New Year’s Resolutions Always Falling Flat? Tips for Cultivating Real Change and Progress

As we all know, the will to change is particularly high around the new year. Gym owners look forward to a nice boost in revenue, courtesy of all the people who vow to get in better shape once and for all. I noticed a big uptick in commercials for pharmaceuticals, and other products, designed to help people quit smoking.

This is a time of reflection on the past year, and naturally, this leads us to think of all the things we would like to do differently or improve. Anything that gets us thinking deliberately about our life is great, and we can glean a lot of amazing insights. We get infused with a super dose of motivation.

We are determined to make this year even better than the last one, and we shall succeed! And we may feel great for a week or two, or maybe even that whole month of January. But then something starts to change within. Our enthusiasm, which was at one point overflowing, has slowed to barely a trickle. We don’t feel so confident in our ability to change. It seems harder than we thought it would be. The old ways slowly make a comeback.

Before we know it, we are right back where we started. Another new year’s resolution bites the dust. And because we so closely link these changes with a specific time of year, we tend to just let the whole idea of change go completely. We figure we’ll just work on it again next year, and for now, let’s just keep things as they were.

If you can relate to this, don’t feel too badly, you are certainly not alone. You may feel really discouraged about your ability to change, but know that it is possible. We can change whatever we want. We can create whatever we want. We just need to make some adjustments to how we normally go about the whole thing. Here are a few tips for getting things off on the right foot change-wise for the new year.

Really Focus on Energy Rather than Specific Goals

This was an intention I had set for myself, and I came across another blogger yesterday who made mention of this as well, and it was something I felt would be really helpful for people to think about.

For those of you who have not set any specific goals, and even for those of you that have, I would highly recommend focusing on improving your overall energy. When we deliberately focus on simply feeling better, developing a more positive mindset, and shifting beliefs that have been holding us back and causing us all kinds of suffering, the changes we can see in our life are amazing.

Because we are so oriented towards action, we typically come up with a list of specific things we want to change, and then take a series of steps designed to implement said change. This is all well and good, but as we all know, this can be difficult sometimes. We have a lot of crappy conditioning that sabotages our efforts, and we eventually give up, feeling all disgusted with ourselves. This self-loathing just makes it all worse, and you know how that all plays out.

What we feel and believe determines every aspect of our experience, and when we improve things at this core level, so many awesome things begin to happen. Change feels less hard because we clear out a lot of the ‘stuff’ that stands in the way. Actually taking the concrete steps that will aid us in our journey feels more natural. We don’t feel a sense of ‘sacrifice’ when giving up things and ways of being that are not serving our highest good—we see what we are gaining by making these decisions.

As we begin to chip away at the beliefs, and negative views of ourselves, that have shaped our experience less than desirably thus far, we open the door to all sorts of awesomeness from chance encounters with people who help us in some way, to things we want just falling into our lap without an ounce of effort on our part.

Think more about who you want to be, and the general type of life you want to live. What internal shifts need to happen to make this a reality? What practical steps can you take to help cultivate this more desirable way of being? How could you nurture your precious energy to be more positive and feel better overall?

Make Changes that Truly Resonate and Feel Good

One of the most important considerations for making significant, lasting change is feeling a strong resonance with the specific change, and actually feeling good about what you are attempting to do. While we can change anything at anytime in theory, sometimes certain changes are really not the best to be focusing on right now.

We are not really ready to change this aspect of ourselves, and operating from this space, will almost guarantee failure. And, this just discourages us, and makes us think we are incapable of tackling this specific problem.

There may be a sense of forcing it, because we know that our behavior is a problem, and it should be fixed, like eating a really unhealthy diet or smoking.

Really listen to your intuition and how you are feeling about certain changes. When you have a lot of resistance to something, now may not be the right time. If thinking of a certain change makes you feel really good, go down that road, no matter how ‘insignificant’ it may seem compared to some of the other issues in your life.

When you do what resonates with you, and feels right for you right now, it will raise your overall energy. You will feel a sense of pride at your progress, and it will make you more confident in your ability to change overall. You will start feeling better, and seeing yourself differently.

And from this higher-vibing space, you will gain a new perspective on the other ‘problem’ areas. You may naturally feel less compelled to engage in certain activities, and giving them up won’t feel like such a struggle because who you are fundamentally is shifting, and these things don’t fit into this newly forming picture.

Define Your Why at the Deepest Levels

I know I have discussed this before, and I can’t leave it out of a discussion about making changes that stick because this is one of the core ingredients. Everything we want, we want for a reason. We just don’t get random ideas to do something without having any meaning behind it.

Whatever you are hoping to create in,or eliminate from, your life in this coming year, there is a reason. It will give you something you want; it will provide some sort of benefit to you. This is pretty obvious, but what may not be so obvious, is the deeper reasons you want to create this change.

There are surface reasons that are easy to pinpoint. You want to exercise more to be healthier. You want to lose weight to improve your appearance and boost your confidence. You want to start your own business so you can have a more flexible schedule and be your own boss.

But, to truly succeed, you have to go a lot deeper. You need to define your ‘why’ at the deepest levels. Without figuring out the core values and desires that are driving the changes, you will find it very hard to do whatever it is you need to do to create this more desired reality.

Without defining your ‘why’ at the deepest levels, you will not replenish your stores of motivation—it comes and goes, and sometimes we have to willfully create it. Without defining your ‘why,’ the opinions and criticisms of others will take the wind out of your sails, and the fear and self-doubt will take over. Without defining your ‘why’ at the deepest levels, you will not do the inner work on yourself that is usually necessary to make real change—the only thing that stands in our way is all the ‘yuck’ that has piled up over the years in our minds, and we usually have to put in a bit of effort to clear it out.

Defining our ‘why’ helps us get to know ourselves better, and the better we know ourselves, the more confident we are in pursuing the path we have chosen because we know on a deeper level that this is what we are supposed to be doing. The doubt and fear may still be there, but it is much less intense. It is not dominant.

So, you need to get to work and figure out your ‘why.’ Why do you want what you want? Take all those reasons and ask yourself why you want those things? And then those things. Go until you can’t go anymore. You have now figured out more clearly what you truly value in life, and what would truly make you happy. When we figure that out, we won’t let anything get in the way, nor will we settle for anything less than a life that fully embodies these values and desires.

Make Stress Management a Top Priority

Managing our stress is a worthy goal in itself, but it is doubly important if you are hoping to make some big, lasting changes in your life. Remember how we feel dictates everything, and when stress is oozing from every pore, we will sabotage ourselves big time. Unchecked stress is what makes us say

f%ck it, and eat a dozen donuts when we are trying so hard to eat healthy, or opt to zone out in front of the TV for five hours rather than take that jog we vowed to work into our daily routine.

Stress makes us feel like crap, and when we feel like crap, the pessimism and cynicism take over. We view our life through a really distorted lens. We care less about being healthy. We engage in all sorts of self-destructive activities in the name of numbing or burying our feelings.

When we properly manage our stress, we feel better. When we feel better, we are more compelled to make decisions that keep us feeling good. When we feel good, we have a more positive perspective on life. We focus more on the good things about us, rather than all our ‘flaws.’ We see greater possibilities for ourselves. Feeling happy comes more naturally, and we don’t have to engage in as much ‘work’ to consciously cultivate this feeling.

In Closing…

I hope you enjoyed this post, and it gave you something to chew on regarding the changes you are hoping to make in your own life. The resolve to be better is high now, and you want to do all you can to tap into that fully. What I wrote here is intended to help you do just that. Good luck!

Your Turn…

What did you think of this post? What changes are you hoping to make for the new year? Where are you struggling to change? What tips would you give to help people make the changes they desire? Looking forward to your comments so we can have a nice chat!