So, today I am happy to answer some law of attraction questions dealing with jealousy and scarcity…two energies that can put a kink in our manifesting.
I have the question for you to discuss, and hopefully, you can write or podcast about it someday. I am working on my energy right now and integrating the whole concept in my life. I am experiencing many good kinds of stuff happened in my life, as I also experience synchronicity quite often, so I think it is working for me like I’m on the right track. The thing that bothers me it’s how I get easily get jealous and envy every time I have the situation that I see somebody else achieve something that I really want but not yet get it. I get green with envy, and I hate myself for having those kinds of insecure feelings. I understand that it is a scarcity mentality that I still have, and I know that I should have just happy for them, but I’m still struggling with it. Have you ever have a similar experience, and how you deal with it?
We Have No Idea What Other people’s Manifestations Mean to Them
Our tendency to compare ourselves to other people is as old as the hills. But in the day of Facebook and Instagram, we can do it at a much more rapid pace, easily assessing the lives of a dozen people in mere minutes. And this online documentation also gives us a lot more information about the lives of others that we can then use to compare ourselves and feel badly about.
And those of you working to deliberately create your life experience can become especially fixated on what you don’t yet have, and develop an even keener interest in what others do, wondering how they got it, perhaps thinking it is even unfair since they don’t even know about any of this law of attraction stuff and aren’t doing the ‘work’ you are.
But it’s really important to keep something in mind:
First, you have no idea what other people’s manifestations mean to them. Someone may appear to have something you want, but it represents something completely different to her that may not be necessarily ‘positive.’
Let’s take a relationship for an example:
Just because someone managed to snag a boyfriend or a husband does in no way mean she must have been able to achieve some great vibration that made her a match to a relationship, that she was able to do something with ease that you seem to be struggling with so much.
Relationships, like any other thing that comes into our reality, can be mirroring back countless things to us that are very personal and often can not be deciphered by someone on the outside.
Let’s take someone who has a belief that you always have to compromise, and you can never get what you want in its full form, because that’s just how life is.
She may have that belief mirrored back to her in the form of relationships with people whom she just likes ‘okay’ ,but always have one glaring thing wrong with them that really bothers her, but she thinks she has to accept,because that’s the best you can ask for.
Not exactly a great love story is it?
You may see someone who has a lot of money, but this money is not coming to them from a place of ease and joy, doing something they love, knowing the Universe always has their back.
They might be operating from a belief that you have to work really, really hard for money, and as such, all their money only comes to them after working really, really hard. They may have landed a job that seems all fancy and prestigious, but it is going to require them to work 80 hours a week, busting their ass for picky clients, and sacrificing their personal life.
That doesn’t seem to be a very envious position, nor do they seem to have a more manifesting-friendly belief system regarding the acquisition of money. Sure they have a lot of money but at what cost? Who cares if you aren’t enjoying your life?
You Have No Idea How Other People Feel About Their Life
This little nugget of wisdom is one that is certainly not new but one that we really, really have a hard time remembering, and I am here to give you a nice reminder to help it sink in a bit more deeply. This is a reminder we need often.
We only see snippets of people’s lives, and usually the highlight reel.
While there are certainly some who enjoy bemoaning the issues in their life to anyone who will listen, most of us are going to keep that stuff under wraps.
On social media, you’ll only see the cute family moments and vacation pics. No one is going to be posting about ducking calls from creditors all day, her suspicions her husband is cheating , her marriage is a big fat sham or that she sometimes deeply questions her choice to have children.
Sure, the person with the boyfriend may not struggle with loneliness like you do; the person who has a well-paying job may not be worrying about making rent next month like you, who just lost your job.
But unless these people are truly enlightened souls, which chances are, they’re not, I would bet my life that there is at least one thing they don’t like in their lives, and that is where they are putting all their attention.
They probably aren’t sitting around basking in gratitude for these things in their life that you feel so miserable without. Like anyone else, they probably take all the good stuff for granted, and are focusing on what they don’t like.
So, does this mean you should assume everyone is secretly miserable, so you can feel less badly about your own unhappiness? No, that’s not the approach I would recommend.
I am just simply suggesting that you don’t focus so much on other people, assuming they are better off than you somehow simply because they already have something you have decided you want too. Just focus on yourself.
Everyone has their shit.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up About Feeling Jealous and Not Being ‘Happy’ For Others
I got the sense the person who asked the question felt badly about her jealousy, that it was bad for her vibration. And we have a tendency to freak out anytime we feel like we are acting in a way that isn’t ‘manifesting-friendly,’ anytime we are not being all ‘positive.’
We all feel jealousy now and again, it’s totally normal. So don’t beat yourself us too much when you experience it.
We’re only human after all. Not having the things we want makes us feel really crappy sometimes, and seeing someone who has them just serves to remind us we still don’t.
There is still a part of us, sometimes a big part, that still isn’t sure we can have what we want, and seeing someone else get to have it, stings, especially if we may believe they are not ‘deserving’ of it for one reason or another.
We are all deserving of whatever we want though, even the douchiest among us, because our sheer existence on this planet is what determines that, not what we do or what type of person we are. But I digress.
Feeling happy for other people can also seem like a tall order, again, especially if we want these same things and we don’t have them.
And this isn’t so much that we are evil assholes who want everyone else to be miserable. Like I said before, seeing others get good things when we seem to be struggling to get these same things, brings up a lot of stuff, and can often shine a brighter light on what we are lacking.
So you aren’t a bad person if you don’t feel genuine happiness for your friend who just had a baby when you and your spouse are currently bankrupting yourselves on fertility treatments.
You’re not a bad person if the news of your friend’s engagement to her ‘soul mate’ doesn’t have you jumping for joy because it just deepens the pain of your recent divorce.
Now, if you find yourself having extreme emotional reactions to the good fortune of others, that is something you want to work on. But for the run- of- the -mill twinges and lamenting, I wouldn’t stress about it too much.
There are other aspects of vibration management that take priority, such as strengthening beliefs that serve you, taking your focus off ‘what is’ and fostering trust you are being supported by the good old U.
These issues also tend to be a thorn in our side because we may fear there is not enough to go around, and for every dollar earned, or man taken off the market, there is just that much less available for the rest of us, which brings me to my next point…
Scarcity is An Illusion
Yes, the idea there is not enough for everyone is an illusion, one of the most persistent illusions within the grand illusion in which we are living.
As a whole, us humans have a whole host of beliefs that make us think there isn’t enough, and it gets mirrored back to us in countless ways.
We have been brought up to always be in competition with another, and that naturally leads to a mentality of there not being enough, and us having to claim our stake before someone else does.
We tend to get very attached to specific manifestations, and we can only see limited options for how what we want can come to us, and that will naturally lead to us thinking there are only limited options and opportunities, and each time things don’t go our way, the chances of getting what we want shrink permanently.
This idea of scarcity leads us to think very competitively rather than creatively. The latter is an energy of knowing we can get what we want, knowing our succeeding in allowing in a certain manifestation has absolutely nothing to do with whatever anyone else is doing or whatever anyone else is wanting.
There is enough money for everyone; there are enough clients for everyone; there is enough everything for everyone, no matter how much it may seem otherwise in the ‘illusion.’
You don’t have to worry about claiming your piece of the pie…you get to make your own pie.
Your Turn…
What did you think of the post? Do you struggle with scarcity mindset or jealousy? Anything you would add here? Looking forward to your comments as always.
This is a great post. Loved it. For me, I am happy for others, but I also see when others achieve things I’ve been working hard towards, I see it as reinforcement that there’s something wrong with me. But that’s a deeply held belief of mine that I’ve had since childhood, so I know that’s where my work is at the moment.
Hi Mary
Thanks for your comment and I am glad you enjoyed the post. There is definitely nothing wrong with you and it’s good that you recognize this belief is actually not valid and that you are working on shifting it. Don’t ever underestimate the power of simply reminding yourself that it is isn’t true…each time you do that, you activate the energy of being ‘good enough’ and that adds up, and you step into possibility each time.
I know this is a long shot because this is over a year old, but I too feel like there is something fundamentally flawed about me, like I haven’t any value and I let things reinforce that for me, so I am wondering if you found something that has helped you through this. Thank you so much, and I hope you do feel better now. With Kindness-Tricia
Hi Tricia
The key to releasing beliefs, especially like this one, is simply a decision to. I know that sounds too easy to the mind but that is all you can do. This isn’t a decision you will make just once, and every time you do, you invite in a new energy, energy that will be mirrored back to you in some way, and you will begin to accumulate ‘evidence’ there isn’t anything fundamentally wrong or ‘broken’ and it gets easier and easier to shift the belief. You also want to think more about what specifically makes you feel this way–technically we don’t have to do that digging but our mind tends to want to know where things started, and appeasing it can be helpful. But remember the only thing that matters is how you feel now, and moving forward from there.
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply, I really appreciate it 🙂 I will work on it. I feel I know where it, I just need to learn to stop believing it.
The intention to do so is very powerful in and of itself so you are already on the right track!
It’s so funny you bring this up. I have a friend who is a lawyer and, of course, has plenty of money. Money is my big “issue” in life. She posts a lot of pictures on Facebook of her traveling everywhere. I would LOVE to travel and while I’m happy that she’s seen so much of the world, I have to admit, I was a little jealous. I’ve traveled a lot within the United States but have never left. Then one day a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to a mutual friend and she mentioned how our lawyer friend confessed to her that she is really depressed because she is still single and doesn’t have children yet. So basically, I have something she wants, she has something I want.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not happy about my friend being depressed, but it did alleviate my jealousy quite a bit. Actually I’d say it’s pretty much non-existent now. I am working through my shit, so I’m sure my lack of money and travel will work itself out when it’s supposed to.
This reminds me of a meme I once saw about not comparing your life to someone’s “highlight” reel.
Hey Summer
Thanks for sharing this. It is a great example of what I was talking about…how everyone tends to have stuff in their life they don’t like; it might be different stuff than us, but they are in the same boat, feeling some sort of lack and probably envious of someone else. It is totally understandable how it would make you feel better–like you said, not because you took joy in her pain but because it made you realize that her life wasn’t as great as you thought and she struggles too. That is definitely a relief because it makes us feel less alone in our ‘wanting’ and curbs jealousy big-time.
Oh and one thing I wanted to add. This paragraph sums up A LOT for me and my relationships:
Let’s take someone who has a belief that you always have to compromise, and you can never get what you want in its full form, because that’s just how life is.
She may have that belief mirrored back to her in the form of relationships with people whom she just likes ‘okay’ ,but always have one glaring thing wrong with them that really bothers her, but she thinks she has to accept,because that’s the best you can ask for.
Not exactly a great love story is it?
ALL of my relationships (even my current one) are this way. I continue to focus on what I want and my hubby seems perfectly fine with evolving and mirroring back what I focus on. So at least this time I know there’s hope. My previous relationships, not so much.
Plus marriage and family is NO guarantee that you won’t be lonely. You can be surrounded by loved ones and still feel alone. It’s all perception.
Man I could go on and on about this topic. I’ve been learning so much about this in my journey lately. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this…that he seems to be able to keep up with your vibration does bode well, and as time goes on, you will see what’s up and what you think you need to do. Relationships can come into our life for so many reasons, none having to do with this person being a good fit for us…there are lots of relationships out there that range from not-so-great to terrible so a lot more than warm, fuzzy love going on there.
Hey Kelli,
It’s been a while since I’ve read your blog, glad to see you are still making great posts! This one really resonates me. I’ve experienced so much of it in my life. Some of these desires though I will not be able to manifest physically in this life time, but I do trust I’ve put enough in my vortex that when I transition and reincarnate, they will then be mine. 🙂 I’ve heard some LOA teachers say that whatever you desire can be yours: if life has caused you to desire something, then it can give it to you. But I think this is only in terms of vibrational essence/emotional manifestation because some physical conditions we will never be able to manifest no matter how much we desire then.
I get jealous of people who are in the career I desire so much and are experiencing lots of success. There is someone in particular I feel triggered by every time I see her social media feeds. She is having so much success not only in her creative career but in life in general. She has so much of what I want, I just feel reminded that I don’t have it and who knows when I will get it if at all.
Another BIG jealousy trigger for me is physical appearance. People who are so physically naturally beautiful you can’t help to admire and feel some jealousy over. This might sound racist, but I hope it doesn’t come off that way. I wish I was model beautiful and white, with blonde hair and light eyes. Drop dead gorgeous and a head turner. I spent my childhood surrounded by beautiful light haired, light skinned, light eyed people in a country well known for producing models. I know five people personally who were scouted by high fashion agencies and have heard of many others. I have always felt angry about this, cheated by life and like I was denied the beauty I crave so much. It feels so unfair. Sure I could manifest the vibrational essence, but that’s not the same as manifesting the desired condition. I guess my only hope is next lifetime! What I would do to have a Frida Gustavsson or Snejana Onopka face…
My mother always told me “there will always be someone more beautiful, richer, younger than you” which is reality but still feels really crappy to accept. Somethings like with physical beauty, we can only do so much to change and improve, and it’s only there for a certain window of time. But having those looks, even if only for a few years, is something I would have given anything for.
Of course as you mention you never know how the people with what you want feel about having them. They could feel very happy, or very dissatisfied. And you never know what else they’re dealing with in their lives.
Hi M
Nice to ‘see’ you again, and I am glad you enjoyed the post. The issues you are facing suggest to me that exploring ‘body issues’ may have been one of the themes ‘big’ you came here to explore. And right now, the struggle with how you look and the other feelings you are having are just one side of the coin, and the other side would be making peace with all of this, seeing the beauty you have–both internal and external–and perhaps this would lead to success in this career or it would lead you to discover you can achieve the ‘essence’ of what you want in some other way. Or maybe you would discover the career you wanted was a need for validation of your beauty, and no longer needing that, you wouldn’t even want to pursue it. You seem to be very self-aware and all this turmoil is really giving you an opportunity for a big release and shift of energy.
I also forgot to mention, One of my ex boyfriends dated many models before me. (I think I only attracted him to mirror resistance. I’m almost 100% certain he was desperate for a while.) His exes were REALLY beautiful, angelic looking women, most of them blonde. And also many of them were very intelligent and artists. I always felt so jealous and inferior to them. He even told me he liked me so much because I was fun to be with and easygoing. He liked my body but never mentioned anything about my face and was often hesitant to be seen with me in public. How do you stop attracting people like this? I felt really used for sex and the experience just reaffirmed what I know to be true. Still to this day I feel super jealous of his gorgeous exes!
Hi M
The only way to stop attracting people who make you feel like you aren’t good enough is to stop feeling like you are not good enough yourself. Other people can’t defy our vibration, and make us feel a way we really don’t feel about ourselves.
Hi Kelli,
I recently joined your blog and I have to say that I so enjoy your posts! I have studied the LOA in the past and followed the steps for manifestation and many times it worked. It seems though in the last few years, when I have tried manifesting, it has not worked.
When I discovered your blog and read some past posts, I really enjoyed where you were coming from. Sometimes, we think we have to be better than our true selves to get what we want, but instead what I am learning here is that we have to first know and be our TRUE selves, then everything else can fall into place.
Also, what I am discovering is that as human beings we change-duh! Where we were five years ago is just that-five years ago! I have experienced things during the last few years that have changed me. And, I am starting to see that I need to start the LOA at where I am at NOW, not were I was five years ago, or even five months ago.
I am sorry for the long-winded post, but I just had to say I really enjoying your writings and do keep it up! Thank you!
Hi Janice
Thanks so much for your comment and your great insights…and the comment was not long-winded at all. I love what you said about how we just need to be our true selves. That sums up so well how we can manifest more easily. Who we really are is in perfect alignment with all sorts of awesomeness and is in need of nothing, and totally trusts. I really loved your comment.
Hi Janice,
Just wanted to thank you for your thoughts on being our true selves – that connected with something in me, and released a huge struggle I have had for the last week or so.
Thank you!
I have like all your blogs. This one I think is one of your best.
I am going through the jealousy thing now and what you say makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
Hi Steven
Thanks for your comment and I am glad you liked this one. Don’t shy away from the jealousy…take a good look why you feel it. It will give you a lot of insight regarding what you want, why you think you can’t have it and certain beliefs you have that may need some shifting.
Thank you Kelli for your response!. Again, I enjoy receiving your emails about your current posts. Keep up the wonderful insights!
Astrid-Thank you for your kind words! It’s nice to know that we are not alone in trying to understand how to just be ourselves and navigate this big and wonderful, but sometimes crazy world! Good luck on your journey and keep pushing!
You are very welcome Janice
Hi Kelli, I found this post thought-provoking and comforting, too: Especially your emphasis on the fact that other people might not necessarily be happier even if they seem to be.
I have to admit that I struggle with feelings of envy and jealousy because there are many things in life that I don’t have that seem to just come natural to other people: Good health, enough income, kids and a life partner, a job I truly like, friendship, a nice place to live …
It’s hard to feel like missing out on everything while others enjoy life.
From a LOA perspective we don’t have to envy anyone because we can create anything we want, I like the way you say it: “We can make our own pie.”
But is that really true, all the time? For example, I would have liked to have children but it seems like it’s too late and impossible for me. How can I still “make my own pie”? 🙂
Hi Mia
Thank you for your comment and I am glad you found the post helpful. When it comes to your question about children, there are few things to consider. One–we are always after a feeling. Having children represents something to you and whatever that something is can be brought into your life in countless ways. Two-it is common to feel ‘incomplete’ if we didn’t have children and wanted them, but who you really are is whole and perfect and needs nothing. So don’t ever look at the lack of children as some sort of ‘defect’ or that you missed out on some grand experience that was necessary to make your life ‘whole’ or ‘worthwhile’ No matter what ‘ships that seemed to have sailed’ you can always find what you are looking for, which is to feel happier. There is no one thing that must manifest externally to bring us that.
Thank you, Kelli, I appreciate your reply!
So you would say that the LOA cannot always give you the exact representation of what you want – or think you want? There are limits and “impossible desires” after all?
I know that it makes a lot of sense to find out what feeling/s we’re really after. If I find out what having children would mean to me – and it’s not that easy, I’ve discovered – how would I go about realizing this in my life?
For example, I might want to feel a sense of family, having someone who is close to me. Or I would like to take care of someone, feeling a sense of purpose in life. Or maybe I enjoy being around children, I’d love to feel more playful and joyous and lighthearted. Is this what you mean with going for the feeling/s I want?
And if so, how will I be able to manifest the “perfect fit” for me, the representation of those feelings that is right for me and my life?
Hi Mia
I wouldn’t say some desires are ‘impossible.’ It is just that we can’t use the LOA to force whatever our mind wants into our experience just because it wants it. We control our experience through managing our vibration, not dictating everything that happens in our physical reality–much of what our mind wants is not really what we truly want and it’s kind of good we can’t do this. Those are some great feelings and you are starting to touch on what you really want. You’ll be able to manifest those representations by deciding that is what you would like to create–which is what you have started doing–and manifesting from a space of feeling whole and complete now, not from feeling lack and that you ‘need’ these things. Those two ingredients open up a lot of energy and you will start getting manifestations to help you along the path
Oh god, your posts are always on spot. I caught myself feeling slightly jealous when I saw someone achieving the same thing that I want to achieve. It’s not an extreme jealousy, where I wish this person bad or I’m complaining about my own life. But it definitely stings. When I feel it, I remind myself few things – this person deserves it too. The negative emotion indicates that Source disagrees with what I feel and that I already have what I want (vibrationally). Also that the person is a sign that if they achieved it, then so will I. But like you wrote, I also catch myself freaking out that I push my desire away by feeling jealous.
Hi Monicka
Thanks so much for your comment and I am so glad the post was timely for you. I love what you said about recognizing your emotional reaction is an indicator you are buying into a perspective that isn’t true. That guidance system makes things so simple. We all feel jealous sometimes so don’t beat yourself up. That allows the feelings to pass more quickly.
How do you deal with deeply jealous people that you have no choice in keeping in your life but who cause you regular drama and mentally attack you because of their
Jealousy towards you?? I feel every time I connect with the law of attraction
And the good is flowing the negativity directed at me by this individual
Is so powerful person that I can never move forward or upwards with my life?? And attract the abundance of
Happiness and success I deserve.
Hey Naomi
It can be challenging when there are people that challenge us and we can’t exactly just cut them out totally. Though I would ask if it really is a matter of no choice or there is an option to not see this person or at least see them less but it would just be a very uncomfortable choice. If you can’t or don’t want to remove this person from your life, the only option is to take ownership of how they make you feel, and see what may be being mirrored back to you as far as their treatment of you. It is possible by doing this inner work and exploration you could manifest a different version of them, or at the very least, their behavior doesn’t affect you. No one else can manifest in our reality so someone else’s negative energy can’t affect you unless you let it by allowing this person’s behavior to dictate how you feel, the choices you make etc…
This is spot on! I have a hard time letting go of jealousy and anger towards someone. Last year, I fell in love with my best friend, he was so sweet and caring towards me, and I knew and even the people around us thought that we would end up romantically. And then one day, out of the blue, he said that he found someone that he really likes, I was devastated!
I was so angry and jealous of the other girl, because she has a lot of baggage, she is nearly divorced with a son. My best friend is single, never married and no children, just like me. So I know that I am the best match for him, so that made me so depressed, sad, jealous and angry.
Until this day, we remained friends, but I told him not to tell me about her and their lives because I get so jealous, of course I feel bad as I feel that our friendship is not genuine because I stop him from sharing stories. But I need to protect myself and move on.
All of the LOA blogs I’ve read that I need to be in a state of the wish fulfilled, that I need to be happy with my life in order to manifest, and in my case, I am waiting for a relationship for 10 years, and I thought it was him. But how come other people manifest relationships even if they are still in a miserable and unhappy state? And here I am, on top of my career, really happy with my life, no extra baggage, and couldn’t even snag a date? What else could be missing?
Hi there
Sorry for the delayed response…I was at a meditation course with no internet so catching up now! The key thing I would address in responding to your comment is probably the thing that is causing you the most distress, which is wondering how other people manifest relationships in a ‘low’ energy state. The most important thing to remember is the things we manifest in our life can be mirroring back countless things to us, and doesn’t necessarily mean we were aligned with it, that we had some great vibration. Someone in a romantic relationship does not in any way suggest they are aligned with ‘love’ and that relationship could be representing many things. For example, someone who has a strong belief in having to compromise, and that you can never fully get what you want may have that belief mirrored back to her in primarily in relationships where she attracts people who are never really a great match but she puts up with because she thinks that is the best she can get. So she has relationships but they aren’t good ones. Think of people in abusive relationships as well. One of the primary reasons we concern ourselves with other people’s manifestations is because we are basically trying to figure out ‘how’ it works so we can do it right and get what we want, and it’s understandable for sure but it will be a waste of energy. And we can never, ever figure out someone else’s energy from the outside, and how they feel about their manifestations–we have a hard enough time figuring out our own!
Thank you for this ❤️
You are very welcome Amanda…glad you enjoyed it!