Law of Attraction: My Desire for My ‘Stuff’ is Waning and I’m Freaking Out

Hi Kelli

I’ve been doing this work for a while now and I noticed that I don’t really care about getting the things I want anymore. I’m kind of indifferent and not invested in getting them as I once was. Its kind of scaring me. If I don’t feel for these things anymore will they ever come? Shouldn’t I be feeling overjoyed and taking tons of action?

I loved this question for so many different reasons–it lets me talk about all the things I love to talk about.

So, my answer to this will be based on some assumptions since a couple of different things can be happening here but this is the most likely scenario.

First, it is likely this person began this journey in the emotional space most of us are starting from–pain-minimization. The lack of certain things in our life, the current state of our circumstances, make us feel badly and getting this or that, or fixing this or that problem will make us feel better. So a-manifesting we go.

Which leads to the second assumption that this ‘work’ has led her to feeling better, which led to a reduction in the feeling of ‘need’ around the manifestation.

This feeling of ‘need’ comes from the belief we usually hold that we couldn’t possibly feel better, or be truly happy, unless this thing manifested. But then we actually start feeling better in the moment, and we see with our own eyes this isn’t even close to being true.

The Space from Which We Usually ‘Want’

Like I said above, most of us –if not all actually– want everything we want in life not only because we think it will give us positive feelings we deeply, deeply crave, it will also take away negative feelings to which we have a deep, deep aversion. This space is kind of screwy to say the least, and it makes for a painful manifesting journey.

All we’re focused on is our pain and trying to make it go away, all we notice in life is the absence of what we want. This makes changing our lives by way of changing energy very difficult because this mode doesn’t allow for much energetic transformation does it?

Our mind makes brilliant arguments for our need and attachment, why we get to feel badly, why we get to base our beliefs on what is happening and what has happened up until this point, why we get to lament our current circumstances and give them all our attention, and not make any effort to look beyond them.

When we really begin to move away from this mode earnestly, when it’s no longer dominating, this brings with it a shitload of change in our overall state, how we approach this journey, the actions we take, what we want and why we want it.

When pain is no longer dominating your desires, you may feel differently about them. Now, I don’t know what this person was wanting in particular, but it is very possible that she doesn’t want these things at all anymore.

For example, maybe you were really working hard on moving up in your company ,and getting a higher-paid and more prestigious position, because you felt at this point in your life, you ‘should’ be at a certain level, or you were feeling incompetent, insecure or whatever.

Your mind had decided this manifestation, this path would take care of those feelings. But then you did some inner work, you let go of feelings of inadequacy, wanting to impress people or be viewed a certain way, or whatever else was fueling the desire, and yeah…you may not want it at all anymore.

You may have even discovered you don’t even want to be in this line of work at all and want to do something completely different, like a new field or start that business you always wanted to start.

This can be really uncomfortable because we may have done a lot of energy work to ‘align’ with this thing; we may have also been giving this manifestation a lot of time action-wise, doing things we felt we needed or should do to make it happen. Letting it go, even if we ultimately know we don’t want it, can be scary and disconcerting–that’s the lovely mind for you.

If this is the case, just let yourself be with the discomfort, don’t rush to find a new thing to manifest, a new thing to focus on. Just focus inward, get clear on what you want to feel, what energies you want more of in your life, what you value, and from there, you’ll get clarity on what things in the physical world are a good fit.

Now, what about the manifestations that we ultimately know we want, but we just don’t feel that same ‘drive’ because the pain-minimization is no longer dominating our desire for it?

It might still be there to some degree but again, not dominant. We now know none of these things are the ultimate key to happiness so that desperation may not be there. There may even be a sense of apathy like this person seems to be experiencing. But again, ultimately, we know we would like to experience these things–relationships, financial success, the weight loss, the better job, improved health,etc…

This is a space that may be very unfamiliar to many of us, a space that we probably won’t even know how to navigate because we couldn’t even fathom its existence. And this space is…

Wanting without Needing

Yes, it is possible to want stuff without feeling like you need it. But most of us have probably never really experienced this since again, most of our desires come from a space of all sorts of pain. What most of us see as ‘wanting’ is actually ‘needing.’

We have this body, we live in this world, it seems very real to us, we’re pretty invested in it. It is natural to ‘want’ certain things in this human experience. ‘Wanting’ serves a pretty important purpose in many ways. That desire is what gets the ball rolling energetically. If no one had any desire for anything, not much would exist I imagine.

It’s okay to want money so you can do stuff that costs money, it’s okay to want more than what you need to survive, to meet your basic financial obligations. It’s okay to want a relationship, to have someone to grow with, to support you, to do stuff with. It’s okay to want a job or business about which you feel passionate, that you’re good at, that brings you joy, that consists of doing things you actually like doing.

These are things we wish to see in our life, but as our wisdom grows and we see what’s really going on inside, we see how fucked-up our mind is, we start understanding where happiness really comes from, the value we place on these things changes dramatically in terms of contributing to happiness; we see the role they play in healing emotional pain and taking away negative feelings is minimal.

We can want these things but we no longer pursue them with desperation. We take actions that we believe may help, we pursue potential channels through which these manifestations could potentially come, but we no longer attach to the outcomes of these actions as much, we are not as attached to these channels.

You do things for your business because they feel good in the moment, and on some level, you are pursuing a future result, you are doing it to ‘get’ something but that energy no longer dominates. You know the money or the clients will come and you operate from a space of ‘giving’ rather than ‘getting.’ Your dominant intent is to help people not get something from them.

You still want the relationship but you’re no longer looking to it as the salve for all your emotional wounds, a way to get the love you didn’t get from a parent, some form of ‘proof’ you’re good enough, attractive enough, not damaged, that you’re someone worth loving. You’re not looking for your ‘other half,’ you’re not looking to complete yourself or become whole. You just want to find someone whose company you enjoy, who you want in your life but don’t need.

Wanting without needing is where it’s at for manifesting because all that ‘need’ and pain does nothing for us in the world of transforming the outside by transforming the inside.

But the mind doesn’t get this, the mind doesn’t want to do things this way because…

Your Mind Thinks Pain is Necessary

In the way most people typically go about making changes in their life, bringing things into it they don’t have and what not, our pain in all its forms–fear, insecurity, self-loathing, discontent, dissatisfaction–is almost a requirement, it’s what motivates us to do all these things.

That feeling of contrast, that pain, is helpful in the sense it helps us figure out what we want. But beyond that, letting it be the main driver makes for a very unhappy life regardless of what you manage to let in.

In the world of making things happen through action, that pain is kind of necessary in that it is the only thing that would make us engage in even more pain to get stuff–all the hard work, sacrifice and the like. All that pain is worth it if it takes away the original pain caused by not having the thing.

Without your pain, the mind worries you will give up on all its stuff, you just won’t want it anymore. And again, this may very well happen–certain things will not be desirable at all in the slightest.

You wanted them because you thought it would take away certain feelings but then those feelings went away by other means–the inner work–so yeah, you don’t feel the same desire for them.

And as for the stuff you do still ultimately want, without that pain, the mind is terrified you will give up on them completely and the part of you that may still feel a bit of that ‘need’ will never get it satisfied and you’ll truly never be happy.

We are so used to using pain as the motivator, so used to all the hard work, ‘trying’ and all that, it can be hard to imagine another way, but there is another way, the way of ‘wanting’ without ‘needing.’

The mind can’t fathom doing things without being motivated by pain. The idea of doing things from a space of joy, being motivated by good feelings…pure craziness. But I assure you it is possible. The more you understand about energy, the more you understand that all your ego wants, all the stuff the very human part of you will continue to care about, are natural byproducts of all the inner transformation.

You know this stuff will still come but you don’t obsess about it; you focus more on good-feeling actions with that being its own reward, again, knowing the ‘stuff’ still comes. On the mind level, we probably feel very confused about how to exist in this space of ‘wanting’ without ‘needing’ but intuitively you know exactly what this is and you’ll know how to proceed.

You can still want to lose some weight without completely loathing your body; you can still want to manifest more money without feeling constantly bitter about all the things you can’t do because you don’t have enough; you can continue to expand and grow your business while still being happy with where you are now and the success you have now; you can still want a relationship while feeling whole and complete as a single person.

You see you don’t have to let the pain motivate you, you see you kind of can’t do it that way anymore if you want to change your circumstances by way of changing energy.

For most humans, the drive to examine and transform our inner world is because we think it will lead to a better outer world. We want all sorts of stuff, and again, not a problem.

It’s normal and natural. But when we start to see it was never about the stuff, and the stuff isn’t the answer, it can throw us for a loop. We may wonder what’s the point of going after anything if nothing can make us happy? And this line of thinking is totally understandable given the emotional space from which we are wanting these things, from which we are pursuing them. Without that ‘pain’ driving us, what are we supposed to do with ourselves?

Just be happy? Just do things for the sheer reason they feel good and nothing more? Yes…

Your Turn

What did you think? Anything resonate in particular? Have you experienced this before? How did you handle it? How did it change your manifesting ‘journey?’ Looking forward to your comments as always.

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