No….You Won’t Be Alone Forever: Law of Attraction and Love

I would like to start this post by stating I am far from an expert on matters of the heart, like super far. For the last seven years, I have been in a great relationship with someone who is a perfect match for me, but before that, oh brother. My love life was certainly nothing to write home about.

For the most part, I would fall for people who didn’t want me, and we all know the delicious torture of unrequited love. Wanting what we can’t have is intense, and oh how we build that person up in our minds. There was one person for whom I fell particularly hard—a good friend in college– and to this day, I still cringe when I think about some of the things I did, things that I just couldn’t help because logical, rational thought didn’t stand a chance in hell against the all-consuming love I felt for him.

Then there were the people who really liked me, and I liked them too sometimes, but would then freak the frack out about it, and pull away. I spent many nights crying over my single status.

Continually falling for people who did not quite feel the same really took a toll on my self-esteem. I felt ugly and unlovable. I was convinced there was something seriously wrong with me. That I would never find someone was a very real worry.

But, then I stumbled upon this law of attraction stuff, and it was like the clouds parted and the angels started singing. What I read resonated with me on a deep level, and I just knew there was truth to all this. I realized what I experienced up until this point with relationships, money and everything else was of my own creation. Of course, this was not something of which I was consciously aware, hence the disastrous results in so many areas of my life.

When I started taking control of my thoughts, and tuning into what was going on inside me, I was able to tweak things to work in my favor, rather than against me. I have no doubt that all this work led me to my relationship now.

So, if you are one of those people whose romantic life is a bit messy, and you every so often, get consumed with panic you will end up alone, know that will only be the case if you believe it to be. If you believe you will find someone, and are willing to do a bit of internal investigative work to root out the shit mucking up your life, the Universe has no choice but to deliver the goods.

What follows is the stuff that helped me turn my train wreck of a love life around, and it worked beautifully. And I know it will work for you too.

Forget All Your Past Relationship Crap…It Doesn’t Matter

When we think back on all the bad stuff that has happened romance-wise, it is easy to think this is always how it is going to be. But, the reason you always seem to end up dating the same type of people, or experiencing the same types of relationship woes, is all you baby. It is not some outside force dicking with your life for its own amusement; you are not being punished for any wrongs you may have committed.

Now, while this may make some of you feel a big indignant, stop and think about it for a moment. Isn’t it better to know you have control ,and you can find a great relationship than to hold onto the shitty belief that some of us are just ‘unlucky’ in the love department, and basically screwed?

If you really want to turn things around in this area of your life, you have to be willing to do a bit of introspection and see how you have attracted the previous people and situations you did.

For all my bellyaching I did about the people I was interested in not feeling the same, once I really started examining things, I came to the realization that I was absolutely terrified of intimacy and being vulnerable to someone else.

So, what better way to avoid taking that leap than to always focus my affections on people who were not inclined to reciprocate, or to be overly critical of the people who did show an interest in me?

Everything we do serves some need within us—it gives us something we want or something we think we deserve. Obviously, to our conscious minds this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But, that doesn’t make it any less true. All the crap you have experienced so far in your love life was serving some desire, was providing some benefit to some part of you.

If you can figure out what is going on beneath the surface, you will start thinking and acting differently, and once you change, your experience has no choice but to change along with you because you are in the driver’s seat.

You Won’t Attract the Right Person Until You Shift Your Energy and Attention

When it comes to this crazy game of love, we have a tendency to focus on all the crap. We are extremely clear on all the things we don’t want in a partner, or the type of relationship we don’t want. And, sure, by default, who and what we do want is implied. But, from an energetic perspective, this is not the way to go about meeting the right match for you. Knowing what you don’t want is not the same as knowing what you do.

Focusing on past relationships, failed set-ups, all the bad stuff people may have done to you, the things you didn’t like about certain people, and all that crap, will just bring you more of the same. It is very easy to get caught up in all this stuff, whether in your own mind, or in conversations with other people, and it is toxic.

If you are carrying the belief all guys are assholes, or all girls are clingy psychos, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and these are the exact people you will continue to bring into your experience.

You need to shift your focus to what you do want. Get very specific about the type of person you would like to meet, and the type of relationship that is most ideal for you. Visualize meeting someone like this, and how it would feel. Don’t censor yourself based on past experience, or what you think is possible given your current circumstances–figure out what you want, what you truly want, and know it can happen for you.

Take note of any negative feelings that come up when you do this—these are all the limiting beliefs surrounding this desire, all the reasons you think it won’t be possible. Take note of what they are, and see how you could shift them.

And, don’t worry about constantly thinking about meeting a great guy or gal, lest the Universe will forget to deliver your sweetheart. Attracting people, money or anything else is all about how you feel, not how much you think about what it is you want.

In fact, focusing too much can be detrimental, since most of the time, thinking about what we want actually doesn’t make us feel that great because all this yucky stuff comes up. If you can focus on this desire though, and feel good about it, definitely go for it ,because it is a great vehicle for getting in a good space emotionally.

You want a relationship because of all the wonderful feelings it would produce—think about those specific feelings, and how you can start feeling them now, without having to have this person in your life. Ultimately, you think a relationship will make you feel happy, so what can you do now to feel happy?

You can’t wait to feel good until you meet someone. I know when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be hard to do this—you are contending with all sorts of negative (sometimes overwhelming) feelings, like loneliness, frustration, wounds of past hurts, and fear of never meeting the right person . But, if you can find a way to feel good now, even if you feel like you have no reason to, this person will come to you much faster.

Now, you won’t feel good all the time, and that’s okay. You don’t have to, but what you do have to do is feel good more than you are feeling badly–so, at least 51 percent. Not too bad, right?

Realize There is Like a Billion Different Ways You Can Meet This Person

Ryan and I ended up meeting due to a number of circumstances all lining up to bring us to the same place, a place I never thought I would meet someone. I hate bars and clubs, and frequent them rarely . The only reason I was going out that night was because it was a friend’s birthday.

That same night, a friend from work who had never contacted me to get together socially in the years I had known him, sent me a text message asking what I was doing. He lived in the city I was going to, for the first time ever actually—Hoboken, NJ in case you were wondering , which you probably weren’t– so we made plans to meet up.

Ryan was one of his good friends, and normally would never be out on a Friday night because his job at the time had him working a shift of 4 to midnight. But, he had decided to take the night off, which is something he did almost never. Originally, he planned to go down the shore with other friends, but they changed their minds.

So, what normally would have been an unremarkable and boring night for me, ended up changing my life forever. Sure, meeting in this setting is not some far-fetched scenario, but as someone who didn’t drink  and hated loud, crowded clubs, I never thought I would have met someone in that circumstance.

The point I want to make here is you have absolutely no idea the million different ways you can meet someone. So, if you work 80 hours a week, and have virtually no social life, or you don’t like going to bars or clubs, it doesn’t mean you are diminishing your chances of finding this person.

It doesn’t matter if you only encounter the same ten people every day of your life. It doesn’t matter where you live. Don’t look at the current framework of your life, and try to figure out how you would possibly meet someone based on your day to day routine.

You could end up getting some weird urge to visit that bookstore you have been passing for years, but never go into, and you meet an awesome girl. You could get a flat tire, and your dream man is the one who ends up stopping to help you.

Also, don’t get too attached to any one way of meeting someone. If you feel good about pursuing a certain channel, like online dating, letting friends set you up on blind dates, or going to more events where you may encounter like-minded people, that is great. Go for it. But, don’t think that any of these ways is the only way that love can happen for you. You don’t have to take any specific actions to find that right person, the only thing required is believing it can happen, and feeling good.

When you do meet people, and you end up getting together, do your best to just go with the flow. Don’t go into each encounter with a white hot burning hope that this is the one. When you begin consciously working with the law of attraction, and things start happening, it is very easy to get attached to the situations that arise as the way your desire will come to fruition.

Then when the blind date is a disaster, or you never hear from that guy again after seeing him almost every day for two weeks straight, you plunge into despair, convinced you are cursed and destined to die alone. Take each situation for what it is..this person will come to you. You just need to trust and keep vibing high.

If you can take these three pieces of advice, and apply them, you can find that great relationship you may now think is so elusive. Let the Universe be your matchmaker—it always brings us exactly what we want, if we let it.