When it comes to our emotions, it is understandable outside circumstances greatly influence them. When good things happen, we feel good..it is so easy. When bad things happen, we feel badly. We’re only human after all and we naturally have a preference for the pleasant stuff.
But, when we really want to start making changes in our life, and feeling happier, we have to do our best not to let the outside rule the inside–we have to flip it. What is happening inside will reflect what happens outside, and we want to work on trying to feel good now, regardless of what is happening. We can’t tell ourselves we’ll feel better when so and so happens. Living reactively gives away our power.
My fiance Ryan is kind of a master at doing this, and I thought his take on this subject would be really helpful for my audience. So, for your reading pleasure, here is a fabulous guest post by the wisest person I know.
Kelli and I just had lunch at a little warung in the rice fields around Ubud, Bali. We enjoyed the heck out of the meal, and more important, the experience of….eating lunch in the rice fields of Bali. What few realize is that for Kelli and I to arrive at this place in our lives, to do all of this dream stuff, to live, for months, in places like:
- Bali
- Fiji
- Costa Rica
- Thailand
- Nepal
- India
- Laos
- Vietnam
- Cambodia
- Sri Lanka
- Malaysia
- Peru
…..we had to smile when things didn’t go our way. Kelli and I needed to feel happy when appearances around us didn’t suggest the idea of “happiness.”
Blogging from Paradise: A Common Mistake
Some people look at me and say, “Of COURSE you’ve published 10 eBooks in 4 months Ryan! Of COURSE you’re such an inspiring blogger, who publishes posts daily, who’s all over the place. Just look around you….you live in paradise!”
News flash my kiddies; I had to *act as inspired* when I was walking in -10 degree weather, in NJ, to visit the library for free Wifi, 4 years ago. Honest. The Universe did not allow me to manifest this experience until I was aligned with the experience. I had to align with this experience when living through shitty conditions. I was broke, angry and depressed, yet I was the smiling guy on social media, and through my blog, 4 years ago. If I were like most people I would have looked around and said, “life sucks”, based on my living conditions, and I’d have called it a day. I would have said, “So and So lives in paradise because they are *lucky* or *talented*”, and naturally, of course, I would have attributed much of their success to them living in paradise, all those *lucky* travel bloggers who merely needed to look out of the window for inspiration.
Mistake: forgetting that I had to act inspired despite living in shitty conditions, years ago. Mistake: forgetting that I had to BE the person, who is a professional, inspired blogger, before I moved to paradise. Mistake: forgetting that Ryan Biddulph did all the freeing, uncomfortable stuff, without making excuses, that you very well may be refusing to do, right now, the stuff that if you did it, would make you my neighbor in paradise.
I had to feel happy when things were not going my way. To make this deal more graphic, understand that “things not going my way” meant:
- Being $50,000 in debt
- Having 4 little itty bitty pennies in my pocket at one point during the lean days
- Selling my car to pay bills
- Moving out of my apartment because I couldn’t afford rent
- Walking 4 to 5 miles – or more – daily, to the library, for free WiFi, some days in bitterly cold, -15 degree conditions during a brutal winter
- being sued by a particularly nasty creditor
- going bankrupt
….yet, if you saw me on my old blog, or on my social networks, I was smiling. Probably thought I was lucky, right? Or that I was ALWAYS happy. This wasn’t the case. I was very angry at times, but largely, I was able to small, laugh and keep cheery – much of the time – despite things not going my way.
How?
I Read a Life Changing Story
I recall a story I read many years ago. Well before I was the guy who would be speaking at NYU, or who’d be living in Fiji, or Bali, and long before Richard Branson’s business advisor, said I was a “smart guy.” The true story mentioned how a billionaire (identity withheld) was asked when his life turned around. What moment had he ”made it”? The billionaire calmly responded that the day he got up from the park bench where he slept, and decided it was time to hustle, to buy a suit, so he could walk into a business meeting in the proper threads, and then, even though he was still homeless, he knew that having that suit, would give him the confidence to kill the interview, get hired, and then, to become really happy, and rich.
Do you think things were going his way? Have YOU ever lived on a park bench? How terrifying, and humiliating, would that feel? How angry would you be? How hopeless? Yet, this guy got up, smiled, did odd jobs, made a few bucks, bought a suit, landed the interview, and now his net worth is in excess of $1,000,000,000.00……so after reading this story, I chose from that day forward to smile, and remain cheery, because if a guy could be cheery, and goal-oriented, despite sleeping on and calling a park bench home, I could be cheery in my mild discomfort. So, I chose to smile most of the time despite my unenviable conditions.
I Did Freeing but Uncomfortable Things
Happiness is in being. This means that if you wish to be happy – despite what’s going on around you – you’ll keep doing stuff that makes you happy. Like, I enjoy writing, so during my lean years, I wrote, and even during my successful, prospering days, when I feel a little less than uber inspired, or if I have 40 things to do, I always set aside time for my writing. Always. Which is why I’ve published 10 eBooks in 4 months, and it’s also why I’m happy most of the time.
Some days, things may seem a bit chaotic. I may feel overwhelmed in moments, but I always set aside time for writing. I may be on a plane from Fiji to Australia, but I’ll write. Won’t network, won’t do anything else work-wise, but I’ll write.
I also love to exercise. So I exercise daily. Jogging, walking or doing luggage presses brings me happiness because a circulating, moving body is a happy body, so I exercise for an hour or longer daily, each day that I’m alive. This way, when things don’t go my way, or if I feel a little down, or worried, because I’m human, I pick myself right back up, through exercising, and through writing.
I routinely do freeing but uncomfortable things which helps me embrace uncomfortable situations – that most people *allow* to make them, unhappy – in stride. So, when someone is all angry and cranky with some situation that didn’t go their way, I roll with it, with a smile, because I’ve patiently experienced uncomfortable, freeing situations for the past near decade, when I started this personal development journey, and especially over the past 5 years, when I chose to become an entrepreneur.
I’ve Worked on My Mindset for the Past 8 Years…EVERY DAY!
Ahhh….my favorite topic! I meditate for 20 minutes daily, but personal development doesn’t stop there. Personal development is active, a moment by moment thing, not sitting in some room for hours each day, trying to iron out your kinks. Life irons out my kinks, and when I learned to be happy with situations around me, and with life, I was happy most of the time, no matter what happened.
I am here, in the moment, in the now. I look around. Life is good because I woke up. Life is good because I’m in Bali. When I visit New Jersey, it’ll be good to be home. I’ll appreciate convenience, and I’ll love to see my family. Fiji was great because it forced us to detach from doing stuff, like going out to eat daily, or doing the massage bit. That was a blessing.
Today is a blessing because I get to go for a walk. That makes me happy. If I feel a bit down, I don’t give into my feelings. I’m space. I’m awareness. I’m the watcher, the observer, so I feel the anxiety, and tell myself, I’m the watcher, and the anxiety comes and goes….kinda like I’m watching a movie.
The coconut trees in Bali are gorgeous. They are more than enough, for me, right now. I am whole and complete right now. I am enough. I feel good. I feel happy. If something happens right now, that causes me some sadness, or anxiety, I’m still whole and complete. Maybe I’ll get annoyed, but I’ll still be happy, because I’m walking, or accessing the internet, or because I’m blogging, or doing the stuff I love.
If I find myself doing stuff I don’t love, I almost always stop doing it. Or, if I’m in a situation where I’m doing something I’m not super excited to do, I practice looking deeper. I see the blessing in the task, and I see the goodness I’m doing for me, and others, in performing the task, so here I am, happy once again. In the middle of doing stuff that may not bring me immense joy, but that is bringing me and others blessings.
Gratitude
You don’t even have to build a gratitude list. Practice gratitude in action. This is unending personal development. Do you feel happy about having access to the internet, to read these words? How ‘bout feeling happy to have eyes, to see these words? See how everything IS going your way? How about Kelli’s blog? How about getting access to her wisdom, for free? How about being blessed in that you can pay a fee to access her wisdom, 1-on-1, via her private happiness consulting business?
You don’t need to feel endlessly grateful. I don’t. But I’m predominantly happy about all the stuff going on around me. When things don’t go my way I’m moved in a direction for growth, fulfillment, and freedom. When I let go my preference, or how things should be, I’m a vehicle for happiness. I learn more about being happy, whole and complete, right now, despite what’s going on around me.
Your Turn
How do you feel happy despite things not going your way?
Do you look for the good in any situation?
Are you on the lookout for happiness boosters, everywhere in your life?
Ryan Biddulph is the author of the Blogging from Paradise eBook series. Blogger. Coach. Internet Lifestyle Junkie. If you are a fellow blogger, or thinking about starting one, visit his site Blogging from Paradise today for everything you need to know about building a successful blog.
Excellent. This made me happy just reading it. Thank you for posting such an insightful motivating description of what we CAN do when life is not what we expected. Cheers x
Hi Paige
Thanks so much..I am so glad you liked it. Ryan is very good at motivating, and as you can see from his story, he had plenty of obstacles to overcome. Our minds are a very powerful thing!
Pagie, it’s my full pleasure. We can do awesome things living life from the inside out. Thanks much.
KC, thanks as always for allowing me to publish this guest post. Appreciate it!
RB
You’re welcome as always! Thank you for such a great post!
This is a great post. It’s always good to read a guy’s perspective, I find they have a completely different, almost left brain approach to LOA. I still relate more to women’s perspectives but I like it anyway.
I have had a nightmare few years and this year I started to meditate and focus on feeling good because I realised I was dwelling on the crap and the unfairness all the time which wasn’t good. At first it was really hard in the face of things seeming to get worse and I got quite discouraged but I kept at it.
It’s only been a few months but things have changed a lot. I was inspired to start eating 100% raw which is one of the best things I have ever done. I feel great every day and my body confidence is so off the chart that it infects all other areas of my life. The other day I was thinking that, really, I should be down at the moment because a lot of things in my physical reality are shall we say, not ideal, but because I live more in my imagined reality and the feelings that go with it, that I feel happy all the time and I don’t notice the crap. If the crap rears its head, I just change my focus to something good feeling, either something I like doing or something imagined. I just know my reality will come in line with my happiness at some point. Actually I feel it’s soon because my reality is happiness.
Hey Bunny
Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your experience and insights. I agree that reading about LOA and other aspects of personal development from a guy always strikes me as different in various ways, and I often can’t put my finger on it. But, yes, that ‘left-brain’ idea does sum a lot of the differences quite well. Thanks for that! That is awesome you kept up with the meditating. That has been one of the most important aspects of improving my own life, along with the study of LOA. Your experience is a common one–things can really start to come to the surface once we tap in and it can get really uncomfortable. If we can ride it out and keep going, while being gentle with ourselves of course, we can really shift energy and perspective.
It is interesting what we feel inspired to do when our energy starts moving and we start feeling better–you attracted a means of improving your health that really works for you. Your point about how you ‘should’ feel down because certain things in your life aren’t working out really struck me because that perfectly illustrates our typical line of thinking that our attention ‘should’ always be on what is not going right, but it actually comes down to choosing where to put our attention and you are making the better choice for sure! That is one of the best ways to start seeing more positive changes. I think you are on a great track and I have no doubt good stuff is going to start flooding in for you!
Hi Bunny, Keep on shifting your focus while you embrace the sometimes low feelings….you are doing wonderful, and things will continue to improve for you each day, because you are searching for good feeling things, people and circumstances, and are WELL on your way. Thanks so much for sharing.
Hi Ryan! This was a really encouraging post. Staying happy when things don’t go my way is probably my biggest challenge. I find it generally quite difficult to detach from my ideas about how things should go or where I should be, so this post has given me a bit of a kick up the butt. 😀
Hi Karyn
Thanks for heading over here and checking out his post. I am glad you found it encouraging. You definitely aren’t alone in that challenge! It is really easy to feel good when we have a reason to, and that is perfectly fine naturally! All the good stuff should be celebrated to the max. But, learning to cultivate good feelings when we may not have a ‘good’ reason will help so many more good things come to us so much more easily. Tanks for your comment!
Karyn I’m going through this as I write these words. It’s neat how the Universe brings us timely lessons. Thanks much.
Hey Guys!
What an inspiring post. Coincidentally, I just wrote one on a similar subject… but the whole post is just graphics I made. I had a lot of fun making them, despite how weird they are. They represent my weirdness.
As I told you before, Ryan, a few months ago I started exercising again and now I work out for an hour, 5-6 days a week. Like you said here, it makes a HUGE difference! You’re absolutely right on that one.
Keep on inspiring people, you two!
Brittany
Hey Brittany
I am so glad you liked the post. Your weirdness is fabulous and I am going to head over there now and check it out. Exercise really does make such a difference in how we feel, and it is a great way to get energy unblocked and flowing. I am a huge fan myself, and we all know Ryan’s stance on that one!
Brittany that’s awesome. So happy you dove into exercising, such a fun energy builder.
Ah another great post Kelli and thank you for allowing wisdom from the ‘Love of your Life’ to be posted here and etched into my being. WOW How awesome is this?!
You know Kelli, Ryan’s story is very similar to mine and I think we have visited the same dark tunnel but at different times and yes it just takes a moment of ‘madness as society would have us believe’ to get motivated, to get inspired to get up from that park bench or to move out of that dark tunnel. It is there for anyone and everyone to achieve!
Everything that Ryan stated I was able to tick the box although I am not near him in his achievements yet but I know it is coming WHOOPEE!
Kelli it was FAB to see and hear you speak on one of your last posts and it put a more real and personal touch to your wonderful blogs.
Your wee Irish Buddha
Dominic
Dominic that’s so cool. Always fun to align with people who have such resonant experiences. Onward and upward.
Hey Dominic
Glad the post resonated with you. I have a feeling you have accomplished a lot more than you are giving yourself credit for! Thanks so much about the video..I have to start doing them on a more regular basis. That feedback will inspire me to do so!
Hmm, nice to read all that 🙂
I always like to read some inspiring stuffs. Sometimes I watch true-story based movies too for motivation.
Here is one quote for you guys 🙂
When things don’t go right, go left.
Feeling happy is really all about how you see towards something. It all depends upon your mentality. I remember one thing that Ryan said about Spam Comments.
Apparently, receiving spam comments on your blog is not a good thing. But here is the silver lining out of the dark clouds, getting more spam comments on your blog means your Blog is now present at more places. It had gotten more exposure as compare to yesterday. So you should feel happy about it.
Thanks for writing 🙂
I hope this article changes someone’s way of thinking.
YF, wow cool that you remember that spam comment quote/idea. If we tune into the blessing in each moment we can laugh off stuff that annoys us. We’ll have ups and downs, but being present moves us past the peaks and valleys. Thanks much.
Hehe yeah, I remember the video in which you said that thing about spam comments. I never forget ^_^
Hello
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. I love that quote..good philosophy!
You are welcome, here is another:
Life can never be easy, you can only make it enjoyable for yourself.
Thanks for having me on your blog 🙂
Definitely inspiring to read this. My week starts on Sundays so I start it off by reading your blogs! (KC + Ryan)
Maybe there’s a blog post about how you met/love story in here somewhere. I better look around! 😀
ps. Ryan, I’ll be replying to your email soon. Just a little swamped at the moment with my wife’s pregnancy so I’ll be reading it tonight.
Hi Dennis
Thanks so much. So glad you liked the post. There is actually one post where I talk a bit about that…law of attraction and love.
Wow Dennis, congrats on growing your family. That is awesome. We did the LOA love post a while back; it should come up on a blog search. It was a neat chain of events that led to the meet. Thanks so much for checking out our blogs first thing during the week and have an awesome day Dennis.
This is a great post. Good job Ryan!
Once you reach success people just look at you like an overnight success. Like it just worked out for you.
You really do need to retain happiness when you’re trying to make effective changes in life.
When things don’t go my way I just try to remind myself that it can still work out. I’m constantly looking for the good in any situation, especially something that I can take from it and use to my advantage in the future.
~Lea
Hi Lea
Thanks for your comment. You are so right about that..we see the ‘finished product’ and forgot what went into making it! That tip about looking to see what you can learn from the situation is super helpful. I believe we are always moving towards what we want, and every situation that pops up that is ‘unwanted’ in any way is just there to show us what still needs to be tweaked, or help us refine our desire.
Lea, looking for the good is the only way to go. Through ups and downs you can really feel genuinely happy through this practice. Super smart add here.
This is just really cool. The whole subject of gratitude is a topic I’ve been thinking and seeking to be more intentional about for the last few months. I think I’m getting there bit by bit but reading this kind of stuff is just a really great shot in the arm to keep pressing toward the goal. Thanks.
Thanks so much Micah. Consciously practicing gratitude can have a lot of stops and starts-it is easy to get caught up in what we are not liking, stresses of everyday life and what have you. We all forget sometimes, but the more we consciously go there, the more frequently we naturally go to that place without as much prompting. The force behind it gets stronger and we don’t stay in a negative space as long and it feels less powerful.
The intentional note Micah resonates with me. I love taking breaks to see good in my life and to feel full, whole and complete. What a blessed practice this is for us. So glad you’re on the Thankful Track.
Hi Kelli and Ryan,
You are so kind sharing a part of your life story Ryan!
I agree, we all need something to hold on to especially when life gets tough. We have to think of the things that make us happy and it would manifest to our whole system. I believe that we all have amazing brains and is greatly influenced by the day-to-day thoughts that we have, and we can wire it for success and happiness or for failure and misery – it’s all up to us. When we think of happiness, it is possible to feel enthusiasm and that will fuel us up to carry on.
Hi Patricia
Thanks so much for your comment and I am so glad you found the post inspiring. You are so right about having something to keep us afloat even when times are tough–our focus on that, even if it is something small, that can be a great way to start shoring up positive energy. We can certainly wire our brains for success-I have read many interesting articles regarding the effects of changing our thoughts and emotions on the structure of the brain, pathways,etc…Fascinating stuff. I hope you are succeeding in whatever goals you have set for yourself. You seem to have a great mindset, so I am sure you are doing great!
Patricia, agreed fully on that one. Whatever we dwell upon does manifest in our reality. We need only go within, to cultivate that feeling and in time we can feel good despite almost everything happening around us. Thanks so much.