Hard Times as a Path to Happiness: Making Good No Matter What Life Throws at You

If you have even a slight familiarity with Buddhism, you probably know one of the central tenets — life is full of suffering. And, one might think this Buddha person was quite the Debbie Downer, but nothing could be farther from the truth. The core teachings are all about showing us how to transcend this suffering, and be happy despite the various shit storms we are likely to face as we move through life.

And, having applied the teachings I have learned thus far, I must say Buddha was one smart cookie. This post is not going to be about Buddhism by the way. I just felt it was important to discuss one of the most influential aspects of my own work (and probably countless others) in handling the ‘bad’ stuff. And I would highly recommend anyone looking to improve how they cope with life’s inevitable challenges to get on his teachings stat, no matter what your religious bent.

Having gone through some of the things I have in my life, I made a wonderful realization that all the crap presents us tremendous opportunities to grow, and make our lives better than we ever thought they could be. The sucky stuff still sucks, but we can get better at looking beyond that.

Think about all the different people you have met personally , or learned about through some newspaper article or TV special, that have managed to do the most amazing things with their lives, that inspired you. They almost always share one common trait—overcoming some form of adversity, sometimes something so horrible we can’t imagine how they managed to achieve what they did. But, they found a way and so can we.

Am I happy all the time? Um..definitely not. Have I completely released all my junk and overcome my various issues? I wish. Do I still have moments where I throw gigantic pity parties for myself? Absolutely. Am I still an ungrateful tool that totally loses perspective more often than I would like? Yes siree.

But, in spite of this, I have managed to create a pretty good life for myself. I have found ways to cope with the darker aspects of my being. I discovered I could use the troubles in my life as a springboard for positive change.

And I’m certainly not special. You too can use hard times as a path to happiness and a better life. What follows is a few of the most helpful realizations I made in my own efforts, and I hope they will help you as well.

Don’t Look at Bad Stuff as Something That Isn’t SUPPOSED to Happen

If we had a choice, would we opt to get our hearts smashed to smithereens, watch parents die far too soon from horrible illnesses, battle depression or experience one of the millions of other shitty things that could potentially befall us?

I’m going to go with a big fat NO on that one. Unless of course, you are one of those super spiritually advanced people who welcome problems with open arms because they are a great vehicle for growth. And, oh how I envy you!

But, as much as we would prefer unpleasant situations keep their distance from our lives, and as unfair as it can seem that certain things happen, clinging to the idea that bad things are not supposed to happen, only serves to amplify our suffering.

Bad things do happen. Sometimes they are unavoidable, like the people we love eventually dying. And as for the other stuff, I really don’t know. Maybe we reincarnate and choose to experience certain challenges for our growth. Maybe we attract certain experiences based on the energy we hold inside (and by attract, I don’t mean being punished.) Maybe some stuff is just completely random.

When I became more accepting of the ‘bad’ as par for the course, and not something we should hope and pray to avoid at all costs, I was able to handle my ‘stuff’ better. It didn’t mean I ceased to struggle with these issues, or I was able to completely’ get over it’, but I didn’t suffer as much.

The degree to which we suffer is not about the actual things that happen to us, it is about how we react to these events. That feeling of being powerless dissipated, and was replaced by a resolve to move forward, and not let these challenges dictate my experience.

Being Happy Does Not Require an Absence of ‘Unhappy’ Stuff

Getting over the death of my father was one of the hardest challenges I have ever faced, and I remember thinking that because I lost him at the relatively young age of 27, that I could never have a ‘perfect life.’ This amazing man who loved me unconditionally, and did so much for me, was gone forever, and I saw this as some sort of black mark that would haunt me forever.

And haunt me it does. I feel sadness every day. But, his death was a major catalyst for positive change in my life, and the work I have done on myself in the years since he has been gone has been nothing short of amazing. I am living the exact life I have always dreamed.

I had always battled bouts of depression, and I still do. But, I have made peace with this aspect of myself, and I just deal with the episodes when they hit. I have found more effective ways to cope with them so their effect is not as strong.

Some of my greatest insights come during these darker times, and I always come out on the other side a bit wiser, and with a clearer idea of who I am and what I want. Though I grapple with these feelings, I still consider myself a happy person. I have always envied people that seem to be naturally upbeat and happy; I hope one day I can be like them, but if it doesn’t happen, I’m okay with that.

It is easy to look at the challenges we face, and think that our lives cannot possibly be good so long as they exist. But, that isn’t true. We can still be happy people, and create a good life for ourselves. We may always carry certain experiences with us; there are things we will probably never fully ‘get over.’ And that’s okay. It is not necessary we do so.

You Have Been Given a Gift

All of the great things I have created for myself were all borne of shitty stuff, each and every one. While I am sure there are exceptions, most people do not make significant positive change unless they are forced into it by some adverse condition. Without the bad stuff, that burning desire to really improve things just isn’t there. We get comfortable in our current circumstances, even if they are not ideal.

Our challenges can bring us to a really low place, but a lot of amazing things can happen here. The floodgates of negative emotion gets opened, and while it can be really unpleasant, it gives us an opportunity to really tune into what is going on inside. We can work through a lot of stuff we have been ignoring, probably most of our lives.

You can get off auto-pilot and start thinking deliberately about who you are and what you want. Nothing will get you thinking seriously about what would make your life better than feeling like total crap, I’ll tell you that much.

Going through challenging situations teaches us so many valuable lessons; they make us stronger and wiser. Hard times make us more grateful for the good things in life we take for granted, and aid us in adopting perspectives that are more positive and empowering. We don’t get worked up as much anymore about ‘small stuff.’

Seeing your hard times as a gift does not require you totally make peace with your situation, or never feel upset. You don’t need to be all Dalai Lama-like. You just need to remember as much as you can, that there are good things that can spring from the situation, that within this situation lies a great opportunity for growth and change.

You have to make the choice to do this though, it won’t happen passively. Sometimes we’ll find ourselves going in a bad direction, and we have to make ourselves shift course, and that can be hard, but it can be done.

Remember throughout all this though, to be patient with yourself. It can take a bit to shift your thinking and your attitude towards your ‘problems.’ No matter how long you have been traveling down a less constructive path, it is never too late to turn things around.