People…They’re the Worst: How to Be (At Least a Little) Less Annoyed By Them

Ugh, people. I remember reading some sort of profile of myself based on astrology, and one of the things it said about me was that I loved humanity but I hated people. I don’t really hate people, but I often find myself getting highly annoyed with them in certain situations, more than I think is normal. Not when it comes to people I know, but strangers. And like anyone, I experience the inevitable conflict with those closest to me.

The ways in which others can annoy us, or piss us off to the point we want to rip their faces off,are truly infinite. And in trying to reduce the impact, it is not expected we will totally transform, and feel lovey dovey towards everyone, no matter what. I know there are people like that out there, and I truly envy them. I try to be more Dalai Lama-like, I really do, and I have made great progress. But, it is just so fracking hard sometimes, isn’t it?

I highly doubt anything I am going to say from here on out has never occurred to you before; you probably know all of this stuff. It is nothing revolutionary or complicated—the keys to a better life are invariably simple.

But, this wisdom is easily buried by deeply ingrained patterns of thinking and behaving. We ‘forget’ and reading stuff like this helps remind us, and brings these ideas into our awareness. Awareness is the first step in change. If you can remember these points, even just occasionally, it can make life so much easier, and isn’t that something we all want?

Unless you plan on withdrawing from life and living in a cave (which sometimes I find highly appealing,) finding ways to more successfully deal with all the crap that gets stirred up within us from our interactions with our fellow humans is definitely something worthy of our precious time.

Remember No One Wants to be a Miserable Bastard

When we have encounters with people who are less than pleasant, especially on a regular basis, it is easy to think they are just naturally nasty, unhappy a-holes. But, even the nastiest amongst us would prefer to be happy, and they are not being that way by choice. They are like this because lots of crappy stuff has happened to them throughout their life . Maybe they had a really bad childhood; maybe the one true love of their life died or smashed their heart to smithereens; maybe they were mercilessly teased their whole lives.

Sure, they have the choice to get over all this, and be happy anyway. But, when you feel life has majorly screwed you in some way, it can be hard to change course. We are all flawed, and don’t always make the best choices.

Think of all the stuff in your own life you have a hard time letting go of—it is the same for them. So, if there is anyone in your life whom this reminds you of, think of this the next time, and work on cultivating compassion for him or her. When you look at this person as someone who is suffering in some way, and not just a miserable douche, how you respond, and how you feel, will be completely different.

Don’t Take Things Personally

Nothing anybody does has anything to do with us; this is kind of something I always knew, but it wasn’t until I read the book The Four Agreements that I really brought this idea into my awareness on a regular basis.

And, remembering this amazing nugget of wisdom can be life-changing. It is hard to apply this idea sometimes though, because it can feel very personal—after all, they are saying and doing these things to us, sometimes very hurtful things. But, we are all basically living in our own world, and everything we do and say springs forth from that.

If the cashier or waitress was rude to you, maybe it is because she just got chewed out by her boss, she simply hates her job, or is exhausted from caregiving for a sick relative. If someone criticizes you, it has nothing to do with you—it is all about his own ‘stuff.’ Maybe he is insecure or jealous. Perhaps the way you are living your life is causing him to question his own, and no one likes when this happens. So, to squash it as quickly as possible, he must find some fault with you to convince himself that everything with him is just dandy.

So much suffering is caused by taking things personally—imagine how much relief you would experience if you didn’t?

If You’re Not Going to Do or Say What You Really Feel Like, Own It

We find ourselves doing things we don’t want all the time for countless reasons. We often don’t speak up when people are doing things that bother us because we don’t like the idea of confrontation; we are afraid we will hurt their feelings; we think it will make us seem mean; we are afraid other people will be the ones to be mean, and say hurtful things to us. The way in which we want to respond may not be deemed ‘appropriate’, or falls outside social convention. I totally get it, I have been there.

But, we are often not fully aware we are making a choice, and we suffer through the situation in a victim-like mode, and feeling like we are being ‘victimized’ by someone in any form is never a good feeling. We think we have to endure whatever is happening, but we don’t. We could do something different, but it would involve making an uncomfortable decision. And if you don’t want to make that decision, that’s perfectly fine. But, own that.

Realize you are choosing the current course of action to avoid this discomfort. If you acknowledge you are making a conscious choice, doing whatever it is you actually don’t want to be doing, won’t seem so bad. You won’t feel like you are being forced

If your co-worker talks your ear off every day when you are trying to work, and it annoys you to no end, but you don’t say anything because you don’t want to hurt her feelings, own it. If you are sick of your neighbor asking you for a favor every time you run into her in the hallway, but you don’t say anything because you don’t want to seem like a selfish prick (which you aren’t by the way), and you keep doing stuff even though you don’t want to, own it. Remember, when you realize you are choosing to respond in the way you are, because the alternative course of action seems undesirable in some way, whatever negative feelings are being triggered by the situation won’t be as intense.

Check Yourself

Remember how I said that what other people do has nothing to do with anyone else around them? Well, that includes you too, my dear. However you are reacting to the people around you is all about you, and not them. It doesn’t matter what they are doing, or saying— it is all you baby.

Realizing this can totally change how you handle the emotions that arise when people are provoking you in some way. You realize you have a choice in the matter—you can respond differently if you so desire.

Just because someone is doing something that would understandably evoke a certain feeling, like annoyance or anger, does not mean you must respond that way. It is not a law. Remembering this can help bring you off auto-pilot, where you are just blindly reacting to the people around you without any conscious thought.

Examining why certain actions make you feel a certain way, or what it is you don’t like about certain people, can also be very eye-opening, and teach you a lot about yourself.

So, I hope what I wrote here will help you want to kill people a little less, at least sometimes.  You are only human after all, and you will still have your moments–it’s okay. We are always just aiming to improve, not perfection. And remember, there are probably plenty of times that people want to rip your face off too.