Barriers to a Better Life: 3 Common Behaviors Keeping Us Stuck Where We Are

The issues plaguing our efforts to be better people, and live the life we want to live, are seemingly endless are they not? I often think of blog post ideas while meditating, and this topic popped into my head. I then told myself I would go with the first three ‘barriers’ that came to mind thereafter, and this post was born.

I feel these problems are particularly powerful in thwarting our efforts at truly changing, and I suspect many people reading this will relate strongly to at least one of them. If something you read here strikes a cord, tune in, analyze and commit to taking some sort of action that will help you break free of this particular ‘chain’ keeping you attached to something in your life you no longer want.

Not Taking Full Responsibility for Your Current Circumstances

This is a tough one for a lot of us; it is very easy to blame outside circumstances for our current lot in life; and because it is so easy, we tend to do it a lot. And since this behavior is so common amongst us silly humans, you will find plenty of people who will wholeheartedly agree with, and help validate, your position and very few people who will challenge you on it.

The fact of the matter is, we have so much more control than we know, but owning that control often requires us to make decisions that are very uncomfortable or require drastic change; the decisions are so uncomfortable or so drastic, we can easily convince ourselves they are not feasible options, and we don’t even consider them possibilities. But, they are possibilities, and if we are not willing to pursue them because it seems ‘too hard,’ we have to acknowledge that, and realize we are where we are because of an unwillingness to change, not because we truly have no choice.

For example, you may lament about not having enough money, but you could move somewhere cheaper if you really wanted, could you not? But, if you insist on living in New York City, and won’t have it any other way, that is on you. So, what can you do to improve your financial situation so you can enjoy your life more there if you decide this is where you want to live?

You stayed in a bad marriage for financial reasons, but you could have really left if you wanted, could you not? If you believe you can’t get a good job because you stayed home to raise children for all those years, but would not entertain the idea of getting any sort of job training ,or going back to school, because that just seemed like ‘too much’ or you were not willing to take a temporary hiatus from a lifestyle to which you have become accustomed, that is on you.

I am not bringing up this point to be an antagonistic biatch, and ‘blame’ you for creating your own messes. I bring it up because I want to help you develop the belief we have control over our lives, and we can take charge if we are willing to own the role we have played in creating the stuff we don’t like. We aren’t perfect, and this isn’t about berating ourselves for our bad choices and self-sabotaging behaviors–it is about owning up to them, and working to turn things around.

I don’t know about you, but I would much rather believe we have great power in shaping our ‘destiny’ than believe we only have limited control, and the majority of the power lies outside of us, beyond our reach. Remember whatever we believe will be true for us.

If something I have said here struck a chord, good. It means you are seeing a truth, a truth maybe you can’t fully admit to. This discomfort is the first step in reevaluating our current way of thinking and being, and discarding what no longer serves us. Sit with the yuck and examine it.

Figure out how you have been abdicating responsibility for your life, and how you can rectify the problem. Look at how things are going right now, and honestly assess whether there were different decisions you could have made—I assure you there were options, but you dismissed them because making these choices would require you do to some something that made you afraid, would possibly make other people criticize you, or just seemed too ‘hard’ for one reason or another.

Getting Lost in the Land of Possibilities

This is another biggie that can derail people from really changing their lives. It is very easy to get lost in the ‘land of possibilities.’ This is a really great place to be; it is the place where you are imagining all the different paths you could pursue, and they all seem so much better than where you currently are.

Spending time here makes us feel really good—full of hope about the future, excitement about getting what we want. We visualize all the wonderful ways in which our life will change once we do these things we are considering.

This imagining alone is enough to really lift our spirits, and help us trudge through our life as it stands now—we are planning a way out, and it feels wonderful. The stress, frustration and other negative emotions lose their intensity, and we just feel so much better overall. An enormous weight has been lifted.

But, it is easy to get stuck in this phase longer than we should be, sometimes way, way longer, like years. Actually moving from the’ imagining’ to the ‘doing,’ changes the complexion of things. In the land of possibilities, there is no stress, fear, doubt or pushback from other people because you haven’t done anything yet. Everything there is all warm and fuzzy.

Actually deciding on a course of action, and starting the journey can be freaking scary. This is where the ‘fun’ starts—the limiting beliefs bubbling to the surface, the people in your life questioning or criticizing your choices, the obstacles that pop up and fill you with doubt about whether you will get what you want. But, the longer you put it off, the easier it will be to keep putting it off. You feel scared to actually start, and that is okay; but, if you know what it is you want to do, you need to take action. Be honest with yourself about your lack of action thus far—is it because you are still really weighing options, and thinking things through, or is it because you are too scared to actually make the transition from fantasy to reality?

Trying to Figure It All Out before Starting

When we think of where we are now and where we want to be, there is so much stuff in between that we worry about, that we feel we need to figure out. It can feel overwhelming, and when we feel overwhelmed, we tend to make an interesting choice—instead of just getting the ball rolling, we do absolutely nothing. Us humans are a funny bunch are we not?

Starting this blog is a good example. I had done a blog a few years back, and over time, the posts became less frequent, until I stopped it altogether. I was really feeling the pull to start a new blog, and right away, a million different thoughts came to mind about monetizing it, coming up with content, designing it,etc….

But, I pushed all that aside and just started. I got that first post out there. I didn’t worry about the design—I can jazz it up later. I just knew I needed to follow my pull to go back to writing about personal development again; I have learned a lot on my own journey, and while I am certainly no expert, I knew I had something valuable to say, and I needed to actually start saying it.

What will happen with this blog? I have no idea. Maybe I will gain some huge following and become a force to be reckoned with in the personal development arena. Maybe I will start offering coaching. Maybe I will come up with some awesome e-book or program. Or maybe I will just write it for fun. While I have some general ideas of what I would like it to become, for the most part, I haven’t a fracking clue. And that is okay.

I just knew I needed to start, and six weeks later, here I am, doing my thing. And as time goes on, I will refine my vision, and figure out what I need to do achieve whatever that vision is.

I remember reading a saying that went something along the lines of taking the first step even if you can’t see the whole staircase, and it is so true. Just start doing something—take some sort of step today, no matter how small it may seem. Don’t delay because you feel you can’t take any action until you figure everything out.