We Shouldn’t Care What People Think..But Sometimes We Do. How to Deal

Worrying about what other people think of us is probably one of the biggest obstacles standing in the way of living our lives as we truly wish. It is understandable. We are social creatures, and I think our natural inclination is to feel we are accepted, part of the group; on an intellectual level, we know it does not matter how people regard us, but on an emotional level, we kind of want everyone to like us and think good things. And it is on this emotional level where most of our problems surface.

We don’t want to feel like we are the subject of gossip or judgment. Being on the fringe can feel lonely. If we feel like we are disappointing people with our choices, or somehow making them unhappy, guilt can weigh us down like an anchor.

  All of this can make for a very uncomfortable journey to the life we want to live and the person we want to be. Not facing any resistance from other people would certainly be preferable, but except for maybe a lucky few, this problem is par for the course.

But, if we give too much credence to what others think of us, and our choices, we will find it almost impossible to do the things we truly want to do. We will always be at the mercy of others and we will end up doing what they want us to do–and bowing to their desires is not always so obvious either. We may think you are making decisions based on what we want, but much of the time, we aren’t.

So, we know a key ingredient in a life made to order is not caring what people think. But, sometimes we will. So, much of the time, the goal may be doing what you want anyway, while dealing with the discomfort of knowing other people may not view your decisions favorably, that other people are making inaccurate assumptions about you,  that other people are unfairly judging you.

So, when you find yourself caring, which may be often, here are a few ways to cope.

No One Knows You Better Than You Know Yourself

I have made a lot of unconventional choices in my day that have not always been well-received. The push back was unpleasant. I questioned whether I was doing the right thing, or if other people may be right. But, I was able to move forward anyway, because my choices were born of intense reflection about what I really wanted out of life, and the type of person I wanted to be. I clearly identified my core values.

All the decisions I was making were in line with all of these things, so I knew they were the right choices for me. No one knows us better than we know ourselves. So, even if other people get in your head sometimes, remember this. While others may not see it, or may not agree, you know you are making the right decisions for yourself.

That is all that matters. And when you truly know you are doing the right thing, you can handle the criticism with greater ease; when you do have those moments you find yourself caring about what other people think, it will be less intense because the choices you made were based on a strong foundation of self-awareness.

Realize That Few People are 110 Percent Confident in Their Decisions

I would venture to say every human experiences doubt about their decisions, no matter how strongly they feel they are making the right ones. Barring the ability to see the future, or  consult some all-knowing oracle, we don’t know how the rest of our lives will play out.

We can’t achieve any  degree of certainty that one choice is better than another. When people question our choices, or criticize them, it touches on this doubtful part of us. You may have pondered some of the same issues these other people are bringing up, and you begin to wonder if they are right, if maybe what you are doing really is a bad idea. But, the mere presence of doubt does not imply you are making a bad choice.

If other people are making you feel doubtful about your decisions, don’t think they caused this uncomfortable feeling in you; it was already there, and was just activated by something they said. It is okay that it was there; your job is to work on quelling it as best you can, and proceeding anyway with what you know is right. You will have to question yourself and face whatever it is making you feel this way.

Their Opinions, Criticisms and Judgments All Stem from their Own ”Stuff.”

When we are the ones being judged, questioned or ridiculed, it all feels very personal; it seems like it is all about us, but it is actually all about the other people. The person who fears any part of the world outside his own national borders will of course think it is a  bad idea to take that solo trip around the world. The person who doesn’t have the balls to make the bold changes you are making will of course try to make you feel scared about opening that business, or totally switching careers mid-life.

The person who denied  her true nature, and whose life choices were dictated by a desire to fit in, or craft a certain image of herself, will probably be mightily jealous of people who are playing by their own rules, without regard to ”society”, and will judge you harshly to  squash her own discomfort.

People may see in you, the person they wish they could be, and it stings. But, rather than face this uncomfortable truth and work on their own life, they try to knock you down a few pegs to make themselves feel better. People will go to great lengths to justify their own choices, and feel better about their own lives, and this often involves being overly judgmental and critical about choices different than the ones they may have made.

When we are truly happy with our own lives, we don’t care about what other people are doing; but, when we get all judgmental, critical, catty and the like, it is because something has touched a nerve. These actions are nothing but a projection, and it has nothing to do with the person on the receiving end.

While you may not be able to totally shake what other people say about you and your decisions, if you can just remember it has nothing to do with you, you will not be as bothered by it, and  it won’t get in the way of your plans.