Are you one of those people who is crystal clear on what you don’t like and don’t want, but feel a bit stymied when it comes to figuring out what you do? Well, you’re certainly not alone on that one, so don’t feel too badly about it. We have a lot of practice thinking about what we don’t like, a lot of crappy beliefs that make us think all sorts of disempowering thoughts, and cause us not to expect much out of life, and a limited view of ourselves that really gets in the way big time.
If you are hoping to take things in a different direction, but not sure about said direction, here are three tips that I think will help get things moving and provide the clarity you so desire.
Be Honest about What Isn’t Working for You Right Now
This can be a bit uncomfortable because we go to great lengths to avoid our negative emotions. We may have invested a lot of time, money and energy into our current way of being, and to admit that it is isn’t working for us can be very, very tough. We fear changing paths now would mean everything up until this point was a giant waste of time.
It is highly disorienting when we discover things are not as they seem, relationships and people aren’t what we thought they were, and that we don’t want all the things that we may have thought we did. Depending on how far removed you are from what you truly want and who you truly want to be, it can appear you were living one giant, fat lie.
But, if you are not feeling great right now, and you want to change, but are not quite sure what it is you want exactly, this is an unavoidable step.
The simple act of admitting what we don’t like right now, and where we are struggling, is extremely powerful because in that very moment, things begin to change so long as we keep moving, and don’t decide to remain stagnant. You need to create some space energetically for some good stuff, and for the ideas and inspirations that will help you navigate the changes you hope to make, and admitting where we are right now accomplishes that.
One one hand, this sucks big time because you may feel really really crappy, but on the other hand, it will feel liberating. This initial discomfort is the worst of it, and from this point on, things will ease up as you start being more honest with yourself and have greater clarity about what it is you want.
Lots of different emotions will probably come up, and your first instinct will be to suppress them, but resist it. Let yourself feel them. They have been stuck in you for a long time, and festering. This purge is kind of yucky in the moment, but ultimately, highly beneficial. Embracing what we are feeling now is the first step in the process of releasing what no longer serves us and transforming our inner world.
Don’t Worry about Figuring Out Your Whole Life Right This Second
There is this idea that at some point, we are supposed to have our whole lives ‘figured out,’and settle into some permanent version of ourselves. And this premise causes us a whole lot of suffering. We feel compelled to achieve some state of absolute certainty as we navigate through life. We stress about finding the career that we will do for decades to come. We feel compelled to develop a rigid set of beliefs that will guide every decision until we die.
This is no way to be—we are here to grow, evolve and create. This means over time, things will change, including us, what we value and what we want out of life. We are not meant to craft some set identity that is never to be altered. We don’t have to just be one way, or do the same thing always. Nothing has to be permanent.
So, don’t feel like the decisions you are faced with now have to dictate your life 10 years down the line, or even just one year from now. It is okay if you feel uncertain about the big picture..you don’t need to figure that out right now. You just want to focus on immediate steps you can take that will make you feel better, more in control of your reality and are in line with what you value at this exact moment in time.
Maybe things will remain the same for years to come, or maybe you will have a whole bunch of experiences that will alter you in ways you can’t see now, and will put you on a completely different trajectory. Don’t worry about it now, it doesn’t matter now. Let your feelings and intuition guide you. Do what creates better feeling feelings like relief, excitement, hope and happiness.
You can choose who you want to be, and over time, you will find yourself compelled to make different choices than ones you made at a different point in your life. That is normal and it is a good thing.
Don’t be afraid to totally break the current mold and go off in a completely different direction. Don’t be afraid to become someone else if the current version of yourself is not really working for you anymore. Don’t hold onto what is no longer working because you think releasing it means it was all for naught or a waste—you learned plenty and you are simply moving on. Just focus on now, and don’t worry about the implications of your current decisions for the future. You’ll cross that bridge when you come to it.
When you honor where you are now, follow your intuition and just do your best to live in the moment, the most amazing things will start to happen, and you’ll start feeling a lot better. And that is all you really want anyway. Everything will be okay no matter what results from the choice you make now because it will all serve you positively and help you fine tune your vision as time goes on.
Let Your Desires Surface without Regard to the Current State of Your Life
I know I have mentioned this a few times before, but it bears repeating. When I first decided I wanted to live my location-independent, globetrotting lifestyle, my life was a big, old mess. There was not one freaking thing that would suggest that sort of existence was even a remote possibility.
I was depressed, anxious, grieving my father’s death, hugely in debt, barely making any money, and incredibly lost. At the time, my personal development work was very sporadic, and a lot of the wisdom I had gained was buried under a big pile of crap, and largely inaccessible to me.
But, it wasn’t completely inaccessible, and that part of me that knew things could be better, and things didn’t have to be this way, was still alive and kicking, even if weakened greatly by my current reality. So, I wrote out a list one day of all the things I wanted, without any censoring or modifying.
The current framework of my life did not come into play at all—if it did, this list would have been a lot less ambitious, and probably a bit sad, considering all that is truly possible for us.
Here’s the thing—what we think is possible for us is an infinitesimal fraction of what is actually possible for us. Our current belief system places all sorts of limits that actually don’t exist anywhere except our minds. We play really small when we don’t have to.
The first step in breaking this mold is letting our true desires shine forth, letting ourselves want bigger and better things. I’ll tell you something– as confused as you may feel right now as to what you want, you probably have a better idea than you think, but it stays buried because you probably think you can’t have it based on what your life has been like up until this point. You don’t let yourself want something because then you don’t have to worry about activating the fear of not getting it, or experiencing the disappointment if it doesn’t work out.
So, bust out a piece of paper and write down all the things you want—if it helps, you might start off with a list of things you don’t want and like in your life right now ,to use as a springboard to figuring out what you do. Write down anything that comes to mind. It doesn’t have to be just things like money, jobs or relationships—it can be certain feelings you want to experience on a regular basis, like fulfillment, peace or unconditional love, or personality traits or habits you wish to cultivate. Use this list not just for specific goals,but for more intentions about your general life.
Like I did, don’t censor or modify based on what you think you can get from where you are now—where you are now doesn’t matter one tiny bit as far as what is possible for the future is concerned. Don’t make any judgments about what is coming to mind, just write down whatever comes. This exercise is very helpful in shifting your focus to more positive things, which is something we don’t have a lot of experience doing, unfortunately.
Just let whatever comes up come up, and get it down on paper. You may find some of the stuff is obvious, while other things may surprise you and give you some great insights into shaping your reality and the next steps to take.
In Closing…
Know that whatever discomfort you are experiencing now can be eased by simply admitting what is happening internally with you now that you’re not really loving, and just giving some deliberate thought to your more ideal reality.
This deliberate focus on what we want sounds obvious and is painfully simple, but interestingly, something that we just don’t do, like EVER. At some point, we made some pretty weird decisions that produced the end result of neglecting our happiness and never actually thinking about what we do want, and what would make us happy. We are a bunch of weirdos. But, it doesn’t have to keep being this way. We can make a fresh start at any moment we choose, with choose being the operative word. It all comes down to making different decisions than the ones we have been making up until this point.
Your Turn…
What did you think of this post? What tip resonated with you the most? What have you decided you want in your life, and what are you doing to get it? Do you have any tips for gaining clarity about our path that you would like to share with other readers? What obstacles are you facing and how are you overcoming them?
I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone happy holidays, whichever ones you are celebrating. I may or may not have my Wednesday post..but, if not, I’l be back on Friday for sure.
This post is spot on. I feel like this most of the time actually. But, like you said, all you need is a pen and a piece of paper. And some time for yourself.
Hi Matt
Thanks so much. So glad you liked it. Writing out things, whether it is our desires, how we are feeling,etc…is very powerful for gaining clarity, clearing things out and setting intentions. My notepad and pen are two of my best friends!
Hi Kelli
Another great post that is very much appreciated.
I am going to reveal to you my plan on manifesting my abundance where I liken my work in writing to making a very large snowball and taking it up the highest mountain thus all the work is done. Now I am waiting for the snowball to roll down the mountain increasing in size as it descends further down.
Just like I have stated I have done all the work writing for 4 years and this is what I likened to making the snowball; however it remains at the top of the mountain waiting to roll and perhaps need a little nudge to begin its journey, so I just wait, remaining positive and happy for completing my work while continuing to write as is my pleasure.
I really do love and appreciate your posts which I have stated to you many times that it is my kind of language honest and truthful, and sure no one could wish for better.
I have looked at my purveyors of LOA but you are my champion Kelli.
Just one question for you – did you ever have anyone state that the LOA worked in their life and manifested all that they wanted?
I ask this because the many comments are all from people who have problems with LOA not working for them and I was just wondering if an ordinary person had success by using your tips and encouragement. I could also ask this of the many online tutors the same question but I never hear of any success stories from their willing pupils.
Thanking you Kelli in advance for you patience and advice.
Sincerely
Dominic
aka
John Lennon Cohen
Hi Dominic
Thanks for your comment. I love the snowball analogy and I think yours is poised to go barreling down that mountain–you have a lot of good momentum going. I know my clients have had lots of success with their work with LOA and there have been people on this blog who have shared success stories and talked about how my tips have helped them a lot in changing their mindset, etc…. I think the thing with LOA is that we manifest all sorts of great things but aren’t really paying attention to them because we are putting all of our focus on things that we don’t have yet. Working with LOA can take some practice and there are struggles people have and I think they are just more likely to talk about that so they can get insights from me or whoever’s blog they are posting on.
Here’s the thing though…while seeing other people succeed with something is always a nice boost for our own efforts, the fact that you are so interested in seeing this ‘proof’ in other people’s experiences shows that lack of trust in the process is vibrating pretty strongly for you right in this moment. And that’s okay…that trust is the biggest barrier for pretty much everyone working consciously with this process. We all lack it to varying degrees. So, this is definitely something you want to give some thought to, and see what may be going on. There are some LOA forums where people do share their positive manifestations, and you should check them out. That would probably be very helpful for you right now and make you feel better, and anything that will accomplish that is certainly a good idea.
Wow Thank you Kelli for your reply
I know that here is something stuck within me a block/barrier and I am seeking this out with too much stress. I feel that times like these are like ‘doldrums’ when there is calm and no wind in the sails but I have to embrace these times also and enjoy resting from my usual speed of light LOL
Kelli I love being positive and happy and I am just after meeting an old gentleman in the shopping mall and wishing him a Happy Christmas, he gave me one of the best compliments ever by saying “you know Dominic it is always a pleasure meeting you as you are always in happy mood and you smile radiates to everyone; you are the happiest man I know” Wow Kelli I was dumb struct and had never thought of the way that I am can affect others in a very positive way. So there was my question to you answered by the universe but in a different way and these kind of things never fail to amaze me.
Kelli, like I have already stated, you are my champion and we are surely connected. Have a Wonderful Christmas and a Fantastic 2015
Love
Dominic
Hi Dominic
We all have those times…we are only human after all. Like you said, embracing them is the best way to get through them. When we dont resist them as much, they don’t feel as intense and we have a greater opportunity to learn from them. I am glad you shared that experience because it shows we are always getting the support we need when we need it. We just have to make sure we see the situations for what they are. That encounter was a nice reminder of what you already know to be true..we just need that outside validation sometimes. Hope you had a nice holiday!
This was quite a good exercise to do for me. I have been doing lots of work on releasing resistance and visualising some things that I want, but there were some wild ambitions that I didn’t dare think about – winning a portrait painting prize and writing a best seller. Given I have a busy life looking after my family right now and not a lot of time to write, that seems pretty pie in the sky. Given that I have no room in our house to put all my painting stuff, let alone paint anything. But it was good to get it out there and admit it to myself.
I want to let you know some LOA successes lately: today I went to the supermarket and fruit shop for Christmas shopping, and when I saw the crowds I started thinking “uh-oh” and feeling stressed, mostly cos I hate crowds, but then I thought I might try the opposite. I took a deep breath and affirmed “this is gonna be easy and fun” to myself over and over and headed in. I got a basket straight away, sailed through the supermarket, people actually smiled at me, they didn’t bump me as usual, I only waited for a minute in line, then in the fruit shop it was the same. I was out out of there in no time!
Hi Bunny
That is great you did it.Even if you may have blocks around those particular things, ‘opening the floodgates’ is a good idea because it will allow in other ideas and inspirations that may resonate with you more at this time beyond what you think you may be able to accomplish now. If someone told me years ago I would be doing all the things I’m doing now, I would have had a very hard time believing that. That is awesome that you were able to shift your energy that quickly and manifest a much calmer easier situation…that shows some power right there! Really remember that.
HI kelly,
Really a wonderful post indeed. I really admit all your valid points. Love your point of “be honest of wat u not like about right now”
Hi Vino
Thanks so much for your comment and I am so glad you liked the post. That first point is probably the most important because that honesty about what is happening now will help us figure out the best steps to take to start feeling better. It can be tough but very helpful and important. And if we can remember that we can change whatever we want, we will feel more okay with saying what we don’t like now because we know it doesn’t have to keep being that way.
Hi Kelli,
I have been working with the LOA for a few months and I have two questions. One, how can I stop myself from being discouraged when I see people saying “The LOA doesn’t work” or when people talk about how they waited for YEARS to manifest things and I even get discouraged sometimes when I see people who want something and haven’t manifested yet! Second, I read The Secret and a big part of it was acting as if you have recieved. But…I also see many people say they just forget about what they want and it comes. How can I act as if while forgetting about it? And is all we really need to do is feel good NOW to manifest?
Hi Maritza
Thanks for your comment.
First, if you are new to working with LOA, and even for people who are more seasoned but still have their various blocks, you don’t want to discuss law of attraction with people whom you know don’t resonate with it. You have enough of your own stuff to contend with, and you don’t need to take on anyone else’s disempowering opinions and what have you! Don’t read blogs or other materials attempting to debunk it…there is a lot of misunderstanding about what attraction is really about, and it is very evident in some of the arguments against it. Keep your work to yourself or only discuss it with people who believe in it as well and will be supportive–that may only be online in a forum for some of us.
As for how long someone waited for something to come, there are countless things that can influence that. We have no idea what other people are going through as far as their level of belief and trust in the process, what sorts of limiting beliefs they were working with and how quickly they worked through them, how much effort they have put into overcoming their blocks,etc… Also, certain things are not going to manifest right away and things progress in a more organic fashion over time. For example, if someone opens a business, they will probably not be the top seller of whatever service or goods they are providing within a week of opening.
Just as you are struggling, other people are too, which is why they may not have manifested specific things yet. LOA is working for us right now and it was always working (though we were largely engaging in the process unconsciously) and the only thing that stands in the way is our limiting beliefs and lack of trust–this is not something we can fix immediately, though in theory it is possible. But, with that being said, this is not something that has to take years and years either. Another thing to remember is that based on how much we are willing to allow in and how much we believe is possible, we can still attract great things even if we are not quite a match to the highest possibilities for us. So, you can still start manifesting lots of good things even if you don’t have a ‘perfect’ vibration–I don’t think there are too many people like that.
Acting as if ultimately comes down to eliminating that feeling of ‘need’ around your desire, or putting a lot of focus on the fact it isn’t here yet. So, for many people, that would entail not even thinking about what they want because they feel whole and complete as they are now. But, most of us are probably going to think a lot about what we want and that’s okay–we just want to make sure that we feel good as much as we can when doing this, and not feeling badly or letting our limiting beliefs about why we don’t think we can have this thing become dominant–don’t worry about eliminating all negativity, you just want to focus on the good being more dominant than the negative. You are only human and will have times when you may feel doubt or fear or have negative thoughts. Acting as if is also about cultivating a sense of trust that what you want is coming, that it is already yours and you are just waiting for it to manifest in your physical reality.
Feeling good NOW really is all we need to do…BUT, because of our conditioning, most of us usually have to do some work on ourselves to help shift our current negative beliefs and cultivate a greater sense of trust in the process. But, yes, making an effort to feel good as much as you can will be beneficial because the more you feel good, the more positive thoughts you will attract, the more inspiration and ideas you will attract, the more you will feel better about life and yourself. As your general outlook on life improves, you will automatically begin to weaken negative beliefs that you may be holding that have led you to think you are not good enough, life can’t be good and all that similar yuck.
But, it is important to actually work on feeling better and not just putting on a happy face and ignoring any deep seated negative beliefs and feelings you may have–sometimes we have to work with them directly to help shift them because they are not just going to go away.
The questions you asked are great ones and if you explore this blog more, I think you will find a lot of great information that will help you get a better grasp on the nuances. LOA is very simple at its core, but grooming our minds to accept the premise and apply it with the ease inherent in the process can take a bit of effort.
For now, it might be a good idea to not seek out too much information about other people’s experiences, and just focus on yourself for now. Don’t worry about setting desires that are too specific if you have a lot of resistance around manifesting them. Go a bit more general such as raising your mood overall,etc…
kelli
that was a great post! but when you wrote that list down and got some clarity? how do you start to think, where do i begin from where I am now? it seems so overwhelming
Hi Cissy
You are right..it can feel a bit overwhelming because what we really want can seem really far away from the life we have created for ourselves thus far. This is one of the reasons people never really go after what they want–it can just seem too hard. There are a couple of things you can do right now that will make you feel less overwhelmed and more like you know this can happen for you. Now that you have this greater clarity, you want to think about what smaller changes you can make in your life that will make you feel like you are moving more in line with what you want–it might be scaling back on commitments, making self-care a greater priority,etc.. When you start chipping away at what is not working for you or making you feel badly, you will start feeling better overall.
Not only will you start to feel better about your life as it is now, you will begin to manifest all sorts of great things–they may or may not be related to what you are hoping to create, but they will make you feel good. Your higher ‘vibration’ will let in all sorts of great ideas and inspirations that will help you achieve your goals. From this higher state of mind, you will begin to see everything differently. You will feel better about yourself and you will feel more confident that you can create the life you want.
You also want to see what you could start doing right now that would make you feel like you are moving towards what you want–pick the options that feel the least scary. You don’t want to make any big bold moves that your current belief system will totally fight you on. For example, if you hate your job but have only two months savings in the bank, and you have major money anxieties, quitting it tomorrow probably wouldn’t be the best path for you at this moment.
Just focus on doing things that make you feel good, no matter how frivolous they appear to be–when we begin to genuinely feel better, we open up so many channels to receive the things we want or the means of getting them .
Hi KC,
Really well said, and I vibed with the note about not figuring out our lives in the moment.
Like we could actually figure out where we want to go, clearly, as in, our entire life plan, in a moment.
Please!
When you’re feeling down or confused it may be the most freeing experience in your life to simply baby step your way towards better feelings, better thoughts and better actions.
You’ve offered us a wonderful primer here for doing that.
Thanks much!
Tweeting now.
Ryan
Thanks Ryan
That point is important to remember because it is easy to feel pressure to plot out the course far in advance and think of each decision we make in the moment as setting our course in stone from that point on. That gradual movement can be the better way to go, and just working on feeling better.
Hi Kelli ,
This is Very Interesting Article , Mind Blowing , Wonderful Job , Great ideas , and Best Information good points , My First visit Your Blog i am Really impress ,
Thank You very Much For Sharing me , Good Work and Great Job , Superb ,
Jassica
Hi Jassica
Thanks so much for your comment..so glad you liked the post. Hope to see you around here again!
I enjoyed the post, Kelli. 🙂 Hope you had a great Christmas and Happy New Year to you and Ryan! Your blog has been helpful to me and I look forward to reading more posts in the New Year. 🙂
Thanks so much. We had a great holiday..hope you did too! Thank you so much for saying that, that makes me so happy! I look forward to producing more content and helping move people further along in their conscious creation!
I had a good holiday, thank you. You’re welcome! I’m glad there are blogs like yours that allow easy access to learn about LOA and personal development. 🙂
:)..I’ll do my best to keep delivering the goods!
Hi Kelly
I saw this title in a comment on Ryan’s blog and it so described me that I had to come over and read it.
Apart from not really knowing what I want (those who know me would tell you I have everything already), what is blocking me is lack of time. I’m so busy keeping all the balls in the air to pay the bills that it’s tough finding time to create anything new.
Nevertheless – as Ryan suggests – baby steps. So I’ve got that piece of paper out and have 5 things in the “Want” column and two in the “Don’t want” column. Will add to it as inspiration strikes.
Off to read a few more posts here that struck me as relevant 🙂
Great to “meet” you,
Joy
Hi Joy
I think a lot of people can relate to your dilemma. When you have so much going on already, adding something new to the pot can seem like a tall order. I was going to say the same thing about the baby steps and it’s funny that is what you mentioned immediately after! Whatever you can do now to give yourself the sense you are moving towards whatever else you hope to bring into your experience will be helpful, even if it is just researching information or buying a book to familiarize yourself with some aspect of your goal. Don’t do anything that feels too uncomfortable or scary at this stage if you feel energetically that you are not fully focused on this or ready to make any big commitments, decisions,etc..
While going full bore can be helpful sometimes, sometimes it is not the best approach. I liked what you said about acting when inspiration strikes..that is always the most effective way to go about creating something. Great to meet you too!