How do you know if you are lying to yourself or if you really got rid of your limiting beliefs?
Excellent question that actually has a very simple answer: If you feel better, your belief system is changing. An improved emotional state is our very first manifestation of the new energy we are working to cultivate. It is a sure-fire indicator things are changing inside.
But sometimes even the simple requires more explanation and elaboration, especially when it comes to matters like the law of attraction.
How Are You Moving Through the World?
Your life and how you live it are your beliefs in action. Your decisions, your perspectives,your behaviors, how you treat people, how you respond when things you don’t like happen–it all stems from our beliefs, how we view the world, how we view ourselves.
Your beliefs inform everything about your existence–your life is merely a reflection of what you think, what you believe, what you feel.
Does fear drive your decisions and behavior or trust?
Do you go with the flow of life, and act from a space of inspiration and what feels good, or are you constantly trying to cajole, manipulate, force and control circumstances?
When something doesn’t work out the way you expected, how quickly do you bounce back from the disappointment?
How quickly do you walk away from what you don’t want, from what isn’t working so you can make room for something better, something you actually want?
Do you take responsibility for your life or is someone or something else always seemingly at fault for the lack, the struggle, the unwanted?
How much have you moved away from living outside-in, letting your feelings be determined by your current circumstances, refusing to feel better until something happens to justify doing so?
Do you see the value of unwanted manifestations and how they help you clean up your vibration, or do you huff and puff that things didn’t go your way or turn out exactly as you expected them?
Understanding this will quickly give some valuable insight into how ‘far’ you have come with your energetic work and changing your belief system.
And one of the key ingredients for assessing how much you have changed is…
Brutal Honesty–You Down?
Pretty much all of us, myself included, would likely answer no if we are being really truthful. It’s often unpleasant to take a cold, hard look at what’s really going on inside our hearts and minds. We are really, really good at denying and suppressing our feelings, since dealing with them is seen as a fate worse than death by many.
We claim confusion about our energy and our beliefs, but there is a part of us that knows exactly what we believe and how we feel, and whether we are more closely aligned with our unwanted current reality or the one we prefer.
We do ourselves no favors if we deny our misalignment–doesn’t matter what you want to believe, it only matters what you actually believe. Your intellectual understanding of the teaching, and what you are ‘supposed’ to believe and ‘should’ do means nothing–where your energy is actually at is all that matters.
‘Brutal’ may seem like a dramatic word, and perhaps it is, but I think it accurately conveys the level of truth we must establish with ourselves.
Couple this reluctance to look honestly at ourselves, with the fact we kind of believe we can trick the Universe into thinking we have changed, and the problems really start. We think it is responding to our words and our declarations but not really. It is responding to our energy. Saying something doesn’t make it true.
One of the reasons the brutal honesty is key is because words can’t convey how deeply something is true for us, how deeply we believe something. We can all say something like ‘I believe in the law of attraction’ but as for how much we truly, truly believe it, how much we live our life from this space, that can vary greatly among us.
Someone saying this from a space of purely intellectual understanding, who may be new to conscious creation likely doesn’t have the same level of conviction and deep resonance as someone who has been living in this space for decades, constantly noticing how her energy is being mirrored back to her, having seen so much evidence in her life of the truth of the teaching, there is not a shred of doubt.
With this brutal honesty, the question of whether you have made any dents in changing your belief system will be rather easy to answer.
Again, on some level we always know how we really feel, what the truth is, what we need or want to do. We can see, we may often just not want to.
Again, intellectually understanding the validity of a belief, and wanting to believe it, are usually going to be the starting points, but are very different than truly holding this belief as your own.
Again, wanting to believe something doesn’t mean you actually do.
Often times, one of our biggest issues is not realizing we have never made that transition from knowing intellectually to really, truly knowing, in any real, consistent way.
There are a couple of things to keep in mind when checking in with your beliefs.
First, don’t beat yourself up and know it’s okay if you realize you haven’t made much progress or not nearly as much as you thought. That your beliefs are still the issue feels a hell of a lot better than all the tales your mind was weaving around your struggles, your lack, your unwanted circumstances, tales that likely have the central theme of feeling powerless or that there are all these outside circumstances responsible for the problem and/or blocking the solution, the end result.
Second, let whatever comes up come up at whatever intensity in which it comes.
There is a good chance you were drawn to the teaching to get something that you felt badly without, so your mind is probably giving you a really hard time about trying to feel better even though you still don’t have it. You may have not been properly dealing with negative emotion due to pressure to feel ‘positive’ all the time.
Your mind sees the manifestation as the key to healing so many wounds and fixing so many problems. The more we want something, the greater that sense of ‘need,’ the more negative emotion present we are hoping the manifestation will eliminate.
So get it out of your system, whether it’s a good cry, a pity party, an anger release or whatever else. There is no right or wrong way to engage your feelings, just feel them, preferably with minimum resistance, judgment and self-criticism in the mix.
There will be an easing of pressure, lightness, a release, a sense of relief, and from there, you can tackle the ‘problem’ energy much more easily and effectively, primarily by focusing on doing whatever makes you feel better.
Dealing with our resistance is going to be the lion’s share of our work with this teaching a good deal of the time, particularly in the ‘earlier’ stages.
But it is helpful to remember that it is actually secondary to doing whatever makes us feel the feelings we want to feel now so we can solidify that energy and attract things with greater consistency, that mirror back these feelings to us.
This is just as an important part of the manifesting equation.
What’s Showing Up?
If our energy is what determines our external experience, then the current state of our life, and how things have been going since we started working more consciously with our energy, can clue us in real nice to what we’re vibrating, what we’re sending out into the world energetically.
And when making this assessment, don’t just think of whether you have the specific things you want, how ‘close’ you seem to be to manifesting it,etc… Don’t evaluate whether your journey, and what has happened thus far, has matched what your mind has expected, and wanted it to be, wanted it to look like.
Go bigger picture, more general. How are things looking in all areas, at least most of the time? Have you manifested things more easily; had a lot more ‘coincidences?’ Have you had a lot of the ‘stepping stone’ manifestations that mean you are moving closer into the vibrational neighborhood you desire?
Are more general ‘good’ things happening that make day to day life more pleasant or easier? Have you been meeting more positive and like-minded people?
Are you just feeling better overall, more optimistic, more hopeful, at least more of the time, more frequently than in the past?
We tend to miss the ‘evidence’ we are changing our vibe because they are small things, not a big deal,etc, and instead of celebrating this, and taking advantage of an opportunity to build momentum energetically in a positive direction, we are still focused on the fact we don’t have the specific things we want.
And in doing this, we continue to give our attention to lack and perpetuate the very reality we so desperately want to change. We slide right back into our old beliefs, our old responses, our old behaviors.
When we are constantly on the lookout for the ‘end’ result, the ‘thing,’ we miss all the ways in which we are beginning to align, and in ignoring this, we create a real uphill battle.
It’s like we are taking one step forward, but then two steps back over and over, leaving us in seemingly the same place no matter how much time passes.
Now this isn’t a call to analyze every single manifestation to death, to note every little thing that happens to you.
But you do want to have greater awareness of what’s happening in your life because that shows you where your energy is at in a completely objective way. Input, output.
Awareness is probably the most beneficial ‘tool’ of which you can make use as a conscious, deliberate creator.
If certain manifestations produce a stronger emotional charge, or get your attention in some way, those are the ones where you want to take a beat and see what’s going on.
Something Really Important to Remember
It is really important to realize changing beliefs is typically a gradual process, and any shift we make is beneficial, plugs us into new possibilities.
That you totally haven’t embraced a certain way of thinking wholeheartedly with every fiber of your being doesn’t mean you can’t reap the benefits of it. While in theory, we can just make this leap, in reality, we are going to need some ‘evidence’ and the more we gather, the easier it gets to buy into manifesting-friendly beliefs.
The willingness to believe something new, something that feels better, creates a big enough opening in our vibe to manifest this evidence. As we manifest more and more ‘proof’ these beliefs are true, we become more confident in believing them.
The limiting beliefs start to naturally fall by the wayside because this ‘evidence’ of positive belief being true also simultaneously serves as ‘evidence’ the limiting belief is false.
The goal is not perfection, but making this energy more dominant as best we can and removing the emotional ‘charge’ that typically gets sparked when we are engaging in the old ways of thinking and believing.
Our mind will always go to that place anytime it gets the opportunity, but how invested we get in the current story, the judgment of the situation, the conclusions we draw, is a matter of conscious choice.
You really do get to believe whatever you want–there just has to be that willingness to stop fighting for crappy beliefs that have been formulated based on what has already happened in your life.
All the physical world is merely an ‘effect’ of our inner world. Change the latter, the former must follow suit. Remember the energy came first and then the manifestation.
Your Turn
What did you think of the post? Anything resonate in particular? Anything you would add? Looking forward to your comments as always.
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I think this very much speaks to a topic I discussed with you previously. I’ve noticed how much my core feels free, light and happy. The outer emotions change and flow, but my core remains the same. I think that is the change of belief!
Hi Emilie
You are spot on with that and it is just like we talked about. You begin to observe that even if your mind can go off on certain tangents at times belief-wise, these things aren’t what you truly believe any longer.
I’ve reasearched law of attraction everywhere but i think your website was the best place to understand it , but there’s something i couldn’t get out of my mind which is ‘whats the relation between LAO and fate , how am i going to change my life if fate cant be changed’ there are alot of questions in my mind but this is the one that confuses me the most.
Hey Sean
THanks for your comment and so glad you enjoy the blog. That is a great question and one I really can’t answer with any certainty. I don’t know if I believe our life is totally predetermined down to the last detail. All I know is that once I started paying more attention to my energy and changing my belief system, my life changed in ways that I liked a lot. Perhaps we do have some general ‘plan’ and ‘ending point’ here that we will feel inspired to follow, who knows? All I would say is if you are believing something that doesn’t feel good to you–that there things have already been decided for you no matter what you want or what you do–you have a choice to believe something that feels better. Just take your energy work one day at a time and don’t worry about your ultimate ‘fate.’
Hello Kellie, I just found your page a few days ago and I think it’s amazing. I’ve been practicing LOA not for long, read and researched a lot, loved your post about detachment also…and the one about being tired of doing things and not seeing results….I’m the type you mentioned that when I work alot on something and nothing happens I feel like wanting to surrender, then negative feelings come up other than the typical limiting beleifs that I have going in me that I carry from childhood. I try to cut these limiting beliefs, I do self love meditations, affirmations, Neville Goddard living in the end techniques, ho’oponopono, and I feel I’m going crazy doing all this stuff and nothing happens, I know that deep down I’m probably trying to force things and my vibrations are not all the positive that should be, perhaps I should just detach and let go, I’ve put my order to the universe, but it sems as if I do nothing, then nothing will happen, and then those beleifs come around again…in my case I’m trying very hard to let go of those limiting beleifs, because as Morty Lefkoe says a limiting beleif is just a thought you keep repeating in your mind and give importance….but I must say ….it is not at all easy to let go of these beleifs even with daily affirmations…..thank you do much for your posts, excellent and really do help alot…I will read the older ones….lots of love❤
Hi Elena
Thanks for your comment and so glad you are finding my content helpful. The first thing I would say is don’t hold tools responsible for your transformations–if it feels good to do those things, do them, but if it doesn’t, don’t. If something isn’t making you feel better–which is the purpose they serve–they’re not doing their job and they won’t change anything in your life independent of your energy. Sounds like you have a lot of anxiety about this process, and the more anxiety there is, the more attached we are the our manifestations, the more negative emotion we are counting on them to fix, and you need to explore that more deeply. Once you ‘clean’ that up a bit, you will have a better sense of how you want to approach managing your energy, particularly on a day to day basis.
Thank you Kelly, for your reply, yes you are right I do hsve a lot of anxiety trying to msnifest the things I want, I know that it’s not good to have anxiety but it’s awfully hard for me….I keep repeating affirmations to myself but these awful beliefs keep coming up, why is it so hard for our mind to change beliefs and just start to think in a positive way?,or just think that I am worthy of all good things life has to offer…I’m trying to manifest a job and as I said using all these techniques….I have to believe they will call me….but I am able to maintain that positive feeli.g only for a little while….thank you….love to you
Hi Elena!
I became inspired to answer to you! I used to be exactly like you. I “overdosed” self-development and all kinds of tools. These were supposed to make life easier, but to be honest, everything became much more complicated than it needs to be. I was full of anxiety, anger. All this “stuff” made me unhappy, and all I wanted is to be happy (don’t we all!). I lost touch with “reality”. Ok, my advice to you: Do not focus on tools, focus on your goals.
“But it seems as if I do nothing, then nothing will happen”. I think this is true! Do not worry or think if law of attraction will “work” (I’ve started to doubt, it doesn’t, at least not always, sorry Kelli!). Do not focus on that, focus on your goal. Okay, now sit still and ask your inner wisdom, what is your next step? What ACTION you could take, right now, today, this week, to move closer to your goal? For example, if it’s a new work, or job interview, for example something so seemingly trivial as would I need to buy new clothes for that? (then do that!) Or weight loss, is there something I could start or stop doing today, an action, or new attitude or something like that. You get the idea?
“Why is it so hard for our mind to change beliefs and just start to think in a positive way?”
“….it is not at all easy to let go of these beleifs even with daily affirmations”.
You are absolutely right! It’s not easy! I think the answer is this: Beliefs live in the subconscious mind. The conscious mind can NOT “access” that stuff. So saying affirmations is basically waste of time. Sorry, if someone disagrees, this is my experience. I think affirmations hardly never work. You are only trying to force your mind to believe something, it does not work that way!
But I have found something that helps with limiting/false beliefs. EFT, emotional freedom technique. You can google, it’s easy to learn and do by yourself, but I myself have worked with an EFT healer. I had a couple of decades this belief “I’m ugly”, lot of shame about myself. Beliefs are “irrational”, the logic and intellectual mind does not help here AT ALL. (many people had said to me I was very beautiful, so my belief “made no sense”). I worked with the healer (yep, only one session less than one hour!). I was able to “remember”, access that old memory, where my father had resented me, being abusive towards me when I was a teenager. You know, beliefs are often formed that way, they are reactive, responses to some traumatic situations, made from the limited perspective of a child/teenager etc. I was able to clear that memory (and belief) completely, permanently!!
Can you see it…if I would have just affirmed myself everyday “I’m beautiful” countless times…nope, it would not have worked at all. To change beliefs, yep, there’s quite a lot of work to do, to get to the root.
You say, “the typical limiting beleifs that I have going in me that I carry from childhood”. Sounds like EFT work would be a good choice for you, I think you could benefit from it! (okay, I know, this is paradoxically another tool…but not quite. Once you’re “done”, you’re done! No need to do it compulsively)
“I have to believe they will call me”. What if you would call them, what could happen? I have sometimes got a job (or a man!) so that I have took the initiative and make that phone call. Scary, but what’s there to lose? 🙂 Not a desperate call “please choose me”, but for example “I’d like to ask at what stage is the selection process now?”. Could that work? Then they will surely remember you and know that you are active and motivated. If I was the boss, I’d hire you! 🙂
I am not a therapist, I have not studied psychology (or only for fun), I am not a coach. I’m just an ordinary person, I used to be just like you and therefore I felt sympathy towards you. I hope I was able to say something useful! <3
PS. Can you see, how much you already have the powers to attract?! You said "nothing is happening"…but you attracted me, a complete stranger from probably another side from the globe to respond to you and hopefully help you move closer to your goal…something is surely happening. Maybe law of attraction works after all? 🙂
Hi Kelli, I enjoyed your post. 🙂 I’ve been working on beliefs for a few years now and sometimes I feel like things have “shifted” and I’ve made some progress, but other times I feel like I’ve slipped back again. Maybe that’s quite a normal thing?
I’ve read some of Mike Dooley’s books such as Infinite Possibilities and he says that you can’t focus on every single limiting belief because it would take a long time, and the more you focus on problems, the more you’ll find. So he just naturally lets things come up and then releases them. I like your questions about how things are looking in all areas of your life. I’m going to think about that.
Hi
I totally agree with his advice. There will always be some belief to contend with if we take that approach, we will always be in ‘battle’ mode. I find that if there are beliefs that are not conducive to making certain changes in our life, they will make themselves known. That is the beauty of this process. The ‘back and forth’ you experience is common I think–that damn mind of ours!
Hi Kelli,
My wife just told me today how she noticed how calm I’ve been lately. She said I’m not responding negative like I used to. I told her with God’s grace I’ve changed my focus. I try to make a conscious decision to focus on things that bring me joy and things I can control. When I look at the evidence, I see how trying to control everything and everyone caused me a lot of pain. I’m like you and believe we must look at how we’re growing because that give us the courage to keep going. Things don’t get under my skin Iike they use to and if they do, I don’t stay stuck long. Once I tasted freedom I wanted more.
Have a blessed weekend my friend.
Hi Vernon
Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your experience. We often don’t see how much we have been changing until other people point it out to us. The new way of being becomes more natural after awhile, and we are no longer making a conscious effort to respond/act/behave in particular ways. So we don’t notice it. It really is about that freedom–freedom to choose our responses, freedom to decide what things mean and how we handle our life. Nothing better than that!
Hi,
So i Have started my spiritual road probably some time ago. But last week some angel send me a tip about LOA. I have some serious work after me. Tuning yucky Voice in my head. Losing the person who I really loved, crappy and unhappy mariage with a man who loves work better the all os us… So the yucky voice have been telling me bad things about me and at the same time tolde not to feel… And at some point I just found some answers. I tuned the voice down but still vibrating fear, heart brake, lack of trust to anybody even me… And I started my spiritual pathetic with feminine energy, prayers and visualization and breathing with my womb. And now I am studying LOA tuning myself. I am musician and vocalist so I find the tuning experience just amazing. It even reflects with a voice for which I am very sensitive. I tune my vibration for joy trust love)like being a love itself) happiness and magnetizm. I got some doubts but then I surrender to visualization especially in which I imagine that I let go the heart of the man I really felt in love with. Then I seem to calm down from anxiety. Today I had to do it 5 times before acting on my fears. It is really hard work….
I believe that as long as I focus and tune myself i will grow stronger. The ultimate belief is to deserve the love and happiness. To be love and pull love to my life. Of course i dream that the men i Love will step in in my life again as a lover as a leader in life for me but it would be as a result of me being changed. Yet I added today that I want this or sth better. I learn to believe universe is working it’s miracles for me and everybody else….
Hi Linek
It sounds like you are committed to making these inner changes and that is wonderful. And yes…be OPEN to how this love shows up in your life, be open to how anything you want will ultimately materialize be open to how it all unfolds and do your best to suspend judgment on manifestations that on the surface would seem ‘bad’ or whatever. Just keep doing what you are doing and things can’t help but turn around.
Hi Kelli,
Very well-articulated post thank you so much! I came upon your website in search for help based on thoughts that I wholeheartedly believe in my mind, but have yet to experience manifested in my physical body. The book is called “Freedom From Food; A Quantum Weight Loss Approach” where the author shares her experience with the reader, and teaches you how you can eat whatever/whenever/as much as you want and not gain weight from food. That it’s ultimately our minds that control how food affects (or, in this case, doesn’t’ affect) our bodies. I’ve actually worked with the author (Patricia Bisch), I’ve studied and read the book near 6 times over, and am so in love with this concept. In other words, there is no more convincing me that this can absolutely become my reality! My question to you is, how do I convince my body to embody these beliefs that my mind has accepted, so that food no longer affects my physical form? Thank you so much!
Jordon