Law of Attraction: Cultivating Self-Love

Today I am answering some questions regarding the law of attraction and self-love asked by one of my awesome readers. Enjoy…

My question has to do with self esteem or self love. I’ve recently made a lot of changes in my life after a very hard few years. I recently started learning all about LAO and practicing manifesting methods, I just quit my job that was making me sick and miserable and I started seeing a therapist.

My question is, do you have any self esteem/self love building methods that are perhaps LOA-friendly as I feel like the things I’m being told to practice from my therapist just sort of make me feel unmotivated and bad… And I AM actually motivated to help myself, but it just feels like there might be a better/quicker way than going to see a therapist once a week and making slow grueling progress.

To sum up: is there an LOA- friendly way to build my self love that makes me FEEL good as I do it and supports my manifestation path?
Celia

“Motivation’ May Not Be a Good Thing

Typically the concept of ‘motivation’ has a positive connotation. We want to create some sort of positive change in our life. Something is not working for us now and we want to make it better.

And generally speaking, that is a good thing. A sense of contrast is helpful in figuring out what we like and what we want. That is usually the catalyst.

But beyond that point of using contrast to get clarity, trying to change our life from a space of pushing against our current reality, resisting it, is one of the cruxes of our manifesting woes.

There is a strong energy of feeling badly about where are are now, of judgment of the situation and ourselves. We are not good enough now and we must fix that.

And when we try to manifest from that space or change our self-image, it tends not to go very well. We struggle a lot. Our ‘issues’ and limiting beliefs seem to loom large constantly, and we feel powerless against them.

When it comes to doing this inner work, and making these various changes we want to make in our life, and how we regard ourselves, we must do it from a loving space, a space where we don’t have such a negative view of what is happening now.

We want to see how all that junk is serving us and the messages it is delivering. We want to integrate those different parts of ourselves, without judging any of them as wrong.

We don’t want to look at ourselves as ‘wrong’ or ‘broken’ in any way, but rather just trying to live up to our full potential, and seeing ourselves for what we really are, a being that is already whole, perfect and complete.

We just want to shed all that doesn’t support that image. We have to realize the key to our healing, health and happiness is not so much cultivating that ‘positivity’ but rather diving into the ‘muck’ and transforming that.

And in doing that, the more positive self-image, the self-love, the faith, the trust and all that good stuff comes more naturally without us needing to try and ‘create’ it. All of that is already there, it is just hidden by the other stuff.

It All Starts With a Decision to See Ourselves Differently

While I can certainly recommend some practical tools to cultivate that self-love and shift in self-image, it is so important to know the key is just deciding we will see ourselves differently plain and simple. I’ll include some suggestions at the end of this post though .

I know our mind really doesn’t comprehend that because it is very action-oriented and as such, gets very fixated on tools, techniques and processes.

And those things certainly have their place and can be very valuable as they allow us to consciously engage with our energy. We need something to sink our teeth into.

In my coaching practice, I give clients all sorts of things to do in between our phone sessions to build that energetic momentum. So I am definitely a proponent.

But those things are only valuable insofar as they help us shift our energy and perspectives. This means that there is no one tool or technique that will work for everyone; that means that you can ‘do’ these things but they can’t make anything happen.

The key is really that decision that you will no longer believe the things about yourself that you believe now that make you feel badly.

The key is realizing that all the meaning you assigned to things that happened in your life, things that people said to you that made you feel badly about yourself was assigned by you, is not any sort of objective fact, and actually isn’t true.

The key is realizing that you are perfect, whole and complete as you are, and all the various neuroses you may have developed over time can be dropped more easily than you may think now. The foundation on which they were built is actually not real.

No matter how much your circumstances may suggest you are lacking in some way, who you really are is never lacking. And in deciding to recognize that ‘fullness’ you begin to attract it into your life.

In deciding you will acknowledge the good things about yourself, in deciding you will see yourself as someone who is worthy and deserving of love, prosperity and all that other good stuff, in deciding there is nothing ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ about you, you will begin to strengthen those energies and perspectives.

You will begin to manifest a reality that reflects back this higher regard in which you hold yourself.

And while we don’t want to rely on outside manifestations to make us ‘feel better’ that validation will be powerful and will be very helpful in allowing you to continue making those choices.

We Must Move Right Into Action

Hmm…weird advice huh? Isn’t action supposed to come when the energy has been addressed first? Yes. But, when it comes to cultivating self-love, while we are nurturing that energy, it is important to start taking actions that reflect self-love. The actions we take will help support that energy in our day to day life.

We need to start treating ourselves better, which facilitates the energetic shifts and the change in how we view ourselves. We can’t wait to start making decisions that demonstrate self-love until we feel more loving towards ourselves to the point where those actions feel totally normal.

Now this can be a bit tricky because if the energy is weaker, we may not feel so inclined to take certain actions and make certain decisions that demonstrate self-love. We will be more inclined to act in ways that reflect our low self-esteem and lack of love.

So, it’s okay if you falter a bit. It may be uncomfortable but you got to power through.

Some Thoughts on Therapy

I want to start off with a big ‘ol disclaimer here…I am in no way making any broad statements about therapy that it is ‘bad’ or doesn’t work. Different methods of growth and healing work for different people and I am sure there are plenty who have benefitted from therapy.

There are lots of different types of therapies and lots of different types of therapists. To just put it all in one big pile and dismiss it would be ignorant of me.

I have no doubt there are lots of therapists who take a holistic approach to therapy that takes into account our spiritual nature, and for someone interested in exploring that aspect of themselves, work with that type of therapist would probably be very beneficial.

But many people are left ‘wanting’ and this may be due to a few different reasons in my opinion.

First, many therapists approach the mind as this isolated entity that is ‘broken.’ The issue is a ‘malfunctioning’ brain and it has to be fixed.

Often times, drugs are a primary component of this solution. Of course I realize not everyone who goes to a therapist uses medication.

Nothing wrong with that…I personally know many people who experienced very positive improvements in their life after starting anti-anxiety/anti-depressant drugs. We have a strong belief in medicine to heal us, and in taking medicine, we can experience healing.

But many find this approach doesn’t quite give them the relief they hoped for, and this is because the true root of our issue is spiritual/emotional. I don’t believe it just boils down to chemical imbalances in the brain.

Those wounds can’t be addressed by drugs. They can only be addressed by healing the separation we have from spirit, God, the Universe or whatever your preferred term.

These wounds can only be addressed by nurturing our inner being, finding some sense of purpose or fulfillment and realizing our true nature–a powerful being who can shape her reality, who is whole, perfect and complete.

For some, the medication can lay a nice foundation for this inner work by offering some relief from symptoms that made normal functioning seem impossible.

The second reason therapy can be problematic for some is the deep digging into the past, and the endless examination of how that impacted our present.

That certainly has value, and in doing law of attraction type-work, you are definitely going to do that. Technically we don’t have to, but our mind is going to want to ‘figure out’ where all our shit came from.

But the deeper we dive into those stories, and the more we link how we feel NOW to what happened THEN, the more fodder our mind has to justify the limiting beliefs, the victim mentality, the distorted self-image, the self-sabotaging behavior.

It is so important to know the past really doesn’t matter–this isn’t to just dismiss the pain and shitty stuff. I’m not just telling you to suck it up and get over it.

But we have to realize the past isn’t the problem–it is how we are viewing it and how we are using it to guide our decisions and such now.

For someone who felt he wasn’t loved as a child for example because he had distant or abusive parents, the issue is not that lack of love from them in the past, it is the lack of love he is giving himself now in the present.

We can dig, dig, dig into the past for months or years on end, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it will help us uncover anything that will help us now.

Therapy can also focus a lot on actions to take to make changes in our life. And taking certain actions in our life is certainly a necessary component of improving it–we need to focus on our health more, deal with stress better, manage our time better, set boundaries, take steps towards achieving certain goals and intentions we have set,etc…

But action is on the level of ‘effect.’ Our actions are infused with energies and it is those energies that will determine the results in our lives, not the actions.

When we act without examining what is driving our actions and decisions, we tend to create similar patterns and situations for ourselves over and over again. We may experience some positive results for sure, but they tend to be short-lived, or we don’t feel as good as we thought we would making such a change.

We may be doing all the ‘right’ things but something is still ‘off.’

And lastly, there is the idea that therapy must take a long time. And our expectations will determine our outcomes. Believe it will and it will.

It doesn’t necessarily have to. While we may not be able to totally change our energy and our outlook overnight, it certainly isn’t something that takes years to make any significant headway.

I imagine it would depend on a variety of factors such as the type of therapy, the nature of the problem and whether the person is doing anything else to address their issues besides therapy.

Now I don’t know all the details of Celia’s situation, but it sounds like perhaps therapy may not be resonating right now or perhaps a different therapist would do the trick. That is something she can explore if she feels so inclined.

If you are interesting in exploring your spiritual nature, reality creation and all that jazz, and you are considering seeing a therapist, make sure they are someone who integrates these concepts into her practice, or you probably won’t get the type of assistance and guidance that will be of most use to you.

Some Suggested Exercises

So, here are some suggested exercises and what not that may help you consciously engage with your energy, and cultivate that warm fuzzy self-love that will lay the foundation for all sorts of great things showing up in your life, from relationships to more money.

These things are really simple and don’t underestimate that–remember that we are naturally supposed to be sweet on ourselves, and being happy is not supposed to be something that is ‘hard’ or that we really have to ‘earn.’

Note that lots of this stuff is going to feel really uncomfortable to you because sadly, we are really lacking in the self-love department; we are much more comfortable pointing out our flaws and not liking ourselves.

All that shit is second-nature and seems to be the more socially acceptable approach. But like anything else in the realm of our mind and energy, it can be changed, and it doesn’t have to be hard or take a long time.

Write down a list of things about yourself that you like. There is nothing too small and this is not the time to be modest. Read that list out loud at least twice a day. Right in the morning and evening before bed can be two particularly powerful times. For an even greater impact, do it in front of the mirror.

Write a letter to yourself about all the things you are mad about yourself for, whether it’s your struggle with your weight or that you were really mean to your sister when you were little. Then think about what ‘big’ you would say about all these things, how ‘big’ you would regard your ‘mistakes’ and write a letter back to yourself from him or her.

Meditate or sit quietly and concentrate on cultivating a feeling of love for yourself. Just imagine what it would feel like if you loved yourself, if you were brimming with self-esteem. This energy is already within you, it is just hidden. So I assure you that you can conjure it up just a bit. Sit with that for a few minutes. Imagine it coming up through the floor, and traveling slowly through your body out the top of your head. Breathe that love in, breathe out the ‘ick.’

Your Turn

What did you think? Do you have issues of self-love? Did anything resonate with you in particular? Any advice you would give or tools or exercises that work well for you? Looking forward to your comments as always.