I was wondering if you could talk a bit about motivation. About a week ago, you wrote a post about using loa strictly for inner change. I resonated with that. But it made me realize that my primary motivation in life was to “get” in order to try and make myself “change the person I am.” When I think about every action I take, my thoughts, all the interests I have, and the people I hang around with, it all comes down to reaching this specific want or protecting this part of myself. I observe people around me, and I notice that most of them have a primary motivation too that seems to drive most of their decisions. Whether it be family, security, harmony, a sense of identity, status or sometimes a mixture of these things.
Love, love, love this post suggestion because it gets at the heart of how I like to approach the teaching…
Understanding Your Primary Motivation Now
To really make lasting, significant changes in your energy, to move beyond just surface changes in your reality that are likely sporadic at best, you have to understand what you are contending with now energetically, and what’s happening there is just a big old mess.
You must know your mind only cares about one thing–arranging your outside circumstances in such a way all your pain remains as undisturbed as possible. The energetic implications of this are huge, and you have to understand how this will fuck up your shit at every turn, especially if you decide you want to start changing your life by way of energy ‘management.’
Pain minimization is really ALL your mind cares about, and therefore has NO use for all your ‘lofty’ goals of happiness, healing and emotional well-being. Not only does it have no use for it, these goals directly contradict its own, and therefore it actively tries to sabotage your efforts.
None of this is necessary for the pain-minimization agenda so your mind could not give two shits about any of that. Nor is any of the really, really great stuff you truly want and are 100 percent capable of receiving. Your mind is just about getting what’s ‘good enough’ to make your pain go back dormant. Again, actually transforming it and healing it, actually being happy–just unnecessary bells and whistles.
You want true love and connection, your mind just wants a boyfriend so you’re not lonely at night and you have someone to do stuff with. Whether this person is truly the best match for you…who gives a shit, neither here nor there.
You want to thrive financially and do work you love; your mind just wants a steady paycheck to meet your most basic financial obligations so you can avoid all the uncomfortable feelings that crop up around not having enough money–how you earn this money and whether or not you enjoy doing this thing…irrelevant, doesn’t care.
And you know what the funniest thing is about operating from a space where pain-minimization is the only goal–it means your pain RULES your life because everything you do is about keeping it from getting rustled up. The way it leads us to conduct our lives, the ways it restricts us….it just multiplies the pain exponentially!
This MO will keep you from dealing with the true roots of your unhappiness, which are completely internal and have nothing to do with your circumstances; it will close you off energetically to countless opportunities.
It will keep you from pursuing the things that will make you happiest because that will likely stir up all sorts of uncomfortable shit that your mind will refuse to deal with so it will keep you stuck right where you are, no matter how much you don’t want to be there anymore. Not only is it all about minimizing the pain you already have, it naturally wants to avoid any that may be added on in the future.
By the way, I know the word ‘pain’ can seem dramatic and it might conjure up a very specific type of emotional response, but know when I use this word it is meant to encompasses every sort of uncomfortable feeling, from wanting the approval of others to just the general feeling of not being ‘safe’ in the world thinking anything bad can happen to you at any moment.
So now that we have a better understanding of why we are functioning the way we are, and why we kind of don’t want to that anymore if we want to manifest at our ‘peak capacity’ if you will, we want to turn our attention to how we stop letting our desire to avoid pain stop motivating us, and this can only be achieved by….
Dealing with Your Shit
I know this piece of advice may come as a shock to you…this is meant to be heavily sarcastic for those of you that may be newer to my work and how I roll. This is basically all I talk about, much to the consternation of many I imagine; But just telling like it is people…most will tell you to just keep on keeping on with your ‘positivity’ and focusing on what you want, but that’s probably not working for you and I just like to tell you why this might be.
I know we don’t want to hear this; I know we are interested in finding all the ‘work arounds’ so we don’t have to deal with the messy business of our feelings;this is why we are so obsessed with tools and techniques, and really wanting to believe the law of attraction is some action-based process where if we just ‘figure out’ how to do it ‘right’ we can change our energy enough to get the stuff our mind wants, therefore achieving the primary objective of ‘pain minimization.’
Here’s the thing…you can change your energy in more surface ways and get the stuff your mind wants and achieve this goal; but if you have a lot of shit, this probably won’t work at all or have very limited effectiveness; if you are someone who is starting to discover the stuff isn’t giving you the emotional payoff expected, and you are actually starting to care more about being happy (knowing the stuff still comes when this is the primary goal by the way), you are going to want to shift your focus more inward.
The extent to which we try to avoid dealing with our negative feelings borders on pathological…for real, I’m not saying that for dramatic effect. It’s like a mental illness in and of itself. And if you are someone who has decided to ‘use’ the law of attraction as your primary avoidance strategy, you are in for one frustrating, painful ride my friend.
If you don’t unload some of your energetic crap, it will continue to dominate your energy; you won’t be able to turn your attention away from it. And as long as this is happening, you will not be able to move out of pain-minimization mode…it will be impossible. Again, the pain will continue to rule your life, and you’ll just create more of it, which will lead you even further into this mode of operation.
The less pain there is, the less minimizing it will be your motivation. The more you see what is really responsible for your unhappiness–the inner shit–the less ‘pressure’ you will feel to change the outside to feel better inside because you start to truly understand–like really, really get it, not just understand intellectually–the answer doesn’t lie in making more money, losing the weight, getting a different job or snagging a boyfriend.
You start to truly get no amount of money will ever quell that feeling of ‘insecurity.’ No amount of love from your boyfriend will compensate for the pain you feel about not getting love from your father or your husband who left you for someone else. No matter how much weight you lose and how rocking your body is, it won’t really make much of a dent in your self-esteem or how you perceive yourself..
You can still want these things but the value you place on them changes completely; you stop operating under the delusion getting these things will make any true, lasting difference in how you feel.
Everything I’m saying here is not some fluffy personal growth crap–this is all pretty sound logical reasoning wouldn’t you agree? Sometimes this way of thinking can serve us very well in this journey–not often, but sometimes. This is one of those times.
You may be wondering how to deal with your crap. The funny thing about this is as important as this is to the ‘process’ there is actually very little to say about it because there is not much to doing it. It’s not some sort of ‘strategy’ that needs to be employed.
The most helpful thing I can say is…pretend your motivation for dealing with your shit was purely about feeling better and becoming a happier, emotionally healthy person. I know that sounds nutbag crazy but that is what imaginations are for.
Take the whole law-of-attraction-getting-something-you-don’t-have-element out of the equation. Pretend you are not being driven by a bone-deep fear of not getting what you want. How would you proceed?
What would you do if you felt sad? You would cry. What would you do if you were in denial about your feelings? You would be honest. What would you do if you realized you hadn’t fully healed from some painful event in your past? You would see what’s going on and feel whatever it is that still needs to be felt. What would you do if you knew you would only feel better when you felt better? You would just be with whatever was happening and not try to ‘rush’ the process.
Contending with our Human Reality
Will you ever truly not care about changing your outside experience? Unlikely…you have to get up everyday and live in the physical world so you’ll probably continue to care. Not a problem.
Will you ever want to lose the weight or care about your appearance just for you? No, probably not…other people and their perceptions of us will probably matter to some degree, even those who most ardently insist you don’t care what other people think about you.
Will you ever do the work of inner transformation purely for the sake of your happiness and not have any ulterior motive of getting ‘stuff’ you don’t have? Unlikely, and it’s okay you want to have certain things in your life.
Will you still get caught up in appearances and fight for your mind’s shitty beliefs and fears…most definitely. You just have to realize the consequences of doing this and try to not do it so often.
You may never fully release on ‘pain-minimization’ mode and that’s okay. The key is understanding the flaws in this plan and the problems it poses so it no longer DOMINATES. You would be amazed at how the ‘purer’ intentions can become dominant, and all the mind crap, while still there, is much more easily ignored. You don’t get as emotionally invested in all the mental chatter; you stop fighting for all your fears and limitations in thinking.
You get to a point where being happier is truly your motivation, understanding all your ego wants that you’ll probably still continue to care about, come this route as well. It no longer becomes the primary focus, your only reason for trying to change the inside.
You don’t worry so much about them, you don’t keep insisting you can’t feel better unless they show up first. Again, your mind will still pull all its bullshit but you make the conscious choice not to get sucked in all the time, and fight for all sorts of limitations in thinking that cause you great suffering.
If you are ‘serious’ about personal growth and conscious creation in particular (but don’t take this whole thing so seriously please), you will be faced with a lot of choices about how you conduct yourself; you will be constantly coming into contact with things that will undermine your efforts and your ‘higher’ vibe, so choosing in favor of truth is not just some one time deal, it is something you will be called on to do over and over again.
Your mind will want to tell you it’s too hard, and it’s not wrong–we have a lot of conditioning to contend with; it will make stellar arguments as to why you should feel all the shitty things you feel and believe all the shitty things you believe, why you need to make all your decisions from a space of fear, and you’ll tend to concur.
But you gotta do what you gotta do, and if you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. But understand the consequences of that choice. If you only change your energy in surface ways, you can’t expect big dramatic outer results from this. If you don’t get at the true roots of your unhappiness, you can’t expect to feel significantly better in any real, lasting way. Many people operate from this space every day and survive just fine.
But once you start going within and seeing what is really going on, you won’t ever become unaware of it again. Once you start learning very profound truths about what is really happening inside, and what will truly lead you to be happy, you won’t ever forget these things. This is the ‘burden’ of anyone who sets out on this path.
You can stay the same if you want, you can keep doing things the way your mind wants to do them, but once you discover all these truths and have all these realizations, this creates an unpleasant tension that you now know will not be quelled purely by changing the outside.
If you have gotten yourself into this whole ‘mess’ and don’t see yourself getting out of it, might as well do it right.
What did you think? Anything resonate in particular? Have you found yourself moving away from pain-minimization mode? Anything to add, any advice you would give?
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