Want to Just Walk out on Your Life? How to Cope When You’re about to Lose It

Sure, no one has a perfect life. We all have our shit we have to deal with. It is normal to feel unhappy sometimes with the way things are going, or to wish we didn’t have to deal with certain challenges that have been woven into the fabric of our experience.

But, for some of us, it reaches a point where we are utterly miserable; we feel overwhelmed. We just can’t take it anymore. We can’t see a way out, and are convinced things will always be this way. A feeling of hopelessness pervades, and this is perhaps the worst feeling of all. The idea of just walking out the door, leaving it all behind and starting with a clean slate sounds really, really good.

And depending on your circumstances, it may be possible for you to do this, and maybe it is the best course of action. But, I imagine for most of you, this is not a viable option. So, while it is okay to harbor that secret fantasy, let’s try to focus the bulk of our mental energy on finding ways to improve our current state of affairs. Once I made that decision, things finally took a turn for the better.

Congratulations…The Pain of Staying the Same Has Just Exceeded the Pain of Changing and That is Where the Magic Happens

Embrace and welcome what is happening now, because you are in a great spot to really start making some profound changes, and dramatically redirect the course of your life. What is happening to you now is actually a really, really (million times really) good thing.

Know why ? Because we often don’t get serious about changing our lives unless we experience things that make us feel tremendously shitty. When things are just kind of not to our liking, but not totally terrible, there isn’t a strong enough spark within us to change course. We aren’t super happy, but we’re not utterly miserable, so we’ll just stick with how things are for now. Even though there are changes we want to make, it’s just too damn hard.

The pain of staying the same has not yet exceeded the pain of changing. Doing what we really want involves making some really uncomfortable decisions, and that discomfort is greater than the discomfort we feel being stuck in a life we don’t want, and being a person we really don’t want to be. We may not like things now, but we are used to it, and we know what to expect.

But, when you are where you are now– feeling like you are about to have a mental breakdown– you have reached that wonderful point where maintaining the status quo is far more painful than any changes you are considering.

Give your misery a great big hug and kiss because it has just bestowed upon you a wonderful gift. Now you can finally get serious about making positive changes because you have realized continuing on with how things are now is absolutely not an option. There is nowhere to go but up!

Ditch the Denial and Admit What Isn’t Working for You

You can’t solve a problem until you admit there is one. You won’t start making serious effort to improve something if you can’t even admit it needs improving. Denial is a great coping mechanism as we all know, but utterly destructive. You can’t make serious headway in improving your life if it is lurking anywhere within you.

It is interesting because on one level, we are very aware of what our issues are, but we are very good at pushing down these truths—so long as we have not fully admitted feeling a certain way, or that a certain problem does in fact exist, we can continue to convince ourselves these feelings and problems are not real. But, they are real, very real, and denying them is wreaking all sorts of havoc in your life.

This actual act of admitting, and acknowledging can be really scary, especially if addressing the issue means making drastic changes. But you have to take this step if you really want things to get better;and trust me, things will begin to get better the second you start being honest with yourself. A whole world of possibilities opens up when you are able to admit fully the things about which you are not happy.

If you are at a point where you are feeling this badly about your life, there is a good chance you have been in deep denial about at least one aspect of it.

Maybe you love being a mom, but don’t feel like that is enough to fulfill you. But, because it is pounded into your head this is the only thing a woman needs to feel happy and purposeful, you feel like there is something wrong with you (which there isn’t .)So you try to convince yourself that is enough, even though you know it’s not. It’s okay you feel this way, and you have to acknowledge it, and nourish those other parts of your being.

If there are major issues in your marriage that you have been sweeping under the rug because you can’t bring yourself to admit you don’t have the perfect relationship, and it is causing unbearable strain, you need to talk to your spouse and get things out in the open. It might require a level of unprecedented raw honesty, but if that is what it takes, summon the strength, it is in there. Maybe the problems can be fixed, or maybe the best solution is to go your separate ways.

Maybe you are spending a ton of money pursuing a degree in a certain field, but are now realizing you kind of hate it, and can’t imagine working in it for the rest of your life. But, you try to ignore those feelings and convince yourself it is a good idea because it is a field with significant growth, or you will make a lot of money if you stick with it. The idea of all that wasted money makes your stomach turn. But, if you really feel that way, you need to make a change now, before you get in any deeper.

You have to honestly look at your life, and examine your feelings. What is really going on inside? What are you unhappy about? What truths have you been pushing down, hoping they would go away? What sort of situations and people are in your life you know need to go? What needs to happen to improve things now, and make you feel better?

Get Out of Victim Mode and Start Taking Responsibility

If your life has developed to the point where you absolutely hate it, there is no doubt you have been gripped with a victim mentality, because anyone who takes responsibility for her life would never get so far down in the hole.

Hey, we all throw ourselves a pity party now and again, we can’t help it sometimes. But, if you go through life feeling like you have no control, and blaming everything outside yourself for why things are the way they are now, you are in for one miserable existence.

And things can’t change until you take responsibility for the situation you created for yourself. No matter what happens to us, we always have the power to choose how we respond. I know it can seem unfair that certain things happen to us, and not other people, and we want to know why.

And that feeling of being cheated out of a ‘normal’ existence is powerful, but can be overcome.  I don’t know any better than you how this crazy world works, but once I got more comfortable with not knowing, and just deciding to take control of my life, and dealing with whatever came my way, I became a better and happier person, in spite of the ‘bad’ things.

And, I don’t deny the choices required to improve our lives can sometimes be really difficult and scary, and involve doing things that make us feel really uncomfortable. But, so long as these options existed, and we chose not to pursue them, we have to own that. We have to admit there was a better way, but we chose not to travel that path for one reason or another.

Now, when acknowledging your victim mentality, and deciding to take responsibility for how things have turned out thus far, I am not talking about berating yourself for your past mistakes. Just because you made bad choices doesn’t mean you are a bad person who deserves a shitty life. Being responsible for a result is not the same thing as deserving it. Be kind to yourself, and vow to do better moving forward.

You will need to evaluate your current belief system, and see what is no longer serving you. If you want your life to change, you have to be willing to change. You have to believe life can be good because whatever you believe will be true for you . Even if there are aspects of your life that you can’t just ‘eliminate’ you can still be happier because you are choosing to be happier. Perspective is a powerful thing.

Think about what you can do right now to start things in a better direction. No matter how small the step may seem, take it. Start doing something right now that will put you on the path to change. You may not be able to remake your life in one day, but you can certainly shift course.

Start Making Yourself a Priority

Out of a fear of being labeled selfish, most of us neglect ourselves to the point of being kind of ridiculous. You need to start making yourself and your happiness a priority, because guess what? No one else is going to feel so inclined.

Your happiness and well-being are just as important as anyone else’s, and so long as you are not putting anyone else in jeopardy by improving your life, do what you have to do. This may mean doing things that are really uncomfortable, like standing up to people who you have let manipulate and take advantage of you thus far, or learning to say no.Think about the ways you may have been neglecting yourself, and concrete steps you can take to change that.

If you feel overwhelmed with an elderly parent’s care to the point your mental and physical health are taking a beating, and she refuses to let you get outside help because she only wants you taking care of her, it might be time to tell her too bad.

If you have a dysfunctional relative who is sucking up all your time and energy with her endless drama, it might be time to set some stricter boundaries to protect your sanity, such as not letting her talk your ear off every day for two hours about her myriad problems.

Notice the emphasis I put on concrete steps before. You need to make a plan. You need to get specific.

What is Good Right Now?

When we are feeling really down about our lives, like really down, we get sucked into a really bad place where our problems and things we don’t like overtake our brains. Anything good gets drowned out. But, no matter what is happening now, I am sure there are some things for which you can be grateful.

Take some time to think about that, and write down all the good, no matter how small. This will do wonders for shifting your mentality. It is still okay to hate all the other stuff—don’t get all caught up in guilt for hating your job, or being depressed because you feel unfulfilled, because at least you are not a starving child in Africa or caught in the midst of a bloody civil war. But, seeing all the good can give you a healthier outlook on your present challenges.

You are in a pretty dark place right now, and it feels horrible, but you have so much more power than you know. Things don’t have to be the way they have been, but you have to take an active role in making the changes. You already know everything I have said here, this is just a friendly reminder since it is easy to ‘forget’ the basics of a better life. Like I said earlier, this is where the magic really happens. So get on it. Be compassionate with yourself, and be patient.