Law of Attraction: I’ve Never Felt Good and I Don’t Know If I Can Change That

Is it really possible to make changes when I’ve mostly ever felt pressure and have never really felt good in general to begin with?

I love this question because it allows me to dive into one of my favorite topics…our good old mind. Its various dysfunctional tendencies lie at the root of all our energetic ‘discord’ and once we start addressing what’s happening there, ‘raising our vibration,’ being more ‘positive’ and all that jazz becomes infinitely easier. 

You don’t really have to ‘try’ so much to achieve these goals anymore. You just naturally start feeling better because all the ways of thinking and looking at the world causing all your pain now transform. 

You might find a lot of the personal growth ‘work’ you are doing now is not necessary since a lot of it simply mitigates the symptoms of this dysfunction–the anxiety, sadness, tension, fear and what not.

Or you keep doing these things but you find them much more effective and beneficial since there is less of this ‘ick’ being produced. You are no longer looking to these outside things to ‘fix’ the inside; you are no longer holding them responsible for your transformation, for your healing. They are being used as intended–tools to help facilitate something– and therefore having their intended effects. 

But I am getting a bit off topic. 

In answer to this question…yes, it is absolutely possible to change, to feel better, to become a happier, emotionally healthier person regardless of what your experience has been like up until this point. I’ve seen it for myself. No matter the issue, whether it be fear, anxiety, low self-esteem…all ‘fixable.’ 

The ‘how’ is a unique thing. What this journey looks like will vary among us; what tools and techniques we employ depends on what resonates with us personally. Some might find outside help beneficial, whether it be a coach, healer or therapist. 

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to spiritual or personal growth work. There isn’t a set of steps that guarantee this result at the end. It’s not really an action-based journey…it’s all within. Things on the outside may help facilitate it, but ultimately it comes down to choice, it comes down to believing it is possible.

It hinges on a true willingness to change our minds about beliefs and views of ourselves that feel painful, that make us feel disempowered, stuck and unable to move forward. It hinges on a willingness to continuously question our conditioning, how our mind wants to view things. 

Using the Past as a Predictor

This is one of the mind’s most problematic tendencies, especially in the realm of personal development and conscious creation in particular. Your mind always looks to the past to determine how the future will likely turn out, and since most of us had some pretty screwy energy going for quite some time, it’s not the best filter through which to view what is possible, what is likely to happen moving forward.

And the more ‘past’ there is to draw on, the less hopeful we feel the future will be any different. 

This really isn’t news to people; it’s really not a groundbreaking revelation; it’s not complicated. Most spiritual and personal growth wisdom isn’t any of these things.

But we forget it constantly; we have to be vigilant about keeping these ideas in our awareness. We have to be aware of the difference between intellectually understanding and accepting something, and emotionally accepting and understanding it, TRULY believing it. We always have to check in to see if we are actually applying this information. 

If not, we just remain on autopilot with our old programming. It would be nice if we were able to fully integrate an idea into our awareness and have it inform our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, actions and decisions right away, but this isn’t how it works unfortunately.

It can take a bit to really start living from this space, to truly start ‘being’ the person. We have a lot of momentum going in the other direction, and shifting gears to where these ways of thinking and being dominate, become more second-nature, is a process. 

You’ve been struggling with your business for years–you’ll probably never be successful.

You’ve never had a good relationship with a decent person–what are the chances of meeting anyone good?

You’ve never been happy, and no tool, technique, retreat, seminar, program, class or healing modality has ever been able to change this–must be something inherently ‘wrong’ with you and you’re meant to be depressed, anxious and all that other ‘yuck.’ 

The mind looks to the outside to determine what it believes, how things are. It draws all sorts of hugely erroneous conclusions. It doesn’t understand energy comes first and then the physical manifestations. 

This world is a giant illusion in the sense that nothing is at it appears to be. All the reasons your mind thinks this or that thing happened, or is happening now, isn’t true. We have created our experience individually and collectively from a severely flawed belief system fueled by fear. 

What happened in the past really has no bearing. It’s not really real in the sense that the meaning we’ve assigned to these experiences is largely inaccurate. Realizing this, it’s kind of possible to change the past because we can change the story. That meaning, that story is what lives on, not the actual events.

The past was just a series of ‘nows,’ with some not turning out so great because of our limited awareness, less-than-ideal belief system, and a distorted view of the world and ourselves. 

We may have had some experiences when we were younger that we obviously didn’t know how to deal with or process–we couldn’t work on our ‘vibe’ because we didn’t even know that was a thing. 

We can start fresh energetically at any moment. 

Looking at Your Experience Differently

Since the mind works outside in, a lot of our negative feelings likely stem from what has happened in our life and how we interpreted it. We assigned certain meanings to events, layered certain stories on top of the experiences.

Given how the mind typically operates, these stories and meanings are probably all sorts of painful. We relive the experiences in our head over and over again, which means these stories get played over and over again; the meanings of these experiences get more deeply and deeply ingrained. 

And with all that energetic momentum, we just keep attracting more experiences that prove these ideas ‘true,’ that make us fight for these beliefs even more, no matter how painful they may be. We feel like we don’t have a choice because look at all the ‘evidence.’ And then we conclude that is just how life is, at least for us, and we just don’t get to be happy. 

It’s no wonder how much trouble we have healing emotional pain and moving on from past events, not letting them weigh us down emotionally, define us. There is so much momentum behind the pain, behind the beliefs that cause it–we can feel powerless against it all. 

No matter how much a part of us believes it can be different, we can be different, we’re up against quite the formidable foe and it will always win out. 

The key to doing all this is believing your intuitive feelings that all these warm, fuzzy perspectives and beliefs are true means something, that it is a way for you to recognize truth, to get a sense of how things operate in that invisible world of spirit that is impacting what happens in this physical world we inhabit. 

Good feelings alert us to truth and what’s ‘right’ and bad feelings alert us to what is untrue and ‘wrong.’ This journey is not one of the mind but of the heart and emotions, and we have to be willing to trust what’s happening there. 

We have to be willing to view our experiences in a different way. 

Let’s take relationships for example: We may have attracted crappy boyfriends not because there’s no one good out there, all men are assholes, we’re just unlucky in love, but because our low-self esteem drew them to us.

We didn’t think very highly of ourselves so naturally we attracted people who didn’t seem to either. We didn’t think we were worthy of love so we attracted people who didn’t give us any. Just neutral feedback. We’re not broken, unlovable, undateable or incapable of healthy relationships. 

Baby Steps

I know we want our stuff as soon as possible, we want to be happy as soon as possible, we want to heal our emotional pain while engaging with it as little as possible. 

So our journey to feeling better, to transforming internally, to changing the outside, is fueled with all sorts of anxiety, tension and resistance to where we are now, both emotionally and circumstance-wise. 

The ‘harder’ it feels to feel better, the worse we feel now. And our seeming inability to get happier just makes us feel even worse than when we may not have been trying to change at all. 

Taking it slow is actually the fastest road to inner transformation because this approach is absent of all that tension and resistance that comes with trying to make these huge leaps in our emotional state which we never seem to achieve at all, or if we do, they are for a very brief period and they cannot be sustained. 

The shifts may be smaller, but they’re real and genuine; you’re building real energetic momentum that keeps getting stronger and more deeply rooted. The ‘core’ of your energy begins shifting, and it’s there supporting you at all times, even when the ego/mind gets the best of you, and causes you to react to situations, see things in a way that doesn’t serve you, that feels badly. 

Don’t feel pressure to go from depressed to manically happy, from not seeing a point to anything to feeling like you can’t wait to jump out of bed and start the day, from feeling like there’s nothing good in your life to feeling deep appreciation for a beautiful sunset or butterfly. 

If you’ve lived your whole life letting your feelings be determined by your circumstances, jumping right to feeling absolutely fabulous no matter what’s happening in your life is going to be a tall order…in theory it’s surely possible but I imagine for the average person, it isn’t going to play out that way. 

If you were only mad about something for a few hours when it would normally be the whole day, that’s awesome. When something that normally would trigger a 10 on the anxiety scale was only a 7, again, awesome. 

If you’ve been feeling really depressed and neglecting your self-care, chores and what not, but managed to take a shower, get your grocery shopping and laundry done in one day…amazing. 

Be gentle with yourself. You can only start where you are. Don’t judge your accomplishments as small or no big deal…they may be a very big deal for you and that is what matters. 

Make a commitment to doing things that make you feel better, that help manage your stress…there’s a good chance your self-sabotaging mind has been keeping you from doing these things, making all sorts of wonderful excuses, convincing you there isn’t any time. These little things help break up the momentum of all that ‘ick’ energy that has been dominating. 

You may not be able to fully embrace certain beliefs and perspectives yet wholeheartedly but if you’re at least willing to question your current ones, willing to concede the mind might not be totally right, that’s a great place to start. 

Changing the Motivation

To the mind, trying to make negative emotion go away, and trying to cultivate positive emotion, may seem like the same goal worded two different ways, but they are very different. 

These are very different journeys, just as trying to change your energy is a very different journey than trying to ‘attract’ what you don’t have, just as moving towards something you want is very different than moving away from something you don’t. 

One of our biggest issues with healing emotional pain, changing the contents of our inner world, and therefore the contents of the outer, is our motivation is kind of screwed up. We are trying to minimize pain; we think the key to feeling better is changing our circumstances, attracting what we don’t have. 

We’re constantly on the hunt for some new tool or technique we hope will magically transform our energy, will magically make the pain go away, and then we don’t have to really engage with any of this in any real way. 

We need to change those top-of-mind drivers; we need to be aware of which journey we are on. We need to be aware of the motivators. It’s okay your interest in changing the inside is primarily to change the outside–that’s pretty much everyone who lives a worldly life– but this energy doesn’t have to dominate. 

We need to make space in our energy for positive emotion to grow, take root and flourish. This will entail letting ourselves feel our feelings in a way we may not have previously; really giving some thought to why we feel the way we do, why we feel so badly. We have to release the pain, not keep trying to avoid it in all the ways we do.

It’s okay you want things you don’t have, it’s okay you want the pain to go away, but we don’t want to be driven by the lack, by the pain. 

If we understand that focusing on the inner transformation, the emotion, what’s happening inside automatically results in the outside changes we seek, we can put our attention where it needs to be knowing we’re not giving up on our ‘stuff.’ We know it is a natural byproduct; we can want it but that feeling of ‘need’ goes away. We see these outside desires for what they really are, and we place a different value on them. 

This mode of operating not only will lead to the stuff, it will lead to better versions of it, we will actually enjoy it when it shows up. We can reap the positive emotion from having the money, the boyfriend, the weight loss or whatever else, but we’re not looking to these things to create it, to take away any bad feelings. You’re accomplishing what it is you actually want, which is to feel better, to feel good…that is all we ever wanted, that is all we’ll ever continue to want. 

This shifting of gears is important for anyone but especially important when you’re really struggling emotionally, when you’re really dealing with some heavier stuff. Feeling better and healing really needs to be the goal, not changing the outside, not the manifestations. 

You can still want what you want, no need creating even more tension by trying to get to a place where you truly don’t care because you probably do. Again, the outside has no choice but to change since you’re transforming the level of cause–your energy.  

Your Turn

What did you think of the post? Anything resonate in particular? Any tips for how you turned things around emotionally? Looking forward to your comments as always.

Join me for my new class series starting October 29th: Manifesting May be a Verb But It’s Not An Action. It’s all about learning what manifesting really is, how to ‘be’ the person. Pay what you choose pricing: Learn more here

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