Beware the Dream Squashers: Keeping Other People Out of Your Head While Pursuing Your Goals

 So, you have decided you want to make some positive changes in your life; you are tired of wanting things, and are taking steps to actually have them. Whether you are aiming for something really bold that represents a drastic departure from your current existence, or something a bit more muted, you probably know all too well how other people can impact our efforts for the worse, whether directly or indirectly.

In fact, it can be one of the biggest barriers we have to overcome in reaching whatever goals we have set for ourselves. The pull of other people’s opinions, and all the crappy stuff that has been pounded into our heads over and over again since we were young can be overpowering.

The doubt that manages to creep up within can be a formidable foe, and nothing can trigger, and amplify it more easily ,than another person expressing their own about your desires and decisions. The criticisms and judgments of others can be devastating, especially when it comes from the people closest to us.

If you are surrounded by people who have very strong ideas about what life should be like, and what you should want, and what you want for yourself doesn’t quite match up, you probably have already gotten quite a taste of how much that sucks.

Now, it is important to remember one thing when dealing with this less-than-pleasant aspect of creating the life you truly want—we have to take responsibility for how we handle this. Sure, we are only human, and these dream squashers will get to us sometimes; their ‘venom’ will seep in through some of the chinks in our armor.

It happens to the best of us, myself included. But, we have to realize that how we are reacting to whatever crap they are serving up to us is all about us. With some luck, maybe you can transform these squashers into supporters, or at the very least, neutral bystanders who will keep their mouth shut.

But, for the most part, you are only going to improve the situation by working on yourself and how you handle their assaults. It is vital you find better ways to cope, or you can easily be swayed from the path you truly know is right for you, and you can’t let that happen, ever.

Also, it’s important to remember that sometimes the dream squasher doesn’t have ill intentions—they may be genuinely trying to express concern; maybe they are worried doing the things you want will change your relationship in some way, or produce changes with which they may have a hard time dealing.

Here are just a few helpful tips for dealing with the dream squashers, and protecting your precious energy.

Everything Said is a Projection of What is Within

Everything people say, and everything they believe, has gone through a filter– a filter formed by countless life experiences, and what outside influences have taught them to believe throughout their lives.

They have experienced many things that validate these beliefs, and will have no trouble ‘proving’ they are right and you are ‘wrong.’ They have not yet realized the awesome truth that whatever we believe will be true for us.

Know what all this means? Whatever is coming out of their mouths has absolutely nothing to do with you, and what you are doing. It is all a projection of what is within them.

If someone tells you something isn’t possible, it’s because she can’t see it being possible for herself. If the person grew up in a very different environment, or time, their perspective is just so different, seeing where you are coming from may be a near impossibility for them.

Any doubts, fears and other negative emotions being expressed were borne of stuff that happened to them, and they are projecting it onto you.

If the decisions you are making to improve your life trigger any questioning of their own decisions they have made throughout theirs, they are not going to like that, no siree. And the only way they can stamp it out is by criticizing you and convincing themselves they made the right choice.

But, once that seed has been planted, they can’t totally uproot it, and that criticism of you will keep rearing its head over and over—but the source is always the same. Don’t forget that.

Some people may just be straight up jealous of what you are doing, and wish they could do it too; they don’t realize they can, and instead of focusing their energy on that, they try to keep you where you are. Maybe they are afraid if you succeed in getting what you want, they will be left behind, and that scares them.

I recently was reading a blog about a woman’s efforts to lose weight and change her lifestyle, and she had brought up the fact that her success created rifts with people close to her, and it didn’t surprise me one bit. Jealousy and fear are major motivations for dream squashing.

If you can remember their reaction is all about their own ‘stuff,’’ it will bounce off you more easily; when it does bother you, you will be able to shake it off in less time.

Only Talk to People Whose Thoughts You Value and Will Be Positive

This one sounds kind of obvious, but it is something that is often easier said than done. Sometimes we can find ourselves getting into conversations about our plans for the future, or changes we are trying to make, and it can take an ugly turn into dream squashing.

People often aren’t doing it on purpose, they are just expressing a belief or opinion; they may talk about the bad things that can happen, or the challenges you will face. If it is something particularly bold, they will exclaim how they would never do that because it is too scary or too risky or too whatever.

Their thoughts are borne of all sorts of limiting beliefs, fears and a bunch of other yucky stuff. And as this is happening, that doubtful part of yourself is being awakened, and all the bad thoughts start creeping in.

And, as for the people who may be doing it on purpose, who are just super-negative or who may have their own agenda in trying to derail your efforts, you need to stop talking to them about whatever it is you are trying to do.

Sure, it may seem weird to not discuss these types of things with your best friend or parent, but if they fall into this category, you must do so without question.

If you don’t care about what someone would think about your plans, or you know they would not be supportive or not understand, do yourself a favor. Keep your mouth shut. If these people try to bring up the topic or ask you questions you don’t want to answer, find a way to steer the conversation in another direction.

You need to keep their junk out of your head—you are most likely already dealing with plenty of your own. Don’t make this any harder than it already may be!

Talk to the people who do understand and support you; talk to the people whose opinions you value, and believe could give you helpful advice.

If You Know You’re Doing the Right Thing, That is All That Matters

One of the first steps in living my life as I truly wished to live it was figuring out exactly who the hell I was and what I wanted. And, if you are really making a serious effort to improve your life, chances are you have given this matter some thought as well.

You are no longer operating on auto-pilot. You are no longer pursuing what you should want; you have awoken from the fog, and have a clear vision of what you want your future to look like.

Once you gain this clarity, you know what it is you have to do to get where you want to be. Whether you have just taken a few steps on your path, or are a bit farther along, you know you are on the right road. Remember this when other people start to get into your head.

They don’t know jackshit about what is possible for you, what is right for you, what is best for you. No one knows you better than you know yourself, and if you have decided you want your life to be a certain way, and you have specific goals you wish to accomplish, you will succeed.

Not caring about what other people think of us, and protecting our energy and thoughts against all these assaults can be really hard sometimes. But, you don’t have to worry about becoming some master. The most important thing will be finding ways to cope when you find yourself caring, and find your energy being weakened, so you can get back on track.

The dream squashers are everywhere—some are operating with ill intent while others mean no harm, they just have a sucky and limited outlook on life. You probably can’t avoid them completely, but if you take these three pieces of advice to heart, you can greatly reduce their impact.