A concept like the law of attraction can seem particularly appealing when things are really falling apart. The idea that things can get better, that we can get what we want, no matter what is happening now, no matter what has happened in the past, is especially nice to hear when things are really going all sorts of wrong.
But working consciously with our energy, and applying the principles of a teaching like the law of attraction, can be challenging in even the most benign of circumstances. When we are really in the thick of some seriously unwanted stuff, it can feel almost impossible at times.
Our mind’s interference is in overdrive in these types of moments. We are thick with all sorts of unpleasant emotion. The worry and fear of what may happen can seem overwhelming. The worst-case scenarios are swimming through our heads constantly.
I think there are many misconceptions about how we are supposed to go about harnessing the power of the law of attraction, and they can be particularly detrimental in these types of situations.
No matter what is happening right now, know it can get better for you. Your mind is going to want to fight you to the death in adopting the perspectives and behaviors that will aid you in shifting your energy and changing your point of attraction, but your resolve must be strong—you can do it.
Realize Where Your Control Lies
The law of attraction states that our energy determines the experiences we draw to us in our life; by focusing positively on the things we want, we can bring those things to us. All of this is absolutely true.
But, our mind can take this to mean that we can apply these teachings to get exactly what it has decided it wants, and this can really muck up our manifesting big-time. Because we tend to get very attached. Our mind has a very limited perspective on what would truly make us feel happy, secure, joyful and all that other good stuff we crave.
Most of our desires are coming from a place of resisting our current reality and wanting to ‘fix’ it by manifesting things we believe will do so. This just tends to amplify the energy that created what we don’t like, as well as our focus on it.
This piece of advice is important for anyone but particularly so in situations where your mind is really insisting on certain things needing to manifest, like money.
It is important we realize where our control truly lies—it is in our energy. Too often we apply the teaching of the law of attraction in an attempt to control every aspect of our lives. We set these super-specific intentions and then insist that these are the exact things we must manifest.
Often times, those exact things do show up for us, but it’s not really due to our insistence they must—our energy made us a match to them. I do believe there is something to be said for what we focus on specifically coming to us, but as many of you know, that specific focus often works against us, not for us.
If you are in a bad situation right now, there are likely some very specific things you are hoping will manifest for you because you view them as being the key to solving the issue. If you really want things to change more rapidly, there has to be a willingness to release on the insistence that certain things need to happen for you, no matter how much your mind is insisting that you do indeed require them.
This doesn’t mean giving up on this thing manifesting, it simply means releasing all the resistance that is being built up around this desire, and I’ll bet there is a hell of a lot. Giving up is the quickest way for this component to come to you.
If it is a necessary piece of bringing about the manifestation, it will make its way in. Our declaration that certain things must manifest for us does nothing but get in the way.
You can control your experience through your energy because your energy determines what shows up in your life. You really can’t control exactly what shows up or how something you want will come to you.
Be open to a variety of manifestations showing up; know that you can’t possibly know the infinite combinations of circumstances that can come together to turn things around.
The Bigger the Shit Storm, The Bigger the Opportunity
Energy that isn’t dealt with tends to build and build. Manifestations reflecting it back to us show up in various ways. When we don’t examine what is happening, the energy gets stronger and the manifestations get bigger.
Most of us really don’t nip these energies in the bud early on, and end up having these monster ‘negative’ manifestations that shake us to the core., that really test us. Sometimes it is a steady progression of really bad stuff that seems like it is all happening really quickly, other times it can seem like this one big, bad thing came out of nowhere. It didn’t.
Either way, these sorts of manifestations were the result of some powerful energy; you are now in the position of being forced to deal with it. It can’t be ignored any longer.
Yes, this is really painful when it happens. It sucks big-time. But you are also being presented with a grand opportunity to really do some clearing, gain some clarity and fast-track it to a better life.
Whatever you are thinking, feeling and believing about what is happening now is not caused by the situation. All of that gunk was already there, and this situation is merely triggering it, and likely triggering it massively.
What is this situation showing you? What is it making you feel? Is it triggering any memories of other situations? Where has this energy showed up in your life previously? What are the common threads?
What opportunities are being presented to you right now? How can this situation serve you? What good could possibly come out of the things you fear happening actually happening?
Right now, you are being invited to release a shitload of energy that is holding you back, and the more you release, the more room you make for that better energy to flow in. The more you release, the more room you make for all sorts of things to show up for you.
Several years ago, when I lost my sole source of income, Ryan was still struggling and we were literally living off my credit cards, I was in emotional hell. Nothing will stir up all the gunk inside like money troubles.
That manifestation was the best thing that could have happened to me—I was being invited to deal with some shit that hadn’t been dealt with, and clear things that wouldn’t have been cleared otherwise. When you are feeling that badly, you are particularly motivated to find ways to feel better and adopt a different perspective because the alternative way of operating is basically intolerable.
And to take full advantage of this opportunity, you must be willing to…
Be With Your Shit
I think one of the biggest reasons people have trouble manifesting is the idea that having ‘negative’ emotion is bad, and you must feel good all the time if you want to change your point of attraction.
Yes, working on our emotional state is a non-negotiable. There has to be that willingness to change our perspective and be in a more ‘positive’ frame of mind as best we can.
We can’t insist we will continue to be unhappy, focus on what we don’t want and justify all our ‘negative’ emotion by pointing to all the reasons we feel this way, until something that makes us feel better shows up.
But when you are really in the throes of panic, fear, worry and all that other yuck, feeling like you need to just ‘get happy’ is probably not going to sit well. You may try, but it doesn’t work.
You have all these fears, feelings and thoughts that you try to push down. You use all sorts of tools that don’t do shit for you because they are not actually changing how you are feeling in any real way.
Like I said before, these implosions didn’t come from nowhere and are the result of some strong energies, some strong feelings. They have to be dealt with. And I know that probably feels really scary because they are really intense.
You don’t want to feel these feelings anymore and you are insistent on manifesting certain things so they will go away, and trying to create from that space really doesn’t work out too well.
Until you really let yourself feel all these feelings and make peace with them, things will keep showing up to show them to you. Diving into it all is the way to get through it.
And this may mean feeling really crappy for a few days or even a few weeks. This may mean extended periods of discomfort. You may not get all happy right away.
There will be lots of questioning; lots of stuff will rise to the surface. You may think about things you haven’t thought of in years, not realizing how that situation affected you. You may feel like you have been living a lie or that you don’t even know who you are anymore.
You must realize that when things are really falling apart like this, the answer to the problem isn’t these things you want to manifest. The answer is actually letting yourself feel what you are feeling and being with it.
And when you do this clearing, whatever needs to manifest to rectify the situation will make its way to you—it may or may not look like you think it does in your head, but no matter what, things will start to improve.
So, that’s that.
Your Turn…
What did you think of the post? Anything resonate with you in particular? Would you offer any advice? Looking forward to your thoughts as always.
Also, happy to announce the next class in the Manifesting Like a Mofo Series is ready for sign-up and will be taking place November 22nd
Onward and Upward: Releasing the Grip of Your Past
Hi Kelli,
WOW! All your blog posts, podcasts, and the calls always resonant with me, but this one was a huge bitch slap (in a great way)! As usual, my head was nodding up and down profusely. What I’ve realized in the last few weeks, in dealing particularly with relationships I’ve had in the last several years, is that my stuff always shows up, but in a different person each time. I’m realizing, now that I’m facing my patterns, they really are opportunities to just feel what I feel and clear whatever is really going on – instead of 1) judging myself for those feelings and 2) thinking I’m wrong and I messed up any good energy I’ve been able to conjure up. I’ve been able to look at how I show up (and I traced a lot of this stuff back to childhood), deal with my feelings, and snap back to feeling ok! What’s even more interesting is when a manifestation I deem “wrong” shows up, I am more apt to look within first, before immediately reacting to my outside circumstances in any negative way.
Thank you for all you’re doing!
BTW: The Manifesting like a Mofo calls are fantastic!
Hey Letty
Thanks so much for your comment and I am so glad you enjoyed the post. Relationships can show us so many things and are a particularly powerful mirror of our internal world. I have learned so much about myself from examining my interactions with people close to me. It sounds like you have a healthy perspective on what is happening and it is so so good you are not judging yourself and just seeing everything for what it is…a reflection. Like you said, we can go within and see what we are being shown. So glad you are enjoying the calls…I am enjoying doing them!
I am still struggling with the “dealing with it” part. What exactly does it mean to deal with it? Does it mean just acknowledging that we feel shitty about subject X? Does it mean try to find a better perspective on each individual manifestation of crap? Is it as simple as saying, “This makes me fee terrible. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do.” Or do we really have to go spelunking to dredge up obscure childhood memories? How does that work for unpleasance patterns that have been with us our whole lives? What do I need to clear in order to manifest a life of financial security when I was raised without it? I was in excellent health until about age 12, then my weight crept up and up and up, my oral health went to pot, I started suffering from asthma. etc.. Do I need to identify specific things that happened around the time I was 12? And then there is the daughter who hates me. This just seems so overwhelming. What does it mean to clear all of this?
Hi Judy
Thanks for your comment and questions. I think a lot of people have similar ones. As for that first question, the answer is a big, fat yes…being honest with how we feel about something is an important starting point for seeing what is happening inside of us. It alerts us to various beliefs we hold that may not be serving us, which sets off finding a way to start believing something different, something more empowering. As for your second question, that is also an important part of the equation but we want to be sure to allow ourselves to have our feelings and be honest–we don’t want to shut anything down in the name of being ‘positive.’ Reaching for the better feeling perspective may not be something we can do immediately; it may be something that can take a bit to take hold, but our efforts at doing it will be helpful.
As for digging in the past, it can be tricky. Technically we don’t need to do that–we can just focus on what is happening right now–no need to trace back, no need to find reasons to validate how we feel now (such as something that happened when we were younger,etc…) but in reality, we are probably going to do a bit of digging in our past. Our mind will want to figure out where our ‘stuff’ came from. It can certainly be helpful in many ways. But don’t feel pressure to uncover the exact moment a belief may have formed or examine your whole life prior to the present moment with a fine-tooth comb.
It sounds like you have a lot going on and the key to all of this is just letting the feelings come up–don’t overanalyze the process and doing things the ‘right’ way. That is the first step and once you open all that up, a lot of insights and clarity will come and you’ll get a better idea of how to navigate this process the way that works best for you.
Thank you so much for your answers. I had a rough day when I posted that, and I am generally a pretty optimistic person. Melody also seems to have answered my question (though I hadn’t asked her) with today’s video, I am probably overanalyzing and not spending enough time feeling. The feeling is so yucky though that I want to get it over with. It seems I am not spending enough time getting through it, though, and that is why it keeps showing up over and over. I do see some progress, but sometimes it just seems so sssllllooooooowwww. Patience hasn’t been one of my greatest virtues. 🙂 Thank you again, Kelli. You are amazing.
Hi Judy
We all have our days and it’s good you let it out because it showed you something that was inside, even if it wasn’t something that you felt strongly a lot, the energy was there and it’s good you acknowledged it. It is hard to sit with the feelings, which is why we tend to get so impatient with manifestations and getting so worried we aren’t going to get them…we see them as the answer to getting rid of the feelings we don’t like. But when we let ourselves feel them, we get through them more quickly and we lose our fear of them, realizing there is nothing wrong with them, they are just showing something.
Me and my friend have been working on LOA for a while now. Things were going really well but then we hit this ‘stop/pause’ shit. My friend sent me a link to your website today and everything I read made so much sense. There WAS a lot of negative things around the things I wanted and I was supressing them. Tonight I feel 100% better because I am now allowing the negative thoughts in and I am spending some time with them. Looking at them, feeling those feelings. Sure it’s scary at times but I know that this is the way to shift that bad energy.
Thanks again and I wish you all the best and look forward to reading more. Here’s to an exciting new way of living with LOA!
Hi David
I am so glad you enjoyed the blog and found it helpful. I think learning about the LOA can cause us to overthink a lot and many give the false impression we must be happy all the time and negative feelings are ‘bad’ and being that we all have them, we get freaked out about it. Letting ourselves feel them can really change things a lot and actually make us feel better more quickly as you have discovered in your own experimenting. It really is an exciting way of living!
Thanks for the post, Kelli. I’ve been having a hard time lately. I hav repeating patterns with my anxiety, so I’m trying to look at them more closely. Hopefully then I can start to shift them.
I know I’m late, but I still wanted to comment. I have been dealing with a lot of shit now, and it is just really uncomfortable. I am feeling my emotions, but it is hard to do, and I don’t get any clarification what it is for. I think I am releasing some old emotions? It told me that I have to fix my unworthiness issues and start believing in myself. Any tips to start doing that?
Hey Kirsten
Never too late to comment! You are right that it can be challenging. When we really allow ourselves to do that, it can feel really intense because we aren’t used to that free flow…we typically try to suppress, deny or distract. There is definitely some old stuff coming up to be released. The key to tackling issues of worthiness is actually in the actions we take…normally we like to wait on that, but in this case, the sooner we start taking actions to demonstrate we are in fact worthy, the easier it gets for that energy to build. So think of things you can do…even if it is something small. It could come in lots of forms, from setting boundaries with people in your life who may be harming you in some way to tending to you health better.
I’m 53 years old, divorced 3 years ago, lost my management position 1 year ago due to the company being sold, applied for 140 jobs so far (in my field and even walmart) two interviews, no takers. The people that I hired and trained all got good jobs, they don’t return my calls anymore. I read the LOA books that someone gave me at Christmas and have REALLY REALLY REALLY tried to manifest but cant seem to manifest even a parking ticket. Oh, wait, yes I did seem to manifest a couple of those. I am now paying my rent on my credit card and obviously things are bleak at best. Truthfully the end seems to be rushing toward me as a runaway freight train. I will take your advise and “be with my shit” and let you know what came from it. If you are right I will be eternally grateful, if your wrong please don’t finish your Big Mac before you throw it in the trash can.
Hi Steve
Thank you for sharing your story…I know what it is like to pay rent on a credit card as I did that for awhile myself back when I had no income nor did my husband. Used that for all our groceries too. I hear a lot of ‘trying’ in what you are saying and I know that is our mind’s solution…at least we are doing something about it. Liked you said, applying for over 100 jobs. When we try to force change because we want to get rid of an unpleasant circumstance, it tends not to go well because we are very focused on our current undesirable situation and all the fears about what may happen in the future if we remain in that situation. Remember a concept like the law of attraction is all about what we are ‘being’. It is easy to get caught up in the ‘doing’ like affirmations or visualizations but they are only to help change our inner world and make us feel better–in and of themselves they can’t make anything happen. Ultimately it comes down to making a choice to feel a certain way–as best we can–before we have a ‘reason’ to, knowing a new reality will have to conform to that energy. I know your mind may reject this statement but the more challenging our circumstances the more opportunity we are being given to release what no longer serves us, and there is room here for really big changes for you that could lead you into a life that you may not think possible now.
“The answer isn’t the manifestation. The answer is being with the shit.” WOW. Talk about a way to let go of all resistance! When the “shit” itself IS the answer, you embrace it, instead of resisting it….which is what brings in the manifestation to rectify the situation. Wow…….just…..wow! 🙂
Hey David
Don’t you just love those aha moments? When we can deal with what is going on inside, then we don’t have to be ‘shown’ the energy as much anymore.
I’m glad I stumbled onto your blog. I think reading and believing the Secret was the worst thing I have done. It destroyed me in so many ways and won’t write a novel listing all of it. To make a long story short, I was diagnosed with severe depression. Having positive thoughts is a major challenge for me and I also hate how my life turned out. There were some things that happened that were out if my control. But most of it I was in control with and my response to everything was poor. I’m in a rut. I’m broke, I’m fat and I acknowledge I’m mentally ill. But I also know I don’t have to let my mental illness define me and find a way to make my life better. Instead of living some fantasy life like I thought would be the quick fix I’m settling for the moment for what I have just to find a way to figure things out. Once I can do that, then I’ll slowly raise the bar for myself. I’ve spiralled but I’m trying to climb out of it. I’m proud that I’ve gotten out of bed especially today when I really didn’t want to.
Hey Miriam
Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. I think your approach is the best way to deal with what is happening–making peace with where we are at the moment and taking things from there is actually the faster way to make real shifts in our energy and start seeing changes in our reality. When we try to force ourselves into a state of being that is really far from where we are now, that tends not to go well. We may have some big surge of optimism or whatever but we tend to settle back around where we were originally and then we beat ourselves up for ‘failing’ and we worry we’ll never be able to feel better or make any sort of meaningful change. You should be proud of that accomplishment because for you it was a challenge and you took it on. Letting yourself feel your feelings and taking responsibility for your choices and your life–in a way that is empowering not in a way that you blame yourself–is a huge first step and when you feel your feelings and take ownership with that sort of awareness, true healing and transformation can begin as you ‘make room’ for some higher energies. Good luck!
Hi Kelli,
Thanks for writing that article and all the readers with their lovely questions. I really hope this isn’t too late after all those years.
I am thinking about dealing with my shit and stuff for a while now but even reading, watching videos I don’t seem to get the aha effect that others have.
I just wrote down all my old beliefs and thoughts – all that shit. That I am not worthy to be loved and to love. That I’m always used for sex by man and that they never care about my feelings and stuff. And that I only need a man to be happy and that I can’t be happy on my own.
So I wrote that down, through therapy I even know where all those beliefs are coming from but what am I doing with it now?
One thing just popped into my mind – my apartment looks like shit (hence the I’m not worthy part) so cleaning and stuff could be a good start but dear Kelli can you give me a few more hints or examples of what to do specifically to increase my energy in that special department?
Thank you so much for doing all that great work. May the Universe always be with you.
All the best.
Hi Mary
Changing energy at the core is not an action-oriented thing so there is no strategy, there are no specific things that will work for everyone across the board. We all have our own unique blend of issues and addressing them will be a unique thing as well. You can’t do it ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ Your insight about your apartment is a great example of something that would work for you personally so do that, and then as you start to feel better, see what you feel inspired to do. My best advice is taking getting something you don’t have out of the equation and pretending you just want to do all this work for the pure sake of feeling better…how would you proceed? Us always trying to get something out of all this work creates a lot of tension and confusion where there really shouldn’t be.
Just got rid of a ton of energy. I have come to point where I have more bad luck than good, so instead of feeling bad about bad luck I have come to the conclusion to enjoy it. Whatever I have asked for in the past, I have had the reverse, so, on that basis maybe asking for bad luck will bring good. I have decided to stop trying to analyze why this is so, as I end up making excuses for something that isn’t working out too well. From this day forth, if bad luck is to be my portion, so be it. I’m past caring. I will just live with the knowledge that some receive what they ask for and some don’t. What I refuse to believe anymore is that I’m being tested by God. What is the point of testing someone that you know from beginning to end? As for being taught a lesson, the only lesson I have been taught is that no one gets nought for nothing in this life. I’m no unbeliever. I have been a Christian all my life and have believed that the words of Christ are real, honest and true. However, from what I have seen, the wicked get richer whilst the poor are left to suffer at their hands. Oh, and yes, I’m going through shit at the moment, much my own fault and poor decisions. So there we are, accept your troubles and get on with it, because thinking you will win the lottery is going to drive you nuts when you don’t.
Hi Keith
I agree with you…I don’t think we are ever being ‘tested.’ I do think things can get better for you…it is good you are being honest about how you feel and you seem to be giving up the ‘fight’ against what is and perhaps trying to change things from a space of resisting your current circumstances. Just let yourself be with what you are feeling now–let yourself feel the frustration, the disappointment or whatever else. Once you get that out of your system, I think you’ll find yourself feeling more optimistic about things-like truly, not just intellectually or pretending. Trust your feelings as a guidance system and trust that the bad feelings you get from believing things like that aren’t true.