When you start studying the law of attraction, you will start hearing certain concepts mentioned quite often–detachment and alignment being two of the biggies. And with good reason.
Energetically, they are very important. Detachment is basically not obsessing over what you want. Alignment is getting into an energetic space where your predominant thoughts, feelings and beliefs are one that would support your ability to receive this thing.
When you really think about it, this is basically the recipe for manifesting–seems easy enough, no? .But like I always like to say–the theory of manifesting and the ‘reality’ of manifesting can be worlds apart. I would say there are very few people who have been instilled with the thought system that acknowledges the true nature of ourselves and the Universe, thus allowing manifesting to be as easy as it is supposed to be.
We have things like limiting beliefs, fears, a messed-up self-image, and a mind that can’t come close to understanding what is really going on and what we truly want.
This post is courtesy of the below question, and when thinking about how I would answer it, I realized there are like a million different things you could discuss when it comes to such broad issues.
Not because it is inherently hard to do these things but because we have so much ‘stuff’ that complicates the process. But I think there are a few core things to keep in mind for detaching and aligning that can move things along nicely in the energy department, and lead us to torture ourselves a little less throughout this process.
I’ve a question about your job interview strategy (this is referring to something I mentioned in my last post answering a question about how you manifest ‘good’ things while being ‘negative.’ . You said you’ve always been confident and that that’s helped you vibe high enough to breeze through the interviews and even get offers without any worries. I’m looking for opportunities now and wanted to know how to get truly detached from landing a job. I seem to touch on the border of detachment, but it’s like chasing a dream once you’ve woken up. I interview well, I’m enthusiastic about the job itself (dream job, really gets me happy just thinking about it), I “do” what I need to action-wise (follow-up, network), and I work on staying in a positive place more (your 51-49 tidbit).
I also worked on writing up my trust wins to make my own “trust fund” a la Ryan’s post. How do I stay positively aligned and detached? Does a moment of weakness when I want the job undo any good from sporadic detachment? When people ask about my current employable status, and tell me to settle because I’m being too picky (when I know that their suggested jobs are terrible fits, and I’ve no guarantee of landing those with my current resume/qualifications), how do I protect my alignment/detachment?
Jan
You’re Probably Not Going to Feel ‘Good’ All The Time
Jan’s concern about her moments of ‘weakness’ perfectly illustrate one of the core issues we have with conscious creation. Upon learning it is our energy and state of mind that creates our reality, we become particularly conscious of the moments when we may not be feeling so great–we’re feeling ‘negative,’ we’re scared we won’t get what we want, we feel doubtful, we get really sucked into the current appearances,etc…
And because we have been led to believe we must be relentlessly positive in every moment, we get kind of freaked out every time we are not feeling fully detached and aligned. And the moments of ‘weakness’ aren’t so much the problem as our reaction to them, and the fear that gets activated we aren’t doing manifesting ‘right’ and nothing is going to change.
In my experience, that energy is much more powerful than the energy behind the particular thoughts and feelings we may be experiencing in the moment.
Sure, we need to pay more attention to our inner world now that we have decided we will be more conscious in shaping our experience, rather than doing it more by default. But that doesn’t mean trying to craft this version of ourselves where nary a ‘negative’ thought crosses our mind.
Given our typical conditioning, it is highly likely you will have moments of worrying you won’t find a new job, get married, improve your finances or whatever else you have set your sights on. To expect otherwise will set the stage for a whole lot of suffering and you will be adding more ‘muck’ to your energy unnecessarily.
When you can acknowledge a thought or feeling without getting emotionally invested in it, you can let it go more easily. There is less energy being activated behind it.
It’s not like every time you think some ‘negative’ thought you lose any ‘positive’ energy you have banked and you are back to square one.
Understand What You Actually Want
That whatever it is you are consciously desiring isn’t what you actually want can be a game-changer if there ever was one, but unfortunately, this is a perspective your mind has a very hard time buying into.
It makes a very excellent case as to why it is specifically the money, the relationship, the new job,etc…
But what is actually happening is your current situation feels a certain way to you that is unpleasant and you have decided certain manifestations will fix that.
Someone may vehemently insist it is money he wants–after all, bills to pay and what not. But it isn’t–it’s a feeling. If someone was having issues paying his bills on time but it didn’t bother him, he wouldn’t care so much about finding ways to get more money.
He is not experiencing all the lovely things we experience when we are struggling financially that make us so attached to manifesting money and make it so hard to get aligned with it energetically.
Someone may vehemently insist it is a husband and children–after all, she is really lonely and wants a family so clearly that is exactly what she wants. But if being single and not having children did not create any sort of negative feelings, she probably wouldn’t have any major attachment to these particular things happening for her.
One of the reasons we struggle so much with aligning and detaching is we are almost always first drawn to working with a teaching like the law of attraction with the aim of ‘fixing’ something in our lives that seems broken. We are lacking certain things, we feel badly about that and this concept gives us hope we can change the situation. And it is really hard to detach from things we feel we must have to be happy, that are clearly the only answer to making the ick go away.
Our mind is operating from a space of simply minimizing the pain rather than maximizing our well-being and allowing in all sorts of awesomeness on a regular basis. If it can just get X, Y or Z, you’ll feel better and will no longer have to contend with these feelings, and that is pretty much the extent of its goals.
When you think about it, it is such a waste of our creative capabilities. It is a waste of the Universe’s awesome ability to deliver us the things we truly want, that would be the best representations of the energies we crave in our lives.
This doesn’t mean giving up on the things you want–there is no reason not to have a new job, a relationship or more money. But if you are willing to buy into the idea this isn’t actually what you truly want, even a little bit, it gets a whole lot easier to detach. And the more detached we are, the more easily we align energetically with all sorts of great things.
Your Energy Must Be a Priority
When I talk about this, I want to make it super-clear I am not talking about spending hours on end each day examining and ‘working’ on your vibration. I am not saying you must be constantly monitoring your emotional state and the thoughts running through your head.
But if you are serious about being a conscious creator, this is a non-negotiable. Again, the reason we have so much trouble detaching and aligning is because we feel badly now in some way and our mind thinks these manifestations are the ticket to making it go away.
And we can get really fixated on engaging in all the tools and techniques to try and manifest what we want. This tends to just make us focus even more on the fact we don’t have something.
And we tend to miss out on the most important part of the manifesting equation–our overall energy, just feeling good for the sake of it. This higher vibration lends itself to all sorts of great things making their way in.
Again, the lack of whatever it is you want isn’t the reason you feel badly–when that really starts to sink in, we give ourselves permission to actually start feeling better now.
And feeling better overall is key to alignment–remember it is our energy that creates. It really isn’t the specific ‘work’ we do in terms of tools and the like. It isn’t thinking about what we want.
So you do want to develop some consistency here. If there are particular tools you really like, do them on a regular basis.
You might experiment with a few and see what sticks. You may find you really enjoy affirmations or writing out the way you want your life to be in the present tense as if it’s already happened.
Make your self-care a priority–do you need to make any tweaks there? Maybe it is making more time for exercise. Maybe you need to scale back on some commitments. Maybe you need to make more time for your hobbies.
What It Really Means to Detach
A lot of people take ‘detach’ to mean never thinking about what you want and not caring whether you get it. Actually, this approach could work quite well, but let’s be real. This is highly unlikely, especially since we are often approaching manifesting from that space of feeling lack and need, often quite strongly.
So no, you don’t have to somehow force yourself to never think about what you want; you can want what you want and it’s okay you want certain things.
Detachment is more about releasing the worry, the need to control and manipulate, trying to force things through action. It’s about trusting the ‘order’ has been placed and being open to how things unfold.
It is about knowing the Universe always has your back and is set up to work for us and not against us–provided we hold up our end of the bargain energetically by believing this is so of course.
It is about knowing our true control lies in managing our energy, not trying to manipulate reality so we can manifest exactly what our mind wants–it is often way off the mark, thinking way too small and again, is just trying to minimize pain rather than maximize your well-being.
Gotta Deal with Your Shit
This is the part of the process we would rather do without. If we can just nail this whole manifesting thing, we can get all the stuff we think will make us feel better and we don’t have to worry about any of that ‘inner work’ bullshit. Would be nice, but again, what you want isn’t really the true answer to your emotional woes, from feeling not good enough to feeling a lack of security.
To truly align more consistently with the energies that will serve you, you’re gonna have to deal with the ones that aren’t. This really isn’t as scary and unpleasant as we worry it will be. It may not feel great, but it’s gotta be done or all the crap getting in the way of your better life isn’t going to go anywhere and will continue to be dominant.
No amount of affirmations or staring at a vision board will override these deeply ingrained feelings, beliefs and perspectives.
So, when you think about something you want and it feels badly, that is what you have to look at. What is specifically floating around in that wonderful brain of yours that is making you feel this way? Don’t be afraid to look at these things–if it’s there it’s there so you have to deal with it. That is really what it comes down to.
Your Turn
What did you think of the post? Anything resonate in particular? Any suggestions on detaching and aligning that work well for you? Looking forward to your comments as always.
Great post! But where I get hung up is in dealing with my shit. I know what it is and I think I know where it came from. But how specifically do I deal with it? It is a negative thought and feeling. It seems that continually telling myself it is not valid (or real) when it comes up is all I can think to do. Any suggestions?
Hi Mary Ellen
Basically that is it. We really overcomplicate shifting beliefs and processing our emotions. This is because our mind is very oriented towards action and it thinks there are ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ ways to do it. Thoughts, beliefs and feelings are not physical entities that exist within us and we must find a way to ‘remove’ them. They are merely energies and things like simply not deciding to believe them anymore creates some space energetically to manifest some ‘proof’ they aren’t true and then it gets easier to really let them go.
I had the same question and your reply made so much sense. I’ve read so many books that talk about how we have to go through some process to release energy but I’ve had success by changing my own mind exactly the way you said it and yet still doubted my ability. Thank you for confirming and validating that it’s true. There’s so much hype out there. Im starting to understand that everything we need to know, all the answers, are inside of us. Thank you for writing this website. I love it! Happy travels 🙂
Hi Jen
Thanks so much for your comment. So glad you enjoyed the post and found it helpful. You are so right…everything we need is within us. External resources are certainly helpful and can expose us to new perspectives and the like;we can get great advice and tips based on other people’s experiences. But that has its limits and in many cases, the information we need will come from within; our own inner voice and knowing will lead the way. We will never be without that assistance.
I’ve used tapping (emotional freedom technique) and a process called Be Set Free Fast to help deal with “the shit” from the past. Also, the writings of Bruce Lipton and Joe Dispenza have been a big help in my understanding of how the shit got there in the first place and how to reprogram the subconscious mind to eliminate it. Like everything else, it’s a process that takes time. So being happy where you are on your way to where you want to be is critical.
My challenge is the worry and anxiety that arises as I wait for the manifestation to occur. But Kelli, this really turned a light bulb on for me —
“It is about knowing our true control lies in managing our energy, not trying to manipulate reality so we can manifest exactly what our mind wants–it is often way off the mark, thinking way too small and again, is just trying to minimize pain rather than maximize your well-being.”
We are so used to manipulating external reality to get the things we want that we think will make the pain go away. Again, it’s a process. If I can grow my trust that the Universe has my back and is “set up to work for not against me,” I don’t think I’d experience nearly level of anxiety and fear that is currently plaguing me.
Thanks for these insights!
Hi Patrice
Thanks for your comment and sharing some of your preferred tools and authors–I am sure there are people for whom at least one of those things will be just the ticket and reading your comment will lead them in that direction. Like you said, it is a process. When we can make peace with that, we can move more quickly through the ‘muck.’ All that resistance to where we are now, our struggles,etc…just slows things down. Any shift in energy can create new possibilities so we don’t have to be ‘perfect’ to allow different things in.
Hi Kelli:
Great post. I’ve been trying to detach from specific desires themselves. I mean, why have desires if you’re supposed to detach from receiving them? Because I can’t seem to detach sometimes, and then I feel anxious, I start to wonder if I’m doing it “wrong,” and the cycle begins. …
The quote Patrice cited really struck a chord with me too. Very comforting words to me. I also felt more confidence and courage when I read” “It’s about trusting the ‘order’ has been placed and being open to how things unfold.” I’ve been thinking a lot on being open to how things unfold, and your post really jibed with my thoughts!
Hi there SMC
Nice to ‘see’ you again in the comments. Glad you enjoyed it. The fear of doing it ‘wrong’ is a common one since we are so used to approaching things from a space of action, steps, procedures and strategies. But energetically that isn’t how things go. When we can relax a bit and focus on the inner transformation rather than ‘doing’ that becomes more clear. And any sort of tool, habit,etc…that will benefit us personally tends to find its way to us in that more relaxed space.
Hey Kelly,
Awesome post as always and truly resonates!
I’m slowly learning to allow myself feel all my emotions, especially the shitty ones, and try not to be judgemental come what may
I told myself I made that choice to feel them, observe, not judge, release and make way for better feeling space. This exercise actually makes me feel “free-ier”, lighter and helps in the detachment respect.
Like what you wrote, the “order” is placed and to be open how what we want unfolds for the possibilities are truly infinite from the Universe. It’s a loving force, that’s always watching our backs and will never “give” us what we can’t handle.
Cheers ?
Hi Peggy
Thanks so much for your comment and glad you enjoyed the post. Allowing what comes up without judgment is a game-changer for sure as we start to realize the resistance of the feelings and the judgment of them is really the major contributor to the suffering we feel, not so much the feelings themselves. They are just feelings, can’t really hurt us. You are right that it is a loving force.
Love this post! So true, we’re human and we have a mind. We’re probably never going to completely eliminate those parts of us that are ingrained with certain beliefs about ourselves, or hurtful experiences which we believe broke us. But if we can really look at and deal with our shit and the “stories” we made up about ourselves and our lives – we can get to a point where we accept that sometimes our buttons will be pushed, and then boom – feeling like shit again. I’ve learned to acknowledge when it happens and not allow it to roller coaster into a momentum that creates more of the same mayhem in my life. Does it always work? No, I am human and have my wants, needs, and sucky beliefs about myself that don’t serve me…But as I progressively do this work (and a HUGE thanks to you Kelli, for producing such amazing podcasts, posts, calls that have truly helped me to grasp this stuff), it gets MUCH easier and has revealed to me that I have so much power over my own energy. And detaching from what comes up and giving myself the space to say “ok, what’s really going on here”, does get easier. Basically if I have the power to “mess” up my life, I have the power to make it great too – (although, I now understand that in “messing” up my life, I was just really being shown what my inner world was feeling – super empowering). Sorry if this comment was all over the place, hope this makes sense!
This work ain’t easy until you get these concepts in your core – and even then, we won’t be perfect at it (and no need to be)! Which honestly, feels pretty freeing…
Thanks again Kelli!
Hi Letty
Thanks for your wonderful insights and window into your own experience that you always share in your comments. I think sometimes we can set goals for ourselves in doing this sort of work that really can’t be achieved and it’s okay they can’t–like becoming ‘perfect’ or somehow never experiencing negative emotions again or manifesting things our mind has deemed as ‘bad’ and undesirable. Putting all that down takes a lot of pressure off for sure and like you said, it feels really freeing.
Hello kelly!!
I’m amazed with your blog, such precious information…
I’d like to ask you a question: I’ve been experiencing some unwanted situations that look so alike, one after another, always about the same topic…I think it was a negative belief that created them, but I don’t know how to stop it because it seems so ‘true’.. How can I change this belief that looks so true for me? I’m really afraid to try to change it and even so bad things continue to happen… (so attached!)
I’ll continue reading your blog but if you have any other word of advice for me I’d be so glad!!
Thanks!!!!
Hi Cheron
Sorry for the delayed response. The key is really reminding yourself the belief came first and the experiences are mirroring it back. This is usually just an intellectual understanding at first as like you said, your mind does the opposite. The experiences seem to have caused the belief. What you need to do first is examine these situations and see what similar threads there are, and that will help you uncover the beliefs that are contributing to the manifestations. I think this would also make for a great blog post topic so keep an eye out for a more expanded answer.
Hi Kelli,
Thanks so much for making my question a post! Your advice is spot-on as usual. It really is all about the energy, huh? Being and Feeling as opposed to Thinking. And of course, clearing out the limiting beliefs as much as can be done. Managing my energy has become one of my main focuses now, and I’ve become a fan of your “if you feel like crap, take a nap” nugget. My internal set-point has shifted to a more positive and lighter space, and though I do have bad/dark moments, I recover faster from them. The fear of my reaction to them is still there, and I still worry that I’m repelling my dreams, but I’m reassured by your comment that it doesn’t cancel out the good stuff that I’ve shored up. Like you’ve said before, I reach for the “t0ol” of the moment and work my way gradually back to the good place. With practice, hopefully I’ll fear less and just acknowledge the thought/feeling and let it go on its way.
Your blog is such a gold-mine. Thank you so much for all your helpful insight.
Hi Jan
You are very welcome. I am glad you found the post helpful for your question. Sleeping is one of my favorite ways to shift my vibe–I always feel better after a nap, always. It sounds like you are doing great–like you said, your set point is changing and when that starts to happen, even when ‘stuff’ goes ‘wrong’etc…we don’t respond to it the same way. Keep on doing what you are doing.
What do you do when you manage to achieve detachment and then lose it again? Or when you manage to clear a limiting belief, only for it to reappear? For example, dealing with feelings of worthlessness. I have had short periods where my self esteem has grow just so much, and it’s obvious to all around me, but then out of nowhere certain situations can trigger that worthless feeling back. I don’t know if it is maybe something needing to be healed at a deeper level than before? It’s hard to not just feel like I am failing when negative feelings return.
Hi Mel
First off, you are not failing. When we do this sort of work, it is common for us to think we will manage to eliminate all our negative feelings or totally shift beliefs never to have them surface again–would be nice but it probably won’t happen and it doesn’t need to happen for us to manifest or make significant gains in our well-being. We may not consciously realize this expectation but when we experience these moments, that is what is usually behind the strong negative reaction to them.
That you are having these things surface does not indicate any sort of regression in progress. If you are having strong reactions to the triggers, it is important to look at it. All that is happening is you are being shown something–our feelings are messengers. We all have our insecurities and the like and don’t feel pressure to totally eradicate any negative emotion.
Hi Kelly,
thank you for all the amazing insights you are sharing with us!
I’m having a completely new experience with the LoA and I’m slightly confused with my feelings and energies. I have completely convinced myself that I have all the things I desire. This has left my very peaceful and almost unexplainable state. Because I so strongly believe I already have those things that I want I feel absolutely no need to do anything about them. I don’t feel any need to focus or visualise my dreams anymore. It’s like I don’t have any desire for them because I have them now. Don’t get me wrong it’s nice to feel like I have them but these big things now feel so ordinary. And neither am I expecting them to come to my life because I already have them. I’m not even getting any inspired action cues to manifest them because I’m certain I already have these things.
This shift is very different to the previous feelings. Prior to this I still believed I was about to get my desires at some point and thus I was really excited and looking forward to them. At this state I wanted to know everything I possible could, would pay a lot more attention to different opportunities, wondering how I could manifest things faster and was constantly reading more information, visualising all I could etc.
Both of these feelings were positive, but there is a part of me questioning this absolute peacefulness of already having my desires. Because it makes me feel so happy and content at this moment beyond anything else I’m suddenly wondering whether it makes me settle for the current physical reality which isn’t my ideal. But because I have convinced myself of having these things I feel so happy I have no need to move myself away from this situation. But this isn’t the case in physical reality.
Since this peacefulness I just feel like living in another world or dimension and constantly find myself gazing at the wall without any thought. I feel like I’m just floating around without any conscious thought required.
Any thoughts which vibration should I better be focusing on? The ”excited looking forward to receiving” or the ”peaceful all ready-having?”
I normally would just listen to my body and I feel better with the peacefulness state, because it’s like I have no need to think whether I’m doing this right or wrong and I can just focus on doing what ever it is I desire at a given moment. But the moment I let my logical thinking have any say it definitely has me thinking that I should focus my attention to what I am expecting of manifesting rather than what I already have, because this way I would want to increase the possibilities and do everything to help to make these things come into the physical reality.
Any thoughts will be much appreciated!
Hi Jen
Sorry for the delayed response…this got lost in the shuffle then I was away for a bit and just got back. I think what you are experiencing is totally normal. There is certainly an acclimation period to new energies–as great as they are, they are new and thus uncomfortable. We are so used to worrying, planning, trying to take control,etc…that this way of being can seem really foreign no matter how much we strive to attain it. I am all about the peaceful vibes but it is still okay to be excited for sure. I think this would make for a great blog post topic so stay tuned for that.
Good post, Kelli. 🙂 Sometimes I find it hard to detach. I especially like this bit:
“So, when you think about something you want and it feels badly, that is what you have to look at. What is specifically floating around in that wonderful brain of yours that is making you feel this way?”
It helps to think about why you feel bad, like is it because you think you can’t get what you want? And why do you think that? E.g. when it comes to relationships I had a belief that I was worth less than other people and worth less than a partictular person. So I’ve been looking at my limiting beliefs around that.
Hi there
Thanks so much for your comment and I am glad you enjoyed the post. Detachment is not usually something that comes easy to most of us–our mind has very narrow definitions of what makes us happy and is limited in seeing all the ways we can get want, not realizing it can’t possibly figure it all out. Thinking about that doesn’t feel good and we would rather avoid it but doing that helps us get at the potential blocks to receiving that thing as well as uncovering the TRUE roots of our unhappiness. It’s not because we don’t have that thing or this thing, it is because some sort of meaning is being assigned to its absence that feels badly.
Beautiful post!!! You touched on everything I have been learning about detachment and this was a wonderful confirmation of growth 🙂 Thank you!
Can you please add me to your wonderful blog!
Hi Carrie
So glad you are enjoying it. If you look at the sidebar of my blog page, you will see a link to the right to opt-in. If for any reason you are having trouble doing that, please let me know and I can add you manually–you would just need to confirm the email address you would like to have notifications sent to. You can reply here or email me at kelli@www.livelifemadetoorder.com
I appreciate your making the Law Of Attraction for manifesting specifics clearer.
What I understand is that I need to get detached from what is creating all the blocks to our actual desire.I wont have ever delved into the LOA if those blocks which actually is the challenging part of what we desire weren’t there.The application of the LOA makes it clear that these blocks need to go and hence the detachment.Its like falling in love with a sworn enemy and I want to manifest her as my love.Now without being detached as an enemy – neither she would ever be attracted to my vibration nor would i be able to attract her beyond enmity.Detachment to this state will clear the slate of what the universe has found me in and would mirror a fresh desire as it changes circumstances.
But the difficulty is that sometimes in detachment we find that we actually don’t want that thing actually since the challenge or the egoistic “only mine”,”its a dare”, “has to be mine” stuff is missing and then we start realizing or confusing, what we actually need.Don’t even know what our heart desires then.
I hope that my understanding of the detachment is correct when it comes to LOA.
Hi Suddhatma
We all want certain things–money, relationships,etc…and that’s okay. It is just important to remember what we ultimately want is the feelings we think these things will give us. Detachment is about not worrying about whether it will come; not trying to force and control outcomes or channels. No reason for these things not to come. It is good to be open to how it comes, and that a different ‘version’ may show up that may be even better than what your mind wants.
Kelli,
This is a great post! I’m a former “Christian” trying to mesh my understanding of the good points in the Bible with LOA, Tao, Buddhism, etc because I see truth in them all. I just couldn’t make it all gel together until I read this post. What you’ve said about detaching and believing is basically what’s been working for me. I don’t know what I specifically want, I just want to let go of stress. So my practice is to notice all the good and when I do I say out loud or to myself “you love me!” Yes, I refer to the universe as “you” because I do want to feel loved and valued by this force. And I don’t ask for specifics. I ask for surprises because I honestly don’t know what I want. It works! I get really cool surprises that make work easier and my personal life more joyful. I know I’m just a beginner, but expecting the universe to love me every day with surprises and shouting “you love me” whenever it happens keeps me afloat in joy. It’s when I get obsessed with specifics that my stress level rises. Thanks for explaining it’s an energy principal. I’m going to keep my “you love me” with awesome surprises mindset. Then I don’t have to risk stressing over not doing affirmations correctly or figuring out what to manifest.
Hey Donna
Thanks for your comment and I am so glad the post gave you some clarity. In my opinion, not knowing what you want can be a huge benefit because it allows you to work on transforming the energy and just feeling better overall rather than putting all your attention on a specific manifestation, and at the end of the day, we just want to feel better. And as that overall well-being increases, you will gain more clarity about specific things you may want to receive in your life, certain goals, and you will approach them from a much more relaxed space because you won’t be so much in the mode of trying to get them so you can feel better. This is a much more pleasant way to go about it!
Hi Kelli
Very interesting post, there is one thing i actually cant do. I totally believe that when you let go of your desire it « comes true » because i already manifested things i wanted when i gave up. The issue is that because i know i can manifest things when i let go, i cant let go without thinking of the outcome.
How do you manage that ?
Hi Sophie
The best thing you can do is not try to make your mind completely stop what it is doing–worrying, formulating expectation,etc…–because it really won’t ever! The real goal, at least in my opinion, is learning to emotionally detach from the chatter. That emotional charge is what draws our experience to us, not words in our head that just pass through without much attention and feeling from us. Also, even if you can’t get rid of the thoughts completely, you can definitely think these things much less, you can definitely turn down the volume. But that will also start with emotionally detaching. As these thoughts lose their charge, they won’t influence your reality as much, and as you gather more and more evidence that contradicts them, you easily release them. You more easily trust, you are more easily open and less prone to creating from ego where you want everything just so and want to control it all.
Hi, thanks for the info, it was really helpful. I have been trying to manifest a relationship with someone who i believe is my soulmate. I kept behaving desperate, kept worrying about not getting to be with him, which i believe led to lot of issues in our friendship. He has never proposed me until now. I kept working on myself a lot to clear the mess inside me. After lot of work on myself i have been able to get him into talking terms with me thanks to the universe who always has my back.(he was upset with me bcoz of my obsessive behaviour). Now suddenly i am feeling very detatched from my desire, not caring about him or what happens about this relationship. The last time i felt this way he came into contact with me in just 3 days. It all happened out of nowhere. Am I on the track toward manifestation or is there something wrong?
What you want is the relationship and you are fixating on a specific person…maybe he is it, maybe he isn’t. Just be open to what the experience with him is showing you, keeping in mind what you are really after. Whatever happens with him is exactly what was supposed to happen and just look for the vibrational feedback. Good luck!
Thanks for your guidance!
Actually, getting him back into talking to me was part of my intentional manifestation. This is the second time he is back. He has feelings which he shows indirectly, but is afraid to confess as we both are from different family backgrounds. The last time when he was back he confessed that something triggered him to contact me. Is this the detatchment phase that I am going through?
i manifested this 😉 perfect and wonderful and real. thank you so much. xo
Hi Melissa
Thanks so much for your comment…glad the post was helpful!
Hey Kelli,
I just stumbled upon your article and I love it! I’ve been checking your courses and posts and it looks great in the sense that yes you’re taking the human into consideration behind the law of attraction…. I love this!
And so I’ve been reflecting a lot on what I want and need and what it means…
Is it really money, the house, lots of friends, the huge community which buy my product and love me, the admiration from people for my blog and photographs etc etc that I want?
Or is it the feeling of safety I associate these things with?
But don’t I feel unsafe because the lack of these things?
Or have I always felt unsafe as a kid and teenager because of childhood traumas?
If I felt safe without having all of this, will it make it easier to do the work and detach myself? I’ll still need and want these things but maybe I wouldn’t worry about them as much.
So my real question is: If so what can I do to feel safe? How can I feel safe without having all of this?
I thank you in advance for the time you might take to reply to this… It would mean the world to me to have your perspective!
Hi Caroline
Without speaking with you personally, I can only give some general insight into why you may feel the way you feel. First, if anything comes to mind about why you feel the way you do, it probably means something–so if the childhood issue is something you personally experienced, there may be something there. That your mind attributes your feelings to your outside circumstances and ways in which they may be lacking is probably one of our biggest barriers to making these changes more quickly because the arguments for this are very strong and seem very valid on the level of rational, logical thought. But if you were to explore your feelings more deeply and question why you feel that way about money or whatever else, you will find the issues are much ‘broader’ and ‘general’ and certain circumstances in your life trigger them–the feeling of safety is a big one especially with money. Because it plays such an important role in our life here, feeling like we don’t have enough of it makes us worry all sorts of bad things could happen and then we don’t feel ‘safe’. Recognizing the manifestations are not the answer certainly will make it easier to allow them into your life because if the pain has nothing to do with what is actually happening, you certainly do feel more detached because you aren’t looking to the outside to ‘fix’ it. Burning hot needs transform into preferences which are perfectly fine and it is much easier to manifest a preference. The only thing we can really ‘do’ is have a willingness to accept these perspectives that make us feel better and reject the ones that don’t–we have to trust the intuitive resonance we feel with these ideas means we have stumbled upon a truth and if that is truth, anything else simply isn’t. Any ‘action’ you take in the form of personal growth work is meant to help you build momentum behind this energy, help you stay in a higher energy space. But don’t look to those things to make these inner changes for you–they can only result from conscious choice and nothing more.
YEESSS!
I’ve been journaling about these needs and it seems like the truth lies deeper… Its not easy to trust that because I’ve been so attached to those needs… I’ll probably need lots of time to get over these mind ideas but I’m OK with it. Resisting it won’t help anyway so I might just give in and let go…
I also wanted to say I’m in love with your content and energy. I’ve been quite frustrated about LOA because no one takes the human part of it into consideration. It’s so much complex than that. I actually don’t even know if I believe in the law or attraction but I couldn’t agree with you more than when you say it’s all about inner work… Its been enlightening to me!!
I’ll keep reading your blog and listening to your podcast so I can keep growing! I’m also considering buying one of your course but not sure which one’s better for me. The one about business resonated more!
Right now I feel so scared not having what I want but I can feel just a tiny bit (and that still counts) it’s my mind playing a trick thinking I need this big house in Santa Monica to be happy… I’m also scared of things changing too slowly cause I’m quite impatient but it’s once again a trick of my mind I guess. Right?
Thanks for your work and energy! Can’t wait to dig more into it especially the post about managing one’s vibe!
Hi Caroline
You are right..the resisting won’t help matters. If we see how it isn’t helping, the suggestion to try and give it up seems to make sense. The more we see how the mind’s approach doesn’t work the easier it gets to move away since we have some actual proof in our own life to go on. The resonance we feel with a particular resource is the best indicator of what will be best in the moment so if that is the course that is speaking to you, then it is probably the one that has something you need right now. You are right…it is all about the inner journey–the outside takes care of itself when we do it this way and we don’t have to try as hard to control everything…we were never doing that anyway.
Yesss again!
Thanks Kelli!
Hi Kelli,
Thank you so much for this post. It truly deepened my understanding on what detachment is, because for a while, I was somewhat “scared” to learn more about it. For a while, I have had trouble with detachment, as apparently visualizing your desires is an important step in getting your specific preferences. I try to visualize my preferences often, engaging my senses and noticing the pleasant feelings that come from them (which, I’ve heard time and time again is one of the best ways to manifest, especially if it’s done often). However, I find that the more I visualize, the more I’m thinking about the desires, which is the OPPOSITE of detachment! Where exactly is that balance, between both productive visualization and healthy detachment?
Thank you so much again!
Hi Mil
Thanks so much for your comment and I am so glad you found the post helpful. The idea of detachment does scare the mind because it interprets this as ‘giving up’ on trying to get whatever it is and the idea of doing that for something it wants so badly is just unacceptable. Visualizing can be a great tool but like any tool, the point of it is to help you feel better. If you find engaging with these things is making you feel more anxious, triggering feelings of attachment,etc…it is important to explore that. That indicates the desire is primarily coming from a space of resisting current circumstances,etc…and we want to nip that in the bud as best we can. Your mind is telling you a false story that you need this thing to be happy or it needs to be the specific version of the thing it has set its sights on–a specific person,etc..–None of this true. Remember that visualization and other tools to engage energy are not manifesting in and of themselves so you don’t need to do any of those things and if they aren’t feeling good it is probably time to step back and assess the energetic/emotional space you are dealing with now.
I’m detaching now. It wasn’t planned it just happened as part of my own process. Within a week I saw a change in her. Maybe she felt me detaching. Or she felt me at peace showering her with love and kindness in my mind. I want her to choose me not just react to me. I wonder too if detachment allows the other person to work on themselves if they have to and get themselves ready too.
Hi Mike
Thanks for your comment and we certainly influence each other’s energy. If everything in our reality is a reflection of our own energy, then how people respond to us, how they act around us,etc…would not be an exception. But while we may influence other people’s energy we don’t want to see it as being able to control others because that isn’t what is really happening. The best advice I can give in a situation like this is being open to what you ultimately want, which is the relationship. You may want it from a very specific person at the moment, and it may be her. But it could also be someone else and this person may be serving a different purpose. No matter what, it is all fine and will work out just as it should.