People Problems? Tips for Smoother Dealings with Your Fellow Humans Part 3

Hope you have been enjoying my insights on dealing with people in a way that minimizes discord, and maximizes your peace and happiness. Here is the third and final part. Enjoy!

Pick the Path of Greatest Peace

This strategy is one of the most profound for minimizing problems with others, and protecting ourselves from descending into a pit filled with agitation, anger, and a host of other negative feelings.

But, this strategy is also one of the more difficult to execute because of that good old ego of ours. Most of the time, it simply can’t resist the urge to argue, prove ourselves right or at least that others are wrong, make people understand our point of view, explain ourselves lest people make incorrect assumptions about us, and so on and so forth.

And it is understandable why we feel compelled to do this, but not only does it cause us unnecessary angst, it is kind of exhausting too. Feeling like we can’t ever let something go, and that it must be addressed, takes a lot of mental energy.

And, think about how you feel during these episodes, and immediately after. Our impulse is driven by a desire to feel better, and there may be some sort of temporary relief brought on by unleashing what is swirling around in our head, but ultimately, we really don’t feel much better do we?

When we can learn to quell this desire to argue, prove, explain and what have you, we can create a much greater sense of peace. If we can learn to be okay with others disagreeing, the discomfort that gets stirred up when we feel like we are being judged or our beliefs and decisions challenged, etc…, we will keep so much negative emotion in check. It is like we are building some sort of shield that deflects all the crap that gets us riled up.

So, are you up for the challenge? And, it is important to remember I’m not talking about hiding who you really are, kowtowing to others or letting people walk all over you. I’m simply talking about learning to pick our battles wisely, and know when keeping our mouths shut will be of benefit to us.

It is about thinking before you speak, and examining the energy behind saying whatever it is you want to say. Is this desire coming from a good place where you feel there is great value in the words formulating, or is it coming from a yucky place like feeling insecure, or wanting to hurt others?

After all, isn’t our core desire to be happier in life and just feel better? Doing this will accomplish these worthy goals in spades.

So, if you find yourself being judged for certain choices you have made in your life, can you resist the urge to explain your choices for the millionth time, in the hopes that people will finally ‘get it?’ Can you learn to be okay with the fact no matter who you are and what you do, there will always be people who don’t get it, think you are flat-out wrong or see things in a totally different light?

If you know expressing a certain opinion will just get your present company riled up, and a spirited debate will ensue where everyone is just quelling their insecurity by trying to convince other people they are right (which is really just an exercise in trying to convince ourselves), can you just not say anything ? Can you find it in yourself to not always express disagreement?

If your partner did something that made you really mad, and you continue to give him the cold shoulder even though you have pretty much gotten over the incident, because you feel he needs to be punished, can you just let it go because you realize that this behavior is also punishing you?

While you may not pick the path of greatest peace all the time, the more you do it, the more momentum you will build behind this mode of operating, and it will become easier. The good news is, you will have plenty of opportunities to practice!

Shifting Expectations around Expressing Yourself

Depending on the circumstances and the people involved, there is no hesitation to express our upset at the situation. If we feel hurt, betrayed, befuddled or whatever, we let the other person know what is up. Sometimes this is a good thing, and sometimes it’s not. Again, it all depends on the unique stew of factors at play.

Then, sometimes we are reluctant to say something. Perhaps it is because we are just generally not good at expressing anger and hurt, we feel uncomfortable broaching certain subjects with certain people, or we are concerned expressing how we feel on this one situation will unleash an avalanche of pent-up emotion . But, if you are reaching a point where you feel you can’t carry on your relationship with a particular person as it is now, until some particular issue gets addressed, then it is important you muster up the nerve.

But, when we are prompted to express our displeasure at something another person said or did, we want to frame this action as a way to release some negative energies, and clear out the muck that has been floating around internally. We want to view it as an exercise in cleansing so we can move on as quickly as possible.

We mustn’t proceed with the idea we can only feel better if people react in the way we want them to, whether that entails giving us an apology, admitting they were wrong, saying they will stop criticizing us for a particular choice we have made, or agreeing to start or stop doing a particular thing.

This can be really hard, that’s for sure. After all, many people do things that can be pretty easily regarded as universally shitty, and they should want to do these things. Then there are the times we have to realize there really is no true right and wrong, no matter how strongly we feel there may be in this particular situation.

So, let stuff off your chest. It can be a really powerful way to shift your energy, and release things that are bringing down your vibe. This alone can make you feel better, regardless of how the other person responds. You just have to decide this is so, and you will let yourself feel better, regardless of the result.

Accept Some People May Not Be a Match to You Vibrationally (At Least for the Moment)

Studying the law of attraction has been immensely helpful for me in countless areas of my life. I talked a bit about it in the first part of this series, and how consciously working with the process can really help us understand conflicts with others, reduce or increase interactions with certain types of people and create smoother relations.

At our core, we are all energy, and depending on our predominant feelings and beliefs, we are vibrating at different frequencies. When two people are really far from each other on this ‘vibrational scale’ there is great discord.

Think about how being around certain people can totally uplift you, and make you feel better, or bring you down to Crapville. This is why. The energies are just totally different, and the latter happens very easily because we don’t really have a powerful shield up; we haven’t learned how to protect our energy.

And when people are pretty far away from each other, both energies really can’t co-exist for long. Either the higher energy person has to come down, or the lower energy person has to come up. And if you find the former happening a lot, you may have to consciously limit your time with certain people, or at the very least, avoid sensitive issues that trigger conflict until you can shore up your own energy.

Since we can only experience things to which we are a match based on what is happening internally, this can affect our relationships in a way that can be upsetting.

For example, if you are really working on yourself and trying to be happier, better and shinier, your vibration is raising. So, if there are people in your life who are still in a lower place, your ‘light’ may seem too freaking bright, and they may pull away from you. This is not always conscious—in fact, most people aren’t usually aware they are doing this. They may feel less compelled to contact you, and this is not necessarily done with any willful action surrounded by negative feelings about you.

And even if it is intentional, and they are actively feeling some sort of resistance towards you at the moment, it is so important to remember it has nothing to do with you. Naturally, you’ll probably feel hurt sometimes, but the more you can keep this truth top of mind, the easier it will be to handle it.

And, if any of you reading this happen to be the person on the other end of this—the one who is doing the pulling away because being around the ‘higher-vibing’ person is stirring up some unpleasantness in some way, it is okay. It is understandable why you feel this way. This person isn’t a match to you right now, and that may be upsetting because it feels like you are losing someone, or it is leading to all sorts of conflicts with this person.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind here. If being around this person is making you feel worse, it is better to pull back a bit. You can’t start feeling better when you continuously make choices that make you feel badly.

Second, don’t waste this opportunity to reflect on your life, your belief system and what is going on inside you. How we react to the ‘good’ in other people can be an amazing springboard for creating this same good in our own life. You too can raise your energy and be happier just like this person. You don’t have to change overnight, but vow to take steps to start feeling better, no matter how small.

Focus on the Good in People

In the moments people are acting in a way we find bothersome, from the seemingly benign and merely annoying, to things that make us want to shake them violently, trying to focus on the good in the person can do wonders.

Now, if you have some really tense situations going on with a particular person, you may be really far away from being able to effectively utilize this tool, and that’s okay. As you work on finding ways to work through whatever is happening, you will get into a better-feeling place where this exercise won’t feel so difficult. You will begin to see this person as the multi-dimensional being she most likely is. No one is all bad—we all express both sides of the coin at various times.

Your mother-in-law may drive you mad, but maybe she is a really good mom to your husband, and an amazing grandmother to your children. Your boyfriend was in a bad mood, and unfairly took it out on you, putting a big old cloud over your day. But, then think of all the times he has done sweet things for you, like make you dinner, or get you a present to boost your spirits after a rough week at work.

In the moment, our negative emotion can really suck us in, and we feel very justified in feeling the way we do, and thinking all those nasty thoughts. It’s okay..it happens to the best of us. But, if we can be willing to let it go even a little bit and allow our mind to go to that place, you will be amazed at how much the intensity dissipates. You may not totally get over it, but it won’t feel as consuming.

So, that’s that. My musings on improving our interactions with our fellow man. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think. What tip did you find the most helpful, or resonated with you the most? Did the post prompt any insights on your own? Have you been working on any people issues of your own? Looking forward to your thoughts so we can have a chat!