4 Ways I Keep ”Crazy Kelli” at Bay

Sometimes I feel like I am two different people. There is the Kelli that seems all calm, cool, collected, funny, witty, patient and laid back–the Kelli whose compassion for her fellow man runs deep. Then there is what I refer to as ”crazy Kelli.” The Kelli that is anxious and impatient. The Kelli that envisions shooting tranquilizer darts at anyone whose behavior annoys her in even the slightest of ways. The Kelli whose mind is racing so fast she feels like she could go absolutely mad. The Kelli who worries so much about the various problems of the world and envisions the future with a sense of absolute dread.The Kelli who feels like she does not fit in anywhere.

As you can imagine, I am not too thrilled with CK, but I haven’t managed to shake her off completely, and I probably never will. And, I have accepted that to some degree. But, what I can do is employ strategies that weaken her, and keep her from taking the throne as ”regular Kelli.”

Remember to Laugh at Myself

One of the biggest contributors to our mental and emotional turmoil is taking ourselves and life too damn seriously. We get offended at the slightest things. We get our panties in a bunch over things that really aren’t all that important. We get very attached to our negative feelings, and defend them to the death.

Over the years, I have gotten a lot better at catching myself when I am getting all pissy about something stupid. My boyfriend (he is really my fiance, but I just don’t like that word), always gets a kick out of it when within seconds I go from whining or yelling, to laughing at myself because I realize how ridiculous I am acting in mid-sentence. That laugh usually stops CK in her tracks.

Let Her Out Just Long Enough to Release the Pressure

As someone very interested in personal development, and becoming a better person, I sometimes get angry with myself when I am not handling a situation in the way I wish I would. I get mad that I am mad. That I feel anxious makes me feel even more anxiety. I feel great disappointment in my very unBuddha-like state of mind., and curse my humanness. At this point, there may be a tendency to just suppress everything, in the hopes it will pass.Sometimes that may be the ticket, but then there are the times when that is the worst course of action to take. Sometimes you need to let out the crazy part of you a bit, just enough to release some of the pressure.  When CK is particularly on the rampage, I find it is best to let her emerge slightly, get it out of my system, and then eventually transition back to my ”ideal” self or as close to it as I can get.

Meditate

Meditation does all sorts of great things for us, both emotionally and physically. It has been one of the most powerful tools in my self-improvement arsenal, and has really been integral in reining in CK. This is because mediation helps strengthen that space that lies between the true us, and all those crazy thoughts and feelings that we experience all day, and mistakenly believe are us. In this space, wonderful things happen. We learn to respond instead of react to situations. We can take a moment to process what is occurring and think about what we want to say or do in that moment instead of being led by that initial flood of emotion. Meditation allows you to fully experience the truth that nothing is permanent, including our thoughts and feelings. When we view it in this way, we are able to sit with the discomfort more comfortably, and don’t feel as compelled to do something–something that is usually to our detriment–to make it go away as quickly as possible.

Let the Tears Flow

As far as crying goes, I notice I will go through periods where I won’t really cry at all, then others where the tears are flowing quite frequently. Crying is cathartic, and even though we know this, the actual act of crying forces us to think about what is upsetting us, and we don’t like that. So, we hold the tears in. Sure, the moment will eventually pass, but I believe that with each suppressed crying session, we are leaving toxic energy within us, energy that needs to be expelled– energy that will manifest in some other destructive way.

Unless wailing like a banshee might be inappropriate at that moment, I just let it rip. Just  the day before yesterday, in fact, I had a whopper of a session right in the middle of the Gulf of Thailand–just a bit of swimming and crying. No particular trigger, just feeling anxious and sad. I bet all the people who seem to think I must have a stress-free, 24/7 happy existence simply because I get to work online and travel extensively would never picture that! If you were feeling a bit jealous of me, maybe that will quell it a bit. 🙂 Yes, I have my demons too.

How do you deal with your crazy counterpart?

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