A teaching like the law of attraction can often hold great appeal for ‘control freaks.’ Our mind interprets it as a way to completely manipulate reality to our liking. And as a control freak, what’s not to love about an idea like that?
You thrive on being able to manage every aspect of your life, and do everything in your power to make things go the way you want them to, to get all the things your mind has decided it has wanted
It probably doesn’t always go as planned and this is a great source of anxiety for you. Then you get a whiff of the law of attraction and you think you have found a ‘tool’ to assist you in micromanaging your life. The days of chaos, uncertainty and going without the things you want, are gone. Hallelujah.
But then you quickly start seeing being a ‘control freak’ and manifesting really don’t go well together because the energy contained in this need to control is kind of fucked up in various ways. It really doesn’t lend itself to being a true co-creator with the Universe.
This post was inspired by the below question left on the blog, and I am sure a lot of people are in the same boat as her so I thought it would make for a great post.
I took a (potentially) wrong turn down a career path in January because I thought to myself, “My next job will come from someone that I know!” and it did, and I took it. Yeah, I’m making more money, but I am so stressed out now that I am making myself physically ill. So what did I do to combat this? I wrote up a long list of details about the next job that I am going to get. Ugh. This whole LOA thing is not easy for us control freaks!! xD (I have to start singing that song from Frozen whenever I feel like I’m trying too hard.)
Also I am scared of change because it means more responsibility which means less freedom, and freedom is what I crave (found that out thanks to one of Kelli’s blog posts!). But freedom is not sitting on my butt watching TV to “de-stress”! So I guess my question is, how do I chase freedom when I feel extremely constrained, especially within the parameters of my job? Do I need to define it as I see it, in order to chase it? I mean, I guess if I were totally free I wouldn’t have to worry about a job and could just make money off of the crazy projects that I have brewing in my head. But then, how do I make time to feel free when I don’t feel like I have any time to myself? I’m overthinking, aren’t I? Yup, I’m an overthinking control freak. Siiiiiigh. xD
Yes… You Are Overthinking This
Our mind is a wonderful thing and serves many important purposes. It is a necessary component of our human selves.
But when it comes to getting in touch with our true nature, embracing the truth about how the Universe works and dispelling the illusion, and all that other great stuff that will help us create a better life for ourselves and heal all our shit, it can be a real motherfucker.
The degree to which we complicate manifesting is almost comical. But it just is what it is…it’s a big transition and there is a learning curve.
Our mind tries to find all sorts of explanations for how this works. It needs it to ‘make sense.’ It would love nothing more than some sort of step-by-step breakdown of how the Universe is doing all this magical shit.
But it will never ‘make sense.’ We’ll never receive some sort of explanation that seems logical and rational. We’ll never really understand. That is what our feelings are for.
Our feelings help clue us into when we are thinking things that are true and not true.
There is a reason that thinking you are this spiritual being feels good–it’s true.
There is a reason it feels good to think the Universe is setup to work for us and not against us–it’s true.
There is a reason it feels good to think the key to changing your life lies in changing your belief system and view of yourself–it’s true.
There is a reason all the shitty stuff you think feels badly–the limiting beliefs, thinking everything is just random and there is no meaning, thinking you are broken in some way, thinking good things aren’t meant for you, thinking you don’t deserve good things, thinking life is generally unfair and a crapshoot, etc…–it’s not true.
So you have been given some guidance to help you navigate life more successfully. Trust that guidance. Be willing to give that a bit more credence than you have been this whole time. Stop letting your mind rule your life.
Know it’s okay if you can’t figure out exactly how you think what you want can come to you. Understand you are not actually capable of doing so–the mind doesn’t do infinite possibility.
The True Root of Control Issues
When you really think about it, our need to control comes down to fear and nothing more. We are afraid of certain things happening or not happening, and we do everything we can to avoid these undesirable outcomes.
If we are not constantly figuring stuff out, manipulating, taking action, troubleshooting and the like, we’re vulnerable.
We want to believe the Universe can hook us up, but we’re not quite trusting it knows what it’s doing. Our mind insists it knows best what we want–and holy shit is that untrue–and we need to do all we can to make sure we manifest those things.
We may have identified some situations that have the veneer of giving us what we want, and we set our sights on trying to force our manifestation through those channels.
Now, the fears driving us are a very individual thing and if you really want to not be a control freak anymore, you are going to have to dive into the muck.
You have to bring those fears to the light and examine them. That is the only way for you to know what you specifically have to ‘work on’ to create a more manifesting-friendly vibration.
You have to decide you’ll give some more energy to ‘trust’ and concede your mind doesn’t know best. This doesn’t mean ceding control of your life to some outside force.
It simply means you are going to ease up a bit on trying to always figure out exactly how you will get what you want.
You will stop being so judgmental of all the manifestations that make you afraid you’re not going to get what you want. You can start seeing them for the helpful messengers they are, delivering experiences that will give you all sorts of insight and clarity that will help get you to where you want to be.
If you made a choice that now doesn’t seem to be the best one, don’t look at it like you made a mistake or did something ‘wrong.’ You may have made the choice from a less than ‘ideal’ energy and this manifestation gave you the chance to see that. And that is its value. How can being given an opportunity to clean up your vibration ever be a ‘bad’ thing?
The great thing about the willingness to do all of this is you will begin to manifest all sorts of experiences that bolster your faith and trust. And you will start seeing more clearly there is nothing to be afraid of, and this knowing will start crumbling your various ‘specific’ fears automatically.
There may be some that are particularly strong and you need to give them some individual attention, but we often don’t need to do this as much as we think as all of our ‘issues’ tend to offshoots of some ‘core’ beliefs and fears.
We tackle those ‘broader’ issues and the rest don’t have as strong a foundation any longer.
Fear of Change
Awesome question asker noted a fear of change because it means more responsibility, which means less freedom. She discovered freedom is one of the core things she wants, so looks like she’s never going to get what she wants.
That sucks so might as well give up the fight now.
Now, I don’t know the exact nature of her situation so I’ll have to go a bit more general with my thoughts. And this issue she posed is actually a great example of how our mind can fuck with us.
She is seeing a course of events that unfold in such a way that getting what she wants just isn’t possible. But is that truly the only way the situation can unfold?
No, of course not. Remember the whole infinite possibilities thing? Remember how our mind can’t really do that? It can maybe think of three possibilities for any given manifestation. Not very impressive.
Then there is the whole issue of her current beliefs informing what she thinks is possible. The specific desires we have are obviously going to be influenced by our current vibration.
We can’t really move too far beyond that before the desire starts to feel too uncomfortable, downright impossible or really scary.
When we think of change, we never tend to think of it in a positive light. We tend to focus on the ways in which our current situation can only get worse. We think of all the bad things that could happen.
And to our mind this makes sense because we are accustomed to viewing the unknown in such a fashion.
To view the future and change with excitement and an expectation it will lead to good things seems ludicrous to your mind.
But it all comes down to choosing to look at things differently.
Sure, we all have kinks in our vibration and we may manifest things we aren’t thrilled about.
Our mind probably won’t ever stop judging a situation based on our initial emotional reaction, and if something makes us feel ‘badly’ then it will conclude it’s a ‘bad’ thing that happened.
And it will go off on a line of thinking that makes you think you’re not going to get what you want.
But when we have banked that trust, when we have made managing our vibration a priority, when we have truly accepted the Universe is on our side, no matter what happens, it’s all good.
So that’s that.
Your Turn…
What did you think of the post? Anything resonate in particular? Any advice to offer? Looking forward to your comments as always.
Also, wanted to announce the latest teleclass, taking place on Sunday May 22nd at 1 p.m EDT.
To Act or Not to Act? That is the Question
A great call for anyone who is feeling a bit flummoxed about the role of action in the attraction process, how to get more comfortable doing less, and the like.
Thanks for posting this, Kelli! This is exactly what I needed to read. I’ve been losing steam lately in my manifestation. Something that I felt deeply in my bones that would happen stated seeming like it was never going to work out. Just because my mind can’t understand how it will work, doesn’t mean it won’t happen (and this is a big, far out manifestation!). Thanks for the synergistic message from the Universe! 🙂 I’m not much for posting comments usually, but just had to say thank you!
Hey MX
Thanks for your comment and I am so glad you enjoyed the post. If you are ‘losing steam’ that means you are probably ‘doing’ too much to try to make it happen,and this can include engaging in tools–we think if we maybe do them enough something has to change but that really isn’t how it works. So consider taking a break and clear your head. The Universe doesn’t really need our help 😉
I’ve enjoyed reading your post about the fear of change and wanting to ‘control’ your manifestations Kelli. As always your advice is so very helpful. I’m currently going through a not so amicable divorce where fear plays a big factor. I didn’t want to lose my husband last year and couldn’t understand why the universe did not return my husband back to me despite my best efforts with positive thinking and working on positive energy etc etc. In January 2016 I knew the universe really did have my back and was actually doing what was best for me in the long term. In January I found out that my husband had been cheating on me for years and I knew nothing about it. So it just goes to show that when you wish for something specific that you think is ‘good’ for you but actually it’s not, the universe will find a way of making you see that. All it took was complete trust and faith that whatever happens will be in your best interest. I know this is hard for many people to grasp and boy oh boy this time last year I would have told you that blindly trusting in the universe to do the right thing for you was a heap of crap, but with time, trust and patience (which was the toughest part for me) I now thank the universe every day for looking out for me.
Now I just have the matter of trying to keep my marital home through the divorce and even though I have faith in the universe I will be honest and say that I still have a bit of fear in me but I’m working on that too.
Kindest Regards to everyone.
Jaye
Hey Jaye
Thank you so much for sharing your story. So much wisdom there and I think your situation contained a lot of insights that can be applied to other sorts of issues people may be having. You seem to have a good perspective and that’s super-helpful. And it’s okay to have some fear…we all do. The ‘worse’the situation the bigger the opportunity to really become more of who we really are and release things that aren’t serving us. Good luck
Learning how to give up control was one of the hardest things for me to do as I began to learn about the law of attraction. That is, until I realized that the only thing I really had control of was my own thinking. Sure, I used plenty of language to manipulate others to my way of thinking, but did I do it for them or for me? The teacher in me wanted to guide the conversation but the student in me needs the conversation guided. This duality caused plenty of conflict at first but now I realize I can be both teacher and student when I give up control to the universe.
Hi Richard
Thanks so much for your comment and you are right. It’s tough. Our mind doesn’t do well with giving up control. You are right that we can be both students and teachers–we’re never ‘done’ learning nor is there any point where we will figure it all out once and for all.
This describes me 110%. I wanted something so badly and I took the inspired action I needed but it didn’t happen for me. All my faith pretty much went out the window. I really have to start trusting more and letting go. I have had some amazing manifestations. I just have to keep that in mind.
Hi Akisha
Thank you for your comment. I would suggest looking back on what resulted from the inspired actions–all those manifestations had a message within them and the action taken allowed these things to manifest to help you along. Nothing can ever go ‘wrong.’
Hi Kelli thos is Glenn I’ve been reading you blogs and listening to your podcasts over the past week. Ive been also listening to Dr Robert Anthony and Joe Vitale I’ve been practicing Dr Anthony,s Technics about feeling good in the moment and using affirmations like I accept I have and then I state me desire like operating an online biz generating $3500 per month, but I have a lawn service business right now that i love and always seem to worry about the lawns drying up and then saying what will i do to make money i hate not being busy in the summer when this happens it seems to get the best of me. I’m able to feel a little better since knowing these natural laws but how can I rid my self of this worry? I keep say what thought can I have that will make me feel good right now? It seems to help but that gut worry pain is still thumping any advice would be appreciated.
Hi Glenn
It seems like you are educating yourself a lot on the LOA and that is great. But I suspect like many, you are falling into the trap of trying to figure out what to ‘do’ to change your thoughts and therefore your reality. Tools like meditation and affirmation, visualization,etc…have their place as they help you engage consciously with your energy. But ultimately it comes down to choosing not to worry…I know that sounds overly simple but this work isn’t supposed to be ‘hard.’ The thing is, every time you consciously choose not to worry, you build up that more ‘positive’ energy and the more energy of that nature, the more things you will manifest that will ‘prove’ to you how things really work and that there is no need for the worry.
I know how this is. I had an experience when I was just getting into the law of attraction. I was having a lot of trouble trusting in the Universe to work things out. I kept trying to make them work.
Well, a situation came up where I really had no choice but to trust in the Universe, because there was literally no action I could take myself. So, I trusted. And, surprise of surprises, everything worked out.
I think it’s always a bit hard to trust, but that really showed me that I can let go and just let the Universe do its thing.
Hi Brandon
Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience. I think a lot of people can relate to that sort of thing–we get backed into a corner and we don’t have any choice but to ‘turn it over’ to something bigger than us and see what it can do because we’re out of ideas. And it worked out…imagine that. Like you said, once we start gathering that ‘evidence’ it certainly gets easier.
Hi Kelli,
Since I started to learn how to ‘let go”, this control freak feels like she is on a mental vacation! It’s liberating! I mean, yes, it’s a new norm for me to make feeling good a priority and letting The Universe do it’s thing, but I find that when ‘bad’ stuff surfaces, I recognize this little bump, work through it and I go back to co-creating and look forward to whatever is next. Had I known how much more at peace I would be from understanding how the LOA really operates, I would have traded in my ‘control freak’ badge a long time ago. I am so grateful to have found you and your blog.
Hi Yessy
Thanks so much for your comment. Liberating is a great word to describe that feeling, and how great it is. You are starting to see the wonderful truth that we get to choose how we feel and how we view what manifests in our life. Of course we get to feel our feelings but we do that in a whole different way, always remembering it’s all good.
Hi Kelli, I started reading your blog recently. Explains why I am so late with the comment. I have been practicing LOA since the start of the year and I am a control freak. I have two questions.
1) I am going through a relationship break up where I want to keep the relationship and get back together while my partner wants to leave. My partner feels I am creating a lot of stress trying to ‘force’ outcomes. My feelings tell me to just let go and enjoy our meet ups as friends and trust the universe but being a control freak I feel afraid as my partner seems to like someone else. What’s the best approach to proceed with this manifestation without jeopardizing it?
2) what happens when 2 people have directly contrasting goals. Can the law of attraction towards what we want still apply if we completely trust the universe?
Hi Jan
Thanks for your comment. Relationships are tough–lots of emotion there, lots of things we are afraid of, lots of things we are looking for relationships to provide for us. Energetically it can be quite the clusterfuck. The thing is, what you really want at the deepest core is not him, it’s not even the relationship. We are always after particular feelings. Of course it’s okay to want specific things like a relationship. But you have to be open to the idea that this relationship might not be the best representation of what you are after. You can’t do anything to ensure things turn out like you want them to because the true source of our ‘control’ is our energy which influences our reality, not being able to mold our external experience exactly to our mind’s specifications, and this is especially true when it comes to a situation like this because we can’t control other people. You have to get at the root of what you really want, what this situation is triggering in terms of fears, limiting beliefs,etc…and then be open to what getting what you ultimately want has to look like. Maybe the relationship will be with him or maybe not but what you truly want will never be out of your reach.