What advice would you give about the law of attraction to people who suffer depression and anxiety?
Rejecting the Illusion
Our beliefs dictate our life; they determine our thoughts and feelings, how we view ourselves, where we focus our attention and what we believe is possible in our life. When we look at our lives in general, when we react in a ‘negative’ way to particular circumstances, it means we are seeing things in a way that isn’t serving us, that makes us think something better isn’t possible, that things will stay as they are.
Stronger energies like anxiety and depression are no different; they can feel very different since they are often pervasive, intense and ever-present. But from an energetic perspective, their root cause is the same as any other ‘negative’ emotional reaction, and dealing with them is basically the same, though it may take a bit more ‘effort.’
I am not trying to downplay these issues. I have dealt with both at various points in my life, and I know how crippling it can feel. But we don’t do ourselves any favors when we fight tooth and nail for perspectives that don’t support our ability to heal our emotional pain and trauma, to become a happier and healthier, successfully functioning human being.
We want to do our best to move away from the tendency to believe certain types of issues or emotional pain are the ‘exception’ and can’t be dealt with as successfully, that certain types of healing are harder to manifest.
Our mind is addicted to our pain; it’s as if it is this separate entity in our being that needs to be fed constantly to survive. It just wants more and more and it will do anything to convince you it’s here to stay, how there isn’t any other way. Wouldn’t it be nice to view things in a way that suggested this wasn’t the case, not by a long shot?
If you feel anxiety, you are viewing things in a way that evokes fear. If you feel depressed, you are viewing things in a way that evokes hopelessness, despair, apathy.
If you know your energy creates your reality, then many of the things you may fear, that may evoke anxiety, are things that you actually don’t need to worry about. You don’t need to feel anxious about money because you know you can be an easy recipient of infinite abundance.
You don’t need to carry around that generalized anxiety about the unknown future, where you are convinced all manner of terrible things are just waiting around the corner, ready to strike when you least expect it.
When you realize all manifestations serve an important purpose and can help get you where you need to be, whether by showing you a limitation in your thinking, giving you clarity or showing you helpful contrast, you have less fear about potential outcomes your mind resists; even if something happens that the mind judges as ‘bad’ you won’t experience the same level of emotional disturbance.
When you realize anything is possible when clean up your vibration, and nothing can get in your way, except you, you might not feel so depressed; there is hope; you know the possibilities are endless, even if your mind can’t figure them all out.
Just like any other conscious creator, all you need is a willingness to question what you believe now, the stories you have constructed about your life and yourself.
You Have a Golden Opportunity
The worse we feel, the more ‘ick’ there is to be dealt with obviously. If you are someone who is battling depression or more intense anxiety, you got some shit going on, shit that if you are willing to deal with head on, can be healed on a level that probably doesn’t seem possible to you now, given your current perspective and head space.
We don’t have to suffer to grow, but it can’t be denied that more intense emotional suffering, like that wrought by anxiety or depression, presents tremendous opportunities for growth, healing, clarity and all manner of positive change. So take advantage.
One of the biggest barriers to true energetic transformation, and not just surface level change that may lead to smaller shifts in your external experience, is our extreme reluctance to deal with our negative feelings.
This, by the way, is why we tend to be so fixated on tools, techniques and what we can ‘do’ to manifest what we want. We want what we want because we feel badly without it and we are looking to the manifestation to make the feelings go away. If we can just figure out how to do manifesting ‘right’ or find the perfect tool, we’ll never have to deal with the messy business of our emotions.
The reason healing depression and anxiety seems so daunting is the amount of emotion not being dealt with is off the charts, and all that energy just keeps building and building.
The more anxious you are, the more fear you have, and fear can be paralyzing; unfortunately, it basically informs our whole existence and how we live our lives.
If you are depressed, you have likely suppressed anger and other stronger emotions to the point you can’t even feel them anymore. But it doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
What if feeling our shit wasn’t as scary as we make it out to be? What if the goal wasn’t getting ‘rid’ of these feelings but embracing them and changing our relationship to them?
What if you could still be a generally happy person and still have the full gamut of feelings that are possible to feel? What if being happy person didn’t mean literally feeling happy all the time?
What if these feelings weren’t your enemy but very, very helpful friends showing you what you need to deal with to get to where you want to be? What if they weren’t getting in the way, but showing you the way?
What if feeling like shit for a few weeks, or even a few months, could set you on a totally different course for years to come, could help you deal with things that have been plaguing you your whole life? That seems like a pretty good bargain to me. By the way, during these extended periods, you won’t feel this way ALL the time. Trust me.
This doesn’t mean that the things we want can’t show up until we create some sort of pristine vibration, completely scrubbed of any negative emotion–they certainly can. But as many people have experienced, the manifestation didn’t actually solve the problem–it didn’t create the happiness, peace of mind or other warm fuzzy you were convinced it would, and you are basically in the same predicament as when you started.
There are plenty of people who have everything us humans tend to want, maybe even all at the same time–money, success, marriage, kids, physical attractiveness, and they are miserable. That should really clue us in that the external circumstances aren’t the level of cause as far as happiness goes.
There might be some temporary boost, but it fades. You may actually end up feeling worse since you didn’t get the happiness you were so sure you would get. If it isn’t the money, the more successful business, the new body, or the new boyfriend, then what is it?
While we may never approach the work of changing our energy purely for the sake of our happiness, peace and well-being, you would be surprised at how close you can come, how even if the core interest remains getting something in particular, it kind of becomes secondary to the healing of the pain, the stronger connection with source, and maximizing spiritual and emotional health.
You’ll still want, but you won’t need. You’ll be interested in seeing certain things in your life, having certain experiences, because they seem fun, pleasurable, meaningful or whatever, but your happiness will not be dependent on them, you will not suffer in their absence. You will no longer withhold permission to enjoy your life and feel better if, and only if, these things show up.
Make Feeling Better the Goal
This is the advice I would give anyone, but this is especially true for people dealing with anxiety and depression. If you go into this ‘work’ of conscious creation from this head space, with getting something specific as the end goal, you will hit a wall pretty much immediately.
Our tendency to live outside-in is extremely deeply ingrained, and the worse shape our ‘outside’ is in, the worse we feel as a result of it, the quicker you will plunge back into your old emotional patterns if you don’t see changes as quickly as your mind wants to see them, or in the very specific ways it wants to see them.
You want what you want; it’s fine. You can have the money, the boyfriend, the better job, the more successful business, or whatever else. No reason not to have these things; totally understandable to want them.
But in these more vulnerable emotional states in particular, simply making healing and generating more positive emotion a means to an end, rather than the end in itself, will just cause more pain; the depression and anxiety will become more deeply rooted.
You may have already seen this first hand if you have been working with this teaching in hopes of manifesting specific things you believe will cure your feelings of depression and anxiety.
Totally operating from this space is probably not going to happen right away, it’s fine. As a human, you may never fully get there…I know I haven’t. But if you can at least keep it in your awareness, you will be much better off for it.
Keep reminding yourself what you are really after at the end of the day–to feel a certain way. It’s not the things your mind believes will create the feelings.
Any positive feeling generated from a particular condition in our life being met will always be short-lived; it will fade eventually. And all the crap will just come rushing right back to the surface and we’re back at square one. The energy will show up in some other way, your mind will fixate on some new manifestation or problem to be solved.
Take It Slow and Celebrate The Small Gains
In theory, you can make a quantum leap in your emotional health. It is simple as a decision. But for most of us, it might be a bit more of a journey. Remember it’s not as hard as our mind makes it out to be–it wants us to think it’s hard so we fail and maintain the status quo–but don’t forget to account for your humanness.
The latter thought does not mean fighting for your shitty feelings and beliefs–you have to be willing to let them go.
One of the reasons that people who experience depression and anxiety may feel less than hopeful about their chances of transforming their lives and energy is in these cases, your vibration and lines of thinking can seem light years away from the ones that would make you a better match to the changes you wish to see in your life.
And because we are trying to manifest from a space of making unwanted feelings go away, from a space of feeling a great sense of need around the things we want, we try to force ourselves into an energy that is likely very foreign to us, in hopes of moving things along as quickly as possible.
But because this energy has little to zero momentum behind it, it tends not to last long, particularly since we are so accustomed to our positive emotion being conditional. Without a ‘reason’ to feel this high energy and happy, we will have a very hard time staying in this space, especially if our default space has been one of feeling depressed or anxious.
If you are feeling depressed and don’t even see the point of getting out of bed, trying to move into a space where you can’t wait to go out and live life everyday, being happy for no reason at all, just marveling in the wonder of a beautiful sunset, is quite a stretch.
If you experience intense anxiety, and are constantly fretting about the future, and imagining every unwanted outcome that could possibly occur in your life, leaping right to feeling total and unshakeable faith in the Universe, and knowing things will be okay no matter what happens, can seem like a tall order.
If you are feeling depressed, and you have even an hour where you are feeling more hopeful, that is awesome. Give yourself a pat on the back.
If you have five minutes where you weren’t consumed with anxiety, or you only freaked out about something for 4 hours instead of a 8, awesome. You’re getting there.
These smaller shifts will actually be more to your benefit because they are real and genuine, and you are getting some actual momentum behind these energies going.
I get it…you just want to feel completely better as quickly as possible. You are suffering with some unpleasant feelings. But the more you resist these unpleasant states, the harder they are to change.
The feelings themselves actually aren’t as intolerable when we remove the desire to fight against them, when we feel depressed about our depression, when we feel anxious about our anxiety.
If you can remember it isn’t the ‘thing’ you are after, but the feelings, the healing, the inner transformation, you won’t be in such a rush to change your energy, you won’t be so resistant to where you are now. You’ll feel a greater sense of peace about your circumstances, about where you are emotionally, even if you don’t like it.
You will be more likely to embrace this opportunity for deeper healing and purging, and you’ll get what you want much faster–which is to merely feel better.
Your Turn
What did you think of the post? Anything resonate in particular? Any advice you would give? Looking forward to your comments as always.
Have a question you think would make a good blog post? Submit it here.
Hi, Kelli! Is it possible for a person to be in a enthusiastic state with all those great feelings all the time? Now, I’m in some kind of anxiety and miss the time when I was such positive person. Do this change is inevitable?
I don’t know if you can remain in one state all the time. I suppose it’s possible but I wouldn’t put pressure on yourself to do that. Just be with the anxiety or other negative feelings…if there is a message there, you will see it. But this doesn’t mean analyzing your feelings constantly. You’ll know when to pay attention and when to just let it be and pass, if you are honest with yourself.
Thank you so much Kelli, I’ve been reading your blogs for some time now and find myself going to them when I am feeling low.
This blog is very timely for me because though I’ve had success in feeling good, a blessing I never knew existed before getting into law of attraction, I seem to fit your description of a person avoiding all things negative mainly because I thought that’s what it was all about, being positive, not negative.
Now though I think the next step is to not run from the negative thinking because I think I’ve self sabotaged some pretty good manifestations and I tear myself up and ruin momentum.
My question is to feel good, do you sit with your negative thoughts and feelings and ride the storm. I’ve been reluctant to do this because that wasn’t my initial teachings and also when I’ve tried to do it, I can feel things getting worse, which I’m gathering is the point in order to go deeper.
Thanks for all you do!
Hi Dan
Thanks so much for your message and I am glad my site has been such a helpful resource for you. I think the main problem is the difference between the theory and reality of manifesting. In theory, we just feel happy and think positively all the time. Awesome…that’s basically what we’re aiming for. But in reality, we have lots of negative emotion that has built up over the years, we have a lot of bad-feeling stories we have been telling about our lives, we have limitations in thinking, fears. If those things are there, they are there and acknowledging them is important or that energy just continues to dominate; we will continue trying to create a new reality from a space of resisting our current one, which means our focus will primarily be on what is unwanted, and if what we focus on expands, then we see the problem with this approach. To me, the key to engaging with our negative feelings in a beneficial way lies in intention. Whereas before we typically just wallow in our negativity, feeling sorry for ourselves, thinking things can’t get better, don’t have any plans to do anything about the feelings,etc… now we are feeling these feelings with the intention to heal them and take away their power. You may feel things get worse because for the first time, you are truly acknowledging the depth of any pain or discomfort you feel. The goal isn’t to emotionally torture yourself so don’t think you have to focus on your negative feelings all the time to try and ‘fix’ them. Make feeling better the primary ‘goal’ and then when something comes up that gets in the way, let it.
Thanks for the post, Kelli. 🙂 I’ve had anxiety and depression for years and have times when I feel better and then times when I feel really bad again. In recent months I’ve been exploring feeling my emotions and trying not to run away from them, and it has helped.
In the last few weeks I have felt better, then I find i’m brought down again by something, I start to worry about things a lot. Part of the problem is I’m afraid to be “too happy” in case something bad happens, might have mentioned that before. But I know life is up and downs. I’ve been taking some courses at my local mental health resource centre on stress an anxiety and 5 Ways to wellbeing and I’m learning new techniques for coping with things.
I like what you said about making feeling better the goal. as well as trying to manifest specific things, feeling better has been my goal for quite a while now.
Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience. Facing our pain, like really facing it, is not easy and it is brave. It’s very easy to keep suppressing and denying, but it eventually shows up in some way, sometimes nasty ways if the energy is really strong. If we can remove the resistance to these more unpleasant feelings, we see allowing ourselves to do this isn’t as bad as we anticipate it to be. They are just feelings and just help show us where we are focusing and what we believe. This is important information to know for those interested in being more conscious about what they are putting out into the world energetically, and in turn, receiving back. That is good you are taking steps to address this and finding strategies that help you cope. Feeling better will always be the better goal to prioritize as that is something you can truly control–your energy; we can’t control how that energy shows up in the physical as much we would like to!
Well said as always. If it is fear, it is not there. Doesn’t exist. Sure we feel it and believe in it during depressive times, but refreshing our minds and listening to our intuition with posts like these are surefire ways to rend the veil of illusion, to help you shift from fear to love, from depression to peace, from anxiety to calm. Thank you for sharing.
RB
PS….you should publish more of your husbands’s guest posts.
Hi Kelli! What if a person’s overall energy is “negative”, but he visualize something he wants to clear up the resistance and he clears it up. Will the desire manifest when we have in mind that focusing isn’t creating and focusing is even not necessary if we embody the desired frequencies on daily-basis. Then, it stands to reason that it matter how we feel 90% of the time, not just what we visualize for 10 mins daily?
I was hoping you could help me. I have been actively working on releasing years of severe trauma, anxiety, and depression. Over the last two weeks I feel like I have lost control over my mind and body. I feel like I have a constant stomach bug, and go from being furious to sobbing hysterically. Never when dealing with these issues through therapy and medication did I ever experience this, I would just shove everything down. I don’t know if what is happening to me is normal, and will it eventually go away if I just let it run its course?
Hi Auryn
Before I share my thoughts, I want to stress that I can only speak VERY generally here since I have not talked with you personally and there is a lot of information I don’t have. But, based on my own experience, I would say that what you are experiencing is okay and normal–it may not feel that way since we are very resistant to negative emotion, we think we ‘shouldn’t’ feel that way,etc… We have a lot of judgment around feelings like anxiety or depression that often cause us to miss out on embracing them in a way that can be ultimately beneficial for us. We just try to ‘get rid’ of them. If you felt badly enough that you sought out therapy and medication, and then basically suppressed those feelings even further, there was probably a lot built up that never got any sort of healthy release. The floodgates have seemed to open, and it can feel overwhelming. Even though you seem to be going through an intense time, I sense a very stable energy here behind your words, and if you embrace what is happening now, I think you will find it very healing and you will find lots of clarity in any area you are seeking it.
Thank you for your response. In a nutshell, over 30 years of mental abuse, trauma, and lots of failures that have culminated into some serious self-hatred that manifests as depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I have been actively working on myself for about six months and have had short bouts of what I listed above, no longer than a day and usually just hours. But this has been literal hell on earth lately and it makes me want to shove everything back down and retreat back into my shell. Think being repeatedly run over by a fleet of loaded 18 wheelers. But I am really hoping that this is a temporary hell and I am finally dealing with all these feelings so they can be released forever and I can build a new life of abundance and joy.
While some depression is brought on by feelings and thoughts undealt with, that doesn’t really address the issue of chronic clinical depression brought on by chemical imbalances in the brain. I’m not sure that that type of feeling can be as easily resolved. It’s not the type of thing you just “get over” or “get through”.
Hi Kristy
Yes you bring up a good point. Like I said in the post, I was addressing other aspects of the issue that people can explore, and basing this on my own personal experience. In my own mind, I preferred exploring avenues that made me feel like I could do something about my situation, and not focusing too much on causes that made me feel like such a challenging thing was out of my control, and I was probably destined to a life of symptom management rather than any true healing. If addressing that aspect of depression is something people want to explore, I certainly encourage them to treat it in any way that works, conventional or otherwise.
Wow, this is exactly what I needed to see. Thank you for this post. I’m going to save it to the home screen on my phone.
Thanks so much for your comment Laura…glad it was helpful!
Hey kelly, I cant tell how much your post made sense to me.I am short of words.it actually spoke ti my heart, I am suffering from anxiety and depression and i want to focus on healing feeling better from inside.i just need one small help, like how to actually do it?..how to rewire your mind and heart, how to start feeling better. …like proper tools and tenchique.i will appreciate your help.
Hi Priyansha
I am so glad you found the post so helpful and resonant.As for the ‘how’ that is a very personal thing. What we do in the way of personal growth and healing ‘work’ comes down to what resonates with us personally, what we find helps us feel better, what we find helps us focus more positively,etc… Some people may like affirmations, some may like a gratitude journal, some may like meditation. In and of itself the tools and techniques don’t really have any power to change anything, they are a means to an end, they are meant to help us feel better.
Hi, Thank you so much for this as I am a sufferer if anxiety who can push myself out of it Enough to manifest things. My problem is once I manifest what I wanted I have an it’s too good to be true feeling and I expect it not to last or think I don’t deserve or I just feel like something bad must be coming know as it’s too good to be true to keep being happy and staying happy. And then the exact things I fear happen….. what is wrong with me? Please help me
Hi Latonya
First, there is nothing wrong with you. The key is working on the energy for the sake of it, not looking to the manifestation to fix the problems. This is tricky because we have very deep conditioning that changing our outside circumstances is the key to feeling better inside. You have to examine what it is you truly fear? What are the more specific mix of feelings that is manifesting as the anxiety? If you find it hard to cope, you may benefit from talking with a professional who can help you navigate what is happening inside.
Thank you so much for such a well written article in the subject. Your last three paragraphs are speaking to me and giving me the insights I need. I copied it and I will put it on my fridge.
Hi Daniele
Thank you so much for your kind words and I am so glad it was so resonant with you.
Thank you for your very well written article, it is exactly what i needed to see. Sometimes I get so frustrated for having depression and feeling like i didn’t achieve anything to make myself a better person -because i tend to look out for everyone else’s wellbeing but mine. I have lost so much hope and I really don’t know what to do at this point, if you could give me any advice i’d be really grateful.
Thank you Kelli.
This is the first time I have experienced anxiety and depression on this level and can appreciate this heavy, paralysing feeling of life not worth living.
But, reading this gave me hope and for the first time in days I had a sense of relief.
I know there’s part of me that needs to be honest with myself in order to truly heal. I will get there.
Hi Jargote
I am so sorry for the delayed response. I am so glad you found the post helpful. Just take it slowly. I can tell you are entering a space of being ready to move forward and see what is there. It isn’t easy but it’s worth it and when we accept it is hard, it feels a lot less harder!
Hi, so I heard about law of attraction in 2007 and my mind was so far away from it it didn’t register. It went in and out of my head. Slowly over the years I would research more and more and try to make small changes but ultimately go back to the way I was. Which of course makes sense as our minds are like a muscle that needs building. Then in last 6 months, I really delved in. I made the decision to read, reread and actually do the work. I read about holding positive thoughts for a certain amount of time per day, I went back to times in my life when I felt wonderful and thought of those days. Suddenly one day everything clicked. I literally was driving home from a trip and just decided to only think of things I liked and my mind did it. It was wonderful. For the past two months I wake up and as my eyes open I don’t dread work, I say thank you to everything from my toothbrush and makeup and hot shower to my morning coffee. The feeling is exhilarating and wonderful. I knew I had finally broken through. I was happier than I could ever remember for days on end. Fully present and living in the moment. Then I decided to research more, discover more and I read about visualization and manifestation. It was going ok but then one night I couldn’t sleep and the little bit of my OCD ego part of my brain said well if you can manifest good, you can manifest bad and I imagined the worst possible thing that could happen to me which would be my son dying and the picture flashed in my mind. That changed everything. I went in instant panic and fear mode freaked out by the power of my mind and possibly manifesting bad. It was terrible, truly went from feeling the best in my life to the worst. I became anxious so bad I suffered a panic attack. I even picked up a cigarette and haven’t smoked in 13 years. I have had good and bad days last few weeks, telling myself I’m irrational, fear is an illusion, using my affirmations but this dreadful thought has gotten immense power and it has crippled my progress, popping in my head. Any advice? This visualization and manifestation part has really scared my brain. I want to get back to the person I was a month ago, it was exhilarating and I wasn’t even trying to get anything I was just being grateful for all I had. Now when I try to start my grateful list I think of what if I lose what I’m grateful for. It’s all gone haywire somehow. I’ve never suffered like this even before learning of law of attraction. I mostly only had situational anxiety and have always been a little OCD but not something that crippled me or made me feel desperate like I do now. Some perspective from an expert in the field would help so much and I would genuinely be grateful as I keep telling myself the Universe will guide me through this.
Hi Brooke
Thank you for sharing this experience. Without speaking to you personally, I can only give very general insight since this journey and what is happening inside is so personal and individualized in many ways. The main thing to keep in mind is that once we embrace any teaching that has us exploring our mind more deeply, we will begin to touch on things that have been buried deep and can sometimes come up in ways that seem very dramatic and intense. It may seem like it came out of nowhere because it wasn’t conscious, but there are all sorts of fears and beliefs we harbor outside of our awareness. We really can’t create in each other’s realities so don’t fear that your bad thoughts will make something bad happen to other people.
Don’t try and make these feelings go away, let yourself explore them. Don’t try to force some sort of positivity or intellectually analyze them from a ‘spiritual perspective’ concluding you ‘shouldn’t’ feel things like this.