When it comes to creating our reality, there is no down time. Every second, we are shaping our experience with our predominant thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
I made sure to throw in the word predominant because once we start consciously working with the law of attraction, we start getting all freaked out about our negative thoughts, bad moods, fears, doubts and all the other yuck that is part and parcel of the human experience.
But, all we need to do to get things moving in our favor is feeling better more than we are feeling badly. That is much more manageable than thinking we need to be manically happy every second, though if you can get there, by all means. You’ll be an unstoppable manifesting machine.
The thing about attraction is, we can only let things into our experience if we are a match to that experience NOW.
That means if our predominant thoughts, feelings and beliefs contradict the thing we want, it will have a hell of a time making its way to us.
This often doesn’t mean blocking a manifestation completely…it can usually make its way to us eventually, but it will take a lot longer than it has to, and it may be a bit of a watered down version.
For example, you may be able to work up some good vibes surrounding your business and more customers, but you aren’t quite stable, so a few may trickle in here and there, but there are still some barriers to getting the real results you desire.
When we hold onto our stories, and argue for why we are feeling badly, we are not allowing the energy of what we would rather be experiencing to gain any steam. The energy of the old beliefs and ways of thinking aren’t being broken down enough, and they still run the show.
When we believe we can’t possibly feel better until we have what we want, again, we are not allowing the energy that is compatible with what we would prefer to build any real momentum. Its pull is weak, and we will gravitate right back towards the old way, and feel all crappy.
We have to feel NOW like we would if we already had what we wanted…I know, I know..you don’t have this thing, its absence is making you feel unhappy, and it’s really hard to feel better without any outside circumstance giving you permission to feel better.
Believe me, I get it. This is something we all struggle with, even people like myself who have a pretty good grip on this whole conscious creation thing, and have managed to manifest crap loads of awesome stuff.
But, just because acting in a certain way is understandable given our ‘imperfect’ human nature, this doesn’t give us license to act in ways that don’t serve us.
After all, aren’t you sick of not having the things you want, and feeling powerless and all other sorts of bad?
We really need to stop arguing for all our limitations and crappy feelings…we are really strange in that way, are we not?
Humans..cute but dumb. I heard that somewhere once and I thought to myself..yeah, that is pretty accurate!
Anyhoo….here are some of my tips for feeling good now so you can start to bring to you all the goodies you so desire, whether it is money, love, a better job, improved relationships with your family or whatever else.
Changing Our Focus and Beliefs Takes Some Mental Effort
One of the trickier aspects of working with law of attraction consciously is shifting from our old ways of thinking, believing and feeling to ways that are more conducive to creating our preferred reality.
We read about law of attraction and something resonates. We feel there is some truth. But, getting it in theory is just the first step, and actually making the changes can feel like a challenge.
We have certain experiences that give us a taste of these new beliefs and feelings we want to cultivate, and in those moments, we are able to access that higher vibration.
Perhaps it was after reading a book, an awesome blog like mine or attending a workshop.
Maybe you had a great conversation with someone who gets all this stuff, and her perspective and experiences sparked something within, making you realize that something better was possible, that all the crappy stuff you believe about yourself and what we are capable of , is just that.. beliefs that can be changed and not cold, hard, irrefutable fact.
But, as you have probably experienced, this glimpse into who we really are, that taste of that lighter, happier, shinier state of mind, tends not to last.
In a few hours or a few days, you are right back to where you were before. And it might feel even worse now that you were able to experience those better feeling states fully and truly, even if for only a short time.
That you weren’t able to maintain that state constantly from that moment is not the issue…very few people feel like that all the time.
The issue is there is so much momentum behind the old beliefs and feelings, and so little behind these newer ones you are hoping to cultivate, your mind is going to go right back to crappy town. That is all it has really known, that is what is familiar. It is used to thinking and feeling that way.
The key to really changing your thought patterns, feelings and beliefs so the good stuff is predominant, and more natural, is making the conscious effort to get into this space so you can build up that storehouse of positive energy.
It takes some practice. There is some mental effort involved in stripping away the old conditioning and reprogramming your mind.
It is like having taken the same route to work for 20 years, and all of a sudden having to change it up because of construction. Even though you are now aware of the construction, you are so programmed to go the other way, you may find yourself driving the old route without even realizing it.
Then all of a sudden you are aware you are traveling down the wrong road, turn the car around and go the other way.
You have to work on catching yourself when your train of thought is going down a path that isn’t serving you, when you are focusing on what you don’t want, and then deliberately shift in the other direction.
Realize the current path isn’t leading you to where you want to go, and resolve to travel the one that will.
This isn’t something that you have to do for hours a day. Don’t become obsessed with monitoring every single thought..that would drive you crazy and it isn’t necessary.
Stray negative thoughts will probably pop in here and there..the key is not giving them any more power by dwelling on them.
Take a few minutes each day and try to focus on what you want..you don’t need to worry about getting super specific, though if thinking a very detailed scenario feels good, go for it.
If this focusing feels really badly, don’t force it, but note what comes up. It is okay to forgo it, but if you are finding yourself avoiding it excessively, you have some stuff that you really need to look at, stuff that probably just won’t fade away without a bit of personalized attention.
Really Focus on the Good Feelings Evoked Throughout the Day
Our negative emotions have a really strong pull. No matter how many good things may have happened in the day, the first thing we will probably relay is the stuff that was bad.
We love to complain, and just focus on what is wrong, and what we still don’t have. Anything good kind of gets dismissed because we just can’t pull our focus off what is making us feel badly.
Again, it goes back to that momentum, to that powerful gravitational pull of the negative.
One of the best ways to combat this is learning to be more fully present in the good moments in our day, no matter how small of a thing it may be.
If we can really tune into that moment, and the positive emotion that is present, it can do wonders.
It helps build some momentum behind positive energy. It can help us shift perspective. It can weaken the pull of any negative feelings and thoughts that might have been grabbing at us throughout the day.
I absolutely adore animals and on this house sit, we are lucky to be surrounded by plenty of cats and dogs. I have many moments throughout the day where I take a break and just interact with them. Petting, playing, stupid baby talk telling them how cutesy wootsy they are, and how much I wuv them.
I get lost in that moment, in the joy they are bringing me. That love for them washes over me, and no matter how I may have been feeling before, I always feel better after these moments.
Being a picky, unadventurous eater who is vegetarian to boot, finding restaurants with food I truly like, and am not just settling for because it’s the only thing on the menu I can eat, really makes me happy.
I have a few here in Jimbaran, and when that food gets placed in front of me, I truly savor it. Eating a good meal is a great experience when we really tune into it.
Taking a shower and crawling into bed after a long day, and feeling exhausted, is just so delicious,and I think how good it feels to be in that comfy bed and to know the only thing I have to do now is just drift off to sleep.
When Ryan does something really nice for me, like giving me a massage when my body is aching, or bringing me food when I’m sick and don’t want to leave the house, I let that appreciation wash over me. I take a moment to think how great he is, and how good he is to me always.
Being present in these moments, rather than only being half-there, with our mind racing in a million different directions, can take a bit of practice, but it can be done.
It comes down to making a choice, to allow yourself to enjoy these moments and to feel good. It comes down to ignoring your mind, who is shouting that this is corny, and you have problems to solve, and things to be unhappy about.
Follow Intuitive Nudges
Our intuition is a very hearty ally in this business of consciously creating our reality. That is how ‘big’ us communicates with ‘little’ us.
Most of us haven’t really been encouraged to trust this little voice, so we don’t always hear it so well, or when we do, we tend to question and let logic take over.
I am sure we can all relay countless instances where we dismissed it, only to find we should have done exactly what it was telling us to do.
Following your intuitive nudges can be a great way to get into a good feeling space NOW and make you a magnet to all the things you want to attract into your experience.
But, in order to reap the benefits, we have to be willing to actually act on what is coming through to us.
That is the tricky part.
Your frenemy the mind will jump in and start questioning. Your intuitive nudges may urge you to do things that Mr. Mind won’t like one little bit, things that seem weird, impractical, uncomfortable or that don’t make sense.
Beat him down and just go with it.
If you are feeling drawn towards taking that night class, take it.
If you are feeling the urge to take a break from your blog for a couple of weeks, do it.
If you have a spark of inspiration to write an e-book, start typing.
Following your feelings is a great way to move into a better feeling space because you will manifest all sorts of things that will help you feel better
You see, big you wants you to have all the stuff that will make you happy.
It is really good at helping us get to where we want to be, even if we are not sure where that is yet, or if we do, but have no clue in hell how we would get there from our current position.
If you follow your feelings,you will set yourself up for all sorts of manifestations that let you know what you want is possible.
This ‘proof’ will strengthen your trust and knowing that what you don’t like now doesn’t have to stay in your reality makes it a lot easier to start feeling better before having a ‘reason’ to.
Make friends with ‘big’ you. Talk to her and ask for her guidance. Meditate and do other things that help quiet your mind so you can hear her better.
In Closing…
As much as you don’t think it’s possible, and as challenging as it seems at times, you can start changing your emotional state for the better right now, no matter what you may be facing.
You may not succeed every second, and that’s okay. If you can go from a nervous wreck about everything in your life to feeling truly good for even just 10 minutes, that is something to be celebrated.
Don’t worry about having to go from being pretty miserable to awash in joy…that leap would be very difficult to sustain, and it isn’t necessary to start seeing changes in your outer experience.
If feeling good is too much of a stretch right now, just aim to feel better. That’s fine too.
Feelings are accessible to us at anytime, and we can’t keep going back to our current circumstances as justification for all our negativity.
Again, you’ll have your moments and it’s fine, but there has to be some deliberate effort made to shift the shit..again, incrementally is fine, and is actually the most effective way to do it.
Don’t beat yourself up for falling back into old thought patterns, or getting consumed with doubt and fear. You are shifting to a whole new way of understanding reality; you are working on shifting beliefs you have carried for years and years; you are working on refuting all the ‘proof’ you have acquired they are true.
This isn’t something that will get resolved in a weekend. But, that also doesn’t mean you have to wait a long time to start seeing results.
Just focus on shifting your energy as best you can, and you will start lining up with more and more stuff that you like, that you want. And you will get better and better at directing your focus, and you’ll let more and more in.
The higher your vibration raises, the more possibilities you will see, the more things you will allow yourself to want.
Feeling better without any reason to will become easier and easier. Trust me.
Hi KC,
My pleasure 😉
I loved that roadwork analogy too. It may take some time to find your way, and to break out of old programming, but you will. Be patient.
I find focusing on what I have created detaches me from outcomes, and from what I will create. Night day difference since I went down that path daily.
Thanks KC!
Tweeting from Bali.
Ryan
Hey Ryan
I am glad you liked it..hope that will help it click. Focusing on past manifestations is a great way to boost our faith and serves as a nice reminder we have succeeded before and will again.
What a great post. So many concepts struck a chord with me, and this one was the strongest: “When we believe we can’t possibly feel better until we have what we want, again, we are not allowing the energy that is compatible with what we would prefer to build any real momentum.” I’ve been practicing LOA for a long time, but I’m a “cute but dumb” human so even I benefit from reminders once in a while. That’s why it’s called practice.
Funny, I wrote about the “frenemy” of my mind trying to start some crap a few weeks ago. Fortunately I realized that it did not define me, it was just a part of me that I could quickly control and guide back to the positive path of high vibrations.
Hi Melanie
So glad you liked it. We can all benefit from the reminders, myself included. You put it perfectly..it is called ‘practice’ for a reason. Deeper stuff can come up when we go after something bigger or we may clear out certain things in one area of our life, but when we set our sights on something else, we may have to deal with a belief from a different angle,etc… Bottom line..we are never really totally done. I like how you put that..’guide back’ that is a perfect way to describe what we can do with our mind when we become aware of its machinations and not totally consumed with them. Thanks for your great insights as always!
Good post, and I agree that mindfulness helps. Mindfulness helps quieten the egoic mind, so that you can feel your intuition more, which is something I am consciously using more and more each day (to the degree that I am not validating choices by seeing if I can feel my Heart Chakra. If I can feel love, I’m good to go;-)
Thanks for the reminder
Hi Julian
Thanks so much..so glad you liked it. Mindfulness is great always but really helpful for attraction in particular. It really all comes down to a feeling of love, so if that is the message you are getting, you are definitely going in the right direction. Thanks so much for your insights.
Hi, Kelli,
Great post. I have a question.
I used to exercise regularly and enjoyed it. Now, I haven’t exercised at all for 5 months and I have negative thoughts about it like “It will take too much time” and “I have more important things to do”.
I try to drop those thoughts and that helps but how can I be positive abotu exercise again so that I’ll start up once more?
Thanks for your help!
Sue
Hey Sue
So glad you liked it.
There are a few things I would recommend. The first is examining a bit why you stopped exercising in the first place…maybe being busy factored in and you ‘fell of the wagon’ a bit but there is usually a deeper reason for doing things, especially when it is something we actually want to do but can’t seem to bring ourselves to actually take action.
When you think about exercising, what does it bring up? Do you think exercising more, no matter how beneficial it may seem, would produce any negative outcome for you? This is just an example, and I am not implying this is your thought process in particular, but just to illustrate that we sometimes have negative associations with things that seem good on the surface–maybe someone gets a lot of attention from having a physical health problem, and people do a lot of stuff for them. The exercise may make them more able-bodied and capable, and they no longer have that card to play. This all might seem really ‘deep’ for something as benign as exercising more, but there is a lot going on beneath the surface that drives us to make decisions that we know aren’t best for us, or to change our habits.
Another thing that can help is trying to shift the belief exercise is hard and a burden that we must fit into our day somehow. You can set an intention to find a fun form of exercise that you can easily fit into your day. When that energy starts shifting, you will see that you do have the time because it will become a priority. Think of the benefits you would reap.
You also don’t have to go right into workout freak mode either. You can just slowly ease back in. If there are days you aren’t feeling it, just don’t. And eventually you’ll find a routine that works for you. Don’t put pressure on yourself to become the ‘perfect’ exerciser.
That helps SO much, Kelli!
You are right – my negative associations are that “It doesn’t count unless I exercise for an hour”; “I don’t have the energy right now” (but the truth is I always get more energy afterwards!); and “Exercise won’t help me right away, it takes weeks to get in shape”
I will start telling myself the truth that I believe – “I love to do yoga”; “I enjoy putting in a short DVD and doing the stretches”; and “I really like moving my body”.
You were a big help to me with a sticky situation that I couldn’t release.
Thanks again,
Sue
Hi Sue
So glad it was helpful for you. When we stop and think about what is driving our decisions, we can get lots of helpful insights that assist in shifting our point of view. Let me know how it goes!
Another Great Post Kelli
I have worked on these positive feeling happy feelings for quite a while now and I find it exhilarating by just living in the moment; i.e. going with the flow of my ‘Big’ me. It is only when we go against and object that we find discomfort and the negative thoughts stream in making me feel shitty. Now as you know I am a writer and like to do every day but from the beginning of this year the Big me is telling me to take a break, relax, and enjoy the time doing absolutely nothing. Kelli, this goes against the grain, against my work ethic, and ‘little’ me tried to force the issue which caused me all sorts of dreadful negative feelings. My mind was in a spin just like a washing machine with dirty clothes as the negative thoughts until I stopped the cycle and cleaned all the dirty clothes and just relaxed as my Big Self was requesting all along.
So I switched off from my writing work and focused on what I was being told, relaxed, and worked in my garden building a pergola around the seating area and wow it looks fabulous even if I say so myself LOL. I did allow me some time on my PC just to check e-mails and low n behold there were two special one that I needed to see and one was your offer of a coaching call and the other one was an opportunity to submit my Comedy TV Script to a large TV Corporation. I have taken up both opportunities and I feel happy and excited with them and no matter what happens i will remain happy, positive, and completely grateful.
I wish to thank you Kelli for all your encouragement and support, in your blogs and replies to my questions, for little old me as well as Big me who is trying to burst out onto the scene. I so look forward to out call next week.
With the kindest of regards
Dominic
Hi Dominic
That is great you ‘relented’ and allowed yourself to do what your intuition was telling you. It is not easy to pull back from action..having to work super hard no matter how badly it feels is pretty deeply ingrained. And look at what resulted? As we begin to manifest more by doing less, we become more comfortable with pulling back from action rooted in fear and force, and are more likely to act from places of feeling light and inspired. You are very welcome and thank you for taking the time to share your own insights and experiences. I appreciate it very much.
Definitely Kelli, you have to reach for a better feeling in any given moment. Since your thoughts dictate your feelings, that’s why training yourself to think only positive thoughts is a habit worth acquiring. If it’s raining, instead of thinking ‘ugh I can’t go outside’, think “great, now I can catch up on my reading!” In any given situation there’s a way to turn it into a positive.
I don’t know if you take ‘blog topic requests’ but I am really interested in ‘signs’ or ‘alpha manifestations’ – clues that your manifestation is on its way. I find it utterly fascinating some of the clues that have come along for me (some are so obvious it’s unbelievable that the universe lined this up) and I find that they are really exciting and great for boosting morale. I even write them down in my gratitude journal to remind myself that my manifestation is on its way.
Hi Bunny
That is a great example of changing perspective and ‘turning lemons into lemonade.’ I am certainly happy to hear from people about what they would like to see on the blog and I would be happy to tackle that topic. Tracking those signs is an excellent strategy for keeping it up energetically.
Kelly
I didn’t know that intuition can be trained with practice. Trying to enjoy good moments of the day and acting upon your intuitions are my take-away points from your post. Thanks.
Hi Pooja
We certainly can enhance it with practice. It is kind of like weight training to build stronger muscles. We all have that inner guidance but most haven’t been taught to listen to it or have been encouraged to do so. I am so glad you found the post helpful and definitely start tuning in to those initial instincts you have. The more you do that, the ‘louder’ it gets and the more you will trust the nudges.
Thanks for a great post, Kelly.
The law of attraction is really key when it comes to success.
In my experience, people are struggling with grasping that in order to become something, you have to BELIEVE that you already are and ACT like you are – before your can truly become it.
Example:
If you want to:
– become happy – you have to believe and act that you are happy
– become confident – you have to act like you are confident
– become successful – you have to act that you are successful
If you believe that you are happy and act like you are happy…
…then are you not happy?
Yes, you are.
Because in order to believe and act like you are happy, you have to have the mindset of a happy person.
This concept might be hard for most people to grasp. However, once you grasp it, you KNOW how it works – and you see the matrix of the world and how everything is interconnected.
They say that when the student is ready, the master will appear.
The same goes for wisdom.
When YOU are ready, you will UNDERSTAND.
However, this is nothing that can be forced.
You have to continue to do the right actions towards your goal and work on your mindset.
What you focus on expands, and what you eat, you become.
The same goes for your thoughts.
When you spend time on personal development and on controlling your mind, you will become better.
Then after a while, in a natural way, you will understand it.
How long does it take before you get the epiphany? Depends from person to person.
My advice is:
Take baby steps, and do positive exercises to control your mind.
It`s important to focus on ONLY what you want, and NOT what you don`t want.
If you want to become more happy, focus on your most happy moments in your life, and relive them vividly in your mind with bright colours and sound.
That means that your feelings are controlled by your mind.
So in order to become more happy – do NOT focus on not being happy.
Just keep it simple.
Focus on thinking about happy events in your life, smile, and do activities that makes you happy.
When you can control your mind, you can control your feelings, your actions and how other people perceive you.
In other words: you can control your future and design your life the way you want it to be.
Thanks for a great post, Kelli.
All the best,
Tor
P.S. In order to get to know yourself, your business and how to attract the right clients – you should check out my latest article “How to attract the right clients by doing business nude”.
Hi Tor
Thanks so much for your awesome comment and great insights. I agree with everything you said What particularly resonated with me was what you said about not forcing things. We are better off trying to feel better gradually than force an emotional state that is just too far from where we are now. We’ll just slide right back and beat ourselves up for it. Like you said, our mind fights us on feeling better without any outside reason to justify the change in mood and perspective, but we kind of have to do that. What we want ultimately is to feel better, and finding ways to feel better now will prime us for receiving more things that make us feel the same way. Can’t wait to read your post…very intriguing title!
Hey Kelli!
I’ve been having an up and down week with my meditation sessions. I had a big deal of trouble focusing on the NOW. My mind kept getting distracted.
It does take a lot of mental effort especially on days that we just have to push on….just when we think we “got” it.
Love the post and the idea behind it. Keep inspiring! 🙂
PS. I did notice that the Mindfulness revolution is getting bigger and bigger.
Hi Dennis
That is totally normal. Over time, I think our sessions get more ‘deep’ and we can focus our mind better, but anything can happen in any session regardless of how long we have been doing it. The thing I find most helpful is trying to suspend judgment on what we think ‘should’ be happening during those times, and accepting each session for what it is. We are always advancing and whatever is happening in the moment is what needs to be, and we will be able to extract something useful from it. So glad you liked the post.
Hi Kelli,
This isn’t just another good post by you but an important one as well.
As I was reading it I had to stop several times and meditate on what you was saying.
It’s natural for me to focus on everything that not going my way or on the things that doesn’t make sense so this post has helped me understand everything doesn’t have to go my way or make sense in order for me to be content.
Oh how many times had I said to myself,..” Something was telling me to do this or not do that.”..lol
I have experienced listening to that intuitive nudge you talked about and not listening to it. One thing about it is it’s always telling me to do the right thing for the right reason regardless of how I’m feeling about the situation.
And if its not parallel with my beliefs I struggle. That’s when practicing ignoring my mind comes in handy.
Thanks for teaching me how to develop healthier thoughts and actions!
Hi Vernon
Thanks so much, I am so glad you enjoyed it and it contained lots of helpful information for you. You are so right about the realization that things don’t have to change immediately on the outside to start feeling a bit better. We have our preferences and what is happening now is not something we would prefer but we don’t have to totally get rid of it first to make room for what we want. It all starts internally and those shifts are available to us at any time. You are very welcome!
Love that I found your blog! I know it takes practice to hear and listen to your intuition … but what if you have trouble trusting it? With most everything I can connect to that little voice, but when it comes to one particular thing (Surprise, surprise, it has to do with love/a guy) … I just can’t hear it. I draw a blank at my intuition … like my mind, heart and gut are all disconnected, stuck evaluating all the possibilities instead of talking to one another to give me that “message from on high” I need to hear… I think it’s because in matters of the heart, we care so much about the outcome of whatever we’re trying to manifest that it’s so hard to hear what intuition is trying to spell out in relation to “what we feel compelled to do “to get what I want…” … But I can’t tell up from down. I can’t even calm my head and do nothing while I wait for that “nudge” because for all I tell, there are like 5,000 nudges each telling me to something different! And each with a different outcome, possibility … In areas of the heart, intuition can get so distorted … how can hear anything? Because really, it’s not any more fun playing the which side of the “crazy girl” fence will I be on today than it is going, hello? Intuition? I know you said to be the ‘real me’ here … but, um, yeah, who is that again?” Anyway, thanks for reading, would love to know if you’ve blogged about this area or get your thoughts on it 🙂
Hi Sara
SO glad you found the blog too and you are enjoying it. Trouble trusting our intuition is an issue for most of us so don’t feel too badly about that one. Most of us are not taught the immense value of those nudges..we are geared towards evaluating, weighing options, thinking pros and cons,etc..and that certainly has value at times. But because of that, just following a feeling that has no ‘logical’ rationale behind it can seem really scary.
You are right that when we want things like relationships, the emotional charge can be high and it can be more difficult to really tune in. The first thing you want to remember is you don’t have to try and be perfect at it..like you said, you sometimes can’t tell what might be the nudge and what might be your mind saying, and that’s okay. The important thing to remember is no matter what decision you make and its outcome, it is serving you in some way. Whatever manifests is a reflection of your energy and there will be some sort of insight to be gained.
Second, you do want to work on ways to quiet your mind..meditation is powerful, but is certainly not the only thing. It could be sitting quietly looking out the window, listening to relaxing music, taking a walk or whatever. Do what works best for you. As you get more comfortable with observing your thoughts and feelings from a more neutral space, that sense of detachment will allow you to tune into what is coming from your intuition and what is your mind just putting in its two cents.
Also, you want to consider if some of this trouble is coming from our tendency to resist doing what our heart is telling us because it feels scary, or is the opposite of what our mind wants to do. This is a common cause of all that confusion..we kind of know the answer but we are not quite ready to implement it.
This is a great topic for a post and I think I will put something together on it soon.
Thanks for replying to my post. I don’t know how exactly you got so wise, but I’m very appreciative for your insights. Confusion and control. Two big points you brought up, right on the money. I’m trying to remember that I don’t have to control all these potential scenarios. I can be in the moment, I can pause … I don’t need to make plans for what may never come to pass, and waiting is doing something the same as doing something is.
It’s hard when we’re in a world of immediacy and over-communication to really step back… I’ve been trying to spend more time being quiet, not talking everything to death … things like walking my dogs, sitting in the sun, stuff my busy mind has a hard time appreciating (I’m a very “what’s the end-goal of this?” kind of person), but trying… I think you’re right about the confused messages we get and not knowing which to hear. And once you add romantic chemicals/crazy-making … all hell can break loose so easily. But coming at something from a neutral space is so important. And SOOO hard. It happens in all forms of relationships.
My heart tells me to put myself out there and be vulnerable all the time. It’s the years of trying NOT to get a thick skin which makes me constantly confused. You know that feeling you get when everyone around you says to do XYZ, and you know it doesn’t feel like you, but you wish it did because it sounds so much better than how your gut is telling you to do it? But it never works out right when you do something that isn’t genuine to yourself. But knowing which is which? Not all parts of you are the best parts … we’re a work in progress… And that’s hard… Because you can only know what you know, you know? 🙂
We know the answer and we are not quite ready to implement it. That’s what it is. Or we don’t know how. Or we’re scared it won’t work. Or we’ll get rejected. Or it will hurt. Or we can’t filter it into something tangible. We know what we need to do most of the time, I actually do believe that … but it’s risky when someone else controls whether that need is fulfilled. Getting those balls in motion, hearing the message behind the message, that’s hard. Whether it’s a phone call to a guy who may not even pick up and not knowing which is better … or moving across the world (ahem…) because it feels right, even if you don’t know the details … It’s hard when it feels like you’re having a battle inside your head that only you are playing because the only one you’re torturing is yourself. But at the same time, you’re also the only one who lives with the outcomes…
Hi Sara
Sorry for the delay in responding…going through my recent comments and I realized I never responded to this. You are right that it can be hard to tune in when there is so much noise, seeing the beliefs and opinions of others being so contrary to these truths,etc… As you get deeper into your work, you will become more confident in these beliefs and who you are. And then, it gets much easier to cut out anything that doesn’t support that. AS for feeling confused about decisions, it is important to remember that you really can’t do anything wrong. Whatever you do, it will serve you somehow and help you get to the next step because that is all we can ever see. We can’t see the whole path. When you realize that, you won’t be as afraid to proceed, even if you are not totally sure you are making the ‘right’ choice. Your trust will build.