Hi Kelli,

I want to thank you so much for this website. It has been an invaluable resource to me over the past several months. My request for a blog post/podcast is what to do when we encounter scary or uncomfortable situations in life from time to time.

I don’t mean in the course of trying to pursue the things we want but rather when life circumstances change unexpectedly or we’re  confronted with something we just feel scared about. For example, I have to go to court in a couple of days over a dispute with my landlord. I’ve gotten to a place where I’m detached from a particular outcome at the hearing but what I’m still worried about is the actual hearing – being dragged through the mud publicly and  humiliated in front of a courtroom of people.

I’m wondering how to approach a situation like this from an LOA perspective. I’ve been trying to keep a positive outlook on what might happen, but as you’ve pointed out before, we can’t just pile positivity on top of our negative feelings and if I’m honest with myself, I’m just plain scared. I understand these sorts of situations arise when we are a match to them energetically, but since it’s here and there’s no getting around it, Is there a good way to approach a situation like this? 

Be Scared, Mad or Whatever…

I know it won’t come as a surprise to anyone who is familiar with my outlook on this whole law of attraction and energy-shifting thing, that I wholeheartedly encourage you to embrace your feelings, to feel them, to allow them, to lovingly let your mind throw its shit fits and temper tantrums.

Because as some of you may have discovered, trying to deny, suppress or resist these feelings in the name of ‘being positive’ tends not to have the desired effect. All this fighting against your feelings makes you focus on them more, they feel more powerful.

This is why so many of us lament it is so difficult to feel better, like genuinely feel better. It is so hard because we are fighting against all this crap. It’s like swimming upstream in a river full of molasses.

Most of us have always tried to get around dealing with our shit, and not feeling our feelings, and once you get your hands on a teaching like the law of attraction, this tendency goes into overdrive because it is easy to get the impression this is what you are supposed to do.

But not only are you supposed to deny your negative feelings, you are now tasked with also trying to feel happy all the time. Good luck with that. 

Yeah, you have to be willing to adopt different perspectives on what is happening now. You have to be willing not to give into your mind’s insistence you get to feel badly until something happens that justifies changing your tune emotionally. You have to be willing to give up the crappy beliefs that have made you feel so badly. You do have to start feeling better in the present moment to some degree.

But this is not the same thing as going into complete denial about how you are feeling now, ignoring your feelings or trying to pretend you actually don’t feel as badly as you do.

We don’t have to rid ourselves of these feelings completely. We get to feel whatever we feel.

The real key is developing a different relationship with our feelings, developing a different perspective on them, not seeing them as some sort of enemy, not judging them as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad.’

There is nothing wrong with feeling angry, scared, irritated, anxious, depressed or confused.

We want to work on seeing our feelings for what they really are, simply a messenger that lets us know what is happening in our inner world, how we are focusing, what beliefs and perspectives are dominating at the moment.

Without these messages, we don’t have as clear an idea of what is happening in our energy, and if we don’t know what is happening vibrationally, being more deliberate in creating our experience is just not possible.

We have to know what we are working with energetically speaking, and our feelings are the linchpin in doing that.

So if we take the tack of trying to deny our feelings, of trying to resist them, we are missing crucial pieces of the puzzle that will help us align more consistently with all the wonderful things we are capable of receiving, the various forms of assistance that will help move us further along, the solutions to the problems we face, the more desired outcomes and results we seek.

You can’t meaningfully transform something if you deny it is there to begin with. To release something you must first embrace it.

No Matter What Happens, It Will Be Okay

No matter what goes ‘wrong’ in our life, there is some way we can be ‘compensated’ for the loss.

We might not be able to figure out exactly ‘how’ it would happen. The path to the ‘resolution’ may not look like we think it will look. The ‘solutions’ may not come through the channels we may expect them to.

But the situation can be rectified. We can get through it no matter what it is.

I know this can be a hard thing for mind to wrap its head around, but it really is true. Again though, we have to be open to how the process unfolds. We have to have some trust.

We have to hold up our end of the bargain by maintaining a vibration that allows us to receive all the wonderful assistance the Universe is capable of providing.

We have to be willing to look beyond appearances and reject the narrative our mind is cooking up that most likely leaves you feeling all sorts of bad.

Nothing Means Anything Inherently

Another idea our minds can have a hard time accepting because our mind is constantly judging everything, all the time, drawing all sorts of conclusions, making all sorts of decisions based on the ‘data’ it is observing.

But essentially nothing means anything. All experiences are kind of neutral. Our mind assigns some sort of meaning to them, to something we observe,etc…, which then determines how we feel about it, how we feel about ourselves.

And from there, that will determine how things unfold and how we will continue to keep feeling.

We get to control the story we attach to the experiences in our life. And as someone who has a mind that functions just like everyone else’s, I totally get why we respond to certain situations in the way we do, the initial negative reactions, the fears,etc..

But as someone who has given this whole conscious creation thing a lot of thought, I also understand  we don’t have to keep buying into those initial reactions. We get to control the narrative ,and decide to reject the conclusions our mind is drawing based on the fear-infused thought system we have collectively created, its limited understanding of who we are and the true nature of reality.

We are the ones deciding that if we lost a lot of money in a business deal we are totally screwed, our life is ruined and we’ll never be able to get that money back.

We are the ones deciding we must not be smart enough, pretty enough, or just ‘enough’ period if that guy we went on a date with didn’t call again like he said he would.

We are the ones deciding we must not be good at what we do, or we are some sort of failure, because our business isn’t taking off as quickly as we expected.

We are the ones deciding our nasty divorce has made us damaged goods, ruined us forever and we’ll never be able to have a healthy, happy relationship again.

We are the ones deciding that other people’s criticisms must mean there is actually something wrong with us, and we must adjust accordingly.

We are the ones deciding that if we have struggled with money all our life, having a lot must not be in the cards for us, and it will continue to be a struggle.

We are the ones deciding on insisting painful beliefs are true because of the ‘evidence’ of past experience.

We are the ones deciding that if our first business failed, it means the next one will too because clearly we don’t have what it takes.

I remember several years ago Ryan and I were in some choppy waters financially speaking. It was about six months into our new traveling lifestyle. He was still trying to get his footing in the online world and I was pretty much supporting us by myself. My sole source of income went away overnight and it set us down a very interesting and challenging path.

Our lifeline during that time was my credit cards. We were literally living off them. Charging all our groceries, using cash advances to pay our rent. The little cash I had left I kept in my account to pay my minimum payments so my precious cards would not be taken away from me.

Now the general consensus would be using cards like that is ‘irresponsible’. Racking up debt is ‘bad.’ I wasn’t doing the ‘right’ thing. To get into that situation as a grown ass-adult must mean something went ‘wrong’ and we ‘messed up’ somehow.

But is this true? No not really. I decided to tell a different story. I decided it wasn’t ‘bad’ or ‘irresponsible’ to use my cards in this way. I decided to be grateful I had them, that we had a way to work through this time and access the money we needed.

I knew things would turn around, they did several months in, and I eventually paid off all the debt. No harm done there.

While I initially felt a lot of shame about what was happening, I realized there was really nothing about which to feel ashamed. I had a source of income. It went away. I worked on finding new ones. That is really all that happened. All the other ‘stuff’ was just my own shit, my own little narrative of what it all meant, what it said about me as a person.

Our mind is so good at convincing us all the shit it thinks is actually real, that it actually means anything, that it is some sort of indisputable fact. It’s not. It’s just a story it is assigning to an essentially neutral, meaningless experience.

Remember our feelings are our guidance system, that help us see what is true and not true. If you are thinking something that feels badly, it’s not true. Period. Remember there is no one objective meaning to any situation. We get to decide what it means. We get to choose the better-feeling perspective.

What Are You Being Invited To Release?

The more challenging a situation the bigger the invitation for some vibrational housecleaning. The more ‘enlightened’ you get, the more you will zero in on this anytime you are facing something unpleasant, something that is really stirring things up energetically.

You’ll probably still have those initial reactions the mind is prone to, but once that settles down, this little nugget will travel in from the edge of your consciousness to a more central position.

Whenever the ‘nastier’ stuff manifests, or even something that doesn’t seem as ‘big’ but produces a very strong reaction in us, that indicates some strong energy that has been building for quite some time.

These situations are a ‘blessing’ in that we are being forced to finally deal with whatever it is. The feelings are just too strong to ignore, and we can no longer try to push them down or distract ourselves so we don’t feel them. They are front and center and they ain’t going anywhere.

And since it is our energy that determines what is showing up for us, what we are capable of receiving, it’s a really good thing we are purging a lot of the stuff that led to us manifesting all the stuff that has caused us all sorts of frustration, sadness, anxiety and fear.

This will make space for the energies that will allow us to receive the stuff we actually want–the money, the relationships, improved health, greater success in our business, the better job, and a whole bunch of other stuff that we don’t even know we want, that isn’t even on our radar, but will be a perfect representation of what we are truly after–certain feelings.

When you look at it in this light, these ‘bad’ things don’t seem so ‘bad’ anymore. They serve a very important and helpful purpose.

I know we judge a situation based on the initial emotional reaction. Something happened and produced a feeling we don’t like, made us think things that don’t make us feel good, so therefore it is a ‘bad’ thing.

But again, we are the ones deciding that. We can still not love something but see how it is serving us. We can have negative reactions to things but still welcome the opportunities we are being presented with for growth and change.

We don’t have to keep drawing the simplistic conclusion of bad feelings equals ‘bad’ thing, so I get to feel badly and buy into my mind’s particular bad-feeling narrative, all the while insisting I can’t possibly feel better until I am given a reason to.

It is a choice to dismiss a perspective like this with an eye roll, again insisting that because this situation made us feel badly, and our mind doesn’t like it, we get to continue to keep feeling that way. It is a choice to reject the opportunity for growth, reflection and meaningful change.

In my own life, some of the ‘worst’ things that have happened were also the ‘best’ because they gave me the chance for this transformation and release. These situations allowed me to really see what was happening in my energy, to really see how strongly certain fears and beliefs were still cemented.

And I came out on the other side much better for it all. Sure, it definitely helped me manifest certain things I wanted, which is great. But it also helped me obtain what I was truly after–healing all the shit that was the true cause of my unhappiness and suffering.

The manifestations, as much as our mind will disagree, really can’t fix that. Whatever you don’t have now, or whatever challenging situation you are facing, isn’t actually why you feel badly. Something within that feels badly is being triggered by the external event. Deal with that and you’re golden.

An Important Reminder

Often times, all of our spiritual ‘knowledge’ can go out the window in challenging times. We know certain things, we believe certain things to be true, but we really don’t KNOW, KNOW it, and these situations bring all our doubts, fears and old ways of thinking rushing back to the surface, quickly drowning out the perspectives which serve us much, much better.

Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. That is law of attraction 101. But when we are in the thick of the unwanted, it is easy to forget this and get really sucked into the old way of thinking.

It is easy to remember we are creating our reality when we manifest the good stuff. We get all tickled pink that we kind of did that and it’s pretty cool. And we feel empowered and hopeful. We feel we have a sense of control over what happens in our life.

But when the ‘bad’ stuff shows up, it is easy to forget we manifested it. Again, old patterns of thought take over, and we go right into victim-mode, thinking things are unfair, how this is someone else’s fault,etc…

We feel powerless. The worst-case scenarios loop around our brain over and over. We put all our energy into thinking about what we don’t want to happen.

Our mind makes a great case as to why we may not be able to do anything about what is happening, how our desired outcomes just aren’t possible.

And this mode of operating cuts us off from the aid of the Universe; it diminishes our manifesting capabilities; it closes countless doors through which the solutions and whatever else we need can be delivered.

By remembering some sort of past energy created the situation you are in now, you will be pleasantly reminded that by creating a new energy now, you can turn things around. You can make it less likely you will find yourself in a similar situation down the line. Things will be more likely to be resolved in your ‘favor.’

Your Turn

What did you think? Anything resonate in particular? Do you have any advice for dealing with tough times and keeping your energy up? Looking forward to your comments as always.

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