Waiting for outside circumstances more conducive to making changes in our life is never the best strategy. Sometimes things will line up in such a way that you catch a break. But, more often, you will need to get the ball rolling yourself. You have to work on changing your experience of life. You can’t give up control to the forces beyond yourself.
For those of you ready to kick your old life to the curb, here is part two of my tips for helping you do just that…enjoy!
Give Yourself Permission to Be Happy and Awesome
This may sound like a strange suggestion, but it is one that you must take if you really want to move forward in life. On a conscious level, you may not realize you are denying yourself permission to be happy, and create a different life for yourself.
On a conscious level, you would not think you have any issues of deserving, and that you have stifled yourself out of some sense you are not entitled to the best this existence of ours has to offer because of things you have done in the past, or out of some sense you are not ‘good enough.’ There is a part of you that thinks..’who am I to think I can go about, creating all sorts of awesomeness?’
Your view on what life is supposed to be like may be a bit screwy, and the idea of trying to be happy may seem like something all those personal development ‘weirdos’ busy themselves with. There is something cool about being cynical and negative—it allows us to keep indulging in habits and ways of thinking that don’t serve us.
We never have to go through the discomfort of going after what we want if we conclude from the start we probably can’t have it anyway. Being cynical about life puts up a wall that protects us from an intense fear of failing and not getting what we desire. We’ll never have to feel disappointed for not getting something if we never pursue it in the first place.
Now are you getting a sense of the various ways in which we deny ourselves the pursuit of happiness?
Get Specific with the Changes You Want to Make
Specificity is very important in reshaping our lives—like the suggestion in the first post to get clear about defining your ‘why’ to keep on track, you need to get specific with the types of changes you want to make.
Without clearly defining what you want to do differently, it will be much harder to get things moving in the right direction. You need something concrete in your mind. You need specific goals and actions on which to focus your attention.
So, think about the various broader changes you want to make in your life (getting healthier, being happier,etc..), and then write down specific actions you can take to bring this change into your life.
Don’t just say you want to have more joy in your life. Think about the specific activities that would bring you joy. It might be taking long walks with your dogs or making a greater effort to keep in touch with your friends. Perhaps you want to make more time to get out in nature, or do certain activities with your children.
Don’t just say you want to reduce stress. What can you do specifically to achieve this very important goal? Perhaps you need to set 30 minutes of alone time where your kids and husband can’t interrupt you unless one of them happens to catch on fire. Maybe it involves scaling back or eliminating certain commitments so you can tend to yourself better. You might be compelled to get up 10 minutes earlier than you normally do so you can meditate and center yourself first thing in the morning so you can start your day from a calmer space.
Write down whatever you come up with. There is great power in putting intentions to paper. It gives order to our mind, and it makes it much more likely you will find the time for these activities somewhere in your day.
Just as importantly as you want to give some serious thought to all the happy stuff you want to bring into your experience, you also need to give some thought to what is specifically making you unhappy, and causing you turmoil.
What is making you feel badly in your life? What specifically is causing you guilt, anger, fear, boredom, dread, and other negative feelings? What elements would you want to most fix to create more ideal days?
This is a very important thing to do because many of us have gotten so bogged down in the bad feelings, we may be largely unaware of what exactly is making us feel the way we do, and the exact feelings being evoked. We just know we feel shitty. Once you figure this out, think about what steps you can take immediately to find some relief. You may not be able to shift your entire life overnight, but you can certainly change the direction.
Don’t Worry about What Everyone Else is Doing
Depending on what types of changes you are hoping to make, you may come up against some internal struggles based on the vision you have for yourself, and what people around you are doing.
Let’s face it, very few people are 1,000 percent confident in their decisions. Moving in a different direction can be challenging, especially if you are still working to strip away the layers of conditioning—which can take time– that might be telling you that what you are doing is ‘wrong’ in some way.
First off, there really is no such thing as ‘wrong’ when it comes to matters of how we live our lives. There are just preferences. If you have given some real thought to what it is you want, and how you want your life to be, then you are making the right move. When you find that doubt and fear creeping in, remember to think back to the self-reflection that got you on this path in the first place.
You connected with that higher part of yourself that knows what will make you happiest and what path will allow you to become who you truly are.
Don’t compare yourself and your path to that of others. If you don’t want to be doing the same thing, there is nothing wrong with that. Just focus on yourself, and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.
And if you happen to run into any issues with others, as far as criticism, judgment and what have you, are concerned, it will probably suck quite a bit. I won’t lie to you about that.Again, we all have our doubts and fears, and they are easily activated by the comments and questioning of others.
It is so important to remember that everything we say or do is a reflection of our own ‘stuff’ and has nothing to do with the person who is on the receiving end of snarky comments, criticism, mocking and judgment. It might still feel badly, but if we can keep this in the forefront of our mind as we move along, trying to accomplish whatever it is we have set out to, it won’t slow us down as much. It won’t sting for as long, and it certainly won’t stop us completely.
Let the Universe Work Its Magic
If I didn’t develop a healthy dose of faith, I never would have pursued the path I did. My life completely transformed in a way I never would have thought possible when relying on logical thought alone. If I had insisted on being in complete control, and having to figure out every step, I would probably still be in New Jersey living the life I knew for sure I didn’t want.
But, luckily, I didn’t go about things in such a manner. That mode of operation has no place in creating awesomeness. Things came together for me in ways I could not have anticipated, or figured out with my puny little brain.
As much we love to plan, figure out and try to control outcomes, we simply can’t to any real degree. And, to say this makes us uncomfortable would be an understatement if there ever was one. It infuses a healthy dose of fear, and keeps us stuck right where we are.
Not being able to see exactly how things will pan out, or come together, makes us extremely hesitant to make bolder changes in our life. Straying too far from our current path without any sort of guarantee it will be to our benefit just seems too risky, and no matter how much we may dislike our current life, it is a safe space where we know what to expect.
But, if you realize what we think and believe determines what happens in our lives, you can’t help but get what you want if you truly feel it is possible. When you proceed through life with the idea the things you want are already yours, the most amazing things happen, things that you never could have saw coming if you had a thousand guesses.
The good old Universe has a way of perfectly orchestrating events so you can get the assistance, resources, ideas and inspirations that will continuously move you towards what you want.
You just need to focus on the ‘what’ and leave the ‘how’ to this wonderful, mysterious force. Take whatever actions you feel are necessary, (make sure they feel good though and are not taken from a sense of fear or trying to control things) and just work on cultivating good feelings around your desire.
Take some time to think about any limiting beliefs you have around whatever changes you are trying to make. Write down all these reasons, and then come up with arguments that refute these lies. If you let yourself want something in the first place, there is at least a small part of you that thinks it is possible to have it. So somewhere inside that mind of yours is at least a few good beliefs surrounding the desire. Tease them out and write them down. This is a very powerful exercise to help recondition your mind.
Start reading more about law of attraction. I personally have written quite a bit on the topic, and you can find those articles here. Studying LOA changed my whole world. It is very real, and if you are willing to be open to learning more about it, beat down that logical part of you that will want to try and ‘make sense’ of it, and just go with the flow, you have no idea how much you can change your life. Like seriously…huge, amazing changes.
So, there you have part two..hope you enjoyed it.
Please let me know your thoughts. Did any part of the post jump out at you in particular? Do you think you have been denying yourself permission to be happy? How are you doing in your own efforts to change your life? Looking forward to your comments so we can have a chat.
Hi Kelli.
That’s true what you said. A lot of the change that we want comes from what we do on the inside. We can’t control much of the outside.
Being specific is also important too. Having attainable goals to reach keeps us hungry and accomplished.
Good stuff.
Nathan.
Hi Nathan
Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to share your thoughts. It is much appreciated. You are so right about that..we can only control ourselves and our own choices, so it is best to focus on that rather than hoping something outside of us will make things better. Have a great day!
Kelli,
I always feel so inspired when I read your posts. This, as always, is right on. Lots of these things are things I’ve been thinking about a lot. I’ve been working a lot on trying to get more specific with my goals because you’re so right about how important it is.
I read recently a great quote about how online we spend half the time lying about how happy we are and the other half wishing we were as happy as other people. That’s why I love blogging– I’d so much rather create than evaluate!
You’re awesome. Nice work!
Brittany
Hey Brittany
Thanks so much..that truly makes my day when I hear people say that! You know, it really does make all the difference and it is something that is easy to overlook. We kind of set broader intentions, but it is easy to drop the ball on them if we don’t have something specific to sink our teeth into. Telling ourselves we want to do certain things makes it much more likely we’ll stay on track. It gives us something to keep in the forefront of our mind. I agree about the creating part as well, and you are awesome too! Oh, I forgot to respond to your comment the other day you left in response to mine on your blog….our wedding is probably going to be a simple family affair at the house..have an officiant come and seal the deal! But, if we had a real wedding, I would love for you to come!
Hey Kelli,
What an awesome message and one that I resonated with so much.
Not sure if you know my history or not but people always ask me why I’m so happy. The truth is, my Dad had cancer 42 years of the 45 I had him and we were back and forth to hospitals all my life. Not only did he deal with that but he had other health issues as well that cropped up including Parkinson’s. So I feel blessed for every single day I have on this earth in my healthy body. When something like that is happening around you to someone you love, nothing else is really all that important. Not material possessions or complaining about the stupid stuff that really just doesn’t matter.
That’s why I feel so blessed because I recognized early on that just by being happy and thankful for what we have in our lives can help you appreciate everything else. Granted, I’ve had issues in my life as well but I wrote out what my life is to be like and I read it out loud every day with enthusiasm. I thank God everyday for all that I have and am.
Life is a blessing and I just wish that everyone would realize that. If they did then I think the happiness would come more naturally for them. They have to wait until something tragic happens in order to realize it but I hope that won’t be the case.
Love your message, thank you so much and hope you’re enjoying your week. Rock on my friend.
~Adrienne
Hi Adrienne
Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your experience. You do seem like a genuinely happy person and the ability to truly recognize the good in our lives and be appreciative can be life-changing. I too have had some experiences that really made me realize how great it is to be healthy-that truly is our first wealth, and that is why I am committed to taking good care of myself, both mentally and physically.
Going to a place of true gratitude unfortunately does not come easy for most, and I include myself in that sentiment because I still catch myself being ungrateful at times. But, the more ‘work’ I did on myself, the more the idea of gratitude and appreciation moved into my consciousness and it is a more regular occurrence. We have so much momentum behind our negative thoughts, beliefs and feelings and it is really easy to get caught up in them. Breaking that momentum and getting more behind the ‘good’ counterparts can be life-changing. Like you said, we can work on cultivating this view now and we don’t have to wait for something terrible to shake up our existence.
Great insights!
Hey Kelli,
Seems I’m a little bit late to the party, but I wanted to share my thoughts about this.
On the subject of permission: This has been one of my greatest points of expansion. It’s funny that when we leave our parents’ domain we often think we are striking out on our own. Yet, for me I’ve recently found that though it was true in a material sense, my mindset was still very much influenced by them. I’ve been recently giving myself more and more permission to do the things that truly make me happy – not what other’s (even people in the lifestyle design field) think will do so. The process is very much one of peeling back layers and often times the feeling is, “Oh wait, I didn’t even know I had that limiting belief! This doesn’t make me happy at all!” I’ve been seeing the difference because I attracted a job just like one I had 10 years ago in the service industry – and those I’ve attracted have shown me a kaleidoscope of the limiting beliefs I used to have. It’s such a wonderful experience to be “doing” the “same thing” with this expanded feeling.
On the subject of specificity: This is right on my leading edge. For me, I’ve always known many specifics of what I wanted in my life, but I know now that I’ve been far too focused on the absence of them. So, for me, the process has been one of identifying and focusing on the broad strokes of what I want in my life. This has given me a stable vibrational place with which to incrementally build in those specifics in a more lighthearted way. Added to that, I’ve become much more focused on a daily practice and the idea that manifestation is all about practice in general.
Have you ever felt resistance when you try to get too specific too fast? If so, what did you do?
Hey Chris
It is never too late to arrive to this party. Thanks so much for a great comment. I feel so blessed to attract people to this blog that share so much of their own story and insights. I have learned so much from people who have visited this blog and shared their thoughts.
Yes, I agree that we can be influenced by our parent’s mindset long after we are officially independent from them. They are the people we spent the most time with and learned from, and after years and years of being exposed to a particular way of thinking and set of beliefs, that stuff can get pretty, pretty deep. And, if it’s stuff that’s not so great, it can create some challenging circumstances for us as we work on reprogramming ourselves.
Your analogy of peeling back the layers is a perfect way of putting it. Some of our beliefs are pretty big and on the surface while others might be buried a bit more and don’t rise up until they are activated by a very specific situation. I too have had that same feeling of surprise because it never occurred to me before. I think this is particularly common when we begin reaching for bigger and bolder things that we may have never thought possible for ourselves before that shift in mindset, and consciously working with LOA in particular.
I love the way you worded your experience of trying not to get too specific. Like you said, when we do that, it is really easy to focus on the absence of things. And, that can also close off how our desire comes to us if we get too focused on thinking it can only come through certain channels or that the manifestation has to look a certain way for us to feel ‘good’ about it.
I have definitely felt that resistance when getting specific–when we start getting more detailed, that tendency to figure out
how’ can get activated quite easily. For me personally, I don’t do a lot of visualizing because I have never really been good at doing that. But, at the same time, I do engage in it sometimes because it is a really good tool to help uncover the specific resistance we may have around a particular ‘want’ and sometimes it feels really good so I just go with it as it can be a great way to get into that good-feeling space. But, I don’t consider it something I MUST do. So, that is one thing I do to keep that at bay–I try not to think about what I want and I don’t force visualizing because it is not necessary for the manifestation process as we attract based on feeling.
I also try to just focus on cultivating the feelings that lie behind my desires because ultimately that is what we are after anyway. I do things that make me feel good, regardless of how the action relates to what I want. And I do my best to act from a place of inspiration and do things that feel good in terms of manifesting more success in my professional endeavors, like my writing and coaching.
Hey Kelli,
Thanks for sharing your insights. Something that resonates with me that you said: ” I do things that make me feel good, regardless of how the action relates to what I want.”
I like that because it challenges the limiting belief that everything that we “get” is based on what we “do.” It’s a great way of simply putting that, if you truly believe that this is a vibrational reality, then the only cause and effect that exists is vibrational.
Hi Chris
My pleasure. That action definitely challenges a belief like that because we are so ingrained that action and hard work are what is required to get results. Sure, some sort of work is necessary depending on what you are trying to manifest, but when we work from a place of inspiration, we get better and faster results doing far less. And yes, if we know that everything is based on vibration, then we know feeling good and cultivating beliefs that serve us is the best use of our time. The action is usually the first step we take, but it actually should be the last, preceded by gaining clarity about what we want and then doing the internal work to feel aligned. Our brains certainly put up quite the fight!