Hi Kelli, I was wondering if you can talk about the relationship between energy and personality. I personally have issues with my temperament that I would like to change. I am quiet and analytical, and I would rather be outgoing and personable. I can also be highly sensitive to the world around me. When I came across the loa one of my first thoughts was that I could use loa to become the person I always felt I wanted to be. My identity and personality have a lot of meaning to me and I feel it is painful to be this way. I would love to hear your perspective about this topic. Thanks!

The short answer to this question, is yes. With an understanding the true nature of reality, what we are capable of, who we really are, and what lies at the root of much of our behavior and personality traits, we see we can be whomever we want to be essentially, and we can change anything about ourselves we don’t like…really we can. Everything human us does and says is merely an ‘effect’ of our energy, and our energy is truly the only thing under our ‘control’ for lack of a better word.

I know there is all sorts of research about genetic aspects to personality, happiness ‘set point’ and all that stuff…does any of it hold water? I don’t know…maybe. But I am never one to put too much stock into anything outside of me that tells me what I am capable of, what I am like, and what I can or can’t change about myself. And I would recommend you do the same…but back to the topic at hand.

Many of our ‘character flaws’ are an easier fix than we may think. If you have been struggling to change them, the only real problem is the approach and the mentality, not so much they are impossible to change or they must be some inherent, unchangeable part of you, and you just have to live with them.

Many of our traits that we just chalk up to ‘that’s just the way I am’ can be dramatically altered. Many traits that on the surface appear ‘problematic’ can be ‘retooled’ in a way they can actually be of benefit.

For example, if you are a ‘perfectionist’ you can transform that energy in a way that you are no longer beating yourself up and obsessing about being ‘perfect’ but rather, you are committed to being your best self and living your best life, and you pursue these goals in a way that feels good, that feels like you are always moving towards something better.

It will no longer be from a space of thinking there is something wrong with you now and it must be ‘fixed’ or wherever you are now is never good enough, you can always be doing ‘better,’ and you are always trying to get somewhere else other than where you are now emotionally or circumstance-wise.

So let’s dive in…

Examining Why You Are the Way You Are Now

If there is any aspect of yourself that doesn’t sit well with you, is causing you problems or you feel holds you back and you feel being the ‘opposite’ of whatever that is would serve you better somehow, the first step in changing it is giving some thought to why you may be this way.

This is not meant to be some deep dive analysis where you try to plumb the depths of your subconscious or try to pinpoint the first experience that gave birth this behavior or shit like that.

Many of the most important insights will likely be very easily accessible to you if you truly have the intention of shedding light on the subject AND you are able to be honest with yourself. This might get a bit icky but you’ll survive, I promise. Your negative feelings are not the enemy. 

And you will likely find the reasons you behave this way, that you move through the world this way, stem from some sort of ‘negative’ thing like fear, self-preservation, wanting approval, avoiding conflict,etc… These aren’t inherent, unchangeable aspects of your being.

The person who asked the question mentioned she didn’t like being ‘quiet’ and wanted to be more outgoing. If she were to examine why she thinks she behaves this way, she might uncover very specific memories about experiences that played a role in shaping her behavior, such as always being dismissed by a family member when she expressed herself or being teased, for example.

You may have displayed similar behavior and personality traits as a parent early on, and you were always told you had a temper ‘just like your father’ and especially as a kid, you don’t know any better, and if you were told over and over again who you were and what you were like, you start to think the same thing, and this just reinforces the behavior.

Most of us spent most of our lives living on complete auto-pilot, just reacting to the world around us; we never stopped to think why we do what we do, why we are the way that we are. Any true desire for self-examination and transformation was largely absent. Living consciously does not allow for this so we have to be willing to go within more. 

Action To Support Energetic Transformation

Action…yuck, am I right? Isn’t ‘using’ the law of attraction supposed to free us from dealing with it? Kind of, but not really…

There is a big difference between consciously cultivating the contents of our inner world–thoughts, feelings and beliefs–and consciously directing our focus knowing this is the true level of ‘cause’ when it comes to our external reality, and taking a completely passive stance in this journey where we think we can just sit back and allow the Universe to fix our life for us, and just deliver our stuff as we request it.

If that statement pulled at you a bit, or felt a bit ‘disheartening’ you are likely doing the latter and you need to stop, like NOW. You’ll know some immediate steps to take if you think about it for a bit, trust me. 

Much of the time, we will need to take action, and I don’t mean the type of action where we are forcing something to happen. I mean the types of actions that support our energetic transformation. That help nurture the energy we are looking to cultivate, that help protect it, that help us get where we want to be.

And this will apply to purely internal transformation as well, not just when we are trying to effect some sort of outside change in our life, or get something we don’t currently have.

While we can certainly go within and tweak what needs to be tweaked, and build some momentum, we usually have to start ‘being’ the person before we are fully there yet internally. If you want to be more outgoing for example, you’ll probably have to start putting yourself out there more, while it probably still feels pretty uncomfortable to do so.

The next time you are at a party, and you have a story or anecdote that is relevant to the conversation, and even though you might be uncomfortable having all eyes on you, you tell it anyway. You go up and introduce yourself to someone you don’t know.

If you feel one of your big problems is trying to mold your personality to the people you are dating when you first get together, and pretending to have things in common with them that you don’t, because you fear they aren’t going to like you, or you want to ‘hook’ them initially, thinking you can then show the ‘real’ you later on, and it won’t be a problem, you’ll probably have to stop doing that while you still feel really scared to do so.

If you feel you are too analytical, like awesome question-asker, you are essentially someone who is very locked into your mind, which means you are less likely to tap into feelings as a means of making decisions and deciding what is best for you, what is true and untrue about life and the like.

Making decisions from this space is likely very foreign and any time you have felt compelled to do so, you likely never followed through. We all have this issue to some degree, so it’s worth getting into a bit, because even if you aren’t a particularly ‘analytical’ person or an ‘overthinker,’ logical and rational thinking has likely dominated your life and how you move through the world.

Don’t get me wrong…this way of thinking certainly has its place in many areas of our life, but it has NO PLACE in this world.

This tendency obviously poses a problem from a  conscious creation perspective, because if you feel the need to analyze the teaching in order to accept it, you see you hit a wall pretty quickly. This is not something we can make sense of logically and rationally, and the type of ‘proof’ and explanations your mind is seeking essentially don’t exist.

Experience will be the best ‘proof’ and we can’t manifest these experiences if we really don’t have that true willingness to tap into this part of ourselves, to trust that intuitive feeling there is something to all of this.

No matter how ‘analytical’ you are, you also have this part of you–it isn’t absent, but you are just more likely to be very disconnected from it. Remember the energy comes first and then the manifestations, so your mind’s whole ‘I’ll believe it when I see it’ mentality is a HUGE problem to put it mildly.

A big part of this change is just the base decision that your feelings are a valid means of evaluating truth and untruth, and deciding what is best for you, what is right for you. This is obviously very different because you can’t really explain or break down a feeling–it just ‘is.’

This is a very drastic departure from rational, logical, analytical thinking, where you can point to various factors to back-up your choice, how you are going to approach something or how you are going to solve a particular problem.

So,  situations will arise where you are being called to take some kind of action, make some sort of decision. You need to pay attention to how you feel about it, and when you feel very strongly about something being a good idea, a bad idea or whatever, are you willing to go with that even if your mind reaches a different conclusion, a conclusion that likely feels badly in some way, that is being driven by some sort of screwy energy like fear?

This would seem like a no-brainer but we are very used to looking at things through our fucked-up mind filter, and even though it makes us feel all kinds of terrible, even though our mind has given us terrible advice countless times, even though it has been way off the mark in analyzing a situation countless times, we still defer to it for some strange reason. You don’t have to do that you know…you have the power to say no.

Just like any other change we want to make in life, it comes down to conscious choice. You don’t have to be ruled by your mind anymore. You are not being forced by something outside of you to be super-analytical or think everything to death. That is nothing more than habit.

The wonderful thing about how the Universe works is we almost immediately start manifesting situations that help us fulfill our intentions, that help get us where we want to be. So, it is up to us to grasp these opportunities when they show up. We don’t have to of course…ultimately we can do whatever we want. But then we go out of the ‘flow’ and stay stuck where we are.

Get Out of ‘Fix It’ Mode

We all have aspects of ourselves we would like to be different, that we feel hold us back in life or cause us problems. Working on them is a good use of our time naturally.

But it is really, really important not to approach this journey from a space of thinking there is anything ‘wrong’ with you…that is a very different thing and will make the changes much harder than they need to be, and depending on how much you beat yourself up, basically impossible.

One of the main ways this will happen is continuing to manifest experiences your mind will interpret in all sorts of fucked up ways that will make you think you can’t change these things, you need to still act this way or be this way for whatever reason,etc…

For example, if you have a bad temper and you really beat yourself up about it, you will likely manifest experiences where getting that angry would be very ‘understandable’ given our human tendencies, and your mind will just tell you that you can’t control it, or and this is clearly the only proper way to respond. And as much as your anger negatively impacts your life, that fucked up part of your mind will continue to cling to and fight for it.

So work on what needs to be worked on, but just be careful to check the energy in this journey. Be moving towards something better, not away from something you don’t like. Become the best version of yourself you can be, but knowing you aren’t inherently lacking or flawed in any way.

Your Turn

So, what did you think of the post? Anything resonate in particular? Any advice or insight you might add based on your own experience? Looking forward to your comments as always.

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