Whether you are working on raising your energy in your work with law of attraction, or simply are feeling weighed down by the pain you have experienced in your life, this post is for you.
In theory, we can totally release the past, let go of the negative energy dragging us down, cultivate a healthier, happier view on life, release the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves, and develop a much more flattering self-image very, very quickly. We totally have that type of power. Ultimately, all of it is just energy, and energy can be shifted pretty easily and rapidly.
But, in reality, it might take a bit more than that. There is a lot of momentum behind our negative feelings, and we have spent years and years feeling a certain way, maintaining a particular view of ourselves, and believing really, really shitty beliefs. Our mind will want to take us back to the ‘scene of the crime’ where it all started, analyze and what have you.
While my interest in shifting all this ‘yuck’ stemmed from the universal desire to simply be happy, my study of the law of attraction – which, for anyone who may not know, I have blogged about frequently—really kicked things up a notch.
We attract based on what we feel and believe, and contrary to what many people think, attracting all the good stuff is not just about deciding you want a particular thing ,thinking happy thoughts, and ignoring any negative feelings—you actually have to start feeling better, and this often involves making peace with feeling like crap, staring it down and weakening it.
Between having suffered bouts of depression, and being a very reflective, introspective and sensitive person, I have experienced all sorts of pain quite intensely, and for a long time, I felt it was my lot in life to kind of suffer with it. But, then I realized that this was a pretty disempowering belief that didn’t feel too great, and I simply decided to believe something else.
Well I’m sure glad I did, because things are a hell of a lot better now. Have I slayed all my demons? No. Am I happy every second? Um…I wish. But, that’s the great thing about it all…being happy doesn’t mean feeling that way all the time, or totally getting over what may have happened to us in the past.
There is Great Power in Admitting How We Feel and Acknowledging There May be another Way
This may sound a bit obvious, but the first step in really working our way through our pain is admitting how we feel, fully and without any sort of censoring. Everyone kind of knows how they feel now to varying degrees, but in an effort to protect ourselves from feeling too much, we get really, really good at denying the full extent of how much certain things bother us, or how we are really feeling.
It is all surely there, and we are aware of it, but we have all sorts of coping mechanisms so that we are never putting our full attention on our feelings, or fully stepping into the pain. Our good old brains are just trying to help us, bless their hearts. And while this has certainly served us well in many ways over the years, there comes a point where we would be better served by embracing it all so we can truly release it.
There is great power in admitting how we feel because this simple act alone is enough to start transforming what we don’t like…a lot of energy shifts when we are no longer in denial. It is like something bursting out of a box…it is no longer confined, stifled and hidden. It is out in the open, where it is free to move about and transform.
On one hand this can feel quite intense and unpleasant, but on the other, you will experience a sense of lightness and freedom that comes when we stop lying to ourselves. We can’t really change something if we can’t even admit there is a problem in the first place. Now that we have admitted it, we have made some space for those solutions to come to us.
If you are feeling a bit stuck in your life, and can’t see now how things could possibly improve for you, there is also great power in simply acknowledging that there is another way, some sort of solution, out there that will perfectly address your needs. You may have no freaking idea what that looks like right now, you may not be able to visualize for even a second how you can move from what your life is like now to something better, but that’s okay. At this point, that is not your concern…the only thing you want to focus on is creating a feeling of relief and instilling some hope that something better is on the horizon.
You see…the idea of attraction is not just about getting money, relationships, better jobs and other ‘stuff,’ it is also about attracting ideas, inspirations and solutions to problems. When we can acknowledge there is some way for things to get better for us, even if we don’t exactly what that would entail, we start to feel better, and when we feel better, we create space for the ‘information’ that matches this more positive energy.
Look to See How Your Experience Up until Now May Have Served You
This one can be tough because us humans naturally have a strong preference for all the awesomeness, and would happily avoid even the most minor inconveniences if given the opportunity. But, that just isn’t how life works is it? We get to experience all sorts of crap that can really put a damper on this little journey of life. There is a lot of bitterness about the things we have experienced because of all the pain wrought and the poor choices we may have made as a result, whether it be using drugs, being in an abusive relationship or just never making a real effort to build a good life. We may feel cheated, and life is unfair.
But, no matter what has happened to us, and how much pain it has caused, it has the potential to change our lives for the better, and help us become a better person in some way. This is the kind of thing we know…we have seen the countless stories of people going through all sorts of horrible things, and then going on to do the most amazing things, developing this profound wisdom and what have you. But, when it comes to our own experience, this truth can easily be lost—there is just too much ‘stuff’ blocking it.
Many people who do healing work, for example, often had really bad childhoods or experienced some sort of traumatic event. All those terrible things, and the healing they managed to create for themselves, showed them that even with all that darkness, it was possible to go into a place of light. And they felt motivated to help others make that journey, a journey they have been on themselves, a journey they know can have a happy ending. Had they not gone through all they did, they may have never set upon such a fulfilling path.
If we are willing to look at the painful experiences in our life in this new light, and think for even just a minute, how it may have served us, how we can extract something positive from it, we can not only initiate some healing, we may feel inspired to take certain actions, actions that will benefit us in some way, such as making a positive life change, or pursuing a certain career. We won’t feel as much contempt for these experiences, we will see them as part of a larger journey that helped us get to where we are today.
Maybe your really crappy childhood is what made you into the amazing parent you are today. Maybe your bouts of depression are what provided you amazing clarity about what it truly takes to be happy in life. Maybe all that teasing you experienced when you were younger has helped you become a more tolerant, non-judgmental person who treats everyone with respect, no matter how ‘different’ they may be.
All That Matters is How You Feel Now
While we will sometimes have to go think about the specific events that led us to feel the way we feel now, it is not something that is absolutely necessary at all times. One of the reasons we have such a hard time moving on from all that has happened is the tendency to keep using our past experience to justify why we fee the way we feel now…we just keep on telling those stories to ourselves over and over again. And, the more we do that, the more it all just digs in deeper and deeper.
However you feel is valid, and you don’t need to justify it…at this point, it is what it is, and you just want to work on shifting it. When we are willing to just stay in the present moment and work from there, we can change our energy and perspective quite quickly. Without always going back to why we feel this way, we can extract ourselves from the stories that have become such a huge part of our identity..stories that, even though they cause us so much pain, are quite familiar and comfortable.
So, whether you are dealing with some limiting belief that was instilled during childhood, low self-esteem caused by getting teased or being in relationships with people who were abusive, or whatever else, be willing to let go of the story, and just focus on the ‘aftermath’ in the here and now. Raising that self-esteem or obliterating that limiting belief in the present moment does not require that unpleasant trip down memory lane, it really doesn’t.
Like I said earlier, sometimes this reflection on the past will be beneficial, and you’ll know when this is the case, but it is not something you have to engage in as much as you may think now.
In Closing…
It is easy to adopt a view that the bad things that have happened to us will forever taint our lives, and while we may always carry the pain and memories to some degree, these situations don’t have to be the defining aspects of our life. They are just part of the story, they don’t have to be THE story. While you may not be able to change overnight, the willingness to start living differently is very powerful in and of itself, and can create a big shift internally, and get the ball rolling quite nicely. Just always remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself on the journey.
Admit to the pain and unhappiness, and let yourself feel it, it’s okay. Know it doesn’t have to rule you though, and you can find a way to lessen and make peace with it. Life can still be great, no matter what has happened to us…ultimately, it comes down to making a choice that this will be the case. Commit to that choice starting today.
Your Turn…
What did you think of the post? Did anything here resonate with you in particular? Are you currently working through any pain of your own, and how is it going? Do you have any tips to share from your own experience? Looking forward to your comments so we can have a nice chat.
Ah Kelli
Again I just love this post and it has spoken to me so gently but assertively.
I have written a long post to you on you last post so please have a look at it when you get the time.
I identify with all you have written and you honesty really comforts me when you speak about past bouts of depression and also with your loving partner Ryan’s story so straight up and no BS. You both call it as it is and as it was – you are awesome and believe me that this is not a word used often by an Irishman so both of you grab the compliment and place in your hearts.
Kelli don’t forget to read my comment on your other post as it is important to me.
Sincerely yours
Dominic
Hi Dominic
So glad you enjoyed it. I find it important to share my own struggles because I think that is helpful in giving people the hope they too can make the same improvements I did. My life is great, and I have made so many changes, and it is easy to look at someone like myself as having ‘figured it all out’ or assume things must have been easy for me, and they certainly weren’t. I will take that compliment to heart for sure…that doesn’t seem like a word an Irishmen would use lightly!
Thanks Kelli
Thanks for this one, Kelli. I agree with Dominic: This post very gently and assertively spoke to me as well. Your words brought tears to my eyes.
LOA has been challenging for me. I was raised with New Thought faith, so many of the LOA concepts are familiar; however, manifesting for me has always been spotty. I’ve done the lists, put my desires on index cards, put them away or read them every day, etc., but few of my desires have come to pass, and those that do are quite modest (yep … as compared to other people – workin’ on that too). That’s not to say that I haven’t experienced good things in life, but they seem few and far between. I am grateful for what I have, but it’s not yet translated into outward manifestation, and the not-beating-myself-up part remains a tremendous challenge. OK … patience is not one of my strong suits either.
The use of the word “contempt” struck a chord for me too. I realized that some of my experiences I do view with contempt, versus regret and sadness. For some reason, that was eye-opening for me. Any case, this post came at the right time for me. I’ve been feeling very blah for a while and haven’t been able to raise my vibration. I’ve been trying to “be one” with my feelings and distill them down to information I can use, but nothing has shifted yet. Your post helped me add a little compassion for myself to the mix. Feeling hopeful and trust there is a solution waiting. …
Hi SMC
I just read your comment in reply to Kelli’s post and if you also have a read of my comment on her last post perhaps we have a connection as it sounds like this from your comments here. Sure we are all here together to help each other and I am sure Kelli n Ryan would agree.
Sincerely
Dominic
Hi Dominic:
It’s very interesting that you left this, as I did read your comment on the previous post before I wrote mine on this post, and some of what you’re feeling is what I’m feeling. I’ve given myself a reminder to read Kelli’s response to your other comment, as I’m also interested in what she has to say.
I really appreciated what you said about whittling down how many sources of info you follow. It IS like all these people in one room talking at once. I pretty much follow only Kelli and Melody for the exact same reasons you cited.
Hi again SMC
If we can help each other out feel free to contact me
D
Thanks very much, Dominic. That’s really kind of you.
Hi there
Glad you liked the post and you found something within that resonated with you, and hopefully can apply in your own life in some way. I think your experience of spotty manifestation is a common experience for many people.
From when I first discovered LOA to now, I have had quite the range of experiences, and I am fully aware that there were times when I really wasn’t working on my mindset as much as I should have been, not even paying much mind to LOA specifically, and being very passive, getting all caught up in life and losing my way a bit. I can relate about the patience..not mine either, though traveling in areas of the world where the pace of life is much slower, and efficiency is not the name of the game, has helped tremendously. A lot of times, we are not feeling as good as we claim to be, nor are we really putting forth the mental effort, though it may seem that we are.
I think one of the most important things to remember is the degree of ‘yuck’ we are contending with, things that we have believed and felt for such a long time. Suddenly and fully stepping into the role of ‘master manifestor’ probably doesn’t happen for too many people. You seem to be very aware of what is blocking you, and that in and of itself is a huge step in the right direction. I know it is frustrating when we can’t seem to really feel the truth of LOA, and our ‘stuff’ still holds on even when we know it is no longer valid. Keep at it…and that compassion will take you a long way .
Thanks, Kelli, for addressing this subject. I know that I have been grateful to learn that I don’t have to resist my pain, but to sit with it and breathe. But then, as you say, be open to possibilities and that there is another way.
Hi Jennifer
Thanks for your comment. That is a very profound realization is it not? When we become less afraid of feeling the negative, and just allowing it, it is much less intense in my experience. Still may not feel great, but a vast improvement! That openness alone is so profound…we create a space where something good can come on in!
Hello Kelli,
Again you’ve struck me just in time with this post. I have had some really difficult emotional experiences over the last year. Not that I have been wronged in any way, just endured some painful things. Now things are changing and I am having trouble letting go of the stories in order to deal with the feelings. After reading this, I have decided to go write down all of the painful memories on pieces of paper and burn them. (safely of course.)
Thank you for your words, always!
With Love,
Nikki
Hi Nikki
Nice to ‘see’ you again around these parts. I am sorry to hear you have been having a difficult time, but it sound like you are doing well working through the issues. I really love that exercise…there is a lot of powerful symbolism there that I believe will help create a lot of clearing for you. Just remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself while doing whatever work you engage in, and never underestimate the power of just trying to feel good as much as you can–there is no action that is too small if it makes you feel good in some way.
Thanks for this one, Kelli 🙂
This time of year kicks my ass a lot. Seasonal depression/apathy, the holiday stress, MONEY, etc…it feels like a huge fight to stay positive. I haven’t been commenting much lately, but I’ve been reading.
Along with seasonal depression comes a heaping serving of self-doubt, and I do have a bad habit of dredging up past failures and reliving them when I get like this.
Going to focus on blocking those thoughts in their tracks and staying in the present. Thanks for always being a big encouragement!! 🙂
Mandie
Hi Mandie
First off..just read your post, and WOW….I could really relate to a lot of what you said. I know right now is a really uncomfortable time but that just shows you are gaining steam and moving forward. Yeah, when our energy is low, everything that bothers us comes flooding in. It makes sense from an attraction perspective—we are not feeling great, and we are going to attract more thoughts that make us feel that way, and that comes in the form of memories,past experiences and things we still struggle with, but are not always ‘active’ in our minds, particularly when we are feeling pretty good. This time of year is tough, no doubt about that, especially if we are somewhere that has cold weather–it just compounds it all.
One thing I will say about the money aspect is, if you feel you really don’t have the money to spend, just tell people. I know it can be hard to talk about financial stuff, because we may feel embarrassed to say we are struggling, or that we can’t afford something. But, that will quickly give way to the relief that you are off the hook!
Hey Kelli,
I enjoyed your post, especially since I had clinical depression for a long time (coincidence that I’m now super into LOA?) I like that you talk about recognizing the feeling that you’re having and then accepting the possibility that it could be different. To me this is the gentle side that the new vanguard of LOA authors are speaking about more and more. It’s this idea that, we all feel bad, and our power is not in condemning or ignoring the bad stuff, but in accepting it and practicing good feeling thoughts more often and especially when it’s easy.
These days, I’m learning more about accepting when the momentum of my thoughts is very negative and just letting it be. It can be frustrating when coming from the mindset that 1 positive thought = 1 positive manifestation, but I don’t think LOA is like that. I have to remember that well being is my natural state, even though it may not seem like it in the middle of the pain I’m experiencing, and because of this, all those good things I desire are on their way to me no matter what. In that moment, though I may not be winning the battle so to speak, I’m winning the war. But like I said, it’s not a war, it’s a process of learning how to work with the flowing of emotions throughout the day.
Do you battle against your negativity, or let it ride when it’s happening? Do you have any particular things you do when you know that you can’t redirect it positively in that moment? Sometimes I’ll take a nap, or I’ll watch a TV show that’s comforting or play some video games. Sometimes I even have to tell myself, “It’s all good. There was some negative momentum, and it’s manifested and I just have to hang on. The energy isn’t there for me to redirect, and [most importantly] that’s ok. It’s ok to be in contrast right now.”
Hi Chris
I love that..winning the war, but not that particular battle. Great way to put it. I agree that not condemning and ignoring the bad stuff is the way to go…if it’s there, it’s there and we need to work on shifting it. In theory, we could just let it go, but our minds kind of get in the way of that, and a few more steps usually need to be added to the process. Whether I work through my negative feelings or not really depends on what I am feeling negative about ,and how intense it is. If I am having a bad day for example because a series of events just annoyed the crap out of me, I don’t put too much pressure on myself to get all happy because ultimately, I don’t think that is having a huge impact on my manifesting because my negative feeling is not related to something I’m hoping to bring into my experience. I could be wrong about that, but hopefully I’m not!
If I am feeling badly and it is somehow related to something I want, like a limiting belief popping up, or experiencing something that makes me put my focus on the absence of this thing, I usually try to work through it somehow if it’s not super intense. If I’m having one of my moods where I’m just in a really low space, I typically take a nap and that is very helpful for me. I have gotten better at just accepting I won’t feel good all the time, manifesting is often a ‘never-ending process’ in that we just have to work a bit on becoming a match to the best versions of what we want, and this all reduces the intensity of what I feel, which makes it go away more quickly.
Hi Kelli,
Thankyou so much for sharing useful information. I do believe that we create our reality but when it comes to something big,I fail.for an instance ,I can easily attract small things like seeing my boyfriend online , seeing him on road ..etc but it comes to our patch up,I fail to attract that thing.whenever I ask universe for love,he shows me my boyfriend .please help in attracting him back.
Stay happy and blessed
Thanks!
Hi
I know how rough it is going though a break up and wanting to get back together with someone…right now you probably are very convinced he is the key to your happiness. Having been on LOA forums, I know attracting back ex boyfriends and girlfriends is a hot topic and of great interest to many.
Here’s the thing though. We can’t create in other people’s realities, meaning that you can’t make this person do anything. Were you to be successful in getting this person back, it would simply be because that experience is something you are a match to right now, but this isn’t necessarily a good thing keep in mind. For example, if someone who had really low self-esteem and attracted people to her that treated her badly and mirrored back those negative beliefs about herself, managed to get back together with an ex who treated her this very way, it wouldn’t mean it was because this person was a good match for her, or that the Universe ‘decided’ they should be together. It simply shows she was a match to the experience of being in relationships with people who treated her poorly, that she probably holds a belief she can’t do any better than someone like him, and so that is just what she got.
Perhaps you and this person could get back together and it would be very good or perhaps it would be problematic…you did break up at some point so there was something happening there, and it is possible being apart is the better option. I don’t know the details. If I were you, I would focus my energy on feeling whatever feelings you think lie behind getting him back, but don’t focus your attraction efforts on getting a specific person to take a specific action. Think about why you two are no longer together, what that relationship made you feel like,etc..and you may find that he may have been brought into your life to mirror something back to you that isn’t necessarily good, and that could lead to the realization he is not a good match for you. Ultimately, you dont know what will happen, but again, don’t try to attract him specifically back into your life. Just focus on feeling good, raising your vibration overall, and you may end up meeting someone who is an even better match for you.