This is an all-too common issue that can lead us conscious creators to freak out unnecessarily, and it seems like I have been coming across a lot of people experiencing this lately, so wanted to weigh in.
How Your Mind Goes About This Process
Even the most ‘wet-behind-the-ears’ conscious creator quickly starts to realize our mind can be a real motherfucker as far as getting in the way of our manifesting capabilities.
Infinite possibility sounds really good, but it is something we can have a hard time really grasping because the mind with which we are attempting to take in this information, cannot even come close to understanding this process.
With any given thing we want, it tends to only see very limited possibilities; it can think of like…three ways something could happen. And it may work very hard trying to manipulate results through those channels.
It gets very attached to things in our reality that have the veneer of giving us what we want. It gets very scared something better may not come along, so it really hopes that job, or that guy, or that potential client, works out. If it doesn’t oh the horror.
When our energy starts changing, and ‘better’ stuff starts showing up in our reality, we have tendency to glom on, thinking this or that must be the manifestation. Maybe it is, but often times it’s not.
It is operating from a space of manifesting to minimize the pain you may feel due to the lack of whatever it is you want. You are unhappy now, and you want that unhappiness to go away as quickly as possible. As soon as your mind gets something in its sights that may accomplish this very important goal, it can latch on with a death grip.
It might not set its sights very high. Again, it gets very attached to anything, or ANYONE that seems to check at least some of the boxes, and may think this is the best you can get.
All your mind knows is what is right in front of your face or what has already happened.
This explains why so many people want to manifest their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend back. This is an experience, a person with which you are already familiar. There were some good times, you still have feelings, and your mind is convinced the best representation of the love you want is this person, a person you have already had the experience of loving.
Our wants tend to get formulated with this part of our mind first and foremost, but to say that whatever it decides it wants may not be the best representation of what you truly want is an understatement if there ever was one. Which brings me to my next point, one of the most important things to remember, but one of the things we resist with all our might…
The Thing is Never the Actual Thing
Nothing you consciously want is what you actually want. I don’t care what it is, no exceptions. We are always after a feeling, nothing more. Bolding and italicizing these words cannot begin to emphasize the importance of them.
You want to manifest what you want to manifest because you think having it will produce some sort of desirable feeling–peace, love, fulfillment, contentment, excitement, enrichment, a sense of purpose.
You crave certain energies in your life, and your mind translates that energy into a particular desire.
Now this isn’t to say you can’t want specific things, like a success in the business you are passionate about, financial prosperity, better health, a loving relationship, travel, a better body, a better job or meaningful friendships.
You can want all those things, they are all great, and there is no reason for them not to show up in your life in some shape or form.
The trick is wanting these things from a space of feeling whole, perfect and complete now, not from a space of lack, feeling like you need them to be happy, feeling like you need them to prove something, or as some sort of condition for manifesting something else.
The trick is being open to the idea the particular ‘translation’ may not be the best representation, and you’re at least willing to exercise some degree of detachment.
You want to want these things because you think they would be fun to have. You are drawn to certain lines of work or experiences because you personally find something appealing about them. You feel passionate about certain subjects or activities, and want to integrate these passions into your life in some way.
We are here having a physical experience, and we are going to want to stuff. We all have our own unique personality and preferences.
But ideally our path unfolds from a space of inner knowing and self-awareness, which allows us to maximize our well-being and happiness. Our happiness and well-being is top priority, and that leads the way, guides our choices, actions and behaviors.
But again, no matter what the thing is, you still want a feeling. All of the things we consciously want can be boiled down to some sort of ‘essence,’ a core energy.
You want money because you want to feel more secure.
You want better health because you think it would give you greater freedom.
You want new friends because you crave a sense of connection.
You want a relationship because you like the idea of someone supporting you.
You want to travel because you crave excitement and stimulation.
You want that particular promotion because you think the new job will make you feel challenged.
So if the thing we want isn’t actually the thing, manifesting something your mind wanted, and then not liking it for whatever reason, is not so uncommon. I am sure it has happened to everyone at least once in their lives.
Sometimes getting exactly what we want is the only way to truly know it isn’t what we want. This is a particularly useful learning experience for the conscious creator. It can be a powerful reminder for us anytime we find ourselves getting very attached to something specific.
The space from which we are usually trying to manifest is kind of screwy. It is filled with energies like lack, desperation, obsession, anxiety and all that other good stuff. And this brings me perfectly to my next point…
The Manifestation is Never the Answer
Just like what you want isn’t what you really want, this can be another mind fuck you may be reluctant to embrace. No matter how much we feel like manifesting something in particular is the answer to our current emotional woes, it really isn’t. Truly.
The true reason we feel badly now has nothing to do with the current state of our life. The true reason is the story we have attached to the circumstances, the meaning, how it makes us feel about ourselves. That is what feels badly.
Just like we want the things we want because they will give us a certain type of feeling we crave, we don’t like the things we don’t like because they make us feel things we don’t want to feel.
You don’t feel badly because you don’t have money, you feel badly because you think the sorry state of your finances says something about your worth as a person.
You don’t feel badly because you are struggling in your business, you feel badly because you think your lack of clients means you aren’t good at what you do or you are a failure.
You don’t feel badly because you don’t have a boyfriend, you feel badly because you believe your single status is indicative of something being fundamentally wrong or unlovable about you.
So if the reason we feel badly isn’t the lack of the ‘stuff’ we want, it follows the manifestation isn’t the answer to improving our emotional state.
Sure, if you manifest certain things in your life, there can definitely be a boost in your happiness. You manifested what you wanted, and that’s pretty cool. But it tends not to last, and you go right back to feeling how you felt before. Maybe not as bad, but at the very least, there is a sense of disappointment, a sense of being unsettled.
For some, it can cause great distress because if they got what they wanted and still aren’t happy, then they worry they may never be happy. The ‘hunt’ is still on, and that doesn’t feel very good.
You get the boyfriend, but to your dismay you still feel the low-self esteem and that you aren’t good enough.
Your ex comes back, but that hole you believed could only be filled by her return is still there, big as ever.
You start making money, but the fear and insecurity is still there, maybe even bigger now since there is more to lose.
You are starting to get more clients and your business is taking off, but you still lack confidence, and doubt you are good at what you do.
This is why I stress that inner healing and examination of the feelings triggered by the lack in your life, the story, the meaning. It’s not because I am trying to discourage you from wanting specific things, or I think you should just try to be happy with what you have now.
If I truly felt that way, I wouldn’t focus on this particular subject matter.
I do this because I have seen first hand, this is what will give you what you are truly after, this will allow you to feel better in the immediate moment, no matter what has or hasn’t manifested yet.
How great is it to be able to do that? How great is it you don’t need to wait around for something to show up first before giving yourself permission to feel better? I think it’s pretty great.
And when you ‘clean up’ your energy in this manner, the space from which you are now attracting allows for things to show up much more quickly and easily. This is when the really amazing stuff can make its way in. You are now in the territory of maximizing awesomeness rather than minimizing pain.
There is a great freedom in not needing anything to be happy. You will still attract awesome stuff–you can’t help it from this sort of energy.
But instead of getting these things to heal some sort of pain, they are wonderful amplifications of delicious energies that already exist in abundance, and you can enjoy your manifestations much more.
So the next time you find yourself lamenting the lack in your life, feeling like you need this or that to show up, that you couldn’t possibly feel better until it does, remember to call bullshit on this train of thought.
Nothing Went Wrong
So, you got what you wanted, and it wasn’t all you thought it would be. All the icky feelings you thought would get washed away once this manifestation moved from existing energetically in the ethers, to materializing in the physical, didn’t seem to go anywhere.
You were so sure this would make you happy. You wanted it so much. Your mind presented a stellar argument as to why this was the thing, why there was absolutely no acceptable substitute. You pined for this thing, you wallowed in misery and craving. You spent hours visualizing with delight.
Talk about a let-down.
Naturally, something must have gone terribly wrong. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You must have messed something up along the way. Maybe the Universe is punishing you for some reason.
But nothing went wrong. Nothing ever goes wrong. All manifestations have something to show us, something to teach us. They help us gain clarity and fine tune our desires. What happens to us is merely vibrational feedback and nothing more.
Whatever, or whomever, showed up because it was a match to something in our energy. The meaning of the manifestation may not always match up with what our mind wants it to mean, but again, nothing went wrong.
You manifested a date with someone you had your eye on for awhile, someone you were convinced was perfect for you. But he was anything but.
Maybe you manifested him because he actually had characteristics that were problematic, and you gained more clarity about your ideal match. Maybe he treated you badly, and you got a wake-up call you still need to work on your self-esteem.
As a human, I get it. We want certain things, and we hope they show up sooner than later. We want everything to always go perfectly without having to deal with situations our mind has labeled as ‘bad.’
We just want our stuff already so we can finally be happy.
You get to have your reactions. You get to feel frustrated or disappointed. It’s fine. You just don’t want to wallow there too long.
But you must realize you have a choice on how to view these sorts of manifestations–or any manifestation for that matter–that you judge as bad, and make you want to go into a negative frame of mind, that make you want to throw a temper tantrum like a toddler whose mother won’t get him the toy he wants.
We can huff and puff, and claim the Universe hates us or that life is unfair. We can go into victim mode. We can moan and groan we never get what we want, or things never go our way.
That option is certainly available. But there really isn’t any reason to respond that way once we get a better understanding of energy, and why we manifest what we do.
If manifestations are just vibrational feedback, and we somehow manage to manifest the experiences that will perfectly show us what is most vital to see, so we can move forward with greater ‘success,’ there is no need to get bent out of shape about something that our mind initially reacts to as ‘bad,’ that didn’t go our way or meet our expectations.
We examine how the manifestation makes us feel, what it is mirroring back to us, and we are now armed with very helpful insights.
Why did you feel disappointed? What feelings are still lingering that you thought would go away if this thing showed up? What fears did you think would be allayed but seem to be as strong as ever? What aspects of the manifestation do you not like? What aspects do you like?
This ‘post-mortem’ will give you a better picture of your inner world, it will give you greater clarity on what you want, it will help you see where you still need some ‘tweaks.’
These are all very good things.
Your Turn
What did you think? Anything resonate in particular? Do you have an experience to share about this situation and what you learned from it? Looking forward to your comments as always.
Have a question you think would make a good blog post? Submit it here.
Our mind can be the ultimate MFer. Less and less judging, more and more open-ness. This is one benefit to being in love with giving; when you live a life of service, like yourself, you are less and less concerned with any tangible fruits or circumstances which flow from your generous service. Few worries about getting = no busts. Which sounds good me. Great wisdom here. I follow your life pretty closely, you know.
RB
Hey Ry
Wonderful words of wisdom as always!
This is multi-layered and it all resonates with me. Already planning a reread to process it more. Have felt myself clinging to whatever new manifestation is a trade up from what I was unhappy with before rather than examining if it’s fully aligned with what I want. Also over relying on external manifestation rather than internal peace and feeling anxiety and forcing. In addition to your insights I notice that being present helps break that cycle. Thanks, as always for your thoughtful posts!
Hi Ruby
Thanks so much for your comment and I am glad you found it helpful. You are right in that there are a few different issues at the root…that is often the case. I love how you described those manifestations–a trade up but maybe not necessarily what you actually want. It can take courage to walk away from those things, but when we understand it’s the energy that creates, we know as long as we keep cultivating that energy, we will manifest things to mirror it back to us.
Also, great insight that we use manifestations not only to feel good but to take away our negative emotions. It’s got me thinking about what emotions I’m trying to avoid, which is of course where all the blocks are. 🙂
If you get more insight there, you will be able to get at the true root of the issues, and the ‘healing’ of that will create a new dominant energy and you can’t help but manifest awesome stuff, all the while, feeling genuinely better.
Hey kelli as usual great post and has really deep meaning . I agree with everything you said here. What I like most is to watch our intention behind having that desire.
Feelings behind that intention will surely manifest even if we are not consciously aware of them. Sometimes we think we will feel certain way after getting xyz thing but that’s not always true. If we are not happy now then it’s hard to guarantee that we will after getting and having something.
I loved the examples you gave. I like that you always stress on beingness first. Because I think that’s the only thing lasts forever regardless what life brings for you. And if you are stable with your energies then things do work out eventually.
Hi Rhea
Thanks for such an insightful comment as always. I especially love the last part about the ‘beingness’ is the only thing that will last. So, so true. Once we really grasp that is determining what is manifesting, and we can’t help but attract wonderful things that mirror back those energies of love, trust,etc…the whole process gets so much easier and we can relax a lot more!
This is something I figured out recently, so I am stepping back from actively manifesting and instead focusing on the best me I can be. I am learning to love myself, not be so hard on myself and to love where I am at. Nothing material can fulfill me until I feel fulfilled just being me.
Hi Briar
Thanks so much for your comment and I LOVED every single word of it. When I made this my TRUE focus (not just pretending I cared most about this but really not) things took off in a magical way, and so many wonderful things started happening with very little effort on my part, particularly earning money. When we realize manifesting is truly about what we are ‘being’ and not doing, we start to see how focusing on this makes a whole lot of sense. You can’t help but create and attract and this sort of energy allows for the really great stuff to show up.
Hi Kelli. I have been reading your blogs for a while and find what you say hits the nail on the head. I struggle with the law of attraction and feel quite disillusioned with it all. I often come back to read your blogs to lift me up. I find it hard to just be happy with what I have, though when I do, I realise that it is the way to be. I am trying to start a coaching business and have wanted it for a while and work a day job which barely pays the bills. What you say about wanting to earn more money is not about the money but really about how you feel a low income reflects your self-worth is SO TRUE!
What’s the best way to pull myself out of these ‘holes’ of disillusion and lack and worry ? (apart from continuing to read your blogs of course 🙂 )
Hey Jane
Without speaking with you one on one, I can only give some general advice about how to deal with what you are experiencing, which is quite normal by the way! First, you don’t have to find a way to be happy with your life now if there are things you don’t like about it–you can want something different, like more money, or starting your own business. Yeah, you want to have gratitude for good things now. But the real key is realizing the state of your life now isn’t why you feel badly–it’s the meaning and story about it that feels badly, which is something you have seemed to start realizing with the money example. Also, you are likely falling prey to pressure to ‘feel good’ now when you don’t, which means you may not be dealing with your feelings. We have to honor where we are now, and take it from there. If you are really struggling, you might find booking a session helpful–the opportunity to speak on one on would allow for more personalized advice. It sounds like you are starting to put the pieces of the puzzle together, and that is a good thing!
Hi Kelli-
This post came at the perfect timing for me! I just got the job I have been manifesting for about a year now and it’s only my second week and I can’t help but question it and feel anxious over it. I never realized the qualities of my other job that I over looked that are actually pretty important to me, it makes me realize you really need to manifest or think of how you want to feel, not think of what it is you want. This has happened to me countless amounts of time, but I cannot seem to let go of control and manifest something specific. This was an excellent post reminding me to do so, although it feels pretty crappy.
I do have a question. At my old job I was trying to get to know this guy that I really like, and now I am beating myself up because I don’t have the opportunity to see him often anymore- I screwed it up by manifesting a job I thought I wanted. I have unknowingly manifested people before, and I just have a feeling that I will with him too, but I can’t seem to let go of the attachment from this. I feel like I need to control everything and tell him how I feel, but I know the universe decides how and when things happen. Is this a situation where I detach and wait for the universe to deliver or for me to take action? Should there ever be an anxious feeling behind taking action?
Many thanks and I appreciate your wisdom.
Mary R
Hi Mary
You didn’t screw anything up with this person by getting the job. Maybe the situation with this person turned out just as it should, and his ‘purpose’ was to bring up whatever is being brought up by the experience. Or maybe you’ll meet him again. Just be open to what you really want showing up in a possibly different person. Getting attached to specifics is normal and just what our mind does. But if you remember the type of stuff you read in this post, you can make the conscious choice not to get too sucked into the attachment. Maybe it’s the thing but maybe it’s not so again, be open. That is all it really comes down to–choosing this openness over attachment. If we don’t choose it, that’s fine but we have to take ownership of it and realize it will be a more painful road. No matter what action you take, it won’t be wrong and whatever manifests will just be vibrational feedback that will be helpful to see. You need to relax a bit…I can feel the anxiety oozing from your comment 😉
I think it’s really helpful to view getting what we “want” but not actually what we want as a productive activity. My last job was “perfect” on my paper and I was happy to get the offer. It was a private research institute and they were well-funded with start-up like benefits (free food + sports activities in office). However, after getting my “dream” job, I learned the office environment was very toxic. I felt drained, exhausted, and beat trying to avoid and protect myself from office politics. It was clear no one actually worked and they constantly threw each other under the bus. I quit as soon after this. I thought to myself, what if I could work for someone who can offer me a better and emotionally healthier work environment? I manifested such an opportunity but I did not decide to pursue it. In quitting the original job, I have since put my time into launching my own business. I learned from getting what I thought I wanted that I really wanted to go a whole different direction.
Hi Jenn
Thanks for sharing this story and I think it is a wonderful example of how every manifestation serves a positive purpose and just because our mind didn’t get what it wanted or something didn’t turn out the way we expected, it doesn’t mean anything went wrong. And a good lesson in remaining detached from very specific opportunities since we ultimately can’t know what they would be like until we were actually in the situation. Our mind is very good at insisting that the mere fact we want something in particular means it’s good or the best thing for us but we actually have no idea! Sounds like you ended up right where you need to be and good luck with your business!
I have a big problem with resisting the manifestation. I’ll ask for a great boat. A great boat comes. I see a bunch of flaws in it, though my inner voice ( or the Universe) is saying “Take it, take it, TAKE IT ! You’re going to regret it if you don’t TAKE IT NOW! “
The boat owner will call and drop the price. Nope, My inner voice is begging me, demanding. Nope.
I’m thinking there MUST be a better boat.
Someone else buys the boat. Three weeks later, now I NEED a boat. I find one, same model, not nearly as nice, painted a weird color. And so I get it.
I feel like, I don’t like being pushed. In the theoretical boat example, there was an actual person person pushing me to get it too, as well as the Universe. I will say that I hadn’t really done my homework, so I didn’t know what a great deal it was. I wasn’t turning down a deal that I knew was good, I turned down a deal that the Universe was asking me to trust was a good deal.
I do this A LOT. I want my life to be easy, and I’m a great manifester, but I want to disregard messages from inside me. Do you have any advice? I can’t stop beating myself up over this. Thank you 😊
Hi Val
The ‘fix’ to your issue is rather simple but just isn’t always easy to implement because it involves doing things in a way we are very unused to, it involves evaluating opportunities, experiences and situations in a way we are very unused to–by way of feelings and intuition. Very few people are conditioned to do this from a young age so it can be highly uncomfortable. You had a feeling it was a good opportunity but your mind didn’t agree and we are used to listening to the mind so that is what won out. Feelings can’t be evaluated, broken down and analyzed…they just are and we just have to trust them. And don’t beat yourself up…this is something we all do. Also, I would suggest doing a bit of reflection on what fears are behind the reluctance to do things this way—that is always the core issue. If you felt you wanted some more personalized advice, I offer private coaching…you can read more about that here:
Not sure if this comment is too late. I seem to be unconsciously manifesting ‘bad’ things. I will think about how annoying a colleague is and how they try to cause trouble for others. It’ll be a passing thought, “I’m unhappy working with this person”; then circumstances force them to leave or take time off work. Bad for them but also causes extra work for myself and my team. Another example is how I casually thought it would be useful if my (then) boyfriend sustained a minor injury that meant he wouldn’t be at his different sports activities all the time. Then, he tore his ankle ligaments resulting in time off work, causing him some distress as well as preventing him from driving to see me (it was a long distance relationship) which was my initial intention. The latest ‘unwanted’ manifestation has upset me the most. I brought a stray cat home that had showed up in the grounds of my workplace (under pressure from colleagues and my partner). I was worried about the impact on my own cat. My parter adored this cat and we agreed to keep them in separate parts of our home until they both settled. This went on for a few months; they settled together for a while…..but the new cat was a strong young cat and he took over, my other cat began hiding away. I grew to love the new cat but constantly worried about the balance of keeping them both happy. I kind of resented the new cat and thought it would be easier if I hadn’t brought him home. A few weeks ago he got really sick – and went from a big strong healthy cat to one who was dying of intestinal cancer. I feel responsible. And I actually wanted him to have a long happy life. There are countless other examples. The universe seems to manifest my ‘lowest’ and most selfish thoughts and ideas and although I may think about something – I do know it’s not what I actually want. And – it’s hurting other people as well as me. I feel like things have happened that are impossible to put right. How can I stop manifesting harmful events? Am getting concerned that my thoughts are toxic to others.
Hi Marie, I have the same problem. A week before anyone had heard of covid, I told my sister that to save the planet “We just need to get rid of the boomers”. 😳😬
I had a neighbor who yelled at his wife. I kept wishing they would move. Finally they did, but only because my other neighbor’s extremely extremely dangerous son got out of prison and came to live with her. The first neighbors were scared for their children. Now the whole community is scared ****less because of the ex-con in our midst. Now I want to move.😟
You are manifesting what you FEEL the most strongly about. You feel a negative wish as well as think it. That is your clue to stop yourself the millisecond that you feel a negative vibe that accompanys your (thought) wish. Then say to yourself, and FEEL , truly feel “Ooops! I take it back universe! I want only the best for everyone! “
In the first example, you would stop yourself and say “I wish that I got along really well with everyone at work!” Thats pretty inoculous right? You did NOT wish anything negative.
2nd- Same basically for the cats. You can stop your negative thoughts about cat 2 ( by noticing any drop in feeling) and say to yourself “Oops, did it again. No matter, I will reverse it.”. “I hope both of the cats are very happy with their living situation.”
It takes practice, but when it becomes a habit to wish the best for everyone, only the best can come back around to you.
God or The Universe or Santa Claus just does not vibe with us judging who is right and who is wrong, who should stay and who should go. If you wish something negative, as you know, you will live to regret it. Hence the old saying: “Be careful what you wish for!”
Catch yourself! Don’t let a negative thought or feeling just hang out there in the wind, grab it, tear it up, throw it away and replace it with a positive thought/wish/feeling. As Florence Scovel Shinn would say: “Ask for the divine selection”. Ask the Universe to come up with the perfect solution that is win/win for EVERBODY !
Thanks for asking this, I need to work on this myself!
P.S. I’m reading Neville Goddard’s books, they are very helpful!
Hi Marie
My apologies for the delayed response. While I can’t say for sure what is definitively happening, I do not think you are causing these ‘bad’ things to happen to others. If we create our own reality, the idea of someone else being able to manifest or ‘make’ things happen TO us wouldn’t seem possible. What may be happening is you are picking up on things before they actually happen. If events on the outside are a result of various energies doing what they are doing in that ‘invisible’ realm, then events are in motion and ‘happening’ before we see that final manifestation in our physical world.