There are lots of ways to go about making positive changes in our lives, and becoming happier. Different strategies and tools resonate with a particular person more strongly than others. Your path is unique, and you have to find what works best for you. But, in my experience, there are certain elements that must be addressed to really form a strong foundation for a successful transition, regardless of who you are now, who you hope to become, and your specific wants and vision. When broken down to their most basic level, the most common blocks to our happiness and highest potential are pretty much the same for everyone. When I gave it some thought, these four stood out the most to me, and I feel that turning out attention towards them specifically can allow us to make some amazing headway and get unstuck.
Be Willing to Face The Muck…You Can Handle It
Our brains are very good at distracting us from what is going on inside. It fears we can’t handle all our ‘stuff’ so it protects us through distraction. We just keeping bouncing from one thought to another, engaging in activities that allow us to escape and turning on the denial when the truth starts to bubble up.
But, when things start coming to the surface more frequently, and it is getting harder to continue lying to ourselves, this is actually a good thing because it means we are ready to deal with it. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.
It can feel really scary to come to terms with how we really feel about our lives and the choices we have made; it can be painful to relive past hurts, resentments and difficult situations from our past. With all this weighing us down, it is no wonder we can feel so paralyzed as to what to do or how to go about making ourselves feel better. We have so much muddying the waters.
This is why we usually can’t side step this part of the equation. We have to learn how to release what is weighing us down. We have to be honest about how we are really feeling, and be able to admit we are unhappy. We can’t begin to make any real positive change if we can’t first admit there is something that needs changing in the first place.
The good news is, while this process is not exactly pleasant, it doesn’t have to be an exercise in sheer torture. You don’t have to worry about becoming some perfectly balanced person who has released all her demons and imperfections to be happy or make significant changes. Just being honest with yourself about how you truly feel alone can create a huge sense of relief, and a massive shift in your energy.
It is possible to turn things around, no matter what you are dealing with now. You don’t have to keep being the way you are because it is how you have always been. The challenging times of your life have certainly shaped you in various ways, and are no doubt a part of the story that is your life, but they don’t have to be THE story.
As hard as these situations may have been, and the damage they have done, it is likely they have served you in many ways. It may not be possible to see that until you have begun to truly face and process them, but it’s true.
What in your life is making you unhappy or no longer working for you? What has happened in your past that is still affecting your present? What do you think you can do to begin creating a shift? Are you willing to start telling a different story?
Make Up Your Own Mind and Own Who You Are
Your opinions, beliefs and choices are just as valid as anyone else’s. It is strange how we automatically give more value to those of others. The next time you find yourself doing this, stop and ask yourself why. Why do I think this person’s opinion is more valid than mine? Why do I think this person is right and I am wrong? Why do I think this person may know what is best for me better than I do? Why am I worried about what this person thinks of my opinions, beliefs and choices? What you will discover is a pretty jacked up line of thinking that absolutely holds no validity.
All of the inner turmoil we experience when other people challenge us in some way is merely an activation of something already inside of us. Very few people are 1,000 percent confident in their choices and beliefs. We all have our unique blend of insecurities, issues and other ‘stuff’ that gets in the way of living our lives in a way that makes us happy and makes it difficult to really forge our own path.
Without this sort of exploration and questioning, we will continue to suffer needlessly as we continue to put way too much weight on what others think about life in general, our life in particular, what we ‘should’ be doing, what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and what we are supposed to want and what is supposed to make us happy.
No one knows you better than yourself, and if how you live your life resonates with your core desires and values, end of story. It doesn’t matter what other people do, say or believe. They have a completely different filter and set of experiences that inform their worldview. It does not apply to you. It is not relevant to you. If you can remember all of this when you find someone challenging you in some way, it won’t feel as painful or uncomfortable. You won’t feel as strong an urge to defend yourself, justify your choices, make them understand your point of view or get them to change their minds.
Don’t be afraid to be who you really are and do the things you want to do. Shrinking back so you don’t rock the boat with others or to avoid criticism is so not worth it…trust me!
Don’t Worry about Figuring It All Out Now..Just Focus on Feeling Good
One of the reasons we can become mired down in a bunch of stuff we don’t want is because we never really gave much thought to what we do. It is surprisingly easy to become very disconnected from ourselves. We are good at pushing down our true desires because the fear of not being able to realize them is just too painful. We have been so strongly conditioned to want certain things that thinking about what we truly want can be kind of uncomfortable.
So, naturally, when we really start to think about changing, it can trigger a whole lot of anxiety, fear, doubt and other yuck. We see our current situation and it just seems like there would be so much work to do to really turn things around. Oh so many issues that need to be addressed. You may feel a bit confused as to what exactly it is you want, or feel some sort of tremendous pressure to plot out the rest of your life right this second. You feel any decisions you make now have huge implications and you don’t want to ‘mess up.’ This is where the rationalizing about our current circumstances, making plans for ‘someday’ and telling ourselves we will make a move when X,Y or Z happens, comes in. And all of this leads us to do absolutely nothing.
Stop and take a breath. Step back for a minute and just relax. Don’t look at the whole picture right now. Don’t worry about dealing with every issue on your plate right this second. Don’t think every single think needs to be ‘fixed’ right now lest you will not get what you want.
The best thing you can do is just focus on feeling good right now. What immediate changes can you make that would provide a sense of fulfillment, joy or relief? If you have a specific desire you would like to go after, what is the least scary choice you could make right now that would give you the sense you are moving towards it? Don’t force big, huge changes if they feel like they would be too much for you right now.
Right now, there is no change that is ‘too small.’ Anything you do that raises your energy, makes you feel more optimistic, or motivates you to keep going is a worthy accomplishment. How we feel sets the stage for everything, and the more you just focus on feeling good, the more quickly things will come together for you. From a better feeling space, you will have a clearer idea of your next steps. The journey of changing feels more fun, and less anxiety-inducing. With this higher vibration, you will access ideas and inspiration that was previously unavailable to you in your previous state of mind.
How You Feel is Everything—Protect Your ‘Vibration’ Fiercely
For anyone that is familiar with this blog, you know I am all about law of attraction. I have seen enough in my own life to know there is something to it, and I couldn’t write a post about tips for being happier and making true positive change without stressing the importance of our feelings in directly influencing our reality.
How we feel is a key component in this whole process because it determines what kinds of experiences we attract into our lives—our whole external experience is simply a mirror of what is happening inside. Besides a misunderstanding of the concept, knowing this is true on a deeper level, is a major reason why many people get all hot and bothered, and dismiss it as a bunch of baloney. But, I digress.
On a non-LOA note, how we feel will influence our choices, and determine whether we follow through on all the awesomeness we hope to create in our lives.
So, it is crucial your protect your vibration with all your might. We are exposed to so much during the day, and we are being affected more than we realize. We need to put up some filters, and keep out what will drag us down.
Start tuning into how various people, activities, topics of conversation, television shows and any other stimuli make you feel. Do your best to steer clear of things that make you feel badly or reinforce negative beliefs you are trying to shift.
If that hearty dose of bad news that you ingest every morning with your breakfast is dragging you down, stop reading or watching it, and replace the activity with something that will put you in a better space energetically right at the start of the day.
If you are hoping to attract more money into your life, and you find watching certain reality television shows triggers all sorts of negative beliefs about wealthy people, stop watching them. Continuing to do so will create a lot of internal discord, and situations that will bring you more money won’t be able to cross the threshold of your experience.
What situations are creating energetic drags? What can you do to change that? Perhaps you need to scale back on your various commitments. You may need to have some uncomfortable conversations with people, or be willing to admit you can’t do certain things all by yourself anymore, and that you need help. What can you stop doing that you don’t want to do anymore? What are you doing that you feel is ‘necessary’ but actually isn’t?
Again, I can’t stress the importance of this enough. Protect your feelings at all costs. Do the best you can to keep out the crap that weighs you down.
I hope you enjoyed this post, and extracted at least one takeaway that can be applied to your own life right now. Please let me know what you think. Which part resonated with you the most? What challenges are you facing in your efforts to change? What other non-negotiables would you add to this? If you are succeeding with your own efforts to change, what are some of your successful strategies? Looking forward to hearing your thoughts so we can have a chat.
hi Kelly, I love your take on these non-negotiables and it was especially great to be reminded to be ok with making up my own mind and owning who I am. I love coaching women to do this in their businesses and it’s something I need to keep practicing and being reminded of myself 🙂 Thank you
Hi Lisa
Thanks so much for your comment and I am so glad you liked the post. That is a crucial aspect and can make all the difference in the world. i am sure you are a great coach! I think it is a reminder we all need sometimes!
Hi KC,
Protecting your vibe is UBER critical.
Reminds me of the line from Think and Grow Rich; Hill mentions our mind is our spiritual estate, and many allow any old person to come in and trample it.
We need to protect it, by hanging with positive folks, and by not allowing negative peeps or situations in.
Love it!
Tweeting from across the bed in Nadi, Fiji.
Ryan
Thanks for your great insights as always. Yes, uber-critical is a very accurate way to describe the importance of this step. Surrounding ourselves with more positive people is a huge step in that direction and can make more of a difference than we know.
Hey Kelli,
I enjoyed your post, specifically about being willing to face the muck. It’s a common misconception with LOA that once we start practicing it, all our problems will just magically go away.
I know that’s not the case, but the amazing thing is that a conscious practice of LOA gives you the inspiration to choose the easy path towards dealing with all those things that scare you. It’s like having a vibrational shield. I like that you say that begins with being honest with yourself and recognizing that you get to decide what you believe.
Something I’ve found when releasing ways of being that no longer serve me is that it’s like quitting smoking. A week after you quit smoking (which my girlfriend is doing right now) you start coughing a lot, expelling all that nasty stuff that’s been built up in your lungs. If there is a big hairy subject in your life that you are now deciding to deal with, I find that there is some vibrational coughing. This appears in the form of manifesting similar “stuck” or “limiting” circumstances even after you’ve been doing the work for a while.
I would say to that, don’t give up hope, because you know you have shifted your vibration when you experience the stuck circumstance again with a different perspective. And actually, being able to experience something that seemed terrible before, but now you “see the matrix” is a wonderful experience indeed.
Do you know what I mean? Has this happened to you?
Hi Chris
Thanks so much..so glad you liked it. You hit the nail on the head with that amazing thought about it giving us inspiration to follow the easier path. We realize things don’t have to be hard and painful all the time. That is a great analogy and a perfect way to describe what some people experience. The ‘muck’ has to come out once it gets shaken loose but then it is gone for good! I know exactly what you mean, and I have had similar experiences many times over throughout my work with LOA. Like you said, I do see these manifestations from a different perspective now.
Thanks Kelli. I have found that protecting your vibration is huge. When I first learned about the concept that everything is energy, that made a huge difference in my life. That explained why I felt yuk around some people and nice around others. So I thought, if I surround myself with nice energy all the time, then my vibration will rise and it has. I stopped watching news shows as much as I can (my husband insists on watching them but I do something else) and I refuse to watch anything depressing. I stopped buying newspapers and most magazines. I read things like your blog first thing in the morning.
Also after reading in Melody’s blog that meditation raises your vibration I started visualising/meditating for 10-20 minutes a day and that has set off a chain of events in the right direction that make me feel better and better about my life. I find that when I let negative people into my life I have more random negative manifestations and since I have been raising my vibration those people have gravitated out and everyone seems to be nice to me. The more good things that happen the more LOA principles sink in and make sense.
Hi
Thanks so much for your comment. You are so right..once we make that realization we are so much more cognizant of how different things make us either feel good or badly. It sounds like you have made a lot of headway in that area, and avoid a lot of the stuff that can bring us down. The news is a big one. Magazines are also an interesting one because they can serve to make us feel badly about our body, think we need all this ‘stuff’ to be happy, etc.. Meditation is very powerful for raising our vibration for sure and your experience doesn’t surprise me one bit. I meditate daily. Meditation and studying LOA have been the two biggest factors in improving my life for sure. Interactions with people are particularly interesting to me as well because you see how things change for you even if no one else is changing. It really does confirm this whole LOA thing, doesn’t it? Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and insights..I love hearing my reader’s thoughts.
Hi Kelli,
I finally made it here.
You are right on here. People having plenty of issues and going about their lives as if everything was OK, is actually the case for , uh, I don’t know…. over half the populations?
I see that everyday. Most my clients have that very problem and I can help them well because I certainly did too myself for the longest time. But what an achievement when one can start to face the music and recognize that there is a problem, first, and start dealing with it in order to move on to a better life.
People are used to feel in accordance to what’s happening to them, but learning how to feel in order to experience is a completely new concept for them, and for those who are not used to practice that, it’s tough at first, but it’s the only way to get better.
I’m glad I found your blog and will be back 🙂
Hi Sylviane
Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. So glad you liked the post. You are so right about the power of recognizing the issue. It is fascinating because we are fairly aware of what is happening on one hand, but so long as we don’t take that final step of admission, we are quite good at rationalizing, denying and shifting our attention. That admitting can set a powerful string of events in motion and create a huge shift. I love how you put that..learning how to feel in order to experience. Great insight!
Hey Kelli,
I love your message today.
Your first point of “facing the muck” reminded me of something I was holding onto some time back. I had a good friend at that time and it’s been over five years now. Every time she would talk about a specific topic I would rehash something that happened to me over 25 years ago. It was a huge thing that had happened to me and I never to this day understood why and it had been out of my hands. I guess I had to “find out why” and I couldn’t let it go until I did. She finally made me realize what I was doing and that I would never know while on this earth so just let it go already and I did. I think someone had to explain to me what I was doing and why in order for me to work through facing it and letting it go.
Do you know how this all came about with your second point? It’s when I finally just came to the realization that my parents aren’t always right. I was raised to respect your parents and elders and take them at their word. But I don’t even remember when it was that one day I just realized that I am my own person and I have thoughts, feeling and my own darn beliefs. What makes theirs more important or real than mine! It was a huge wake up call for me, huge!
Now the not having to figure it all out, I would say that one has been much more recent. Just putting it in God/Universe’s hands and knowing that it will come. That’s been hard for me to let go of the how and it’s not that I’m a control freak but I’m use to knowing that I have to do the work and then see the results. Knowing that the results might not come exactly like that, that was much harder to realize and understand. But I’ve done it and it’s fabulous.
Boy do I EVER agree with you that how you feel is everything. That reminds me of a conversation that I had with my Mom last week. She’s the biggest worry wart in the world. So over two years ago on Thanksgiving Day she ended up with the shingles. The reason this came up recently is because our property manager’s sister got them shortly after she lost her husband. My Mom is worried about me getting them since I had one of the worst cases of chicken pox when I was just two years old. I told her to stop worrying about it because I wasn’t going to get them. I’ve told her it all has to do with the way I think Mom and how I feel. If being depressed back when I lost my Dad didn’t bring them on then nothing will. It’s the way I think about things darn it. Okay, just my example of course but it came to my mind when you mentioned that. Overall though, life is fabulous because that’s how I view it every single day.
Thanks for this message Kelli and I know you’re enjoying your week.
~Adrienne
Hi Adrienne
Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your experience. I know what that is like to have certain situations ‘haunt’ us for years and years, playing things over and trying to figure out why it happened,etc… I think a lot of people can relate to that. It can be hard for us to just let things go, and certain situations just stick. They can also carry their emotional impact long after they happened, and I think that is one of the reasons we can’t move forward from them. That third prty perspective can be really helpful can’t it? It can be hard for us to examine certain things in a more effective manner when we have so much ‘stuff’ surrounding them.
Our parents can have such an influence on what we think and believe—our family life and our home is like our own little universe, and we get so much input from them. And, like you said, if you were raised with the belief that people older than us know best without question, it can be hard to break away from that. It is great you had that epiphany. When we begin trusting ourselves more and put less weight on what other people think, amazing shifts can begin to happen.
The not figuring it out thing is something that is still a challenge for me, but I have gotten better as I have seen results that suggest to me it is the most pleasant and easiest way to get what I want! But that brain of mine still puts up a fight! It is fabulous for sure.
My mother is worrier too, and looking back on it, I have no doubt influenced my worry issue—I used to worry about everything all the time. There are still vestiges of it, but largely, I have gotten much, much better. You are right about that…if a stressful situation like that didn’t bring them on, chances are anything else won’t trigger an episode.
Thanks as always for sharing your experience.
Beautifully honest as usual. I love the importance you place on the way we feel. I think the part that resonated the most for me is that we need to take responsibility to stop doing things that are not true to us. Disconnect from people who are not helping us achieve our highest good. That one has been a difficult lesson for me, but pushing forward with it has made a huge difference in my life. I feel more free and confident when I am able to trim the vibrational fat from my life. Thank you for your words!
Hey Nikki
Thanks so much, so glad you enjoyed it. We don’t pay enough attention to how we are feeling, and it is very easy to get totally disconnected from ourselves and get caught up in everyday living. We know we don’t feel good but don’t realize what is exactly causing it all the time. When we tune in, we can begin to make positive changes. Our feelings are the core point of attraction, and cultivating better ones is the foundation of improving our life. I think this can be challenging for most everyone–it takes a lot of shifting of beliefs, reflection and other ‘strategies’ that can be uncomfortable, but if we can just start doing the work, we can make huge shifts. I am glad to hear you are seeing results in your own life. ‘Vibrational fat’–excellent way to put it!
Hi Kelli,
In our life there are many ups and downs come but we need to move forward. But what about creating your life according to your wish. Many people live their life full of stress and they have burden to push their life. They don’t live it, they just spend it with no fun.
As you have mentioned above that people need to feel their inside so that they can do whatever they always wish to do. Distraction is the part of our life and our mind get distracted by many things easily. People should focus on the things which give them happiness and from which they can fulfill their dream.
Thanks for pointing out such great things here.
Hope you are enjoying your weekend.:)
~Ravi
Hi Ravi
So sorry for the delay…I somehow overlooked this comment. You are so right about the ups and downs–such is life right! Distraction happens to the best of us, but like you say, we need to tune into the inside and what is happening there. Thanks so much for your comment and insights. Glad you liked the post!