Law of Attraction: How Can I Keep Other People From Killing My Vibe?

The law of attraction teaches us our world is created from the inside out and we often have a lot of work to do on said ‘inside’ to create a significantly different reality for ourselves. We do all the things the teachers tell us to do to raise our vibration and align with what we want.

We’re making strides but there always seems to be things outside of us that pull down that vibration, kill our good moods and bring us back to the deeply conditioned thought patterns and beliefs we are trying to break apart.

And of of the biggest ‘saboteurs’ is other people. Their negativity, complaining, anger, fear, criticisms, limited thinking and the like, just chip away at that positive energy. And because we have a tendency to get overly obsessed and pre-occupied with our emotional state once we immerse ourselves in a teaching like the law of attraction, we don’t handle this very well.

We’re doing our best to raise our energy and these people are fucking it up for us.

This post was courtesy of a question someone asked on the blog about how to handle this.

I’d be interested to know how to stay positive and happy when people you know always like that Sadness character from the movie Inside Out?

So, here are some of my thoughts….

This Is Challenging So Cut Yourself Some Slack

We are very used to letting outside circumstances dictate how we feel. We are very used to blaming things outside of ourselves for what we don’t like in our life.

We are very, very (insert a million more very’s) used to holding other people responsible for how we feel. They said or did something we didn’t like and then we reacted negatively. If they didn’t do or say that thing, we wouldn’t have felt that way. So naturally it’s all their fault we’re angry, sad, irritated, frustrated, resentful or one of the million other fun emotions we experience as a result.

Most of us aren’t so stable in our high vibration and so secure in our beliefs, that we can maintain our energy and outlook no matter what is happening around us, no matter how other people are acting, no matter what they are saying.

So, it often doesn’t take much to knock us out of that higher vibe, make us start doubting all the wonderful beliefs we are working to strengthen or shift out of the more positive perspective we are trying to hold.

Not letting things outside of us, or our interactions with other people, determine our emotional state is a habit that often dies a slow, slow death. And I doubt there is anyone out there who has killed it off completely.

Yesterday my mom asked me to help her do something online that I was having a lot of trouble doing and I practically flew into a homicidal rage. Though I had enough control over my emotions not to just choke her–just enough.

I hadn’t gotten mad like that in a long time. I’ll admit I got a bit judgmental. I had that lovely thought that all personal-growth-oriented people have–I should be past acting like that now, I should know better. But I let that go rather quickly.

The moral of that story is, you may never fully insulate yourself from the behaviors and words of others. You’re only human after all.

But you can certainly make huge strides in protecting your energy without a doubt, and the key to that is…

Owning Your Shit

Yeah…this is a non-negotiable for us conscious creators. But it’s not just about manifesting. Owning our shit can save us a lot of suffering in life, like a lot.

The thing we have to realize is nothing outside of us is the reason we feel the way we feel. These outside factors, including other people, are merely triggering something already there.

It is not the cause. I know this can be hard for us to wrap our heads around. As empowering as this perspective is, we can be very resistant to it. It’s easier to blame other people. Taking responsibility for our feelings is harder.

Having to examine our emotional state and see why someone’s behavior or words made us feel the way we do can be a giant pain in the ass and we would rather not be bothered. That’s icky and uncomfortable.

I get it. It’s annoying as shit sometimes but life-changing and well worth our time.

How good does it feel to be able to free ourselves from the whims of others? To not get caught up in their own shit? To not let other people dictate how we feel? To not let others influence our decisions and how we feel about ourselves? How great does it feel to think we don’t have to insist other people must change for us to feel better–something we have absolutely no control over? I think that all feels pretty great.

So if you are being brought down by someone’s pessimism, it’s because your own pessimism is being triggered.

If someone criticizes your belief in something like the law of attraction and it feels badly, that’s because your own doubt is being triggered.

If someone says something about you that makes you feel badly, it is because the part of you that also believes this thing to be true is being triggered.

In the aforementioned scenario with my mom, my reaction to her had absolutely nothing to do with her. When I thought about it more deeply afterwards, I realized all sorts of things were making me act like that.

It was Father’s Day and my father died. While I didn’t consciously feel sad about it, I realized that underneath the surface, I was sad about it.

Sometimes, not so much anymore, my mom can act really needy, and that would bother me for a variety of reasons, and I felt that was how she was acting yesterday.

I am sure one of the reasons it bothers me is because I travel a lot, I sometimes feel guilty I’m not around and after a longer-than-usual visit, we are heading back out this Friday. I am sure that guilt is swimming around in there somewhere.

And I have been digging into some stuff lately that hasn’t been pleasant and my energy has kind of been all over the place.

See…I’m human too and have shit. Hopefully that will come as a relief to many of you who have this idea I’m some perfect being who has transcended all that noise. I’m not and I have managed to manifest a lot of great stuff. Perfect not required.

Now, when owning your shit, it is important you don’t blame yourself. This is a very different energy than personal responsibility.

You don’t necessarily have to examine your thoughts and feelings constantly, but if you are finding certain people are triggering strong reactions in you ,you find it very difficult to be around them or you have a particularly strong reaction in a given situation, you have to look at that.

If you don’t, you’ll never uncover what is really going on in your energy, and if we don’t know what’s going on there, we can’t shift the shit that’s getting in the way of allowing different things to show up.

We’ll delay the one thing we are ultimately after, which is to feel better. Yes, I know I have said this a million times but it bears repeating–no matter what you want, you are after a feeling. No. Exceptions. Ever.

Another thing I want to throw out there is, you may find that as you shift your energy and work on certain issues, you will line up with different versions of people. We are all complex, multi-faceted beings.

For example, if you are having major self-esteem issues and you work on that, they don’t need to be mirrored back to you as much anymore, and you might find yourself interacting with a much less critical version of your father.

Or, people remain the same but their behavior doesn’t affect you in the same way.

Boundaries, Potentially Tough Decisions and Prioritizing Your Well-Being

People problems can be a big issue for deliberate creators.

Relationships with many people in our lives may be unhealthy in a variety of ways. We tend to place a much higher value over other people’s feelings than our own.

Social convention and sentiments like ‘that is just how it is’ makes us do a lot of things we may not want to do, not say a lot of things we may want to say.

We find ourselves in close proximity with people we may not really want to be around, but it seems like we have no other choice.

We maintain relationships with people when we may not really want to, but the idea of telling them we really don’t want to be friends with them anymore, and the like, seems too uncomfortable to even consider.

Dynamics of certain relationships can be very deeply ingrained and shifting that, again, can be really uncomfortable.

There may be decades of things left unsaid and you wouldn’t even know where to begin in expressing how you have been feeling.

When we are making big change in our life, when we are prioritizing our energy and well-being, we usually need to make a variety of adjustments in this area. It might not be comfortable.

You may need to establish some boundaries. For example, you may have to tell people you are not interested in talking about certain topics of conversation–I do this with my mom all the time.

I also leave the room if she puts on one of those 24-hour news channels. I do this without comment and without fanfare–I just leave.

She knows all about my perspective on things and how I focus my energy. She has often said–only half-jokingly–that I insulate myself from the ‘real world’ and it is good to be ‘informed’ about what’s happening out there.

I am well aware, but I won’t give it any excess attention. I don’t think her view of me is accurate but I don’t care. Learning not to care about what other people think is another really important part of this ‘work.’

You may need to make some uncomfortable decisions regarding the people you choose to spend your time with.

Are there some relationships that are well past their expiration date? Are there people who tend to bring out the worst in you rather than the best?

Remember it’s not their fault, but sometimes removing ourselves from situations that are really challenging can be helpful while we are nurturing this new vibration and version of ourselves.

Have you fallen victim to the common habit of putting everyone above yourself first, valuing their happiness over your own because you believe that makes you a good person or that it would be ‘selfish’ to do otherwise?

Do you relish the role of ‘martyr’?

All sorts of outside factors affect our energy and it isn’t until we start doing work like this that we really start tuning in and realizing it. We are getting off auto-pilot.

We are no longer walking around, simply reacting automatically to everything outside of us, never stopping to process what is happening and how we are feeling.

You’ll have to start paying much closer attention to how you are interacting with people, how these interactions are making you feel and how that is impacting your behavior, actions and decisions. Our fellow humans are the biggest factor and cannot be ignored.

Your Turn

So, what did you think of the post? How do you deal with the people problems in your life? Any insights or suggestions? Looking forward to your comments as always.