Insights from 10 Days of Silence and a Meditating Like a Mad Woman

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There were moments of pure enlightenment and ones of wanting to rip my own face off rather than meditate for one more second.

This was the third time I have done this particular meditation course and it isn’t easy. It’s not the type of thing you go to for relaxation or to rejuvenate yourself. You go there to work.

No talking, no writing, no reading, no music, no nothing. Just meditating. Oh, and there was no dinner either….got used to that one pretty much straight away, but there were certainly times when I would have liked the option.

The last time I had done the course was several years ago, and I was really excited to do it now in particular because I had changed so much since then. I suspected I would get so much more out of it this time around, and I certainly did.

This type of work can be life-changing, but we have to keep up with it.

It is easy to get into a great space mentally and feel like we can conquer the world when we are completely removed from all the outside influences that pull down our energy, for an extended amount of time.

No work responsibilities, no breaking up fights between your kids, no arguments with your spouse. No morons cutting you off in traffic, no rude cashiers and what have you.

We get all sorts of insights and realize all sorts of truths. We get crystal clear clarity about what we want and we get in a space where we believe it is actually possible to have it.

You are surrounded by like-minded people on a similar journey and you lift each other up and feed off each other’s positive energy. It is so delicious and intoxicating.

But then you go back to ‘reality’ and the sheen slowly starts to wear off. I am still on quite the high, but like anything in life, it won’t be permanent. I am not a perfect, enlightened person, and that is not really what I am striving for.

But, I know there have been some deep shifts made, and I just need to keep nurturing them and moving forward. It really is all about the journey people…truly.

Meditation and contemplation makes the mind ripe for all sorts of helpful insights that can make our lives so much better, and make things so much easier on us.

We may not apply these nuggets of wisdom each time an opportunity presents itself, but as they seep deeper into our awareness, we apply them more of the time.

Here are just a few that were particularly powerful for me. Most were not any new thought I never had before, but this time around, something clicked more deeply, and intentions were set.

All The Answers We Seek are Found in Silence

The wisdom of silence is unparalleled. The problem is, we are very uncomfortable with it, and tend to avoid silence at all costs. We are always looking for a way to distract ourselves from the various thoughts and feelings we experience.

We are very uncomfortable with our own company much of the time. In the silence, we can’t hide from ourselves and our true thoughts and feelings, but rather than sit and see what is happening, we turn our attention to something else.

We turn on the TV or the radio. We start putzing around on our phone, playing games or checking our Facebook for the 50^th time that day. We zone out in front of the computer.

But, with a willingness to stay in the silence, and see what comes up…holy freaking shit, you have no idea how you can start changing your life.

When our minds are not being distracted with anything else, and it is just you sitting with you, you get so much clarity. You discover who you really are and what you really want.

The more you know yourself, the easier it is to go after the things you want because you know you are doing the right thing for you, and what other people think will begin to matter less and less and less.

All the reasons behind the self-sabotage and self-destructive behavior become glaringly obvious, and this is what will truly allow you to stop doing these things.

The silence is where all sorts of ideas and inspirations come…the types of ideas and inspirations that are borne of pure alignment with your higher self, the types of ideas and inspirations that will move you closer to what you want in a way that is easy and joyful.

I had so many amazing ideas during this time, and I am really excited to start implementing them. I am going to create a product. I got ideas for an ebook series.

I realized certain blocks I have had around certain areas of my life, both personally and professionally.

If you are struggling with any aspect of your life, if you feel confused about anything, if you are struggling with manifesting and your work with law of attraction, chances are, you could use some more time in silence.

Meditation is an amazing way to tap into that silent time and I have been doing it for years. But, if that isn’t your thing, it’s cool. Just sit quietly for a few minutes to start.

Every answer you seek lies within this silence, you just have to allow it into your life so it can deliver them.

My Life is Awesome and I’m an Unappreciative Tool Much of the Time

Like anybody else, I am very guilty much of the time for not appreciating all the great stuff in my life. Like my fellow LOA-enthusiasts, I can sometimes get too wrapped up in putting my attention to the stuff I want to manifest, in both positive and negative ways.

My husband and I have created a really amazing life for ourselves. We earn income from various sources that are all location-independent, and we have been traveling the world for the last four years.

I have been in Bali since February, living in a beautiful villa for free in exchange for watching the property and taking care of the owner’s pets—pretty sweet deal if you ask me. Last year, we did the same for four months in the tropical paradise of Fiji.

I can do stuff like decide the last minute to go off the grid and attend a 10-day meditation retreat and it’s all good.

This is the exact life I decided I wanted several years ago, and here I am living it, and several times over the course of my retreat, I realized how unappreciative I am sometimes. I have gotten so used to this life, I have lost sight of how amazing it is more often than I would care to admit.

It can be tricky sometimes. You want to create all this awesome stuff and it’s all good because that is what we are here to do. We are meant to grow, expand, and have all these experiences.

But, in doing that, we can sometimes forget to appreciate all the great stuff we have in the moment. We don’t think it is possible to enjoy where are are now, and enjoy the path to all the new stuff we want to create at the same time. Our thinking can be very dualistic sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to squeeze the most out of life we can…that is what we should be doing.

There is no reason to settle for anything less than what we want and just be content with things that are good enough or we don’t totally hate. That is just pure nonsense.

But, don’t poo poo all over the good stuff you have in your life now simply because not everything in your experience in the moment is to your liking.

Don’t worry that somehow getting happier now will prevent the things you want from coming to you…this is actually the fastest way to bring about those manifestations…don’t let your mind convince you otherwise.

The Process of Stepping into Our True Power is Kind of Terrifying

Having studied law of attraction for years now, and having experienced directly the truth that we do create our own reality, I have a really solid idea of how much power we truly have.

And the more I shift, the more I manifest and the more my vision expands as I realize bigger and bigger things are indeed possible, the more I see how much this power scares the crap out of us a lot, myself included.

We are so used to feeling like we don’t have that much power and that our life experience will largely be determined by external forces. We are so used to our life as it has been, and no matter how unhappy we may be with certain things, we are accustomed to these scenarios, and it is comfortable. We know what to expect.

Truly becoming what we want to become and truly having the things we want deep down inside requires really big shifts in beliefs and our self-image. And as much as we think we want to make them, a part of us really doesn’t because it would just completely break everything open and require us to question everything. Our life would be so different than it is now, and different is always scary.

It requires negotiating a whole new identity and way of moving through the world, and as fun as that process can be, it can also be really uncomfortable.

I have come to the realization that this fear of our true power is likely one of the major blocks to manifesting for many a people, and they probably don’t even realize it. Sure, there are the limiting beliefs, distorted self-image, inability to take our focus off what is,etc…but I think perhaps this might be the major culprit.

I realized this fear was affecting me on a level that I didn’t realize and after sitting with that a bit, I made some nice shifts and I am no longer as afraid. I am excited to work with this newer energy and see where it leads because no matter where it does, I am sure it will be good.

Always Allow for Your Expansion

Like I said before, the purpose of our existence here is to create, grow and expand. We are not meant to be stagnant. We will want all sorts of things and then we will go about bringing them into our reality.

When we block our growth and expansion, when we get into a state of wanting but then not doing anything about it, we become very unhappy. We feel stuck and frustrated. We abuse drugs and alcohol to dull the pain. We have no energy. We manifest all sorts of physical and mental health problems.

By shrinking back, living small, letting fear rule your life, doing things to please other people and get their approval, being afraid to be yourself, and all that other crap that contracts us, we are not honoring our purpose. We are not honoring ourselves. We are not honoring the absolute right we have to our happiness and well-being.

The very fact you exist makes you worthy and deserving of joy and all the things you have been inspired to want. You are not here to suffer. You are not meant to experience all sorts of painful experiences as ‘lessons.’

There is no higher power withholding the things you want most in life because it has other plans for you, and there is a good reason to deny you your happiness, or because you are a bad person who doesn’t deserve it.

The energy that created the Universe, that lies at the core of everything, is within you as well. You are Source. You can tap into that same creative force to mold your life just to your liking.

Really think about what would make you happy, what would make you feel like you are alive, and growing and expanding. Find a way to do those things.

Yeah, I know this is the part where you start listing all the reasons you can’t do these things, you can’t make the changes you want to make.

I get it…you may not be able to just do exactly what you want this very minute. But for the love of God, please stop arguing for all your limitations and why you can’t be happy or do the things you want. Stop holding onto all the stories that are making you miserable.

You don’t have to completely transform your whole life this minute to start allowing this expansion…anything that makes you feel good, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction.

Major Breakthroughs and Energy Shifts Don’t Always Have to Be Dramatic

We have all had those dramatic moments.

That moment where you get so sick of something you just completely lose your shit, say fuck it and make a drastic change because the pain is just too great to continue on like this. And major transformations ensue.

That moment you get so fed up with trying to manifest something because nothing seems to be happening and you say fuck it and just give up on wanting it. And then in the absence of that massive resistance, what you want makes its way into your experience.

That moment where you finally let all the pain rise to the surface, and you cry and scream like a crazy person for an hour or a whole day, or maybe even days. You experience a major release of energy and big-time healing.

I have had many of these moments myself, and I am sure many more await me in the future. And while they can be unpleasant, we kind of like them because we feel like we have really accomplished something. We feel like a major change has taken place and we get a sense of satisfaction.

We have an idea that growth and change is supposed to be this really painful, intense process all the time.

But, it doesn’t always have to go like that. Major growth and realizations that stick don’t always have to come in such painful and dramatic fashions. I experienced huge shifts and a deepening of many beliefs and realizations that have been aware of for quite some time during my course.

There were no major crying spells, no bubbling up of suppressed rage, no working through any major resentments or anxieties. It was a rather gentle process and it was quite nice actually.

In many cases, the changes within come gradually. We get exposed to different insights and ways of thinking and they get into our awareness and over time our thought patterns and beliefs change.

We experience certain things over time that solidify the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that are in harmony with creating the life we want and becoming the person we want to be, and they become more of our default way of operating.

It is easy to think that if we aren’t experiencing these intense moments frequently, we are not changing. We may think our energy is not really shifting. And then we get discouraged and further block the things we want from coming into our experience.

I’m So Sick of My Body Issues

Like pretty much any female raised in a society that is obsessed with youth and beauty, I have developed my fair share of body issues. Nothing extreme, but all that shit seeps in pretty deeply over a lifetime, and at times, I find I can be quite critical of my appearance and feel badly about myself.

Sure, we all know those ads are airbrushed to the point the models look like some other species that vaguely resemble homo sapiens. But in the moment we are looking at them, we are comparing ourselves and boy do we fall short.

According to the beauty industry, there are like a million things that make us disgusting and must be fixed…large pores, dark circles, crow’s feet, dull, lifeless hair, thinning hair, grey hair, sun damage, sagging skin, turkey neck, uneven skin tone, acne scars, cellulite, unsightly body hair, love handles, muffin tops, back fat, upper arm fat, cankles, spider veins and yellowing teeth to name just a few.

One day at the retreat I was laying in bed and I found myself examining my body quite closely. I did that trauma-inducing thing many of us women can’t help doing—squeezing my thigh skin together and watching all the cellulite rise to the surface.

In that moment, it really hit me how much time I have spent feeling badly about my body, how much time I spent feeling ugly simply because I don’t look like a super model…very few of us do as we all know.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be pretty and taking care of ourselves. You can be spiritual and wear make-up and care about your wardrobe. You can want a smoking hot body, and work to maintain it. It’s okay to want to lose weight to feel more attractive.

But we have to find that balance and that can be tricky and it can take awhile. It is something I have been working on myself. I don’t want to be one of those people who looks at a picture of myself taken now 30 years later and be like..damn, I looked pretty good, why the hell was I so critical of myself?

Did I totally release on all my body shit in 10 days…no, no I did not. I may never totally release it. But, the idea I was ready to really shift it in a significant way came very strongly, and it is an intention I will be working with more consciously moving forward without a doubt.

In Closing…

These by far weren’t the only things that came to me, but the insights that stuck out most and were most profound. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to at least one of them and I hope you got some helpful insight yourself.

I feel this experience was one where I leveled up a bit and opened up some new energy and it’s exciting. There are lots of changes I want to implement and lots of ideas for the blog and my business.

If you are interested in learning more about the course I did, you can visit this site. This is an amazing organization that runs centers all over the world. It is donation based, making the course available to all, regardless of financial status. It teaches Vipassana meditation, which is what the Buddha taught as a means to relieve us of our mental suffering…he is one smart dude.

Your Turn…

What did you think of the post? Anything resonate with you in particular? Have you had any major insights lately that have really shaken things up for you? Looking forward to your comments as always!

P.S. Over the last couple of months I have noticed the program that handles comments has been putting a lot of legit ones in spam and I am tasked with approving them manually. Because I was away from the blog for a bit, they accumulated big time and I had over 1100 when I got back.

Going through them to find genuine comments would have taken me hours. So I just cleared them all out. If you left a comment and don’t see it on the post, my apologies…feel free to leave another one. Now that I am back, I will be checking it a couple of times a day like I normally do.