Immersing yourself in a teaching like the law of attraction can get you into quite the mess, a wonderful mess for sure, as you start getting a better idea of the contents of your inner world. You start to see how much ‘stuff’ has gotta go and changing your beliefs may not seem as easy as you hoped it would be. Today’s post is answering a reader’s question about said problem. 

Hello Kelli

I’m amazed with your blog, such precious information…

I’d like to ask you a question: I’ve been experiencing some unwanted situations that look so alike, one after another, always about the same topic…I think it was a negative belief that created them, but I don’t know how to stop it because it seems so ‘true’.. How can I change this belief that looks so true for me? I’m really afraid to try to change it and even so bad things continue to happen… (so attached!)

I’ll continue reading your blog but if you have any other word of advice for me I’d be so glad!!



Realize the Belief Came First

All situations in and of themselves are neutral (human us really doesn’t see things this way understandably), and have no objective meaning that applies across the board in all situations, that are categorically ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

All the crappy beliefs you have are courtesy of your mind drawing some sort of conclusion, making some sort of decision, assigning some sort of meaning to things that have happened to you throughout your life or things it has observed in the lives of your parents,  friends, neighbors, co-workers or people in your particular community,  culture,  religion, and  the world at large.

Unfortunately, said meanings, decisions and conclusions are usually pretty crappy. Coupled with the fact that this process begins in our younger years, where we are operating with extremely limited perspectives and awareness, these beliefs can really gain a strong hold rather quickly.

The capacity to question them is not really there, and that questioning is crucial so there is really nothing to break up that momentum.

And of course, we keep manifesting evidence of them over and over again, making them seem even more ‘true.’ By time you make your way to a teaching like the law of attraction, all that shit is pretty deeply ingrained, and that ‘evidence’ is in abundant supply.

But you must realize the beliefs came first and then the experiences. This is likely something of which you are already aware if you have begun studying something like the law of attraction. Like most things in this realm, the understanding will be primarily intellectual at first, and over time, it seeps down more deeply into your being, and you TRULY begin to understand it.

Don’t worry though–even a willingness to accept this is how it works is a great start and is enough to start rearranging things vibrationally speaking, which brings me to my next point…

Shifting is Gradual But Any Shift Is Beneficial

To expect our mind to just release a belief that has been mirrored back to you over and over and over again is quite the tall order, and isn’t necessary to begin allowing different things to show up in your life.

All your mind knows is the past, what it observes around it, and again, makes decisions about what it believes based on that. To reject a belief that has been ‘validated’ over and over again in favor of one for which it has seen little to no evidence in your own life is basically impossible.

The only place you can start is being willing to concede that perhaps what you believe isn’t true, that again, the belief came first and then the manifestations, and if you change the beliefs, what gets mirrored back will start changing.

Faith is a key ingredient here–faith that things might operate a lot differently than you have been led to believe, faith that you are in fact a powerful creator, faith the Universe is a loving force that works for you and not against you, and you are willing to roll with it, in spite of the fact you have no evidence.

That we have the ability to believe in something that can’t be ‘proven’ or observed is not an accident.

That willingness to be open to possibly believing something different is enough to open things up, to plug into possibilities that were previously closed off.

Even that small shift in energy can open the doors to manifestations that show you the validity of the ‘positive’ beliefs, which will naturally call into question the validity of the  ‘negative’ belief.

For most of us, those sorts of manifestations can begin happening quite quickly, and we may get a bit of a thrill for a moment. We start seeing the connection between our energy and our reality more clearly, and it’s super-exciting.

But this thrill tends to wear off, and instead of celebrating these manifestations and seeing the awesome thing they represent, we go right back to being all bummed out about our current circumstances, lamenting the lack of the specific things our mind wants.

The Only Thing You Can ‘Do’

Shifting limiting beliefs can be challenging. Again, all that ‘evidence’ of the limiting belief and that lack of evidence for the beliefs that will serve you better.

But the degree to which we over-complicate it borders on absurd, and as a human with a mind, I understand why we are getting all twisted up here.

We have made manifesting a very ‘action-oriented ‘process, and our minds obsess over the best ‘tools’ and ‘techniques’ that will help us do this, thinking if we find the ‘perfect’ one, we’ll finally be able to get rid of those damn limiting beliefs.

If we are struggling, we worry we are doing something ‘wrong’ or that we haven’t found the right ‘technique’ yet, and we get all into a tizzy worrying we may never find the one that ‘works’ for us personally.

And yes, like I always like to say, the various tools and techniques that are available can be of great help. But no tool or technique will ever succeed in shifting beliefs independent of one very crucial thing–your choice to do so, a choice that we usually need to make over and over again.

You must understand this–THIS is the only thing necessary to begin changing our belief system. THIS is the ONLY thing you CAN do. Again, no tool or technique can override your energy and intentions. No tool or technique can produce any change in your life, independent of your dominant energy.

If you insist on fighting for a belief because of your past experience, because you keep manifesting similar situations even after starting this ‘work,’ because things are not changing in the ways you want them to or on your preferred timetable, you have to realize you are choosing to do that. Again, fellow human here and I get how challenging this can be.

You get to believe whatever you want to believe, and if you insist on basing your beliefs on current appearances or what happened in the past, that is your prerogative.

If you insist on waiting for some mind-blowing manifestation to ‘defy’ this belief, you will be waiting awhile because we can’t attract things to which we are not a match.  

Remember what I said earlier about those ‘stepping-stone’ manifestations making their way in–you have likely had some of those but your mind just dismissed them as ‘not good enough’, ‘irrelevant’ and what have you.

Instead of choosing to build on the momentum of that energy, and commit to looking ‘beyond’ the current appearances, you likely went right back to outside-in living, focusing on what you don’t have, allowing your mind to use this as a justification for feeling badly and to continue to keep believing the beliefs not serving you.

I imagine if you find yourself doing this, you don’t want to keep doing this because it probably feels really, really shitty. It feels badly to think you are not ‘good enough,’ to think forces beyond your control and a variety of external entities have the final say about whether something can happen for you.

And there is a reason it feels badly–IT ISN’T TRUE. This crappy feeling is a way for ‘big you’ –which knows what’s really up–to let you know you are holding a perspective that it does not hold, a perspective is that a big fat load of crap.

There is a reason it felt good to think the Universe is not random, but a brilliant force that can aid us in ways we can’t even begin to understand, to think if you change your energy, you can change your world, that life isn’t supposed to be some never-ending struggle–these things are true.

Our feelings are a wonderful guide in this journey, a very helpful tool in assessing what is true and what is illusion.

The Real Linchpin for Me

In my own experience, the thing that helped me most in shifting beliefs, in making these wonderful perspectives more and more truly my own, as opposed to something that sounded good and I really, really wanted to believe, was the process of continually weighing my limiting beliefs and unhelpful perspectives, against all the wonderful wisdom nuggets I was learning, that felt right on an intuitive level.

Remember–good feeling equals ‘true,’ bad feeling equals ‘false.’ A wonderful system that is beautifully simple.

The more and more I did this, the more the shitty beliefs just didn’t make sense–sure I didn’t drop them immediately but that ‘fighting’ for them started to become less intense. The more I realized they were not any sort of objective, irrefutable fact.

I naturally started moving away from those perspectives, and doing that, like I said before, led to manifesting ‘evidence’ of these truths, which naturally demonstrates the ‘untruth’ of the crappy stuff.

Sure, like anyone I engaged in various tools and techniques; did exercises to explore my own energy more deeply,etc…

There is great value in doing all that stuff and I put those things together for clients and have included them with most of my teleclass series. They help you consciously engage with your energy, and that conscious engagement is key.

But none of those things ever ‘did’ anything FOR me.

You will always manifest resources that will help you at whatever point in the journey you are on, and when you are really open and receptive to the change, you will find these resources quite helpful.

It will seem like it was the ‘thing’ that did it, but it really wasn’t. It just facilitated energetic shifts you were open to making and gave some sort of ‘form’ to your decision.

There was a strong resonance there and it helped you do the work in a way that worked best for you, that you could connect with and understand or whatever. That is why I always stress making that resonance the primary factor for deciding on things like coaches, programs, classes and the like.

But getting a bit off topic there. The main point I am trying to make is, this energetic transformation is not something that is really going to happen on the level of ‘action.’ There is no one thing you can ‘do’ to guarantee some sort of change in your belief system.

It is going to happen on a mental/emotional level, with the key component being a willingness to change your mind, a willingness to question your current beliefs and perspectives, and again, weigh that against all this wonderful wisdom that is resonating on that deeper level, that just feels true, even if your experience hasn’t necessarily reflected it.

There is going to be some questioning, thinking, introspection and reflection required of you on this journey, at least if you want to make any significant change, and tackle the true roots of your discontent.

It isn’t just about saying some affirmations and then getting your ‘stuff.’

This isn’t to say this journey must be difficult and painful, and require constant ‘looking within.’ It can be fun and easy; manifesting isn’t supposed to be hard. We are created to create, we just need to change the programming from which we have been operating.

But it is a process, a process that never ‘completes.’ But luckily any shift in energy changes your point of attraction, so monumental leaps in energy are not required to see any movement on the manifesting front.

You just have to understand that this journey is probably going to look a lot different than your mind thinks it will, and the suffering that is borne of the unmet expectations, dealing with our resistance, things not happening the way our mind wants them to, and all that jazz, is optional.

You will certainly get caught up in it sometimes, that is just par for the course. But the emotional investment, all the judging your mind will do–that can reduce dramatically.

It really comes down to a choice–it almost seems too simple, but don’t underestimate the power of that. A willingness to change your mind is the most powerful tool in your arsenal–you just have to break the habit of basing your current perspectives and beliefs on what you are seeing because essentially none of it is real.

Your Turn

What did you think? Anything resonate in particular? How did you go about changing the beliefs that didn’t serve you?