Feeling Challenged by Your Efforts to Change? 3 Tips for a Smoother Ride

Whether you are trying to do a complete overhaul of your being, develop a more positive mindset, start eating better, or simply break a few bad habits you know have to go, you probably know all too well that changing can be hard, like really freaking hard.

In theory, it is simple. We just stop doing the things we know are bad, and start doing the things we know are good. But, if you had that sort of iron will to begin with, you probably wouldn’t need to make any changes, because you would already be doing all these wonderful things. The truth is, we all have our own unique brand of crap getting in our way, from a poor self-image to run-of-the-mill laziness.

So, we will be required to do a little bit of work on all the ‘stuff’ fudging up our attempts for a better life, and happier, shinier self. The power lies within us—that is wonderful news, is it not?

In many ways, I am the same person I have always been, but in other ways, I have changed dramatically over the years. My fiancé– having only known the meditating, vegetarian, personal development junkie, teetotaler (old-timey word for non-drinker) –always says he can’t believe I used to smoke. But, I quit that habit about 14 years ago thank God.

The life I am living now is never one I would have thought possible until I started making a more serious effort at changing my mindset. The idea of traveling long-term and earning money online seemed an impossible dream, but alas, it eventually came to fruition because I was able to change into the type of person for whom that life was possible—a person who wasn’t afraid to dream a bit big, and put some faith in the amazing forces we don’t fully understand.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I definitely don’t want to give the impression I am some perfect person who has mastered all my inner demons and obstacles. Far from it. I am riddled with ‘flaws’ and there are plenty of things I am actively seeking to improve.

But, at the same time, I remember to give myself credit for what I have accomplished thus far. I try to have more compassion for myself, and let go of the idea I will reach some state of perfection. It is important you do this too in your efforts to change, no matter the specifics of your goals.

So, as someone who has not done too shabby a job at actually making the changes I desired, I wanted to share my insights in hopes this stuff will help you too. In fact, I know it will help you.

Define Your Why

No matter what it is you want to bring into your experience, no matter what changes you are hoping to make in your life, the first step you must take without question is defining your ‘why.’ You may be thinking..I already know my ‘why,’ and this is kind of true, but not really.

If you are having a really difficult time changing, there is a good chance you have only scratched the surface of why you want to make a particular change. That initial driver is usually a broad desire, such as wanting to be happier, wanting to be healthier, wanting a better relationship with your partner. But, underneath these general musings lies much more specific desires, and your core values.

You have to uncover these, because once you do, you will feel much more motivated to take whatever actions are necessary to make the changes you want. The process of changing won’t seem so much like a struggle. You won’t feel like you are sacrificing as much, because you will be able to easier let things go that stand in the way of your desired result.

Make a list of why you want to make the changes you want, then why you want those things, and then those things. Keep on questioning until you hit those core desires and values. It will give you the clarity you need to really move forward.

Realize You Can Be Whoever You Want to Be

For a variety of reasons, we have adopted a view of ourselves that is not always so great. We are convinced there are certain things about us that can’t be changed. Limiting beliefs and bad habits are so deeply ingrained, we mistakenly believe they are us, when in fact, they are totally separate, and can be discarded and replaced with better beliefs and habits.

How you have been up until this point, in no way dictates how you can be moving forward. Whatever negative views you hold about yourself come from your own negative self-talk, criticisms, behavior born of deeply ingrained habits, and other people telling you how you are and that which you are capable to name a few insidious forces.

Behaviors and habits are not some unchangeable aspect of ourselves, like the color of our skin or our ethnic makeup. I know some people argue there are genetic aspects to our personality and the like; and while there may be some truth to that, I will never embrace beliefs that disempower us to make the changes we want to make for a better life. And neither should you.

Just because you have issues with anger now, does not mean you are destined to be an ‘angry’ person. Just because you have failed at every weight loss attempt up until now, doesn’t mean you have some sort of ‘weakness’ gene that will forever thwart your attempts to slim down. It doesn’t matter what you are like now—if you want to be different, you can be. You just have to decide this is so—that is really all it takes to get the ball rolling, trust me.

Think Long-Term and Be More Forgiving

When we decide we want something in our life to be different, we want it now. And, this desire can really screw with our efforts to change. You have been working to achieve inner peace for a whole five days now, and still nothing—this meditation stuff is for the birds. You vow to do a complete 180 with your diet, and your attempts to transition directly from eating fast food every day to a raw vegan diet lasts about 72 hours. And you berate yourself for eating a whole box of donuts, and conclude you will forever be heavy and unhealthy.

When we become too focused on the immediate moment, we tend to go overboard, and place unrealistic expectations on ourselves. And when we falter, we get really mad at ourselves, and think we just don’t have it in us; we get discouraged and think we can’t do what it is we want to do.

But, if you think of these changes as something you want to embrace for the long-term, you will approach them in a much better way. You will be much more forgiving when you find yourself acting in a way that is not in line with the change you want to make.

You won’t feel the need to totally restrict your diet, because you know over a period of years, eating out at your favorite Italian restaurant, or having a brownie every once in awhile won’t doom you to a life of muffin tops and thunder thighs.

If you are trying to develop a more positive mindset, you will realize there will be moments, or even whole days or weeks, when you are not feeling so great, but that this doesn’t mean you are incapable of becoming a happier person.

You will likely not change overnight, and that is okay, it is not necessary you do so.

Having decided there are things you want to do differently in your life, that you know will make it better, puts you way ahead of the curve already. Intentions are powerful, and what I have discussed here will help you take things to the next level, where these intentions will transform into your actual experience.