When it comes to working with law of attraction, we come to discover a variety of snafus that get in the way of the whole ‘ask and it is given’ thing.
There is resistance in the form of fear, doubt and contradictory beliefs.
Becoming aware of the process can actually make manifesting more difficult sometimes because we become hyper vigilant of our negativity and freak out about it. Everything we want becomes so precious.
Even though we know we aren’t supposed to, we get super-attached to specific outcomes and decide the things we want are exactly what we want, and it has to manifest just like that.
Then there are other people—the ones close to us and just ‘society’ in general. For a number of reasons, they get in the way of really shifting our energy and adopting the beliefs that support us in transitioning into who we really want to be and what we really want to have and do.
And when I say ‘getting in the way,’ I don’t mean other people actually messing things up for us, because they really can’t. But, that truth can take awhile to sink in, and even the most seasoned manifestors may sometimes find themselves playing the blame game.
We’re only human right?
And today I want to talk a bit about those various people problems and how to deal more effectively with them so you can keep your energy a bit more stable, dissolve fears and all that good stuff that will make you a match to all the delicious things you want to manifest.
People Screwing Up Your Energy
You’re vibing all high, feeling all at one with the Universe, visualizing your little tushy off and cultivating all these warm, fuzzy feelings that embody what you want.
Then your husband comes home all in a bad mood, or your mom starts complaining about the ‘1 percenters’ and how the rich are getting rich and the poor are getting poorer.
You excitedly start talking about law of attraction, and your sister gives you a look that says she thinks you’re a f*ucking moron,and asks what kids did to attract cancer, or how come if she asks for a million dollars it doesn’t show up in her bank account tomorrow?
To say there is a lot of misunderstanding about what law of attraction is about is an understatement if there ever was one, but I digress.
And just like that, splat. Your energy takes a nosedive, and you start getting all mad at the person for killing your buzz, which just makes you feel even worse.
Thoughts and opinions that contradict LOA get in your head and you start doubting if this easier, more joyful way of creating your reality is actually real or if you’re just deluded.
I get it. I know how hard it can be to keep it up energetically when people around you are acting in ways, and saying things, that don’t exactly nurture this higher vibration.
But, there are a couple of things we have to keep in mind here.
First, we have to take ownership of our feelings and we can’t blame other people for making us feel a certain way. You’ll do it sometimes, make peace with that. We all do. But the more we remember this little nugget, the easier it it to work through these moments.
Second, you have to remember that everything in our experience is a big old mirror of what is happening inside of us. Our experiences with other people are no exception. I will repeat that…our experiences with other people are no exception.
Your brain will fight you on that one big time, but we have to realize there are many versions of people—no one is ever the exact same way always. There are good moods and bad moods. There are days when people are more optimistic and more pessimistic, so on and so forth.
If you want to change your experiences with other people, you can’t look to the outside. You can’t hope they will start acting differently so you can feel better. You have to go within.
Now, keep in mind it is highly likely you will never reach a perfect vibration where you never again attract a situation where other people are acting in ways that displease you for as long as you live, and you don’t have to. Sometimes an unpleasant encounter is the best way to bring to your attention something that needs to be addressed to keep moving forward.
Don’t try to become perfect, or working with LOA will become even more frustrating than it already is at times!
You may still attract certain experiences, but you’ll handle them better and they usually won’t bother you as much.
So, when you realize these encounters are a manifestation of your own energy, you can begin to figure out why you may be attracting these unwanted situations and from there, you can work on reducing them.
If you have a lot of doubt about law of attraction, or that what you want is possible, you’ll attract lots of experiences where that doubt is mirrored back to you.
You’ll talk about LOA with people who won’t resonate, and will tell you how stupid it is to believe something like that.
You’ll talk about what you want with people who will say all sorts of things that make you worry you can’t have it.
If after reading this post, there is only room for one nugget of advice in your brain, make sure it’s this one: Don’t talk about law of attraction with people who aren’t interested or don’t believe in it. Don’t talk about your hopes and dreams with anyone but those who will wholeheartedly support them.
If you find it difficult to keep your vibration stable because of other people’s negativity, you may have to set some boundaries to protect your energy.
This may mean letting your moody husband know you aren’t going to stick around and listen to his rants, or telling your mom you do not want to speak about certain topics.
When you start taking more responsibility for your feelings and vibration, you’ll see lots of changes in your interactions with others.
You’ll line up with versions of people that are more compatible with your higher vibe or be less likely to encounter them when they are not; the more you bulldoze through your doubts and fears, the less you will encounter people mirroring them back to you because they are weaker.
This whole taking complete responsibility for our feelings and life is really the only way to go if we want to maximize our awesomeness, but it can be an exhausting pain in the ass sometimes, I won’t lie.
But it’s worth it, trust me.
You Don’t Have to Convince Anyone of Your New Truth or to Buy Your New Story
It is frustrating when you are making all these positive changes in your life, but people still see a version of you that no longer exists, like the helpless baby sister, or the drifter who could never hold down a job for more than a couple of months. They just love telling the stories, or reminding you about how you used to be.
It is frustrating when you have made all these changes internally and have this amazing new perspective on life, and other people just aren’t biting. They think your optimistic outlook on life may be a bit naive or you are kind of nutso for indulging in those whole conscious creation thing.
You have amassed so much ‘proof’ the law of attraction is real, but that validation from others eludes you.
Like I discussed in a post awhile back about being the odd one out, it is natural to seek validation from others. It makes us feel good and that we are on the right track. We all have our doubts and insecurities and it can soothe that a bit. It can give us the boost we need to keep powering on when we may feel like giving up.
But we can’t make people give it to us. The people we may want it from most are not going to pony up.
If we really feel a deep need for certain people—usually family– to recognize and validate this new us, our new story and new belief system, that smacks of us still not fully buying in ourselves.
It smacks of us not being fully sure we are doing the right thing and that we need permission to be who we are being and do what we are doing.
Again, we have to take ownership of our feelings. We have to make peace with the fact some people may not fully let go of the old version of us and the old stories. And like I said before, the more you shore up your own energy and gain confidence in your beliefs and your path, that will be mirrored back to you.
Don’t insist on telling a story to people who may not be able to hear it at this moment.
Other people may begin to come around, or they simply won’t say things anymore, even if they may still feel the same way, because you are not a match to these encounters.
Worrying Other People will Block Your Manifestations
If we are responsible for everything in our reality, that means no one else can get in the way of getting what we want. Awesome.
But, our mind really doesn’t see things this way, and arguments can easily be made for how other people have messed things up for us in the past, or can in the future.
They did certain things and it impacted us in some way. Your business partner was embezzling money unbeknownst to you. Your co-worker sabotaged your interview for a promotion by making up some story to your boss.
Greedy investment bankers and stock brokers totally screwed up the economy and your small business still hasn’t recovered—that is who gets blamed right? I really don’t follow that stuff so my apologies if that is an inaccurate example.
You want to manifest more money, and decide to ask for an increase in your salary, but you just found out your company put a freeze on pay raises so there goes that idea. You are trying to raise your money vibe, but your husband just won’t get on board, so how can things get better if he isn’t trying to make things better along with you?
But here’s the thing…other people can’t create in our realities EVER. And to remind you again, anything we experience is because we are a match to it somehow. If you had some underlying beliefs that you can’t trust people, that could be reflected back to you in the form of a dishonest business partner or a co-worker screwing you over, for example.
Even when your logical mind is making a very convincing argument that other people messed things up for you, or that getting what you want is somehow dependent on someone else doing or not doing something, you have to realize that is not what is really going on.
And if you are like most people, this will probably make you a bit mad at first, and again, your mind will step in with some very convincing arguments, and compelling examples, that yes in fact, other people were somehow responsible for unwanted situations in your life, and screw you Kelli for suggesting that this was MY FAULT.
But, this isn’t about blame, it’s about responsibility and empowerment. It is about realizing how we have manifested certain things so we can ‘fix’ our energy, and get what we want instead of what we don’t.
It is about realizing how awesome it is to know other people can’t keep what we want from us, and we don’t have to rely on them, or hope they act in ways we want them to.
Seriously, how wonderful is it to know that you are not at the mercy of other people’s whims or ‘society at large?’
If you are still harboring some blame for other people messing things up for you in the past, or are currently worrying about it now, take a moment to examine what is happening inside. It will be a very valuable exercise to help you discover what beliefs and feelings may need some tweaking.
There is also a good chance you may be getting too attached to a specific channel or outcome, or you are turning your ‘what’ into the how.
In Closing…
There are countless things in the ‘big bad world’ that can throw our vibration out of whack, and it certainly would be easier to really shift our energy if we were able to put up some sort of protective shield to keep all the crap out.
But we really can’t, save retiring to a mountain top, cave or forest somewhere.
The old way of thinking where we hold others responsible for the outcomes in our own life, and place blame, will not die a quick, painless death. It can take a bit to wrap our heads around the fact others can’t create in our reality.
But once we let that truth start seeping in, realizations about how you may have attracted situations you are dealing with now, and what may have happened to you in the past, will strike like lightning bolts.
Many of the beliefs and feelings that were operating largely below your conscious awareness will rise to the surface and you’ll now know what you are dealing with. You’ll realize you were focusing in a way that didn’t serve you, and that you may have not realized how much you were focusing in that way.
You really are in the driver’s seat, and fully claiming that responsibility and power will likely be a gradual process, but as your focus shifts and you start chipping away at the beliefs that are holding you back, you’ll start letting in all sorts of good stuff that will make it even easier to keep making the shifts.
Your Turn…
What did you think of this post? Anything resonate with you in particular? Do you have a hard time not letting other people affect your energy? Do you worry other people will stand in the way of what you want? Looking forward to your comments as always!
Hi Kelli,
This is something I’ve been struggling with (as you know from our correspondence) … and I think I finally get it. Or I’m on my way to understanding it. Something in your husband’s blog really resonated with me. “Change the experience by changing the intent.” Figuring out how to communicate your intentions can be challenging. But that pairs nicely with your post today … That we don’t particularly need to know how to communicate them. We ARE them. Who we are will do the communicating on its own. Others can try to put us in their reality, but we don’t have to accept what other people define as who we are and what reality we are in. As you say, “how wonderful is it to know that you are not at the mercy of other people’s whims.” We also don’t need to challenge them on those ideas of who we are or prove ourselves. We just need to be in our reality.
Hi Sara
I am so glad you enjoyed Ryan’s post and this one as well. We are always ‘on the way’ since we are really never done, so be sure to not be too hard on yourself. Getting something in theory to actually living a truth much of the time is definitely something that happens in increments. As far as intentions go, if you are feeling stuck, go as general as you can and focus on what you want to feel. That is very helpful. Also, remember the Universe knows what we want…better than we do! We certainly don’t have to let others define us.
Another wise post KC. I vibe with NOT sharing manifesting and goals and all that good stuff with folks who aren’t aligned with it. Such sharing falls on deaf ears at best, and at worst, judging, angry, unhappy, unclear ears, which really increases resistance fast. Taken from personal experience, when I chatted LOA and some principles many, many moons ago when I was in a totally unclear space. It was ugly LOL.
I surround myself with high energy folks now and discuss my goals or vision – if I do – with them, only. No need to seek approval from where it ain’t coming, or to ever seek approval for that matter. I figure, run with it, until your done with it, and then, good old manifesting mojo will be in your corner again. Thanks KC!
Ryan
Hi Ry
Glad you liked it! I do remember those incidents to which you refer and you are right..it can get ugly! This tip is really important and can make a world of difference in protecting our energy.
Hi Kelli,
Great article and thanks for sharing! You nailed it by the way 🙂
To be honest, worrying about others doesn’t bring you far. Instead, it just put a ‘block’ right in front of you.
Top notch post and keep it up!
Hi Reginald
Thanks so much for your comment and so happy you enjoyed the post. You are right that it can create all sorts of blocks.
Hey Kelli,
A powerful area that need to look at within own life. Am I going to accept the people who will continue to throw that rubbish upon me or just say sorry we aren’t going there. As they say in the Video stop it from Bob Newheart.
I have to agree its about setting those limits and creating that positive space. Which have personally struggled with for ages as I am someone who just wants to be liked. Yet that is also to own falling that it means am someone who is away from self. Its about being able to say this is who I am as a person.
Thank You for this wonderful post.
Ben
Hey Ben
So sorry for the delay..this comment got a bit lost in the shuffle. Your problem is a common one…there are just some people in our life sometimes that are really making our journey more difficult..not because they have any power inherently but because how we respond to them. It is a process to take control of our energy and own our experience.
That desire to be liked is understandable but it is important to remember that we never want to diminish ourselves or hide who we are to please others. When we do this, it is important to ask ourselves the type of people for whom we feel the need to do this, and if they didn’t like us, is that so terrible? As you become more comfortable with who you are and expressing that, you will also begin to attract people into your life that are a match and like you just the way you are.
This last week has been awesome. Despite people around me complaining and suffering troubles, the negative vibes seem to be bouncing off me. I can still show empathy but am not absorbing the downside of close relationships where we get that close to people, we become attached . It all started when I decided my mantra for the week, was to appreciate the small things in life. If I can maintain this, I am cooking on gas!
PS : I also keep my own counsel regarding my desires.
Hi Natalie
That is great you had such a good experience. It really is a good feeling when we start to see our vibration becoming more stable and not being affected as much by things outside of us, particularly other people. That shows the more positive beliefs are becoming more entrenched. That is a great mantra and keeping our own counsel is something I highly recommend as well!
Hello, Kelli! I’ve been recently very curious about how we should see relationships with others. And I’m glad that I came across this today. 🙂
I have a questions relative to the second point that you mentioned. You said “you have to remember that everything in our experience is a big old mirror of what is happening inside of us. Our experiences with other people are no exception.”
So that means, are people also holographic mirrors that we create?
So do I get to “CREATE ” people in my life depending on my vibrations, beliefs..
Or do I “ENCOUNTER or ATTRACT'” people already existed in the universe when the person and I are a vibrational match?
The more I study LOA, the more questions I seem to get 🙂
I would appreciate if you gave me some insight on this! Thanks!
Hi Emily
As for how our relationships with other people factor into the whole law of attraction thing, we are not making anyone do anything–good or bad. But, any interaction we have with someone occurs because we are a match to it somehow. For example, if someone has a lot of self-esteem issues, they are more likely to encounter situations where people are criticizing them, or where their negative feelings about themselves are being triggered in some way. If they shifted those beliefs, that would happen less because they are not as strong a match anymore for that type of situation. You put it perfectly…you are encountering people who are a match to you in some way.
Thanks for your explanation!!! I really appreciate it
You are very welcome Ms. Emily!
Hi Kelli,
I’m a new subscriber to your blog and I really love your insights (I have read few of your blog posts and this one is one I’m struggling with, I grew up in a country (Egypt) that puts a lot of value on being a good son/daughter and my parents don’t believe in LOA and I’ve encountered some situations where I told them about it and they are very very concerned about my safety because I want to travel to a country that I don’t know anyone there and consider me belittling them and disrespecting them when I reject their old ways of thinking, I try to figure out how to travel safely, but they don’t trust anyone at all unless it’s someone they have met personally.
The recent encounter I was not so upset as I used to be before, I used to be upset to the point of having IBS attacks and nausea and oversleeping but I’m getting better and keep reading and watching and listening about LOA and all mind power to raise and keep my vibration up.
Thank you for your wonderful insights.
Tina 🙂
Hi Tina
Thanks for your comment and I am glad you are enjoying the content. It sounds like your situation with your parents is really triggering a lot and while it may be uncomfortable, it can really show you where you need to ‘strengthen’ your energy–our parents can be a major trigger for us and bring up a lot of stuff. It sounds like you are handling the situations better and that is great.
Hi Kelli,
i have been a silent reader of your blog for quite some time now. I really like the way you explain things. It’s simple and you do not go overboard.
Your many many posts have resonated with me so much and you’ve been such a great help and morale booster for me. I know this post was written long time back but this is just what I needed today.
I needed some guidance from you, if you don’t mind.. I’ve been trying to manifest something big.. Ok, after years of bad experiences with guys I’m trying to manifest my life partner now. But the thing is, although it is just one manifestation but if want to it affect all aspects of my life.. I’m not so passionate about my job, though it pays well, but still. I want to travel, may be move out of country for some time or permanently.. so my manifestations for a life partner are surrounded with all these aspects. I don’t know if it makes sense or if I sound crazy to you.
I know, it’s not good to have so many expectations but I’ve seen my share of struggles and hardships and I just know that my time has come.
Sometimes all of a sudden I become so anxious or angry when if hear something – it might not have impacted me but I still get anxious, but then I come online be it for 5-10 mins, read something motivating like your many wonderful posts and try to get my mojo back on track 🙂
I have been keeping a gratitude journal since beginning of this year and off-lately, I have seen and experienced so many things to be thankful for which I’m sure I would have ignored earlier, but now I don’t. Every single day I find something that I feel immensely thankful for – and it doesn’t come forcefully, quite literally good things have been happening 🙂
Now coming back to my desired partner.. I still very less signs. I know I should be patient. The positive things that I’m seeing in other aspects of my life – may be that energy will impact this area too. I just wanted to know from you is there something more or something else that I should be doing? Or should do?
Keep up the awesome job Kelli and keep your posts coming! Thanks a lot!
I’m a LOA newbie, but am loving it! I know this post is old, but maybe someone will have some input to this question: I don’t know what to SAY when people are complaining to me. I am enjoying the opportunity to observe the moment, to figure out what it is that is in my vortex that is attracting this to me, feeling awesome that I don’t need to change this person and am not responsible for fixing their complaint. In the “old days” before I was aware of LOA, I would offer opinions, suggestions, or empathy/sympathy. But what now? I haven’t been saying ANYTHING. And, perhaps, there’s nothing wrong with that. But I feel inquiring eyes peering at me, waiting for a response….
Hi there
Discovering this way of the world is very exciting–so much possibility opens up. You are right–not saying anything is absolutely fine. My husband does that to me all the time!
This is one of the more challenging aspects of making these sorts of changes–our interactions with other people who are operating on very different wavelengths, social conventions,etc… and it is understandable it can cause some discomfort on our end since our behavior may be perceived in ways that would bother others or make people think things about us that we wouldn’t want them to think, like we are weird, selfish, etc… There really is no one size fits all answer as how you handle it would likely depend on the nature of the conversation and the person you are dealing with. I often offer some empathy in the form of a ‘yeah, that’s hard’ or offer some basic advice if I think they would be open to it. I also change the subject a lot. We have to get more comfortable with the idea we are not required to participate in other people’s negativity or talk about thing we don’t want to talk about just because they do. With my mom for example, I am very clear with her when I don’t want to talk about politics or things on the news. I am not trying to control what she talks about, but let it be known I am usually not going to be the person that engages on the topic.
Kelli, this was dope on a rope! I really like your perspective on mirroring. I’m fairly new to that whole concept and there’s a lot of stuff that I’ve read that simply points blame as opposed to empowering you. Could you please dedicate an entire post to the concept of mirroring between people? I think that would be sick. Mucho sick. Anyway man, keep slaying!
Hi Ben
Thanks for your comment and I am so happy you enjoyed the post. You are right…it is not about blame but empowerment. I think that would be a great post idea!
Kelli, something odd happened to me. I manifested for nearly 15 months for a specific job and a I continued to apply for it. I finally got an interview and got the job. What I didn’t know was that my “new boss” was on vacation and her boss hired me. Come to find out, my resume had been going across her desk all those months. Needless to say, I loved the job. I looked forward to it everyday and I loved the people I worked with. I am 51 years old and my beliefs in LOA soared. One day I went to work and I was called into my boss’s office. She accused me of doing something I did not do and immediately terminated me. I had never been fired in my life and have always worked hard in all my jobs. I am still devastated over this incident and now I feel lost. I miss the job terribly and the people. It never occurred to me that what I really wanted/manifested would be removed in such a way. Any advice? Not sure what avenue to take.
Hi Dana
Manifestations are very, very personal and without speaking with you one on one, I can only give really general advice. First, it is always good to be open to what our manifestations mean and why we may have manifested this thing–to your mind it might have been your dream job and there were things you liked about it, and it manifested and you thought…this is it, this is THE manifestation. You focused very specifically on this thing for a long time, took actions to help bring it about–applying for the job multiple times–and something in your energy was a match to the experience and you were offered the job, but WHAT it was a match to again, might not be what our mind thinks it is. If you are having a really strong reaction to the manifestation, which you seem to be, it is a sign to examine it a bit further and see why it is bothering you so much. That can give you a sense of what it may be showing you. But while we do want to pay attention to what shows up in our life, and when wanted situations don’t work out, there is also great power in shaking things off, doing our best to move on, knowing our opportunity to get the job we want, the money, the relationship, or whatever else, is never limited.
Also, it is important to take full responsibility for the manifestation. To our mind, it is easy to blame the people at the job for falsely accusing you, firing you, etc. But when we realize our energy made us a match to the situation–not in a self-blame way–it is empowering to release external blame and just go within, which is where the true ‘fix’ to the problem will come. A lot of the suffering you probably feel now is a result of the blaming of the people, feeling falsely accused, ‘wronged’ and while our mind may relish that energy, and you might want to get it out of your system, it isn’t a place you want to stay, a place you really can’t stay actually if you want to be a conscious creator.
You might find a session helpful so something to consider. Good luck!
Hi, thanks for your post. How do I deal with narcisstic people who lie and are mean (I was brought up by an extreme narcissist and seem to attract this behaviour) if they are part of a wider friendship group?
Thank you
Clare
Hi Clare
Relationship issues are one of the trickiest to deal with because it involves a way of thinking and acting that the ego human mind will find extremely uncomfortable. I can only give some general guidance here but these are the most important things to consider, regardless of the nature of the other person’s ‘problematic’ behavior:
1. We must take ownership of our feelings and responses to others words and actions. How we respond is totally our responsibility and we can’t blame it on anyone else. If we get angry or feel hurt by something, we must realize they didn’t cause that reaction, they merely touched on something within us that was already there and we must ask ourselves what button it was they pushed
2. If we decide to not call the person out on their behavior, not to stop associating with them,etc…we also must take ownership of that choice. Many of us, due to fear of conflict, social convention and a host of other reasons, maintain relationships with people with whom we would rather not associate. And because our mind convinces us we have no choice but to be in a situation that doesn’t feel good, it projects the blame out onto the other person, increasing our negative feelings in general, and towards them specifically.
3. See what you are disowning in yourself and projecting onto them. The more we dislike something in someone else, the more we see this trait within ourselves ( we may not necessarily behave in the same way or act on it but it’s there)