The law of attraction teaches us that we can get what we want by deciding exactly what that is, and flowing some positive energy towards it. Basically, our thoughts, feelings and beliefs must be in harmony with allowing this thing into our lives. When that happens, the things we want will come to us.
But as many of us conscious creators have come to discover, setting our sights on specific desires can really mess with our manifesting mojo.
It makes it harder to be in a state of detachment—after all, we want what we want, and it’s hard to be all nonchalant when we have convinced ourselves these exact things are what we really want, that they are essential to our happiness.
When we determine a particular thing is essential for our happiness, we have a really hard time letting ourselves feel better now, even though we don’t have it yet.
When we are really attached to something, we have a tendency to try and figure out how we will get it; we tend to develop some pretty strong expectations of how the manifesting path will unfold. And we all know what fun ensues when things happen that don’t fit in with those expectations.
It is tricky for sure, because naturally, there are things we do feel would enhance our life experience; we are feel very drawn towards a certain type of life. Certain things really light our fire.
When we look at what we don’t like about our life now, it clues us in to what we would prefer, and it makes sense to our minds that these are things that must happen for our life to improve.
If you don’t like struggling financially, a crap load more money must come for you to be happy. If you don’t like being single, you must find a relationship. If you have a strong desire to nurture and care for others, you must have a baby.
This is not to say that the specific things you want are not what you really want…there is a good chance many of your current desires are a pretty good representation of the energy you want to bring into your life.
But sometimes they aren’t the best representation. Or you have become overly fixated on a particular channel, when what you want can be delivered in many other ways. You get too attached to a particular outcome, when many outcomes can bring you what you ultimately want.
Even though myself and many other LOA teachers have stated this ad nauseum, it is easily forgotten in the midst of strong attachment to specific desires—ultimately, you are after a feeling. Everything we want is because we believe having it will make us feel better.
So, today I wanted to discuss a few things that can hopefully help you get to the root of what you really want, and help you figure out if there is anything going on inside that is blocking more of what is wanted from coming into your life.
Is Your Desire Actually a Condition for Getting What You Truly Want?
This is a really common issue and it is easy to be totally unaware this is what is happening. In many instances, our mind can’t fully accept that what we want is truly possible, regardless of what our life has been like up until now, what type of person we are,etc…
We are very used to believing that certain conditions must be met in order for us to get something else, and it is very easy to carry this tendency over into our ‘work’ with the law of attraction.
And in doing this, we can get fixated on a particular manifestation because there is a belief (again, you may not be aware of it) that this thing must happen in order to get what you are really after. Again, you may not make this connection all the time.
For some of you, just a little bit of thinking will bring the true desire to the surface. For others, it may take a bit of thought as the connection won’t be as obvious.
For example, you may be very focused on losing weight. Your conscious mind may link this desire to achieving goals such as feeling better about yourself and improving your health.
But, on a deeper level, you may believe the weight loss is necessary in order to get other things that you really want, like the relationship or the better job. You believe if you were thinner, it would be easier to manifest other things.
The real driver to lose weight is because you believe you are not good enough now, and as it stands now, you can’t get any of the things you want, until you are thinner.
And when we work on manifesting things that we have deemed ‘conditions’ to getting something else, we have a really hard time manifesting them because it will trigger all sorts of resistance.
Again, it is really hard to manifest things we believe we need, and that sense of need can be particularly strong around manifestations we believe are a linchpin in getting something else.
So sit with this a minute. Think about things you want to manifest, especially things that you may be currently struggling with, and consider if these things are the core desire or a condition you believe must be met in order to get something else.
Your Mind Has to Translate Energy into Some Sort of Picture
Remember what I said earlier about what you want just being one representation of what you are really after? And what are you really after? You are after a feeling. You want your life to feel a certain way. You want certain energies flowing abundantly, like happiness, peace, security, ease, flow and all those other warm fuzzies.
Now while we could just set some light intentions about what we want to manifest, go about our daily business, knowing we can get what we want, and manifesting all sorts of awesomeness that perfectly mirrors back all those delicious feelings to us, it really won’t play out that way in practice.
We have resistance. We have blocks. We need to engage in tools like visualization to create emotional states that we may have a hard time creating by drawing on our current life experience.
We need something on which to focus, so based on what pops into our mind, what is happening in our life now, what we may have been conditioned to want based on our particular culture, what we have been taught to believe should make us happy, so on and so forth, specific scenarios are bound to make their way into our brain.
And we think of these specific scenarios when we are visualizing, saying our affirmations, making our vision boards and engaging in whatever other tools we are using.
And again, it is easy to get attached to specific manifestations as being the true thing we want. We believe these exact things must happen for us to be happy.
But what you are thinking about now is just one representation of what you truly want, and it may or may not be the best representation.
Whatever you want to manifest now is almost certainly a very muted version of what is truly possible for you, because you still have a lot of resistance; your life experience up until now may still be informing your vision for what is possible moving forward.
We know we are supposed to be open to a variety of outcomes because as long as we are focused positively and feeling our good feelings now as much as we can, so we can manifest other things that feel just like these good feelings, we often have a very hard time doing this.
We worry feeling better now will somehow stop our manifestations in our tracks. We worry if we aren’t focusing specifically on something, and doing the ‘work’ regularly nothing is going to happen.
But that’s not true—remember harnessing the power of the law of attraction is all about what we are being, not what we are doing.
So, if you have a business, it is okay to want to manifest success with whatever your current sources of income are, but know your coaching, your products, your e-books or whatever, are just one channel, and what you are ultimately after is financial prosperity and doing work that is meaningful for you.
This doesn’t mean you can’t find success with those channels, but make sure you see them for what they truly are—channels, not source. Source is the Universal energy that can be molded into anything we want, and the channels through which this energy can take shape are infinite.
So if you want a relationship, it is okay to want that and you can certainly have that. But know that this is just one representation of what you are truly after, which is to feel a sense of connection, to feel loved and to give love, to be appreciated, and all that other good stuff.
Are There Any Negative Associations with Getting What You Want?
This can be another big block because it is hard to become a true match to what we want if there is some part of us that thinks getting this thing may not be so great. There may be some sort of association that is negative.
We may believe that getting this thing will somehow lead to something we don’t want or complicate our life in some way.
Let’s talk about fear of success to start. It is a total cliché but cliches are cliches for a reason: they are true much of the time.
If your sights are set on manifestations having to do with making more money or becoming more successful in your business, are you afraid of success?
Being more successful may mean more responsibility. Being more successful means more people will know you and your work, and it may open you up to criticism—not everyone may like what you are doing or agree with it.
Being more successful may mean less time to pursue your hobbies, or make you feel more restricted.
If you started an online consulting business because you wanted more control over your schedule, and more free time, a part of you may not really be on board with the desire for a booming business where you are booked solid with clients.
You may want to be more financially prosperous, but a part of you may have reservations about making more money because you worry about how your family, who is predominantly ‘blue collar’ will perceive you. You may worry they will always ask you for money, and you’ll worry about saying no, because you don’t want to look like an asshole (that wouldn’t be true by the way) and then being taken advantage of.
You may claim to want to get married, which may lead to children; you really love your job and a lot of things about your life now. Maybe a part of you is fearful about all the changes and compromises that you may be faced with, changes and compromises you are not sure you are ready to make, or ever want to make.
This analysis can be really helpful in clearing through any resistance you may have around your desires, gaining greater clarity about what you really want and doing some tweaking.
The online consultant for example, may find he still wants to meet with clients, but only a certain amount a month, and wants to open up some passive sources of income so he is able to maintain one of his core desires of having more time and freedom. He realizes there are many channels of income available to him, and he can still use all his skills, knowledge and what have you, in other ways besides one-on-one consulting.
This analysis may lead you to discover what you currently want isn’t really what you want at all. You may realize you were limited in your thinking, this was actually a condition that you believed was required to be met, or you were a bit too attached to one channel.
In Closing…
This manifesting can be tricky business. In the most ideal scenario, wanting nothing will get us everything…crazy but true. But we do want things, and often times, those things are great representations of what we actually want.
So it’s okay to want what you want. You pretty much won’t be able to help it. But do your best to detach as much as you can, knowing it is just one representation.
Again, no matter what you want, you want to feel a certain way. I can’t stress this enough, and it is the true linchpin in creating with greater ease, and getting the life you truly want.
Remember that beyond all the specifics you have in mind, ultimately you want so much more than those things. Focusing more on feeling is a great way to harness the power of the law of attraction to change every aspect of your life for the better. It’s about so much more than getting ‘stuff.’
That is why I mention this whole ‘you are after a feeling’ so much…like I always like to say, us LOA teachers aren’t repetitive for lack of something new to say. That repetition is important for more deeply ingraining truths that we can be slow-going to fully absorb as our own.
So, give some thought today to what you really want. Figure out if you are making your ‘what’ the how. Think of the ‘why’ behind the what.
Your Turn…
What did you think of this post? Anything resonate with you in particular? Do you think you may need to tweak some of your desires? What do you really want? Looking forward to your comments as always.
If you want to learn more about law of attraction, you can also find my Making Sense of the Law of Attraction series on Amazon. If you are a Kindle Unlimited member, they are free…sweet. And if you aren’t, no worries..they are super-cheap!
Hey Kelli, great post and I think your emphasis on ‘you are after a feeling’ is so important. Having spent much of my life sad, desperate and depressed, I know that what I crave more than anything is to feel joy. So I’ve surrendered over the things I think I want, and focused on spiritually raising my vibration to the level of joy and doing any wee thing I can that makes me feel joyful. Wow, everything’s changed. I feel great, everyone keeps commenting on how amazing I look, therapy clients just keep coming out of nowhere and also experience amazing transformation in their lives and opportunities to do things I would never have thought of keep turning up. And, yes, I feel joyful. Thanks for reminding us what’s important and being an inspiration.
Hi Morgan
Thanks so much for your comment and so glad you enjoyed the post Thanks for sharing your experience…I think a lot of people reading your comment will find some great insights and advice. To have come from such a low state and having been able to achieve what you have and feel so much better is very inspiring for sure, and shows anything is possible when we shift our focus. It sounds like things are going great for you and I look forward to hearing more about your great manifestations!
Good post Kelli. 🙂 One thing I’d like to manifest is a relationship but I have a lot of blocks around it. I do have negative associations about it, like getting hurt and it changing my life. . I know that one thing behind what I want is a desire to be loved and connected (like you mention in your example) but I also am afraid of connection because I’m scared of being vulnerable and getting hurt, so it’s hard. I’ve been working on all this.
Hey there
Glad you liked it. That you recognize you have the blocks is half the battle right there. It is common for us to lament the absence of what we want, claiming we are in alignment, when we really aren’t. And of course that feels frustrating as hell, thinking there is some hidden block that is not revealing itself. The one thing that is important to remember about relationships is that they don’t have to be difficult to obtain, nor do they have to be full of drama,etc… Sure people can fight, and what not, but overall, it can be easy and peaceful. There doesn’t have to be the litany of bad matches before finding the right one, though the process of aligning with a relationship may mean dating people who may not be ‘the one’ but are there to show you where you may have blocks, help you fine tune what you want,etc…and when we look at it this way, we can not get as upset about things that don’t work out. The fear of ‘getting hurt’ can reduce. We just know it is all leading us to where we want to be.
Hey Kelli, thanks for your reply. Yes, I’m glad I recognise some of the blocks but I do feel feel like there are still some hidden ones there. Hopefully I’ll discover them in time.
I will remember that, that relationships can be easy and peaceful. Also that we might not find “the one” straight away. You mentioned something similar in another post and it helped me to think about how it’s a process, so you might not find the “perfect” person straight away. (Although no one is reallt perfect! lol).
At the end of the day it all comes down to feelings doesn’t it? And that’s what creates. The reiteration is good, we need to be slapped with it. 🙂
Hey Corin
It really, truly does, but it can take a bit to sink in, even among the most savvy LOA folk. I think we can all forget that at points along the way. We do need that reminder for sure!
Thank you Kelli!
Thank you so much! I just needed to say that;-)
I have been unemployed for almost 2 yrs now – and up until a few days ago I was struggeling big time (mentally) with this, worrying about the future and money, feelings of no worth (not contributing to society) and of being a burden. I have read about LOA years ago but never understood the part about feelings. Then your blog found me and within minutes everything clicked into place. I read the first piece last Friday and ever since I have been crazy happy! I noticed how people react to my genuine smiles, and just small things like getting a double americano when I paid for a regular one (I love coffee), are literally making my day and changing my life. Yesterday I had to go into the bathroom so no one would see me do my silly happy dance:-D I notice my jaw hurting from smiling because I am just so happy! This is after being depressed for most of the last 15 yrs. It feels amazing! So the last few days have beeb superhappy because I realized I’m gonna be OK. All this worrying is not necessarry! I can have all I want and then some!
And then this morning the tears came. And came. And came again! Tears of relief because I will have a good life. Because I don’t need to worry about getting a job I hate or making enough money! I used to hate work, and always dreamed of not having to work, and I just realized that when I lost my job I got that;-) I was to afraid to do it myself som the universe did it for me. And because the country I live in have great social benefits and takes care (financially) of unemployed I have been able to live almost like normal. I got what I wanted but never saw it until I read your blog. So today the tears came out of relief, and I am just so happy. Suddenly I can breathe better and I feel calm and secure. I trust myself and know I can get what I want. The relief is enormous.
Kelli, you have changed my life 100%. And this is just within 4 days:-D THANK YOU!
Hi A
Thank you so much for this comment. I am so happy that the posts were so helpful for you. It really is amazing when we find information that resonates and things just begin to click and fall into place. We realize this stuff isn’t as hard or complicated as we make it out to be. It sounds like you had a major breakthrough and I am so excited to see what manifestations follow. You are certainly going to be okay and with this type of clearing, major insights will follow as will greater clarity. The path will unfold. I think anyone reading this will be very inspired by your story and will see a lot of themselves in it. Thank you so much for sharing it with me and my readers.
Hi A,
I just wanted to say, your comment is really helpful and relatable. I also think it would be wonderful to live freely without work! Effortless prosperity, money and everything else flowing to me very easily, benefiting society through my joy for being alive. Already there have been some manifestations lining up to show me I’m on the path, and I know that so many more are coming. This didn’t begin happening until I really allowed myself to let go of mass consciousness beliefs that feel bad, to just be and relax. So many wonderful things have happened to others, and they can happen for me and everyone else who desires too. 🙂
I was also in a really bad place until fairly recently. Now it feels so good to know that all that’s necessary is to change our beliefs so that they’re in alignment with what we want. And feel good, of course. If we relax and allow, all flows to us! We are worthy of all of our desires, unlomited abundance, joy, wellbeing, etc. I love knowing that!
And Kelli, you look very pretty in your new avatar. I love how you always put emphasis on feeling good, because it really is the most important thing.
Hi M
Isn’t her story so great? I think she touched on so many things that a lot of people can relate to, regardless of the area of their life in which they may be struggling with this whole conscious creation thing. I am so happy to hear things are going so well for you…I can tell your energy is different just by reading your comments and that rough patch you had seemed to have served as a catalyst for lots of clearing and insights. Thanks about the photo..I figured it was time to put one up that was a bit more up to date, especially since I wasn’t rocking my shaved head anymore!
I have been reflecting a lot lately on what I truly want. I can really relate to what you’re saying about there being negative associations with many of the things I think I want. What’s coming up for me again and again at the moment is the need I have to feel that I can do anything I want, and the freedom that comes with that belief. I desire to feel confident and competent, and unlimited in my capacity. I use visualization to reinforce this belief, and when I believe it things flow a lot more easily. The blocks don’t seem to matter as much because they’re more related to specific manifestations than feeling that I have infinite capability in the ‘now’. Love your blog, haven’t read it in a while but glad to be back.
Hey Tess
Sometimes taking a break from personal development content can be just what we need…that information overload can feel a bit much and it can sometimes make us focus more on our problems,etc…You certainly do have infinite capability. One of the best things to do in those moments is realize those deeper things you truly crave, and that helps us ease up on the specific things our mind has decided fits the bill…we can have so much more than that!
Hello,
I read I really like this article. I read before about the law of attraction but I really like the way you write and how you approach it. Also I’d like to read ‘Making sense of the law of attraction’ but I don’t have a kindle. Is there any other way to read your books?
Hi Erica
Thanks so much…so glad you liked it. Actually you don’t need a Kindle…Amazon has an app you download that allows you to read the books on your computer.
Hi Kelli,
This was a fantastic article! Thank you! I’ve been trying to achieve success as an actor for almost 20 years now using LOA but I give up because nothing’s happened! I’ve tried all methods—visualization, affirmations, vision boards, etc.–I’ve even tried quitting!, and NOTHING has worked. I suppose I must have some strong resistance or maybe like you said, I’m afraid of success somehow? This was all I ever wanted since I was a child. It pains me to see myself as having failed to achieve my lifelong dream.
Anyway, you say we are all after a feeling. I guess the feeling I’m after is self-worth, validation, success, recognition, feeling valued, but on a big, grand scale. I want to be a part of a creative outlet and community, which is why I chose entertainment. And I want my family to feel proud of me. But I have no accomplishments, nothing to show, nothing to make them proud.
After 20 years of struggling and failing to achieve what I want to feel through acting, I simply gave up on that channel. I gave up that representation. I tried to move on with my life and find good feelings doing other things. I tried to let that channel go and find a different one.. But it always comes back. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop wanting it in that way/form. What should I do?
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
Hi K
I am so glad you enjoyed the article. The tools are tricky…one on hand, they can be super helpful in the journey by helping us focus positively, activate energy,etc…but that can blur into us believing the tools are what actually creates and we get frustrated because we are ‘doing’ all this stuff and nothing is happening. There likely is a lot of resistance in that there is a strong attachment to making it happen because you wanted it for so long, and you are tying this achievement with being viewed more favorably by people–that can all make for a screwy energy. When we try to manifest something from a space of feeling like we aren’t good enough as we are, or enough now, we throw up a lot of walls. Being that you have such a strong passion for acting, I think that what you want can certainly manifest in that way as I believe those interests clue us in to what would most enhance our life and what we want to do, but some of the things that lie behind the desire may need to be tweaked a bit, such as receiving validation and feeling valued–we all want that to some degree being that we feel insecure, are social creatures,etc…but ultimately we have to work on shifting that, and operate from a space as best we can of not needing others to approve or validate us.
Thanks so much for responding, Kelli!!
Your insight is extremely enlightening and I am excited to receive it. It’s relief for my somewhat tortured soul (sounds dramatic, but that’s how I feel sometimes). I think you’re right, I desire what I want for the wrong reasons. Shifting to that space where I don’t seek approval is a daunting task. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there (especially since my culture rewards status and money) because that means undoing what I’ve learned and been conditioned to my entire life, but I’m going to try. I’m going to try to achieve those feelings without looking to external validation and without needing physical representation/manifestation. I’m going to try to detach my self-worth from my accomplishments, or lack thereof. This is MUCH easier said than done, especially in a society where glamorization of celebrities is at its height, particularly with social media….but anyway I will give it my best shot! Master your feelings, master your life right?
Thanks again for writing back; I appreciate it very much 🙂