Not Really Loving Your Life Right Now? 5 Questions to Turn Things Around

 Are you looking at your life right now and thinking..how the hell did I end up here? Are happy in certain areas but would like to change others? Do you just feel a general sense of unrest or stagnation? Do you feel there is more to this whole human experience than the humdrum routine your existence has become?

Well, if so, this post is for you. If you can honestly answer these five questions I have posed below, you are well on your way to making awesome changes in your life, no matter what they may be.

By asking myself these questions, I was able to transition from a life I really didn’t want, but thought was the one I was supposed to be living ,to penning this post from an oceanview home in Fiji. On a housesitting job, my fiance and I are living here for free, and spending much of the day playing with adorable cats, which is one of my favorite ways to pass the time. We have been traveling the world since May 2011, and funding it with our various location-independent sources of income.

So, yeah, it is totally possible to turn your life around…it all starts with the decision to do so. Enjoy…

 What is Making Me Unhappy?

On one hand, this question does not require all that much thought. We have been trained to think negatively, and it requires very little effort to rattle off the list of things we don’t like in our lives, or wish were different . The various thorns in our side will rarely accuse us of neglecting to acknowledge their presence. However, most of us haven’t considered this issue in a constructive way,  a way that helps us really get to the root of why we feel the way we do.

But, on the other hand, this question may be one that is difficult to answer because in many cases, we are in denial—sometimes quite deeply– about the things that are making us unhappy. We kind of know the reasons, but haven’t reached the point where we have fully admitted it. And, so long as we have not made that official admission, we can go on convincing ourselves everything is fine on that particular front.

But, if you are really itching to make some improvements, it is time to be honest with yourself. You can’t fix a problem you can’t admit exists.

Sure, you love your kids to death, but if you feel your whole identity is being consumed by the monumental task of parenting, and you need something else in your life, you have to do something about that. Don’t be overwhelmed by the guilt that comes from a culture where parenthood is highly romanticized, you are taught to believe being a mother is all you need to make you happy, and many people suffer in silence because while it is acceptable to make broad statements like ‘parenting is hard,’ it is taboo to actually talk openly about why this is so.

You spent a lot of time and money pursuing a certain career path, but at some point, you felt this wasn’t the right thing to do. Having invested so much, it can be really hard to admit you are not happy; the thought of starting something new is really scary, so you have been convincing yourself you are in the right line of work, even though you know you aren’t.

The first step to making a change is getting clear on what is wrong and what you don’t like. This information serves as a useful springboard to figuring out what it is you do like and do want.

When you sit down and really think about everything that is making you unhappy, you may feel a bit overwhelmed. But, that’s okay. It is natural to feel this way when we engage in this honest reflection. Don’t worry about fixing every little thing at once. Right now, this is just a fact-finding mission.

What Do You Want, Like REALLY Want?

Interestingly, a lot of people don’t really know the answer to this question because they haven’t given it all that much consideration, which is kind of crazy considering the thing we all crave most in this world is happiness.  Us humans are an interesting bunch, that’s for sure.Many of us end up pursuing what we have been taught should make us happy, but then we don’t feel all that great and are like..what the f%&# is up with that?

Again, our conditioning has made us kind of negative and we are taught not to expect much out of life. We think certain things aren’t possible for ‘people like us.’ We look at people who have managed to create pretty good lives for themselves, and deem them ‘lucky.’ We will argue to the death for our limitations and all the reasons we can’t do the things we want to do. That tendency has always struck me as particularly interesting.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way. I imagine most people reading this are living a pretty nice existence in a first-world country that is relatively safe and stable. There are no warlords terrorizing you; no famines or crushing poverty. You have a house and food to eat. You may not like your job, but you have a regular source of income that allows you to pay your bills, and do fun stuff, like go to the movies or take a vacation.

If you are in this position, do you realize how much of an advantage you have in terms of creating a better life for yourself? You are in a very enviable position of being able to focus on what you want, because everything you truly need is taken care of and then some.

SO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP WASTING THIS OPPORTUNITY!!!!

Figure out what would make you happy and go for it. I am not just talking about big, grand things like writing a novel, or becoming a business mogul. I am talking about lots of little things that can add up and make for a much happier life, like finding time for a hobby.

Let yourself think about what would make you happy; let yourself get optimistic. Don’t push your desires down so you can protect yourself against disappointment.

Don’t look at the past, and what your life is like now, to determine what can happen in the future. Don’t censor yourself when asking this question-just let it all come to the surface. Don’t include what you think you should want, or you think should make you happy. Make your own definition of success.

Where Am I Dropping the Ball?

For various reasons, we engage in all sorts of behaviors, and make all sorts of choices ,that perpetuate our unhappiness. Sometimes we are just so used to doing certain things, we don’t realize there is another way.

Sometimes we feel we have no choice but to do these things. We are living on auto-pilot and just move through the day reacting to everything around us, without engaging in any deliberate thought about what is happening.

To live our more preferred life, we have to increase our awareness of what is going on. We have to step back and deliberately assess our lives and what we are doing on a day-to-day basis. We have to see where we are dropping the ball.

What behaviors are you engaging in that you know are contributing to your displeasure? What things do you know you should be doing but aren’t? What habits and thought patterns are screwing with you?

Again, this will take a degree of honesty to which you may be unaccustomed, but if you can withstand the discomfort of calling yourself out on where you may be screwing things up, oh the wonderful changes you can make.

 What Could I Do Immediately to Get on a Different Track?

Getting from where you are now ,to where you want to be, may seem like a really long road depending on what realizations you made in this exercise in self-evaluation and reflection. That may leave you with a bit of a deflated feeling. You think about all you have to change, and all you have to do to turn things around.

But, you don’t have to worry about tackling every issue at once. You don’t have to achieve each and every thing you have decided you want ,before feeling like a happier person, and better about your life.

You won’t magically become a different person overnight; some things you want to bring into your experience may take a bit of time, while others can make an appearance almost immediately provided you allow yourself to make certain decisions.

Progress is one of the best motivators, and to get the ball rolling, think about things you can do immediately to get you moving in the direction in which you want to go. It might be signing up for a class, releasing commitments that are draining you, having a talk with a friend or relative about something that has been bothering you, and you feel needs to be addressed to make you feel better, or investigating new jobs and sending out some resumes.

I have made amazing changes in my life, and am living one I never would have thought possible. I have made amazing changes within myself that again, I never would have thought possible. This is not something I accomplished in a week’s time.

I simply decided I wanted to be different, and made a series of choices on a daily basis that helped bring that intention to fruition.

Tune in each day to the moments where you are presented with an opportunity to make a better choice, and really try to make it, whether it be ordering the healthier meal, exercising instead of zoning out in front of the computer, or letting something small go instead of inciting an argument.  You won’t always choose well, especially in the beginning. But, as you go on, you will gain momentum, and making the better choices will seem like the easier, more natural thing to do.

What Beliefs Are No Longer Serving Me?

Over time, we have developed a set of beliefs that have guided our thoughts, decisions and actions. They form the core of how we experience our life. And, based on my work with law of attraction, determine the various experiences, and people, that come into our orbit. But, I won’t get into that too much here. If you are interested in reading more about all that jazz, check out my LOA archives.

Anyhoo….lots of the beliefs we hold ain’t so great. They have caused us a lot of pain and suffering; they prompted us to make decisions we really may have not wanted to make, and lead lives we may not really be all that happy about. These beliefs are so ingrained, we have taken them as truth. We can easily look back on our experience, and that of many people around us, and find countless examples that ‘prove’ this is the way things are, and we are right about what we think.

But, guess what my pets? Whatever we believe will be true for us. This means if you change what you believe, you will also change your experience. Much of our reality is highly subjective—some might argue all of it is. But that is some deep stuff that kind of gives me a headache when I think about it, so I won’t really get into that now.

Have you ever noticed that a lot of successful, happy people seem to believe in things like our thoughts influencing our reality, law of attraction, the power of setting intentions, faith, and all that ‘positive stuff?’ Do you think they believe in all that because life has been really good to them since they were wee babies, and they never experienced hardship or any reason to be unhappy? Um…NO.

They cultivated these empowering beliefs, and that carved the way for what they have accomplished. Many of these people came from very trying circumstances, and would not be expected to achieve what they did. Think of someone like Oprah…she went from living in crushing poverty, suffering various forms of abuse, and wearing dresses made out of potato sacks to being one of the most powerful and influential people in the world.

Think about people whom you admire in some way, whether a person you know in real life or not. What sort of beliefs do they hold? What is their ‘life philosophy?’ If they are where you hope to be some day, it would probably be a really good idea to further investigate. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself and focusing on all the reasons they were able to do what they did, and why you wouldn’t be able to.

What beliefs are no longer serving you? What beliefs do you hold that are keeping you stuck where you are, and make you think you can’t have something better?

What beliefs would you need to cultivate to make you believe something else is possible for you, both the small and big things that you would like to experience?

Are you willing to admit your beliefs now are not ‘law?’ Are you open to the fact changing how you think could open up a whole new world, and mold a whole different experience for you? Are you willing to admit this world is a mysterious place full of happenings us humans will probably never be able to understand or ‘prove?’

Commit to exposing yourself to new ways of thinking and being, through books, conversations with others (online and off), and reading awesome blogs like this. 🙂

These questions help you cultivate clarity, a key ingredient in making changes, and creating something better for ourselves. Getting what you want may involve doing things that are really uncomfortable; you will likely open yourself up to criticism and unwanted questioning; it can take awhile to override your negative beliefs and resulting habits and behaviors, but it can be done.

I would love to hear your thoughts about this post. What resonated with you? What experiences and advice can you share about your own journey of improving your life? What challenges have you faced and how do you deal with them?