Law of Attraction: How Can I Avoid Attracting What I Don’t Want?

 These days, I am worrying a lot over something that I don’t really want in my life; I would constantly think about it and I am afraid that I would get it. These thoughts are so energy-draining, and I sometimes feel depressed as well.

I really don’t want that to happen in my life, but, according to my point of view, constantly thinking about what I don’t want will be harmful. Can you suggest any methods or steps so as to stop these thoughts of mine and stop attracting things that I don’t like at all?

What Makes a Problem a Problem?

The only reason we feel resistant to anything happening in our lives right now (or the world in general), or something that could happen in the future, is because these circumstances, and potential circumstances, feel badly in some way. 

If the issue created no negative emotional response, we wouldn’t care all that much. It would merely be something happening, and not a ‘problem.’ 

The good news is, according to many a spiritual teacher, our outside circumstances actually have little to do with our feelings. It is not the outside creating the problem–it is merely pushing some kind of button within. There is fear ,and other ick in our mind, that is being ‘activated’ by an issue we are currently facing or one we worry will materialize in the future. 

There are myriad shifts in perception available to us that will help break this link the mind has established between the state of our external world, and our feelings. 

The core, foundational shift would naturally be accepting this premise your feelings are not a result of the external. Without that, this whole endeavor is dead in the water. 

Essentially, the more we accept this, and see this truth by way of exploring it in our own lives, the less we will concern ourselves with the outside, and what is going on there. 

We no longer look to externals to fix what is happening inside. 

We no longer worry about various external ‘forces’ and how their words, behaviors and choices will impact us because we realize they actually can’t. We realize no one needs to do ,or not do, anything to make us feel better.  Talk about freedom! 

To believe our emotional wellness is so dependent on all these outside actors over which we have zero control creates immense suffering . That we can stop worrying about this so much should come with a great sense of relief. 

So if our only problem is ‘perception,’ how is the one you are currently entertaining about your situation causing emotional discord? What is the story, the narrative? What does your mind see as ‘true?’

 

Who’s to Judge?

Again, the only reason anything is ever perceived as a problem  is because we don’t like how the situation feels.  According to the mind, that negative emotional response automatically files the experience into the ‘bad’ category.

Anything that feels badly is a ‘bad’ situation to be lamented and resisted. And same goes for any potential situation in the future that feels badly when we think of it coming to pass. 

The ego mind’s thought system is very simplistic in many ways, and through that filter of ‘simplicity’ this makes total sense. But this is not the thought system with which we wish to operate any longer, right? 

A willingness to explore the  mind’s constant judgment ,and how it assesses situations–bad feelings equals bad thing–is absolutely crucial for anyone who is serious about making deeper, lasting energetic transformation, and finding greater peace in life. 

Again, there are all sorts of shifts in perception available to us, and here we have another core, foundational shift necessary to get the ball rolling–everything that happens has a potential to serve us in a positive way. 

Since our feelings don’t come out of nowhere, and are a response to our perception, and our belief system, any situation that feels badly offers an opportunity to make a shift in thinking that would make us feel much better, which is all we want anyway. This ‘minimum’ opportunity is actually the most significant of them all. 

And from a manifesting/LOA-type context, any ‘bad’ situation offers an opportunity to explore our energy more deeply and see what needs to be ‘cleaned up’ in order to align more readily and easily with our ‘preferred’ reality. We can’t really make lasting inner change until we know what we are working with. 

For many of us, these experiences are absolutely necessary because of our typical human tendency to resist going within and facing our shit on a totally voluntary basis. We need those experiences that are so in our face emotionally that we are basically forced to deal with them. 

On top of that, we may not  be aware of the full extent of certain energies until something happens that really ramps them up, that really puts them in our face. 

So, if an experience assists you in ‘raising your vibration’ and healing emotionally, how can that be a ‘bad’ thing? Why would we have so much resistance to it? 

Sure, it will feel unpleasant, but when you remove the resistance that comes from not wanting to deal with these feelings, from wishing things were another way they simply are not, those feelings in and of themselves can feel quite tolerable, even if they are very intense. That is my experience anyway. 

What if this ‘bad’ thing happening was the very thing that helped you move more easily towards all you want to be, do, have and feel? 

What if that severe financial problem is the very thing that will change your energy around money for goo,d because it forced you to face your deepest fears, all the energetic shit that was creating all your money woes?

What if that health relapse was the thing that finally forced you to take stock of your life, and make all these significant changes you know are necessary but have been resisting? That you know would make you healthier not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well? 

How many people have later expressed gratitude to their old partner for leaving them? At that point in their lives, some would have never had the strength or courage to go out on their own; some had self esteem in the toilet and they thought they couldn’t do better than this shitty person. 

The experience put them on a path that led to a much better life, and for anyone that wanted them, much better relationships with someone much better suited to them. 

How many people have said getting cancer–probably the most feared disease– was the best thing that ever happened to them? You wouldn’t say shit like that unless you really meant it! 

Just because your mind doesn’t like how something feels, doesn’t mean it is ‘bad.’ Just because your mind doesn’t like how something turned out, doesn’t mean anything went ‘wrong.’ 

Much of the most powerful ‘advice’ for changing our lives is incredibly simple, and because we have heard it so much, it has become cliche and lost all  meaning.

 It would be very easy to roll our eyes at the idea of ‘everything that happens serves us,’ dismiss it, and double down on our ego thought system that doesn’t agree. 

And essentially we can do whatever we want, but ‘yeah, yeah’ yeah-ing’ these ideas is at our peril without a doubt. 

With these new perceptions available to us at any moment, we see that even if the things we fear most come to pass, it will be fine. Our experience of these experiences–if we so choose–can be dramatically different than what we assume it may be now. 

And with this new view, we won’t worry so much about the future; we won’t feel so much pressure to ‘raise our vibration’ and change our energy in hopes we can avoid these things happening. Fear and resistance no longer become the driving force in all this ‘manifesting work.’ 

We can anchor ourselves more in the present moment, which is the only thing that is real. Here we  have the power to cultivate beneficial energies that will serve us very well; and with less focus on the future, we will not dilute these energies as much as we typically, do courtesy of the negativity that focus brings.

 

The Crux of Personal Growth

The very core of this personal growth journey, energy work, healing,etc…is choice and nothing more. We have one way of thinking by which we have been abiding, and we are introduced to new ways of thinking that feel a lot better. We may not have a grasp of these ideas on a logical, rational level ( and likely never will), but on a heart, feeling level, something resonates.

 And herein lies our first choice: Do I have a willingness to trust my feelings as a means of evaluating ,as has been suggested to me by countless very seemingly wise people throughout time, or not? This is where it all starts. Answer ‘yes’ and you have no idea how far you can go. Answer ‘no’ and it all kind of falls apart. 

And notice the use of the word ‘willingness’ above. That is all that is needed to start–just a willingness. You don’t need to do a full 180 in your belief system first to proceed. The willingness alone changes your energy and point of attraction. The willingness alone starts aligning you with experiences that demonstrate these ‘truths’ to be in fact true. 

And as your own experience starts to transform, you have that all powerful ‘proof’ of personal experience that just makes it easier to keep going farther and deeper. 

We have a choice between two thought systems–that of the ego and that of God/Universe/Source/Infinite mind or whatever other term resonates. 

We have a choice between worrying about what may, or may not happen in the future, or feeling at peace knowing that no matter what happens, it will be fine. 

We  choose whether we keep letting our mind interfere in a journey that is not for it, that it is not meant to lead, or going within ,and working on the level of feeling, following intuition and trusting our inner guidance. 

We either choose the perception that frees us from our pain, or the one that perpetuates, and increases it. 

It’s all on us and that is a wonderful thing.

 

‘How’ Do We Manage This?

One thing asked of me in this particular question was ‘how’ we can manage our thoughts,etc… And this is one of my favorite topics because it speaks to one of the biggest misunderstandings about this journey, a misunderstanding that makes things a lot harder than they need to be, and creates a lot more resistance.

And that misunderstanding is this whole process of growth, transformation, healing and what have you is action-oriented. We believe we need to ‘do’ all these things to make these inner changes and get our ‘stuff.’ 

But like I said earlier, the crux of this ‘work’ is nothing more than mere choice about what we believe. Our feelings stem from our belief system so the ONLY thing required of us to change our emotional state is to change our mind. You don’t need to ‘do’ anything in this scenario but consciously choose perceptions and beliefs that lend themselves to positive feelings.

But, the theory and the reality of this work are often different. Most of us, at least initially, will likely need to do all sorts of things externally to support the internal exploration and transformation. 

Many of these activities will genuinely feel good, and enjoyable, so we will want to do them. It is always a good idea to fill our days with things that make us feel good, that assist us in dealing with stress and other negativity we feel. It might be yoga for one person, or meditation for another. Some may resonate with journaling, while others find affirmations helpful. 

I personally strongly resonate with physical activity–moving my body and taking care of it feels good; it makes me feel better mentally and emotionally. So yoga, and various forms of exercise, is my primary ‘vibe management’ strategy if you will. 

Any action we take in this journey, from our routines and rituals, to seminars and retreats, is really meant to play a supportive role. The behaviors, habits, etc…can be very powerful in cultivating a state of being that makes it easier for us to choose in favor of the belief system that will serve us much better. 

We have been operating under the falsehood that these actions in and of themselves have any power to change us. But doing yoga or anything else, in and of itself, can’t guarantee any sort of internal shift. The only thing that can truly change your belief system is the decision to believe something different.

The whole goal is to feel better, so anything that makes you feel better will be a ‘good’ tool or technique for you. You will likely find it ‘works.’

But just remember–these are meant to be supportive; don’t give all these actions a power they don’t have. If you are struggling in any way with your thoughts, your feelings,etc…know that the ‘fix’ is nothing outside of you. The answer will not be in trying yet another program or healing modality.

 And know that if there is anything external that will have value at a particular point in your journey, it shows up and you recognize it as such. 

The best way to deal with your thoughts is to get comfortable observing them, and consciously choosing whether you buy in or not. When you stop believing them so strongly, they don’t create that unpleasant emotional charge that comes with accepting them as true.  The only reason the thoughts are a problem is because of how they make us feel, and when they no longer make you feel as badly, you won’t stress about them so much.

And of course, as your new belief systems gains some real traction , you won’t think these things as much. But again, when you do, it won’t be the problem it seems to be now, because they no longer come with that strong emotional component that has the potential to affect your reality.

Would love to hear your thoughts! 

Have a question you think would make a good blog post? Submit it here

Work with Me

Courses

Coaching Call Library

Law of Attraction: How Can I Avoid Attracting What I Don’t Want?
Spread the Love!

6 thoughts on “Law of Attraction: How Can I Avoid Attracting What I Don’t Want?

  1. I love it Kelli! Everything you’re writing is so true and helpful!
    I personally visit a cognitive therapist, and we are working exactly on my thought system. It’s really about finding and observing thoughts that are nearer to the “truth” to the reality…and that reality isn’t as bad as our mind makes it to be.
    Keep up with the good work! 😊😊😊

    Regards from Bulgaria🙏🏻

    1. Hi Sandy
      Thanks so much for your comment and nice to hear from you! That is great you have found something that is so helpful for you. I find that type of therapy particularly interesting. We start to see our only problem is in the mind and our perception–challenging but freeing!

  2. Hey Kelli! Thank you so much for sharing this. This was very helpful:) I think that it’s true that a person has to change their thinking first before reaching goals. Sometimes a person can stay stuck with their current belief system and this holds them back from progressing

  3. Hi Kelli, thank you for sharing this detailed post with a realistic approach on shifting the focus from the fear triggers to the related emotions. You do mention that with a new perception even if thing we fear come to pass it will be fine. I understand the concept behind this, but I wonder how it applies to some of the most intense, intrusive thoughts that anxiety can trigger to some people, as opposed to more simple fears like not having enough money or not getting a dream job?

    1. Hi Helen
      Thanks for your comment and I am glad the post was helpful for you. I can only give a very general response since there is a lot of detail I don’t know, and we haven’t spoken personally. In my own experience with more intrusive, upsetting thoughts you are speaking of, handling them is essentially the same as any other negative thought from an energy type perspective. It may feel like they need special attention, or a different approach because they may be of a more ‘disturbing’ nature and they upset us much more. But whether it’s worrying about money or our relationship status, or something more intrusive like obsessing about death, the root is the same–fear of something happening we don’t want to happen. Regardless of the nature of the thought and its intensity, we want to work on trying to observe them more objectively, letting them come and go without feeling pressure to change them or make them go away.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to top