work for us, or because we might be scared to pursue something that would put us outside of our comfort zone, challenge us or force us to face a fear.

Only we can know if something truly isn’t a match, or if our mind is steering us away from this thing because it isn’t what it has decided you want or is best for you, and is afraid of you giving up on its vision.

Again, this is where that bothersome, and often inconvenient, inner work comes in. There are some things you can only know for yourself, and if you are willing to take the time to do this, so many things that seem confusing to our mind, are not really so.

Go Back to the Feeling

Remember my loves, you are always after a feeling. You want what you want because you think it will make you feel something you want to feel. When we keep this in mind, it is easier to weigh the manifestations against these core wants, and see if there is anything there.

You will more clearly see if they match up. You will be able to see if there are elements to the desired energies in the manifestation, and if so, you might keep on that track, being open, even if it doesn’t match up with what your mind has decided it wants the manifestation to look like, or this choice or experience doesn’t seem to have any relation to the ‘final’ manifestation.

For example, your mind has likely put together a list of your dream man’s qualities, and if we are honest, many of them can be a bit superficial. Many things your mind might deem important may not be in the grand scheme of things, like sharing a specific interest, having a certain type of job,etc….

This isn’t to say you can’t have any preferences, or that some of the preferences you have already come up with are not a good indication of your best match. Some of them might hit the nail right on the head. But you see what I’m getting at here–just a reminder to be open.

Many of the items on this checklist are not representative of what you actually want from the relationship–sense of connection, being supported, the ability to be totally authentic with someone,etc…

So when you meet someone who may not have all the qualities your mind has decided are important, you might feel like this person isn’t a match. But like Kate said, how does she know if she is truly dismissing the non-matches or just being closed off?

Well, that whole inner knowing thing will help a lot. As will focusing in on the feelings. Maybe this person isn’t your physical type, but he was really interesting, and easy to talk to; and you realize that is one of the core ‘feelings’ you are after-being with someone with whom you can communicate easily and have great conversations.

So maybe you didn’t immediately want to jump his bones, but there is some element of what you want, and maybe you should go out on another date and see what happens.

Maybe you end up dating this person for a long time. Maybe you end up getting married. Maybe after a few dates, you see it isn’t working and you move on. You can’t predict and you’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

When you keep the feelings in mind, and get more clarity on what you want to feel with your manifestations, that energy gets stronger. You align with more things, and people, that mirror that energy back.

You will be able to more easily tell if a manifestation is something worth pursuing (while being open to how it might ‘end up’), or if you should just move on. There won’t be so much internal debating, you’ll just know.

You’ll Never Run Out Of Chances

At the root of this whole issue is fear. A fear that you might not get what you want, that you might somehow make the ‘wrong’ choice and you’re screwed.

This is basically the root of all the ‘confusion’ we create around the process of conscious creation.

If we knew without a doubt that we would get what we wanted (what we truly want, not necessarily what our mind wants) so long as we cultivated the energies that facilitated these things showing up, so many of the anxieties that pop up around this process would be non-existent.  

So many of the things we worry about would be non-issues.

But while we may get this stuff in theory, while we may have an intellectual understanding and acceptance of these teachings, deep down we don’t know it for sure without a shred of doubt, hence these sorts of understandable worries.

So because we are scared we may not get what we want, we may glom onto anything that comes into our life that checks some of the boxes, fearing something better may not come along.

We worry about wrongly ‘passing up’ on a manifestation–what if that was the thing and I just didn’t see it?

We may be willing to put up with something that has elements of what we want, even if there are lots of elements of what we don’t, because again, what if something better doesn’t come along?

We agonize over our decisions.

But if we remember so long as we are cultivating the energy that lies at the root of our desired manifestations, that energy is going to show up in some way. There is no reason for it not to show up in a particular form, like money or a boyfriend by the way, so don’t worry you’ll get it in some other way that you won’t like as much.

You’ll never run out of chances, so if you decide not to go on that second date with that person, or not take that job, or whatever else, it’s fine. Something else will come along. Someone else will come along. If the energy is there, the manifestations have no choice but to show up at some point.

The key is believing this is so obviously, and that can be a process.

Now if you are of the school of thought where you believe there is one particular person for you, one particular job for you, one particular whatever, and that happens to be how things actually work ( I personally don’t but that’s not really relevant now), then if you passed up on it the first time, it will come back eventually. Maybe that was all part of the ‘plan’ and it will all work out as it should in perfect timing.

No matter what happens, it’s all good. Which brings me to my next point….

Everything is Always Serving You

Don’t you just love this little nugget of wisdom? It can be life-changing, especially for the conscious creator.

But it can also be super-annoying, especially if we are in the midst of dealing with a manifestation that is making us feel badly in some way, that just seems so ‘wrong.’

But this doesn’t make it any less true; it’s not a good excuse to close yourself off to this perspective.

You certainly can, but it will make the road more painful, and you will be missing out on all sorts of insights that will be very helpful for aligning more strongly and consistently with more of the ‘wanted.’

It will aid you in clearing out the shit holding you back, said ‘shit’ being the true root of your unhappiness, not the absence of your ‘stuff.’ Anyway…

Keeping this perspective in mind will make you a lot less anxious about your choices, because when you realize you will benefit from whatever happens, you don’t worry so much about choosing the ‘right’ choice. You realize there is no ‘wrong’ choice.

Let’s say you decide to keep dating someone you aren’t so sure about. You decide to be ‘open.’ And things don’t work out. Or maybe he does something really messed up that hurts you badly or makes you really angry.

The first thought would be that you made a mistake dating him, that you were ‘right’ in thinking maybe he wasn’t the guy for you. You wasted precious time, and maybe you would have met your dream guy instead if you are available.

But nothing went ‘wrong’ here. You felt a pull to keep seeing this person, even if on the surface you might have felt it wasn’t a fit. Our intuition will always alert us to anything that will be helpful for us, not necessarily just the ‘good’ stuff that works out the way our mind wants it to, that will end up being the ‘final’ manifestation.

So, what did you learn here? What did the manifestation show you? Did it give you greater clarity on the type of person you want to be with? Did you get a better sense of what type of relationship works best for you? Did it show you a limiting belief you have about relationships? Did it alert you to a view of yourself that is not serving you?

Everything that happens in our life serves us, and if we are willing to see everything that manifests as vibrational feedback, we get a clearer and clearer picture of our inner world. And that is the key to creating consciously with greater ease.

Your Turn

What did you think? Any advice for how you figure out when to walk away and when to be open? Looking forward to your thoughts as always.

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