Are You One of Those People Who Kinda Knows What You Want, but Then Kinda Doesn’t? Then This Post’s for You

Many years ago, a restlessness and dissatisfaction with my life was growing inside me like some sort of emotional tumor. All of a sudden the job that didn’t seem so bad was like an exercise in torture.

I worked for a technology reseller, and I had had it up to my eyeballs with having to deal with people freaking out because the printer they ordered was a day late, or the warehouse sent them the wrong toner. Hardly a tragedy, and it took every fiber in my being to not just tell them to shut the f@#$ up.

For no discernable reason I can remember, I got this idea in my head that I was going to move to Arizona- I think the year-round warm weather and cheaper cost of living was the main appeal.  I would spend hours researching apartments–this was fun for me, and boosted my spirits.

But, at some point, I decided that wasn’t  good enough–I needed something more drastic, so again, just out of nowhere I got this idea that I would teach English abroad. I felt drawn to Japan, started studying Japanese and looking for jobs.

When I told my family, they kind of just brushed it off–by this point, I had ‘decided’ I was going to do lots of other things, like go back to school to study psychology, and become a Pilates instructor to name a couple. I did none of these things. One day I heard my dad talking to my mom, saying he knew I wasn’t going to go through with it, and it ticked me off.

At that moment, I decided I was DEFINITELY doing this, even if I didn’t want to, damn it. I’ll show them. Luckily, my enthusiasm for this choice never waned, and I ended up moving across the world to a place I had never been, and of which I had very little knowledge, because I wanted to, not out of spite or to prove a point.

Four months after my grand announcement, I was off to Japan. I left there with the idea that I was going to go to school to become a vet tech because I loved animals, but yeah, I didn’t do that either.

After I returned to the good old US of A, a bunch of crappy stuff happened over the course of several years, but at the same time my personal development work took a more intense turn, and somehow I emerged on the other side living the exact life I want–doing freelance writing and traveling long-term.

During the aforementioned ‘winter of my discontent,’ I had somewhat of an idea of what I wanted, yet at the same time, I hadn’t a fracking clue. I imagine if you are reading this, you can understand what I am saying because you are kind of feeling it too.

It is a yucky feeling; it probably pisses you off a bit because you just want things to be different, but you just quite don’t know how to make that happen.

I will start off by saying this…you actually do know what you want, but there is a whole lot of junk in your mind standing between you and the answers you seek. Here is how to uncover this coveted information, and connect with that higher part of yourself, that perfect part untouched by limiting beliefs, low-self esteem, other people’s opinions and all that jazz.

You Kind of Know What You Do Want Because You are Really Clear on What You Don’t, and This Isn’t the Same

By having a very clear idea of what we don’t like, and what we don’t want in our lives, it can shine a light on what it is we do. But, the trap most of us fall into is putting all our focus and energy on the bad stuff. We are so preoccupied by the job we hate, the boyfriend we should have probably dumped a year ago, our failed relationships and all the other stuff we could gladly do without, we actually never give any deliberate thought to what it is we do want.

We know we want something different, but what exactly does that entail? It can be a challenge because our discontent creates really powerful feelings that can easily swallow us right up, and we spend every day lamenting our current state of affairs. We just wish things were different, but we haven’t clearly defined what ‘different’ is.

So, if you have been putting all your focus on the crap, make a conscious effort to shift it. You will never release all this garbage so long as it is getting so much energy and attention from you. Amazing things begin to happen when you get clear on what it is you do want—the Universe conspires with you in the most mysterious of ways.

You Haven’t Defined Your Deepest Values and Desires

If things are looking a bit fuzzy as far as what you really want out of life is concerned, a big part of that is you have not yet defined your deepest desires and values. Sure, you may know you want a job that pays better; you want a good relationship; you just want to be happy.

In some respects, we know very little about ourselves. We get so consumed with responsibilities and other aspects of day-to-day living, we just cruise along on auto-pilot. We may have spent so much time chasing the things we have been told we should want, we may have never stopped and thought about what it is we actually want. We try to convince ourselves we are happy, even though on a deeper level, we know we aren’t.

It wasn’t until I defined my core desires and values that I gained any real clarity about what it is I truly wanted out of life, and what type of person I truly wanted to be. When you know these things, you have a much better idea of what it is you need to do to express them. All of a sudden, what you really want will become crystal-clear. Who are you? What do you value most? What feelings and situations are most desirable to you?

You are Boxing Yourself in with a Limited View of Yourself and That of Which You Are Capable

Many people feel stuck about what they want because they are trying to answer the question with a very inaccurate view of themselves. You look at your life now, and what type of person you are now, and you are trying to figure out what you can get based on this current state of affairs.

And, there is a good chance that what you truly want lies beyond this, but you can’t really tap into it, because you have a limited view of yourself and what you can truly achieve. Your higher self, that pure part of you knows, but it is blocked, and that is creating this feeling of knowing what you want, but not fully knowing.

You don’t see yourself as anything more than an office worker because that is the type of job you have had your whole life. You can’t see yourself traversing the globe because you have never even traveled further than three states away.

When trying to figure out what you want, don’t use the current framework of your life to determine what is possible for your future. Things don’t have to continue being the same as they were; you don’t have to keep being the same person you have always been. Make a list of the things you want in your life and the personality traits and behaviors you wish you possessed—don’t censor this list based on what you think is ‘realistic.’ Just let it all out—let those buried hopes and dream to the surface, where you can breathe new life into them.

All sorts of resistance is going to come up when you do this—that’s normal. But, power on through it and keep at that list. I made a list just like this five years ago, at a time when my life was in the proverbial crapper—the life I had looked nothing like this life I wanted, but I did what I am telling you to do right now. I just wrote down all the things I truly wanted without making any judgments or modifications.

A few months back when I was home in the States for a bit, I was cleaning out my room, and I found that list. Everything on it had come to materialize, every single thing.

If you take these three pieces of advice, I promise you will figure out exactly what it is you want; and once you truly figure it out, you will be more confident in going after these things. You will know what decisions need to be made, and you will make them. You will be motivated to become the type of person who gets the things you seek. What other people think and expect of you will carry less importance. There will be some crappy stuff to contend with, like doubt or people criticizing you, but if you accept that, instead of hoping for a smooth journey all the way, you will take it all in stride.