How Did I Get Here? Reining in Your Runaway Life

Are you looking at your life wondering how things went so wrong? Are you at a loss as to when things got so off track? When did your life totally get away from you? Do you feel like you don’t even recognize yourself? At what point did you give up on the hopes and dreams you harbored? Are you worried it’s too late to do anything now? Do you want to change, but don’t know where to start?

If you have asked yourself any of those questions, then this post is for you….enjoy

Be Prepared for Some Uncomfortable Feelings, But Know It Gets Better

When we finally realize what has been happening this whole time, how unhappy we are, and how deep we are into a life we really don’t want, that can bring up some shit. Not gonna lie about that one.

When we are no longer denying and suppressing, really letting the misery rise to the surface can feel overwhelming. It is one thing to really be unhappy but not really acknowledge it…we kind of just get used to all the crappy feelings. As unpleasant as it is, it is very familiar.

We develop all sorts of ways to cope. We become very masterful at denying and deflecting.

But, it is completely another to be super unhappy and actually admit it. All the mechanisms we had in place to keep ourselves afloat just fall away, and it can feel raw.

There may be a fear you will be trapped like this forever, and that is one hundred kinds of horrible. But, you’re not trapped. This full emotional disclosure is the first step in making real change.

Only when we stop lying to ourselves can the truth emerge, and from a space of truth, all sorts of awesomeness can be created.

This purge is often the worst of it, and while you move along your path of change, other stuff will come up, no doubt. But, you will be in a different mental space, and you’ll be able to take it in stride.

Change has been initiated on an energetic level the moment we really, truly tune into our current reality and decide we want things to be different. There is nowhere to go but up.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of simply admitting our true feelings, of acknowledging where we are in the moment.

Take Stock but Don’t Worry about Changing Everything at Once

When we are feeling this out of control, it is important we take stock of our entire experience to get clear on exactly what is not working for us. Chances are, if you are feeling your life has just totally gotten away from you, there are issues on multiple fronts.

And, again, a feeling of overwhelm may take over as you think about all that has gone wrong, and all that needs to be done to rectify it.

In most cases, you probably have no idea how certain situations can possibly change in any real way. Don’t worry about it..it’s actually not your job to figure it all out..seriously it’s not, no matter what your mind is telling you. We can’t figure it all out…there are infinite possibilities and our brains are not equipped for the job by a long shot.

There is going to be a strong urge to just completely transform your life overnight..you are going to wish you had a magic wand and be able to just wave it over whatever you don’t like, instantly creating what you want instead.

That would be freaking awesome, but not likely to happen. And this doesn’t need to happen to actually start feeling better.

You may feel tempted to make big and bold moves…I am not exactly discouraging this, but just be careful here. You might have visions of walking into your boss’s office and telling him to kiss your ass, and it might feel great for a second, until you remember you have a mere 150 dollars to your name.

The big bold moves are great when you have a lot of trust banked that things will work out, and when you have a clearer idea of the direction in which you want to go, but when you don’t, they are going to cause a lot more angst than you need right now.

The great thing is, even smaller changes can make a big difference in how you feel. And when you start feeling better, you will adopt a whole different perspective on what your life is like right now.

The things that seem terrible won’t seem so terrible anymore, especially since you now know you are in the process of changing things.

Knowing something is temporary creates a whole different energy than thinking you are trapped in a situation forever, with no reprieve.

Our experience is determined by our energy, and even if you are just focusing on one area of your life right now, the positive emotion evoked by that is going to lead to good things happening in other areas of your life without you doing a damn thing.

You will attract all sorts of ideas, inspirations and insights that will reveal your next steps.

If you try to fix everything at once, it will probably be an exercise in frustration.

So, if you have multiple issues staring you in the face, just take a breath and pick one. Focus your energy on that.

Make managing your stress a priority because that will benefit you in all areas of your life, it will help keep you in a more positive, optimistic frame of mind.

Think about what immediate steps you can take to create a sense of relief and take some of the pressure off.

If You’re Still Alive, You’re Not Done Yet….

I believe we all die when we are supposed to die. ‘Big’ us had some theme in mind to explore, and we exit stage left when we are done doing our thing, whatever that may be.

So, it stands to reason if you are still alive and breathing, you ain’t done yet. You are still in the game, and there is still stuff you want to do.

No matter how much you might think now that it is ‘too late’ for you, it isn’t. Will you be able to create the life you might have had in mind 15 years ago, 30 years ago? Maybe, maybe not.

But, if certain ships have sailed…like having a baby, being a supermodel, or backpacking the world for five years because you now have three young kids at home, you can still do lots of awesome things that will give you the same fulfillment.

If you have read any of my LOA posts, I have hammered home a million times that no matter what we want, we are after a feeling.

There are countless other ways you can create the feelings that lay behind past desires that may not seem feasible now.

And when you realize this powerful truth, it becomes clear you can start to lead a fulfilling life at any point in time. It doesn’t matter what has transpired before or how old you are.

So, don’t lament the roads not taken…they probably aren’t as glamorous as they are in your head. Don’t think it’s too late for you.

And if the things you want are still possible for you to start working towards now…get on that shit. Just start doing something today that makes you feel like you are moving towards it, no matter how small.

It will feel scary and uncomfortable, but you’ll get more comfortable with those uncomfortable feelings and nothing can stop you then.

Don’t Lament Time ‘Wasted’…It All Served You

Now that you are taking back control of your life, and actually believing things can be different, there can be a tendency to lament all the time you spent being unhappy. You will wonder why you didn’t do anything about it sooner.

How stupid were you to keep putting yourself through all that, and to stray so far from the person you wanted to be and the life you wanted to live?

Obviously, the sooner we remove ourselves from what we don’t want, the better, but it is what it is. We are ‘imperfect’ humans who were exposed to all sorts of screwy beliefs, have all these weird issues of deserving and worthiness, and a distorted self-image.

We are conditioned not to expect much out of life. We are taught to grin and bear it, and that being able to take a lot of crap is something to be proud of, and shows how strong we are.

So, yeah, it makes total sense why you put up with what you put up with for so long.

But, it is important to remember that this time was in no way wasted. You learned a lot of valuable lessons. It served you in countless ways.

All of that crap brought you to a space where you were ready to make real, lasting change, and create a life you truly want, not just one to be tolerated. Sure, the road may have been really sucky and painful at points, but it is what needed to happen to get you here.

By experiencing so much of what you don’t like and don’t want, you probably have a pretty good idea of what you would, and that clarity is priceless.

After all that has happened to you, I am willing to venture at this point, you will refuse to ever let things get so bad again, to sacrifice your happiness and well-being.

As a little exercise, write down a few of the negative experiences in your life, and think for a second about what you may have learned, what positive things may have come from what happened.

You can still not like these things, and wish they didn’t happen. But when you can see how they may have served you, it may ease up the resentment, hurt and other negative emotion generated, emotion that you have probably been carrying with you for a long time, emotion that has hindered you in countless ways.

Just focus on this point forward as best you can. Draw on the wisdom, and use it to mold a better reality starting now.

Own It

The issue of personal responsibility can be a thorny one. Since we are so accustomed to placing blame when it comes to what doesn’t go right in our life, when we are told not to blame others, we automatically translate that as ‘blame ourselves.’ And that doesn’t feel very good, does it?

But that is not the implication, not by a long shot. Playing a role bringing about the unwanted things in our life does not mean we ‘had it coming’ or deserved what happened. It is not about blaming and berating ourselves.

It is kind of like a people who smoke getting lung cancer….obviously a poor choice was made regarding their health that had consequences. Does that mean they deserve to get a deadly disease? Of course not.

It is about seeing how our belief system and the choices we made influenced outcomes. It is about seeing where we could have done things differently, and vowing to take control moving forward.

Taking full responsibility for our life is not easy, and it won’t be something you will just start doing 100 percent out the gate. It will be more of a process, but the mere intention to operate in this manner moving forward is pretty powerful in and of itself.

It creates a new energy, and you will be more aware of how you are moving through the world, and how you can mold things more to your liking.

You will be more cognizant of when you are adopting a victim mentality, letting others dictate your ‘fate’ or abdicating responsibility. And upon catching it sooner, you can shift course more quickly.

The great thing about taking responsibility for our lives is the realization that the ball is in our court always. Nothing can be withheld from us. We don’t have to rely on other people to give us what we want. We don’t have to hope outside circumstances become conducive to our desires. No more trying to control things we can’t control, and then freaking when it doesn’t go our way.

By taking responsibility for your past, you can take responsibility for your future.

In Closing…

Until now, you have been living in a bit of a fog, and were operating from a more limited level of consciousness. You were only doing what made sense, and what seemed feasible at the time. In a way, you kind of didn’t know better.

But, know that you have realized things aren’t working, and something needs to give, you have entered a new level of awareness that will just continue to expand if you stay committed to the course.

You really can’t go back now, only forward.

Just be patient, compassionate, and above all, give yourself permission to feel better and want what you want.

Your Turn…

What did you think of this post? Could you relate to this problem of feeling like life totally got away from you? Did anything in particular resonate with you strongly? What tips or insights would you add? Looking forward to your comments as always.