Ready for Lasting, Positive Change? 3 Tough Questions You May Need to Ask Yourself

While in many ways,  I am the same person I have always been, in other ways, I have done a complete 180 in my life. Many years ago, if someone would have told me I was going to be a freelance writer traveling the world for years at a time, writing a personal development blog, in a relationship with someone who is a perfect match for me, and devoting my life to the pursuit of self-improvement, I never would have believed it for a second.

Not because I was enduring anything particularly traumatic, or had some terrible life. Simply because I was just plodding along in my existence, not really giving much thought to whether I was happy or not; I was just going with the flow, and responding to what life threw at me, rather than taking control in any meaningful way. For many years, I was also battling a low-grade depression that kind of cast a bit of a cloud over everything.

But, somewhere along the line, I began to change. There was really no defining moment, or book that totally changed my life, or anything like that. But, clearly at some point, I wanted more, and as I exposed myself to new ways of thinking, I began to think differently.

When I began thinking differently, I began acting differently and making different decisions. Certain events in my life, such as my father’s death, certainly resulted in bolder changes at a faster rate, but I am, and always will remain, a work in progress.

It is very easy to get sucked into a life we really don’t want, and being someone we really don’t want to be. We are so entrenched in our habits and belief systems, breaking free can seem impossible. But, nothing could be further from the truth.

The road will probably be bumpy at times, and you may experience a lot of starts and stops along the way. But, no matter what your life is like now, or what type of person you are, if there is anything you don’t like about it, you can change it.

The first step is doing a bit of reflection and self-evaluation, and I believe the following questions are important ones that anyone about to embark on a journey of change needs to answer.

What is My Role in Shaping My Current Undesirable Circumstances?

This is a question you probably won’t like pondering too much. Taking personal responsibility for the results we have achieved in our life is not something most of us do in any meaningful way on a regular basis.

No matter the situation, it is very easy to lay the blame outside of ourselves. While the excuses are sometimes very compelling, and understandable, they are excuses nonetheless.

We may feel like we have no choice, but we usually do; the real problem much of the time, is many of the other options are undesirable for one reason or another, so we don’t truly consider them options.

It may be because these choices would involve doing things that are way outside our comfort zone, having really uncomfortable conversations with loved ones, acting in a way that would cause others to view us in an unfavorable light, or doing something we have always thought is ”wrong” based on our current belief system.

This example may seem a bit extreme, but it perfectly illustrates my point. If I get pregnant accidentally, and am not ready to have a baby, I can get an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Now, if I find those scenarios so unacceptable they are not even entertained as options for even a second (which many people do, and understandably so), I will have that baby with the mindset that I have no choice, even though I do. I am choosing to have the child.

If you really want to make lasting change in your life, you need to honestly look at your situation, and the choices you have made up until this point. What beliefs, behaviors and habits have brought you here today? No matter how much a certain situation may seem out of your control, if you dig a bit deeper, you will likely see that you have more control than you think; but you gave it up for one reason or another, and that is something you need to figure out.

Are There People in My Life Holding Me Back?

The people we surround ourselves with tend to fall into three categories. There are the neutral people who really don’t have much of an effect on you either way. Then there are the people who lift you up, the people who bring out the best in you, who influence you positively.

Then there are the people who drag you down, or at the very least, keep you stuck where you are without much advancement. This third group can really present major obstacles when it comes to making significant changes in our life, and sometimes you need to make some tough decisions about the company you keep.

When I talk about this, it is not meant to judge these people, or imply they are beneath you because they are not committed to the same mission of personal betterment. But, the fact remains, when you are trying to change, and everyone else in your life is staying the same as they always were, it will most likely put some snags in your plans.

It’s not about dumping anyone who is not on the same path as you; it is about honestly evaluating your current relationships and how they are affecting your aspirations to change yourself and change your life.

Life is all about change; when we are no longer the people we were when we began certain relationships, some of them must inevitably change or end.

How Am I Benefiting from My Current Way of Life?

We do all the things we do, and live the life we live, because it offers us some sort of benefit. On a conscious level, it makes absolutely no sense that we want the bad stuff, or want to be unhappy.

But, the conscious, rational part of your mind is not the one calling the shots here; it is the subconscious, irrational part of your mind that is chock-full of all sorts of fears, weird beliefs, issues of deserving, self-sabotage and other yucky stuff that has built up over our lives. We are gaining something; there is something keeping us in this position. Some need is being satisfied.

For some of you, it will take a bit of digging to answer this question; but, for others, the answer is just beneath the surface, but you have just never fully acknowledged it, because that would mean facing some uncomfortable truths.

Either way, pondering this question will allow you to see why you make all these bad decisions, engage in your various bad habits, and have held onto the life you have had and the person you are now, regardless of how much you may dislike it.

Maybe you have been holding back on making certain changes in your life because deep down you know if you become who you truly want to be, it may mean you are no longer compatible with your boyfriend, and the thought of ending the relationship terrifies you.

Maybe you overextend yourself and take on more responsibility than you should for certain people in your life, which gives you the perfect excuse for letting your own life go to hell.

Maybe you lament the fact you can’t find a good guy, and  always seem to end up dating people who are ”inferior” to you in various ways, because you grew up watching your mother get berated by your father.  And at some point, deep down inside, you made a decision you would never be with anyone who could treat you that same way because you would always be the ”better” one in the relationship.

Maybe you thrive off the problems in your life because you relish the role of victim–it is a role that gets you attention and a role that is comfortable.

So, there you have it. If you make the decision to give some serious thought to these questions, and answer them with the brutal honesty they require, you will be well on your way to making significant, permanent change in your life. You will set a strong foundation for the new you and the new life you hope to build.

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