Ryan and I were having a conversation with a fellow traveling couple today, and it had me reflecting on my journey to living the life I want to live, and some issues that popped up for me over the last few months that challenged me.
When we get into personal development ,and the law of attraction in particular, on some level, I think we have an expectation that we can somehow create this perfect life and become this perfect person.
We’ll find a way to transcend any unwanted emotion and somehow prevent anything ‘unwanted’ from ever happening again. We achieve these states of feeling all is right with the world and they can become addicting. We think maybe we have finally ‘made it,’ only to have something unwanted happen or to wake up feeling depressed for no reason.
And not only are we feeling badly, we feel badly about feeling badly–we develop an aversion to these moments and then feel like we have to try even harder to ‘get happy’ and get rid of them.
It’s not the unwanted that is causing us so much suffering, it is how we are viewing it, it is all the self-judgment we heap on ourselves for not handling it ‘better’ or for still dealing with things we think we should have moved past by now, given all our ‘work’ and all the wisdom we have amassed.
We get this idea that these things aren’t ‘supposed’ to be happening or that negative emotion is ‘bad.’
But as I always like to remind everyone, we are human. We will be constantly navigating between this aspect of ourselves and ‘big’ us who knows we are enveloped in love and support from the Universe, knows who we really are and knows what we are capable of. That is all part of the game.
We really want to try to remember anything happening to us is just showing us something. It is giving us an opportunity to step more into who we really are, and chip away a bit more at the illusion and the erroneous conclusions our mind has made about who we are and ‘how it is.’
The bigger the shitstorm, the bigger the opportunity. The more resistance you are dealing with, the more you are being invited to release.
Imagine if just for a moment, everything that is happening right now is exactly what is supposed to be happening? Imagine that nothing has gone wrong.
Be willing to consider the possibility that the change you are desiring, or the thing you want to attract is not the solution to your current problem, or the key to feeling better about what is happening right now.
How much easier would it be to detach from this manifestation? How much less pain would you feel because of its absence?
If what is happening right now is exactly what is supposed to be happening, how much easier would it be to deal with? How much easier would it be to figure out what it is showing you and what opportunity is being presented to you?
Instead of trying to make yourself feel better, how about just letting yourself feel whatever you are feeling, knowing that is a linchpin in healing whatever is happening?
Once we start dealing with our feelings, we don’t have to be ‘shown’ them as much anymore in the form of manifestations we tend not to like very much, but need to experience because those buttons still need to be pushed.
Do what you can to feel better, but know that there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling now. Don’t try to force anything. Don’t judge yourself or berate yourself for not being ‘better at life.’
Don’t think for one second that things can’t get better and that you must resign yourself to whatever is happening now…that is so not true.
You can have whatever it is you want, but be willing to concede that whatever your mind is declaring is just a fraction of what is possible and may not be the best representation.
Be willing to consider maybe it’s not supposed to be here yet–not because something beyond you is holding it back for some reason, but because there is still stuff that needs to be done before you can enjoy this thing in all its glory, because something even better may be in the works.
Hope you enjoyed that. What did you think of the post? Are you going through a rough patch? Anything resonate with you in particular? Any advice you would give?
Also, don’t forget to sign up for class number 3 in the Manifesting Like a Mofo Series:
Get Everything by Wanting Nothing: How to Stop Creating from Ego
Taking place November 1st 3 PM Eastern Time. Everyone gets access to the recording so don’t worry if you can’t make it live.
Also, check out my interview on This Weird Thing Called Life podcast: Your Life Your Way. Lots of inspiration and lots of practical tips.
Hi Kelli!
This was, again, exactly what I needed! I find it very difficult to let go of my need to control. I’m exhausted after trying to control “the big” manifestation, even though I’m telling myself I have already let go. So yeah, I’m trying to fool myself;-) Just realised this and then got mad at myself for being mad…! What a mess! It is SO hard not to overthink this process!! This post helped me to relax a bit and just accept that I am struggeling. Thank you;-)
Hi Astrid
So happy you enjoyed the post. You’re certainly not alone in not wanting to give up control…so don’t beat yourself up about that too much! We all struggle with that to some degree. That exhaustion is a good thing because it is then that we really make the changes because we just can’t take it anymore and we surrender. It can be scary but so many awesome things happen when we do that. The struggle is all part of it–we don’t have to fight it, just go with it.
I loved this post Kelli and it resonated very much.
I loved the comments of “maybe the manifestation is not supposed to happen right now” and that everything is perfect right now”. And ESPECIALLY the bit saying “you’re not doing anything wrong”!!
What a releif it is to offload that heavy sack of potatoes I’ve been carrying around. Constantly thinking I have something broken and buried so deep in my subconscious (more of the dreaded R word).
I feel relief. That’s the only way I can describe it.
Wonderful posts as always!!
Thank you 🙂
Hi Rachelle
I am so glad you liked it. It is so important not to blame ourselves. It is easy to fall into that territory once we start trying to take responsibility for our life and be more deliberate, but they are two really different energies. Relief is a great energy–opens up a lot of stuff so always keep an eye to what you can do to create that feeling.
I haven’t considered it a rough patch necessarily, but I think I know the main thorn in my side, the main blockage in my life right now…my mom or my perception of her and our relationship. As an adult I have come to see that she is not who I thought she was as a child, and while I know this in my mind its so hard when I feel slighted again and again by her (read: she drives me fucking crazy) I have outside people telling me I should cut her out of my life because she is toxic, yet I cannot do that. Its not something I can do or even be willing to do. Sometimes I think that I am the crazy one and everything going on with her and me is all my perception and that “she would never do that intentionally….” I want her in my life, but I want to be able to remain unaffected by her actions; the ones that are getting under my skin right now.
I also noticed today actually, that even when she isn’t doing or saying anything negative whatsoever I get this heavy frustration coursing through me, just aggravation; and I realize that she has nothing to do with that.
And even before coming home and reading your post I instinctively for the first time, instead of continuing to fuss in my mind about her, or trying to ignore my feelings and focus on something else: I just felt the frustration, I focused on the feeling and how it was physically feeling in my body. I told my mind to be quiet when it tried to tell me I was lowering my vibration (LOL) It stayed there for quite sometime, probably over an hour, but I just let it be, I didn’t take it out on anything else, I just let it be there – the feeling – without thinking about the why I was feeling it, or how I was going to make it feel better. And after a while I felt better, I felt neutral and even happy afterwards.
I still fear that I will have to continue to work on this, and I don’t know if I really want to; I’m sure there is plenty of hurt and sadness and pain beyond this simple lovely frustration… but I’m telling myself that I’m willing to take a new perspective on it one way or another…
I used to really be afraid of emotions, I preferred to stay numb/apathetic to everything….sometimes I am reminded why!
Hey Summer
Thank you so much for sharing this experience with me. I think so many people can relate to what you are saying because family issues are a common thorn in our side as you so perfectly put it. You can handle this however you want to handle it, and if keeping a relationship with your mother is what you ultimately want, you will find a way to make it work. Over time, you may possibly adopt a different perspective depending on how things unfold. THat you are letting yourself feel the feelings is so so important–that is the best way to heal things and actually move forward. All that suppressing in the name of being ‘positive’ really doesn’t serve us well because we really aren’t transforming the other feelings, they are still sitting there strong as ever but just being ignored to the best of our ability. Over time you’ll get more comfortable engaging with your emotions and it won’t seem as scary and they won’t feel as badly. And dont worry about doing it all the time…sometimes distraction and doing something else is the ticket. Intuitively, you’ll know what to do.
Today I actually went into our conversation with the intention of “not anger” being the outcome (albeit not a very positive intention but it is a start for me)
And for the most part it went okay, a little uncomfortable to not throw my defenses up immediately; and I did end the conversation with a loud “debate” about politics and current events (i hate politics and the news, and yet could not help argue about it in the heat of the moment) but my husband said it was like a safety relief valve, spewing all that pressure out a safe pipe line, and I realized he is probably right; there was nothing personal brought into it we just got to yell at eachother and disagree about stuff that (to me anyway) has zero effect on my daily life. So I’m counting this as a step in the right direction 🙂
lol
Hi Summer
You are right…we all have to start somewhere and jumping right to the most enlightened perspective and course of action may not always be feasible…and that’s okay. It is definitely a step in the right direction…be sure not to be too hard on yourself and celebrate any victory!
Thanks for the post, Kelli. I am going through a rough patch lately, I keep thinking that things have gone wrong. I’m going to try think along the lines that everything is working out for the best.
P.S. I love the new site design! 🙂
Hi Moonsparkle
You are welcome…glad you enjoyed it. Thinking something has gone wrong can be tough to deal with because our mind wants to go into ‘how can I fix this’ mode, which just makes us create from a space of resistance even more! Just see what you are being shown by what is happening now and know that it is no indicator that things can’t change.
I recall the Dali Lama saying not getting what you want is a fab stroke of luck. Or something like that. What a fascinating journey we’re having together. Surrendering has been the answer for in the moment you get to see all resistance which is goading you not to allow stuff in. Gotta go, I have some surrendering to do. So happy to see you let so much in, you’re a star.
RKB
Hi Ryan
I am familiar with that quote as well and it can be very true at times right? Go get your surrender on.
Hey Kelli. Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks, thyyanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This resonates with me so much that I was laughing while reading because it’s so applicable to what I’m going through right now, namely AP courses as a high school junior. For the first time I’m not getting straight As but Cs and Ds. That’s so not me! And I’m always doing so much homework, which I hate, and the teacher gives me bad grades. Okay, I don’t do it exactly the way she wants, but I don’t care about the topic and get tired of writing. Ugh. AP English! Enough said.
Hi Amy
I saw your email and your comment did come through…lots of legitimate comments go to spam over the last few months…not sure why that started happening all of a sudden. You strike me as pretty smart and I suspect school may be quite boring for you. AP classes are tough…I took some in HS as well. In the long run, none of it matters. But, most of us will feel uncomfortable with not doing well in school and worry how it will affect our future so the belief it is important is something we will probably have to work within and from there we will figure out how to do it our way.
Those are great words of encouragement,it is true you do not have to fight those feelings but accept them and get back to a good place eventually.
Hi Angela
I am glad you enjoyed the post. We really don’t have to fight them…we can embrace them and see what they are showing us.
Very timely post – thank you! It’s odd how we can get sucked back in to unhealthy crap that we thought we kicked off of our shoes a while back. I found myself thinking I should do something (settling for a situation which is just more of the same stuff I have been moving away from); I just let it be for a while. The reality was revealed and my intuition was validated. The early journey to total belief in oneself can be fraught with potholes…sigh.
Hi Kimberly
I am glad you found the post useful. Yeah, we can get sucked back in over and over–I know we think we will eventually master it all but probably not going to happen and it’s totally okay! It sounds like your willingness to just see what was up paid off and that inner wisdom revealed itself…it always does which is great. Yes, it can be bumpy and I like how you phrased it…totally true.
Hi Kelli, Thanks for this post it has been so helpful. I recently had a manifestation that absolutely shattered me, it threatened my marriage, my family and the happy secure little bubble I had been living in. I am new to LOA and prior to this happening was on such a high I was
almost jumping out of skin! The thing that I want is to go travelling for a couple of years with my husband, not to escape anything or because I hate my life, I don’t, I have a great life, but for excitement and adventure. I was having lots of little manifestations that brought joy to my life and now nothing. I can not stress enough how horrible I felt it’s many years since I felt like that and now I feel drained and empty and like I will never manifest anything again. I realise this isn’t true but this happened over a week ago and I’m wondering what is a normal time frame to feel normal again. The other thing is I have no idea what limiting beliefs caused this so does that mean I haven’t released them yet? I started meditating recently for the first time in my life would that have some connection? Thanks in advance sorry for the long post but I am really struggling here. Cheers Audrey
Hi Audrey
Those unwanted manifestations can be particularly painful when we have been feeling really good–they sting a lot more and the craving for the ‘good times’ gets even stronger than it normally is. The benefit of these sorts of manifestations is they usually force us into a space of looking more deeply inside of us and facing up to something that we may have been glossing over previously–when we do that, the manifestations tend to get bigger and bigger until something like this happens. I know it probably sucks a lot right now but it is important to let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling because that is really the way to get through it all-don’t be afraid of this ‘negative’ emotion, it’s just there to show you something as is the manifestations. There really is no ‘normal’ timeframe, and don’t panic that nothing good can come to you so long as you aren’t super-happy every waking second–luckily that isn’t a requirement. As far as uncovering what may have led to this manifestation, don’t think so much in beliefs as in feelings…how does it make you feel? Does it bring up any memories of things that felt this same way? That will give you more clarity and will help you discover if there is any sort of belief that was at the root.
Hi Kelly,
Ever since I learned about LOA, I went through a lot of experiences. From getting obsessed with what i want and getting frustrated when it does not manifest to not give any crap about what I want. For two months i practiced visualization techniques like meditation and stuff, but then i got so frustrated and end up giving all the techniques that I practiced. However i didnt stop in believing LOA. I still feel i could do something with LOA to make my life better but i have no freaking idea how to go about doing it. In your post, you said “if you are trying to manifest something from a place where you dont like your current life, it is never going to manifest”. This is literally the reason i was trying tot desperately manifest something but it didnt work. After that i also went through a phase where i give up all my LOA practices and kinda let go of everything. Surprisingly it felt so relived but i dont know why. But now again, whenever i come across a situation which makes me realize how shitty my current life is, i get anxious and desperate for the thing i want to manifest. Your posts are exactly what i have been through (not all of them though, since i am just a beginner). But now i am starting to get desperate and frustrated again even though i am not doing any LOA practices. Any help will be really appreciated. Thank you for taking time to read this.
Hi Garry
Thank you so much for sharing this experience…I think a lot of people will be able to relate to what you are saying. It’s tricky because not liking things is what sparks the desire for something different and it’s totally fine. But like you have seen, trying to create from that space can be very frustrating because it really doesn’t work. The first thing I would say is to realize whatever is happening to you right now is just showing you something you need to see, and if you can see the messages, you can use that information to change your energy, which will change what you attract into your experience. I think learning about the LOA makes people very afraid of their negative emotion and rather than embrace it and let it run its course, we try to force it away or we ignore it. The second thing, which is something your mind can’t understand, is that you are perfect, whole and complete as you are and there is nothing you need to be happy–in this space of not needing anything, all sorts of things show up for us.
Hi Kelli,
I ‘ve made a Big mistake a year ago, which has made my life very difficult. I’ve been severly depressed about it, and are struggeling to get back on track. I’ve been working on my self constantly ever since, but dont Seem to get out of my rut! I have a hard time forgiving myself, Try and try, but are stuck in the story!
Somehow my mind is on one single negative track, no matter how much I learn about limiting beliefs and LOA.. can you help me finding some peace or a way to move on?
Much love, Buffy
Hi Buffy
Without speaking with you personally, I can only give really general advice, especially in this case since there is no detail about the situation. If you are working on yourself ‘constantly’ that is a good indicator that you have some emotions and the like you are not fully dealing with, and rather than allowing yourself to process them, you are just trying to make them go away, and forcing yourself to be positive. When we allow ourselves to feel emotions with the intention of healing, gaining insight into how we are really feeling,etc…this is a very different experience than when we are just feeling badly, thinking we can’t do anything about our situation,etc…When our negative emotion is very deep, just trying to get positive will usually have limited effectiveness. We will have to deal with what is there now.