When it comes to interest in law of attraction, I would have to say the two things people are most trying to get is love or money, perhaps both at the same time. Relationships can be a tricky area of manifestation, not because it is inherently harder to attract them than other things, but because of all the ‘stuff’ we have built up over the years that lays heavy in our vibration. We have all sorts of beliefs that tell us we aren’t good enough. Our past failed romantic endeavors are etched into our minds, and we are convinced we can’t experience anything different. We worry we will never meet someone, or that we will have to settle for less than what we want.We stay in relationships that we know aren’t right for fear we won’t find something better.
But, once you start seeing your external experience is a mirror of what you feel and believe, you will make the amazing realization that changing your internal world will change what you bring into your life. If you don’t believe you have to settle or compromise, you won’t. If you believe you will find the right person, you will. If you know you don’t have to end up alone, you won’t. Sound too simplistic? Is the skeptical part of you being activated and resisting this? Are you thinking of all your experiences that have ‘proved’ your current set of beliefs, beyond a shadow of a doubt, and saying to yourself that I don’t know what the hell I am talking about? But, this is really all there is to it.Life is so much easier than we make it out to be.
But, with that being said, adopting these new beliefs when you have believing their super-crappy polar opposites for so long, will not happen at the snap of a finger. And, as I always say regarding this likely course of events, it’s okay. You want to start with where you are now, and work your way up. But, don’t be discouraged by this and think you can’t get anything good until you totally overcome your issues, and obtain some’ perfect’ vibration. I don’t think anyone has one. I imagine achieving that would result in not wanting anything at all.
So, getting from where we are now, to where we want to be, belief-and-feeling-wise, will require us to do a bit of work on ourselves. We will need some guidance on how to adopt these more empowering beliefs, and feelings, that support finding the right relationship for us. And, that is my intention with this post…enjoy!
Getting at the Underlying Issues
Our current state of affairs, whether it is in the realm of love, money, or any other aspect of our life, is always serving us in some way. We are getting some benefit from how things are now, no matter how absurd that seems to your conscious mind. But, here’s the thing..the part of you calling the shots is your subconscious mind, and there are all sorts of crazy thoughts, and limiting beliefs, floating around there that sabotage you in countless ways.
If you are really struggling with relationships, there is something happening deep inside that is creating the outcomes you keep experiencing. You are getting something you want, you are protecting yourself from something you fear. You have some sort of image of yourself that deems you unworthy of love. Again, this may not vibe with your conscious mind, that is in a constant state of wanting happiness and good things. You are not cursed. You are not some horrible person that only deserves douches. You have the power to change this, if you are willing to do the inner work and take responsibility. And by responsibility, I don’t mean blame. Two very different energies there. One empowers us, and the other keeps us feeling terrible.
In many cases, the underlying issue, when it is broken down to its absolute core, is fear of some kind. Fear that people won’t think we are good enough. Fear of being vulnerable to someone. Fear of actually being happy—yeah, lots of people are actually afraid of that. We get so wrapped up in our crap and it becomes such a strong part of our identity, we may not actually know who we are without all the stories we tell ourselves. If you identify yourself as the perpetually single person, an asshole magnet or simply ‘unlucky’ in love, who are you without those labels?
This fear gets triggered in a variety of ‘romantic’ situations–you may not consciously be aware that it is fear, it may manifest itself in a variety of ways—and people that are good matches for you can’t make their way in. For example, you may meet some great people who you get along with great, but they just won’t be attracted to you, and it isn’t because there is anything wrong with you. In fact, if you were to ask someone why he wasn’t ‘feeling it’, he probably wouldn’t have a good answer. He wouldn’t’ be able to verbalize it.
On some level, this fear protects you, and until it gets dealt with, you will keep attracting romantic situations that are ‘problematic’ in some way, that allow you to keep feeling badly about yourself, and keep you from exploring that fear more deeply. It stays safe in its little box.
You Can’t Attract Someone Who Loves You for You if You Can’t Be Yourself
For one of a million reasons, we feel like we can’t be ourselves. We long to be. We just want to move through the world as we truly are, without the masks. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. If you asked someone to make a list of what he wanted in a partner, I imagine ‘loving me for who I am’ would near the top of anyone’s list, or at least anyone who wants a real, authentic relationship.
We long for the person who will see past the façade, and ‘discover’ the real us. We fantasize about this amazing person seeing something in us other people don’t see, and wanting to remove the mask, letting us know it is okay to be ourselves. This is not good.
Here’s the thing: you can only attract that to which you are a match, and if you are hiding who you really are, or are trying to construct some ‘perfect’ version of yourself you believe makes you more attractive as a potential mate, you will only attract other people who are putting up these same facades. You will never make any true connections—you’re being inauthentic and everyone you meet is being inauthentic, and eventually it will all come to the surface in some way. One of the reasons people struggle to meet the right person is because everyone is just walking around, faking it.
You can’t attract someone who loves you for who you are, if you are not really BEING who you are. Not being yourself because you think there is something wrong with you will also lead you to attracting people who mirror these feelings back to you, which to those unaware of how law of attraction operates, will falsely take these experiences and encounters as ‘proof’ they are right in feeling that way about themselves.
Make Sure You Set Some Standards and Boundaries
When we are really longing for a relationship, it is easy to let standards and boundaries go out the window. If you are looking for a guy, you may be willing to give anyone that floats into your orbit a chance. Now, I am not saying not to be open to different people, because I think that is a good idea. Sometimes we can get too specific with the type of person we want to meet, and close off potential matches. Sometimes, what we think we want in a person is really something different, or not as important as we deem it now.
The process of attraction happens at the level of what we feel and believe, and when you don’t set standards and boundaries, this shows you don’t feel very good about yourself, and that you have a lot of crappy beliefs that essentially amount to not feeling good enough, and not being deserving of the best life has to offer. These types of beliefs can mess with various aspects of our life, but can be particularly problematic in the love department. And guess what types of people and situations we attract when we feel this way? Shitty, shitty, shitty ones.
We turn things that should be bare, minimum requirements, such as being treated respectfully and kindly, into things that ‘would be nice’ or included in a list of wants amongst traits like a sense of humor or similar interests.
So, the act of setting standards for the type of people who get the privilege to spend time with you, and boundaries that determine acceptable and unacceptable behavior towards you, is very powerful from a law of attraction perspective because it means you are developing a more LOA-friendly vibration that will let in awesome people.
You Have to Start Being Okay with Where You are Now
We all long for that connection with someone else. It is natural to want it. It is okay to want it. The absence of it in our life creates a very strong emotional reaction. We notice the lack of a relationship constantly. There is a huge vibration of lack. What we are ‘vibrating’ now will determine what we attract into our experience now, so we need to clean things up here a bit.
Again, we can only attract that to which we are currently a match, so this means we can’t wait to feel better about our lives until what we want comes. You have to make peace with your single status. You have to start finding ways to feel happy about your life now as it is. This doesn’t mean pretending to like things you don’t, but diligently working on adopting a perspective that actually makes you feel better. It is about focusing on the things in your life that are good, and building on that energy. It is about making time to do things that make you feel good, that help produce the feelings you think you would get from being in a relationship.
I know this can sound like a tall order. We are so conditioned to basing how we feel on outside events. It is easy to feel good when something happens that gives us a reason to—cultivating warm, fuzzies in the absence (or what we perceive to be the absence) of something to be happy about can take a bit of work. Feeling good even if things happen that you don’t like can take some practice. Living reactively will really put a damper on the attraction process, and it is a habit that needs to be addressed.
Unfortunately, we are not so great at naturally going to a happy place. But, with a strong intention, and some practice focusing, it is not as hard as you think. And, it’s okay if you don’t feel good every single second-you will still have your moments. The key is building up that momentum behind the good energy so that it starts becoming the predominant force.
Start Treating Yourself Better
The better your relationship with yourself, the better chances you have of finding a great relationship with someone else. Remember, attraction is all about how we feel, and nothing will get you into a better feeling space to let love in, than genuinely loving yourself more. Yeah, yeah, that hippy dippy love yourself stuff. The more you these types of sentiments rub you the wrong way, the more you need to work on it, trust me.
When we don’t treat ourselves well, that is a sign of low self-esteem; it sends a message we are not ‘worthy’ of love and care. And guess what will be reflected back into your reality? Taking better care of yourself, and treating yourself with the respect and love you deserve, will help shore up beliefs that say ‘I am good enough.’ ‘I deserve someone who treats me well.’
So, if you are like 95 percent of people out there who totally neglects yourself, puts everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, takes not nearly enough time to nurture your mental, physical and emotional health, change that real quick. Think about how you would want your beloved to treat you, and treat yourself that way.
Get into the Feelings of What You are after
Just in case I haven’t made my point clearly enough, the attraction process is all about how we feel, so it is really good to get into the feelings that lie behind our desires, as much as we can. Think about what sort of feelings you want in your relationship. Are you after a sense of ease in interacting with this person, without any drama? Do you want someone who shares your same passions and interests? Then, visualize yourself in these encounters.
It is okay if you don’t have any idea what this person looks like or what type of person he would be exactly. Just imagine yourself in an interaction where things are just ‘easy’ and flowing well. No drama. Just sitting around, spending time together. Imagine yourself taking part in your favorite activities with this other person. Envision a conversation where you are talking about the topics of most interest to you.
Besides visualizing, think about what you can do in your daily life that will invoke these feelings in you. It might be spending more time with friends who also create this same sense of ease in your interactions. Maybe it is a good idea to go to gatherings where you will meet like-minded people who like the same things you like.
Another thing about feelings—get yourself out of situations that don’t feel like what you want. You don’t have to compromise or settle. You don’t have to experience a bunch of stuff that feels badly to also experience that which feels good. As you shore up your good energy, and stick to your standards and boundaries, these types of situations will naturally decrease, and at some point, move out of your experience completely.
Finding a good relationship doesn’t have to be some huge, complicated task. Relationships themselves don’t have to be all hard and dramatic. Think of how easy it can be to cultivate friendships and how easy they typically feel…romantic relationships can feel that way too.
Sure, you may have your fights, disagreements, etc.. I am not talking about creating some ‘perfect’ relationship where you never experience conflict or get annoyed by each other. I am talking about a relationship that feels right to the core, that doesn’t have all this ‘stuff’ in it that we really don’t want, but put up with because we think we have to.
Don’t Misinterpret ‘Breadcrumbs’
The awesome LOA blogger Melody Fletcher termed the manifestations that show up to indicate we are on the right path as ‘breadcrumbs.’ The thing is though, many of us misinterpret them as ‘bad’ things that show us we still don’t have what we want. Sometimes, a manifestation is not just going to fall right into our lap—this is especially true of ‘wants’ that are really big and important to us–we typically have a lot of resistance to work through. Just allowing it in, in its full form, immediately, usually can’t happen.
As you start shifting beliefs around this area of your life, you may notice certain things in your experience. You are meeting more people with whom you have common interests. You find yourself having great conversations with people, the types of conversations you envision having with your partner. You may find yourself going on more dates frequently with people who seem like a better fit for you than people you were going out with previously.
And this shows you are on the right path, but all too often we twist it. We lament those people that share the same interests as us, or with whom we had those great conversations, didn’t ask for our number. We feel bummed when that date we thought would be so great, turned out to be not the best match. We think we are still not getting what we want, or there is still something ‘wrong’ with us.
When these types of things happen, they are actually positive so celebrate them. It means you are on the right track.
Release Expectations and Figuring out ‘How’
You have no idea the million different ways you can meet someone. Sure, it may be through the typical avenues, like a mutual friend or a blind date. Or, it could happen in the most unexpected, and craziest of ways—the type of situation that makes a great ‘how we met’ story. So, do your best to stop trying to figure out how you would meet this person. Don’t look at the current framework of your life as some sort of filter through which you sift possibilities.
Don’t force yourself to do things that don’t feel good to you, if you really don’t want to do them. So, if you hate going to bars, don’t go every weekend. You want to act from a place of lightness and inspiration when you do act. You don’t want to act from a place of force or fear. There is never anything we must do to attract a certain thing into our life. If taking certain actions makes you feel good in the sense it nurtures a feeling that you will get find this relationship, then go for it. Just don’t get attached to the online dating, the blind dates, and the various outings that will put you in contact with the types of people you hope to meet. Have fun with it.
When you do find yourself meeting with someone, don’t pin all your hopes on this person being the ‘one.’ You really don’t even know him yet, and you have no idea if this person is really compatible with you, or is the type of person you would want to be with over the long-term. Sure, you can be excited, and look forward to it, but release any expectation around how things will play out. Work on getting yourself into a state of ‘surrender’ where you just accept what happens as it happens, knowing all the while, what you want is coming, even if you have no idea how that looks right now.
I hope you found this post enlightening, and it instilled a sense of hope in you, a spark of possibility that the relationship you want, not just any relationship, can happen for you. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments. What part resonated with you the most? Did you have any insights into your own situation reading this? Do you have any tips to share about attracting love? Looking forward to reading your comments and having a chat!