So, you have been doing some thinking, and you have decided there are some things in your life that need to change. Maybe you want to break some bad habits, or develop some better ones. Maybe you are itching to take your life in a new direction. Or, perhaps, there are things about yourself you would like to work on.
First off, congratulations on your decision. This alone is a big step because you have set an intention, and intentions are powerful. This seemingly simple act is a key piece of the puzzle, and many people stay stuck where they are, even though they no longer want to be there, simply because they have not decided to actually take steps to change things.
It is just something they think about every so often, but never take any further than that. On a deeper level, there is some sort of expectation that their life will just become different with minimal effort extended. But, it really doesn’t work like this.
In theory, change should be easy. Letting go of the ‘problem’ stuff, and embracing the good things would seem like a no-brainer. But, us humans are quite the complicated creatures, and for myriad reasons, we keep doing things we know are bad for us, or stay in situations that make us unhappy.
We don’t realize how much power we have within us to be and do better. We mistakenly think we are not capable of achieving certain things because of issues such as a distorted self-image and limiting beliefs about what is possible.
I have made a lot of positive changes in my life over the years, and way back when, I never would have thought they would be possible, but here I am. Whether you are looking to make some small tweaks to your life, or do a major overhaul, here is my first set of tips for staying on track.
Define Your Why
Before you do anything you need to address this all-important step. You must define your ‘why.’ One of the reasons many people have a hard time actually making positive changes that stick for the long-haul is lack of clarity. There may be some vague, generic desire at the surface, like to be happier or healthier, but you have to go deeper than that. Something sparked this desire for change, it didn’t just appear out of nowhere.
It is important you examine this on the deepest level possible. Here you will find the root of the desire and your core values. Uncovering them sets a rock solid foundation for making whatever change it is you are hoping to make, whether it be quitting smoking, being a better parent, letting go of toxic influences , or completely changing the course of your entire life.
The ‘why’ is what will drive you; it will strengthen your resolve, and letting go of the old you, and your old ways will not seem as hard. Making the decisions you need to make to get where you want to be will seem easier. Giving up the ‘bad’ stuff won’t seem as much of a sacrifice because you have clearly identified all the wonderful benefits that will come with the change you are making.
When you know your ‘why’ at the deepest level possible, you can’t imagine any other reality other than the one you have envisioned for yourself, and not getting whatever it is you are after is not an option.
Realize You Can Be Whoever You Want to Be
A lot of us have a kind of jacked up view of who we are, and what is possible for us. The reasons are many, from past experiences that really did a number on us, to the opinions of others. You may possess certain ‘problematic’ traits similar to that of your parents, and believe you can’t do anything about your anger, anxiety or other ‘stuff’ because it is embedded in your genes obviously. But, you don’t have to be doomed to having a temper ‘just like your father.’
Over time, you developed a certain view of yourself, and this influenced your habits and decisions—this brought you certain results, and this only reinforces these negative beliefs about yourself. And, this vicious cycle goes on and on. Our habits are so deeply ingrained, it is easy to think this is ‘just how we are,’ but that’s not true. Things can be different the moment you decide it to be so.
You can be happier, healthier, better with money, a world traveler, successful, a business owner or whatever else it is you desire, regardless of how things appear to be now. All of these desirable things result from the choices we make, not something coded into your DNA, and unable to be modified, like the color of your skin, or your height.
Write down all the changes you want to make, and note any discomfort that comes up when you do. Pay close attention here, because this indicates where you have blocks. Tuning in here will let you know what issues you think will stand in your way. Realize these obstacles are not ‘real’, that you can overcome them with a willingness to look at yourself differently, and make different decisions than you have been making.
Cut Yourself Some Slack
Regardless of the type of change you are trying to make, you are likely contending with a lot of ‘junk’ that has built up over the years. While in theory, you can become a different person overnight, the reality is usually pretty different. It is important to show yourself a little compassion, and self-love.
When we heap unrealistic expectations upon ourselves to which we will never be able to live up, many of us tend to make an interesting decision. Rather than regroup and scale back a bit, we give up completely. We take on this all-or-nothing attitude instead of letting the process unfold gradually.
Cut yourself a bit of slack. There is a good chance that along the way, you will experience some set-backs; you may get off track, sometimes for prolonged periods. Forgive yourself, and get back to business. While you do want to push yourself a bit, don’t be too harsh.
Our tendency to be our own worst enemy can really screw with our efforts to be a better person, and create a better life for ourselves. Remember you are looking to improve things over the long-term, so don’t worry if you don’t do a complete 180 within the first couple of weeks, it isn’t necessary.
Stay tuned for part 2 on Monday. Hope you enjoyed the post.
Hi KC,
Excellent. The uncomfortable moments, when you move forward, are so key to identify and learn from. Dig that note.
I find moving out of my comfort zone helps me get what I want, but first, I have to identify what’s stopping me from getting what I want. These uncomfortable, sometimes quite wicked, feelings, are my creation. I need to face them to move beyond and get what I want.
Example, after having a few issues with my old blog I knew it was time to let go. I’d had this feeling for months even though I loved my blog and had some success with it. I feared starting a new blog a few months back because I’d already published 3400 post on it.
Was I throwing it all away? Could I turn the corner? No. I wasn’t 100% or even close to that – clear on the topic, URL, domain name choice and the blog topic, so this lack of clarity manifested as fear, and again, I did nicely with it but the fear I wouldn’t dive through prevented me from getting what I wanted.
Fast forward to 3 days ago. My new blog went life. Last week, I decided to knife through my fears, let go my old blog and naturally, I got what I wanted. A way cool domain name which perfectly describes our lifestyle, a clear, eye-catching design and a general, clear, light sense that I am on the right path, because it feels so good.
Wonderful insight here KC. Will be tweeting shortly. So proud of you and your rapid growth with Live Life Make to Order. Keep up the great work, and thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.
Ryan
Hi Ryan
Thanks for sharing your experience. You made a bold move that would be difficult for many people–the fierce attachment, in spite of feeling ready to let go, can be difficult to overcome. But, as we know, the Universe has our back no matter what we do, so long as we are aligned with our vision. I can tell your new blog will be a raging success, and it has already gotten some amazing feedback in such a short time.
Lovely post Kelli. I truly believe that change is so possible but sometimes we just cannot seem to visualize it for whatever reason. I like your point on defining your why. This cannot be a vague definition or one that is not well thought out. If we do dig deep and really define why we want to make this change, like anything else it will give us that motivation when time get tough and we need that extra pick me up to move forward.
It feels good to know we can be who we want to be. You have explained this in the simplest terms and makes it easy for us to see that. We have such a distorted view of ourselves sometimes I think, and we do not have the confidence to realize we truly can be whatever we want to be if we put our minds to it. We do not have to believe we cannot change because of life’s circumstances or because of maybe some past issues with our families.
We can make a stance today to move toward positive change and we can take that process one step at a time, which will alleviate us getting overwhelmed along the way. Thank you so much for sharing. Excellent post!
Hey Nathaniel
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for such an insightful comment. Yes, the ‘why’ is crucial for the very reasons you outlined–like you said, it will get us through the rough patches. Changing that view of ourselves can be really hard–we have taken in so much programming that needs to be rewritten. We just need to commit to taking some sort of action right now, and things will unfold from there–before we know it, things completely change.
I know that I want to make changes in my life – I want to step away from my job and create a business doing what I enjoy – writing and teaching people. This is going to take a lot.
One of the hardest jobs is trying to keep the belief that I am good enough to make money doing what I like to do. Baby steps right?
Great thought-provoking post – thank you 🙂
Hey Victoria
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. The fact that you have made that intention is a powerful first step–it can be easy to overlook that firm decision in the process, and then wonder why things aren’t different. I wish you luck on your journey..I am sure you will achieve all the goals you have set for yourself.
I believe that understanding the “Why” is so helpful and powerful. I’m glad you brought that up entirely. Since it’s something that when I first got the idea for my business blog, I needed to get perfect. I think that the desire for making it perfect held me back for a little but with each day I continued to change. I always ask myself “How” and “What’s the purpose?”. Your post describes all of what I like to hear haha.
Hi Vincent
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Glad you identified with the post. You are right.figuring out the ‘why’ sets a strong foundation for whatever efforts are necessary to achieve our goal, and gives us focus. Without it, we can be a bit lost and get stuck.
This is exactly as I think Kelli! It is so refreshing to see others doing the same thing and loving life. We need to build our own lives and dreams and just make it happen. Not just think about it or want it, but believe it, visualize it and take actions to make it happen. I have always been a big lover of change, good or bad. It almost always presents the unexpected and possibly something even better. We are traveling the world with our kids, teaching them how to embrace, accept and create change in life. Hopefully a life lesson that will serve them well forever! Thanks for this post.
Hi Heidi
Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I am so glad you liked the post. It is so nice to connect with people who think the same way. It is amazing what can be accomplished when we set those clear intentions and think a certain way. That is great you have always been open to change—that is a key piece of the puzzle that can make things a lot easier. As my faith grows, I don’t fear change as much, and don’t get as attached to certain situations. Some of the bad changes I have experienced have set the stage for some of the best ones. Your kids are really lucky to have parents like you! I will definitely check out your blog.