Ready for a Change? Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be Part 2

Welcome to part two of my little series on tips for making lasting positive change in your life. I just love when I come up with topics where there is a boatload of stuff I want to cover because my next several blog posts get figured out in one shot. So, yay to that.

Like I had mentioned in my first post, change can be really hard. Even though we may not be happy with some aspect of our life right now, or perhaps many aspects, we have gotten very comfortable with the situation.

Things are not peachy, but it is familiar, and we know what to expect when we rise out of bed every day. Changing still seems more painful, so we chug along as we were.

If the issue is bad habits and behaviors you wish to modify, they are so deeply ingrained you can feel powerless to change them. You wrongly conclude there is some ‘defect’ within that will forever thwart your attempts to be different. But, this isn’t true, and you have more power than you know. It may not always be easy, but it is possible.

If we can accept the difficulty that often comes along with trying to make positive changes, after being a certain way, and believing certain things, for so long, we will be much better off. Accepting the discomfort, rather than fighting against it, or believing that it is something you shouldn’t be experiencing, reduces the intensity of said discomfort. You can carry on despite it, and keep working towards whatever change it is you are trying to make.

Onto part two….

Focus on the Journey, Not the Destination

When we think about making changes in our life, we begin to envision this improved version of ourselves. That is definitely helpful as it can be very motivating, and anything that motivates us is a good thing. But, putting too much focus on the end result can make it much more challenging to achieve it.

It brews up all sorts of things that can bring us down. We begin to get impatient. We make drastic changes that we are very unlikely to sustain for any significant amount of time—then when we fail , we beat ourselves up, and often stop trying altogether.

But, if we can learn to focus more on the journey our desire to change takes us on, rather than the ‘finished’ product, these ‘problems’ don’t surface as often, or when they do, we are able to shake them off more easily.

When focusing on the journey, we are more in the present moment, and in each moment, we are presented with an opportunity to make a good decision. And as time goes on, the good decisions will be more frequent, and will come more naturally. And as you go along, you will look back and see how far you have come, in an amount of time that may surprise you a bit even.

And, depending on the type of change you are trying to make, there really is no final destination anyway. If you are just interested in general personal development for example, there will never be a time when you learn everything there is to know, and no longer feel the need to do any work on yourself.

I am not talking about the idea of never being satisfied, and to never stop looking for something to ‘fix’ within yourself. I am talking about the fact there are infinite lessons to learn in this life, and as it goes on, the things you experience will always be triggering that desire to explore something else. You are never ‘finished.’

So, don’t think ahead to the future so much—don’t focus on that indeterminate point down the line where everything ‘falls into place.’ Put your attention on the day-to-day and things will go much more smoothly, I promise you that.

Give Up the Idea of Perfection

The idea that there is no such thing as ‘perfect’ is one of those things where what we KNOW and what we FEEL are often VERY different.

Kind of like how we know what people post on Facebook is not an accurate representation of someone’s whole life, but still feel crazy jealous, and a bunch of other crappy feelings, when we see someone’s awesome vacation pictures, cutesy couple photos, or endless updates about the wonders of motherhood.  We make all sorts of assumptions based on these snippets in time.Then we start feeling badly about our own lives, and the cycle continues because for some reason, we can’t seem to keep off that site.

So, yeah, that is why I felt the need to address this little nugget of wisdom in this post. Because, on an emotional level, a lot of us do have this idea we will perfect whatever area of our life it is we are seeking to change.

I have gotten better at knowing this truth on an emotional level, but I still know there is that part of me yearning for this perfect Buddha-like being who never gets mad, always maintains an amazing perspective, has gratitude oozing out of her pores at every moment for all the wonderful things in her life big and small, never takes things personally and is just floating around in a bubble of peace and serenity no matter what crap she is faced with. I really try, like super hard.

But, then something will happen, like wanting to smack children for disturbing my peace, getting all bent out of shape because the waitress in Vietnam brought me a bottle of Fanta instead of fries, or feeling utterly bewildered someone would sit right in front of me at the movies when the whole theater is practically freaking empty ( I have personal space issues for sure). And, in these moments, I realize a Buddha I am not.

Like anyone else, I have certain things that peeve me, and the best I can do is examine why these things bother me, and try to handle it better the next time. God knows we will have endless opportunities to try and improve.

So, in your own little journey of change, whether you are trying to change your diet, your whole life, or your habits, give up the idea of becoming perfect. Work on internalizing this truth at the emotional level. When we give up the idea of being perfect, we get less mad at ourselves when we ‘screw up.’ We know tomorrow is another day, and a brand new opportunity to do things better.

Set Achievable Short Term Goals to Keep You Motivated

In order to keep chugging along our new path we have set for ourselves, we need to keep motivated. Motivation is not something that remains steady at all times—there are times when it is coursing through our veins, and times when we don’t feel a lick of it. It is particularly high in the beginning—we have decided things are going to be better and we are freaking pumped.

But, when you actually get in the thick of it, and have to start actually doing stuff, the complexion of things change a bit. You look at where you are now, and where you are you want to be, and it seems pretty far apart.

And, that feeling of overwhelm can paralyze us a bit, and lead us to doing absolutely nothing.

One of the best ways to counteract this problem is setting short-term goals, that are not so easy you won’t feel any sense of accomplishment for reaching them, but can be achieved in a reasonable amount of time and doesn’t feel quite as hard as the ‘ultimate goal.’

Progress is one of the most powerful motivators there is—as you see yourself succeeding, you will feel even more motivated to succeed.

If you want to start exercising more, commit to a 30-minute walk around your neighborhood after dinner, instead of trying to train for a half-marathon right out the gate.

If you are trying to lose a lot of weight, instead of focusing on that 70 pounds, which can seem impossible given the unhealthy habits you have developed over the years, how about you focus on losing the 10 pounds that will get you back into last summer’s wardrobe?

If you are hoping to eventually build an online business where you consult or sell products, etc…you probably look at people already doing it, and realize how long it took them. That makes you feel crappy and demotivated.

So, just take it one step at a time. Focus on building up a readership by creating a kick-ass blog with awesome content. Commit to writing at least one post a week, and building exposure through consistent use of social media, blog commenting and other channels to get your link out there.

This is not to say you shouldn’t keep your eye on the ultimate prize, but it will be much easier to foster enthusiasm, discipline and all that other good stuff, when you can feel a sense of accomplishment consistently along the way.

What strategies can you share that have helped you make positive changes in your life? What challenges have you faced in your journey and how do you deal with them? Please let me know in the comments below.

Stay tuned for part three on Wednesday.