Anyone engaging in any sort of personal development work knows the past can be a real thorn in our sides when it comes to stepping more fully into who we really are, and creating a better life for ourselves.
This can be particularly true when it comes to law of attraction—we are doing all sorts of ‘work’ on our vibration in order to become a better match to the things we want. We know we have to start feeling now, how we would feel if we had what we wanted.
In theory, this sounds pretty damn easy, but as we all know, in practice, is anything but sometimes. We may have our pure moments of joy and trust here and there (which is very powerful mind you), but find it difficult to sustain these warm fuzzies for any length of time.
There is just so much ‘stuff’ happening internally that gets in the way, and while we know our past experience means squat in determining what is possible now and moving forward, actually feeling this truth to the core of our being, is more of a process.
We have held a certain view of ourselves for a long time, and we can’t just totally shatter it. We are so used to believing certain things, and thinking certain thoughts, sucking ourselves out of their vortex can feel like a Herculean task at times. So much ‘proof’ has been amassed over the course of our existence, and our mind will never hesitate to play the highlight reel.
We spent so long valuing other people’s opinions over our own, suddenly living from a space where we are completely guided by our inner knowing fully and completely, with all our heart, probably won’t happen.
If the past is mucking up your present efforts at attracting what you want, you have plenty of company there so try not to feel too badly about it. It is easy to feel like we are the only ones struggling with this whole LOA thing—something that is so painfully simple at its core.
Today’s post will discuss some of the most common ways our past can bite us in the ass while we work at this whole manifesting thing.
Judging Your Past Actions in Your NOW Vibration
Oh how we judge ourselves about everything, all the time. That inner critic is a constant companion, always ready with a nasty word or two. This judgment is problematic on many fronts..too many to go into here. But, in terms of working with law of attraction, its most insidious effect is making us feel like we don’t deserve good things because of our various screw ups and bad deeds.
Over time, we grow and evolve. You are doing your focusing and other techniques like a good little LOA student. Your personal development work has exposed you to all sorts of wonderful ideas that have expanded your consciousness, changed your view of reality and all that good stuff.
But the flip side of all of this is the tendency to be all harsh on the old us. We look at our past actions through this higher-vibing lens and think how horrible we were for some of the things we did or how stupid we were to make certain decisions, what a ‘bad’ person we were sometimes, blah, blah, blah. We beat ourselves up for not seeing things that seem glaringly obvious right now.
But, at the time, you were just doing whatever made sense to you in terms of trying to ease the pain, get some relief and just feel better. That is always the root of these undesirable actions—we just want the pain to go away, and sometimes the way we accomplish that may not have been the most ideal way. You were operating at a different level of consciousness then.
You had really low self-esteem so tearing down others to feel better about yourself may have been a common past-time.
You had major self-worth issues, and would sleep with any guy who paid you the slightest bit of attention as means of boosting yourself up, because in those moments, you actually felt desired and wanted.
You were basically miserable about every aspect of your life, and just acted like a grade A bitch much of the time.
You drowned your sorrows in drugs or alcohol, and hurt a lot of people along the way.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. At the time, this way of being was serving you, and you were just trying to ease the pressure. You just did whatever made you feel better. You are not a bad person, you were a person in pain, and looking for a way out, and nothing more. Easing the pain is always the root of all the ‘bad’ things people do.
Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Know the sheer fact you are existing in this realm entitles you to all the goodies we have the power to create. That’s what we are here to do. Our natural state is happiness and love.
Being able to forgive ourselves, and show compassion for ourselves, is a huge part of this process. Don’t ever underestimate the importance of doing these things. Don’t roll your eyes at all that ‘self-love’ crap.
Know there is no higher power passing down judgment on you, and withholding the things that will make you happy as some sort of punishment. The Universe is just oozing love and awesomeness, and wants it to trickle down to you in whatever way is most desirable for you.
Not Fully Owning Your Choices, Actions and Manifestations
You can’t really, fully step into your ability to mold your reality without the willingness to accept full responsibility for your past choices, actions and manifestations. This part is super-fun isn’t it? (sarcasm alert!)
This can be hard because people take this to mean ‘getting what you deserved, ‘bringing it on yourself,’ being ‘at fault,’ and this is not what I am talking about. I am talking about owning it—when we fully own things, we put the ball back in our court.
We are operating from a space of empowerment rather than disempowerment. We are saying that we are in control of our experience, not anything outside of ourselves. We are not blaming people or circumstances for doing what we did or experiencing what we have experienced.
I’ll be the first to say this isn’t always easy, especially if we have been operating from a space of living reactively, and always pointing the finger in any direction but our own.
You have to honestly evaluate if you are still abdicating this responsibility, if you have not taken full ownership of your life experience.
You have to see if you are still blaming your childhood for the poor decisions, you have made in your adult life and the acts of self-destruction. I get it…things happened that at the time, were beyond your control, that sucked and were unfair. But, you have to be willing to release the story at some point, or you are screwed. Again, I know it’s not easy. But it’s possible, anything is.
When we are ‘passing the buck’ when it comes to our past, we can’t learn from these experiences. We cannot see how we may have manifested certain situations, which will make it really difficult to create something different. We can’t shift beliefs effectively.
We can’t fully step into our power. If we can’t accept the role we played in creating our past experience, it will be really hard to take the reins attraction-wise moving forward. The same patterns and ways of being will be dominant.
Digging Deeper into the Past than Necessary
Ask and it is given—easy peasy. But, for most of us, there is a whole bunch of stuff standing in the way of achieving that sort of faith and trust. Our vibration needs to be cleaned up some, or a lot, depending on what you want, and how much resistance you have around getting it.
We have to do a bit of digging to see what is happening internally. Why do we have these blocks? Where did they come from? What happened in our life that caused us to adopt these crappy beliefs in the first place? What have we experienced that makes me feel the way we do about how life works, and formed the view we currently hold of ourselves?
So, naturally, we are going to start thinking about all the things that happened to us. Our crappy parents. The bullies that made our youth a living hell. The cheating boyfriends who dumped us.
But, while there is certainly value in figuring out the origins of our current pain and other yuck, we really don’t have to go there as much and as deeply as we may think. Sure, all of this stuff started at some point in our past, but we don’t need to justify how we are feeling now.
Whatever you feel is valid for the sheer reason you are feeling it. The more we can focus on the present moment, and shifting those beliefs and emotions right in front of us, without always going back to what caused it, the more quickly you can progress. The more you revisit the stories, the more entitled you will feel to feel like you do. And that will make all of the crap much harder to let go of. Your mind will fight you on feeling better because it will continually point out all the reasons you should feel badly. Our mind is messed up like that.
Look for the Gifts and Wisdom Inherent in Challenging Circumstances
This is an age old tip, but one that is important, and bears repeating, because we really aren’t too good at doing this most times. Your mind really won’t be on the lookout for how painful things from the past may have served you, and actually shaped you in a positive way. It will cling to the pain, anger, resentments, anxieties, and all that other fun stuff.
And while all of that may have been part of the package, I bet it is safe to say there were some nuggets of wisdom, and gifts contained within these unwanted situations. The thing is, you have to be willing to look for them. You have to be willing to adopt a different perspective on what has happened in your past.
I’m not telling you to just ‘get over it,’ or to totally eradicate your negative emotions surrounding these situations. I’m simply suggesting you focus a bit more on what may have been gained as a result. Nothing inherently has any meaning..we are the ones who assign it, and decide how we feel about things.
I really implore you not to gloss over this piece of advice because doing this can really create amazing shifts. What has been gained from the hard times in your past? I assure you there is something.
Maybe your own horrible childhood is what shaped your desire to be the best mother ever, and so far you are succeeding on every front. Maybe all that teasing in school really drove you to succeed, and you made an amazing career for yourself. Maybe you lament all the years you lost being mired in a deep depression, but it drove you deep into personal development work, totally changing your outlook on life. Maybe experiencing a tragic event opened your eyes to what is really important in life, or helped you develop more compassion for the pain and suffering of others.
Did these situations still suck? Absolutely. Will you still wish they never had happened? Probably. But that doesn’t mean you have to insist on being blind to how they have served you.
In Closing…
I know how tough it can be to just release things we have been carrying around for years, things that have played an integral role in shaping who we are, how we view ourselves and what we believe to be true. There is a lot of momentum, and just totally switching gears in favor of being all happy and shiny, without a care in the world, is a pretty big shift. You may feel pressured to make such a leap, but it really isn’t necessary.
But, you have to be willing to shift your focus, and release what is no longer serving you. You have to be open to the idea you can change how you view what has happened in your life up until this moment. You don’t have to be a hostage to your past; you can’t be a hostage to your past if you really want to create your reality at max potential. It all starts with a decision..do not underestimate the power of simply making a decision to let it go, and start fresh. It is never too late to do, be and have all you want to…never, ever, ever. Remember you are always after a feeling, and there are countless ways to create said feelings. The past will only matter if you decide it does. Decide today it doesn’t.
Your Turn…
What did you think of the post? What resonated with you most? Are you having trouble letting go of the past? Do you think it is interfering with your manifesting? What tips would you give for releasing the past? Looking forward to your comments as always!
Thanks Kelli. As usual, this is a very timely post. I was a little buried in a negative experience yesterday and was determined to release it today. Your advice has helped with this. I usually need to have some time go by before I can look at the good in negative situations but this is a helpful reminder!
Hey
Thanks so much for your comment and so glad you found the post helpful. Looking for the benefit usually doesn’t come too naturally to most of us, myself included, so don’t feel too badly about that one! The most helpful thing is allowing ourselves to feel our feelings and that can put a whole new spin on everything moving forward.
KC that digging element kills many well-intentioned creators. Where your focus goes, grows, so learn to note some contrast – observing where you’ve been to change course to where you wish to be – and more than that, practice meditation. Sitting really helps one remain present, and in this moment, you are whole, full, complete, happy, and you could give a rat’s ass about the past.
Super Post KC, keep on inspiring!
Ryan
Hey Ryan
You are so right about where our focus goes grows, and it is easy to get too caught up in figuring out why we feel the way we do. It is helpful, but we don’t want to get too stuck there. I agree that meditation is a powerful tool that can help us see we are whole and complete now.
Wonderful post Kelli. You are absolutely right. There is no need to dig back because it will create a big hole in our present. I love your line “Judging Your Past Actions in Your NOW Vibration”. To me, I simply let go all dull experiences. Ya, its difficult but I am trying to come out of that zone.
Thanks for your lovely thoughts.
Hi Yatin
Thanks, so glad you enjoyed it. I like that..putting a big hole in our present. Great way to look at it. I mm glad that resonated with you. It is a tendency that we may not even be aware of, and it can lead us to getting all judgmental about ourselves, and leading to lots of regrets and other yuck that can bring us down in the present.
I read a quote the other day that went “When we hold on to unforgiveness, we literally hold a chunk of that person’s energy stuck in our energy fields” YUK! There are some people I definitely don’t want hanging around in my energy field! As someone who has a hard time letting go of past hurts, I had an issue around this, but this really motivated me to let go of those feelings. Lately I am finding it easier to let go in a matter of days however, it used to take me years to get over stuff.
Hi Bunny
That is very interesting and a great incentive for learning to forgive someone! You are certainly not alone in having a hard time forgiving people for hurting you. It feels very personal when someone does something that hurts us because well, it was an action that directly affected us. When the idea of our actions having nothing to do with anyone but ourselves started to take root more deeply, I began taking things less personally, making it easier to let go. Can’t say I have totally mastered it, but every little bit helps! That you made such a shift is a testament to how much you have changed over time and that’s awesome!
Hello Kelli
Very interesting post and always this type of message is good anytime, anywhere and for everyone.
Through many trials and error, I finally learned that if I wanted to be a Life Coach, then I needed to let go of the past. I understand that to go forward, you cannot look behind, because it can slow up the process.
I am thankful I am not defined by my past, but I am PRESENT AND DEFINE MYSELF AS I AM.
Thank you again for this inspiring post.
Gladys
Hi Gladys
You are so right about the importance of sprucing up your self image and raising your energy if you want to do something like coaching since you are tasked with helping people make these very same changes. You are so right about us not having to be defined by our past…it can shape us for sure, but we get to decide who we are. Thanks so much for your powerful words!
Kelli this post was very useful to me. I often dig into the things that happened in my past. This post made me realize that I need to live in present. I have understood that the thoughts and memories of past will always be remembered, but we need to change the things to achieve what we want in our life.
Hi Mohit
Thanks for your comment and so glad you enjoyed the post. Sometimes we can’t help but go back in the past to what shaped our current reality. It is valuable and we have to do it sometimes for greater clarity on what may be happening now. But like I said in the post, we really don’t need to do as much analyzing as we think to start changing how we feel right now. We can just start from the feelings and move from there.
Hi Kelli
You are right and this post is so informative. If digging the past is going to make you hurt or affect your decisions, it is best to be left alone so that you can move forward. I agree that whatever is past is the past and the best we can do is learn from it and move forward.
The past isn’t meant to shape one’s future. We are responsible to write our future and we use the past to guide us which means we can tear off the paper of pasts that don’t help us and write a new story in our life with a new page.
Thanks for a thought provoking post.
Hi Ikechi
Thanks so much for your comment and so happy you enjoyed the post. I love that story analogy and just tearing out the pages you don’t want to be part of it anymore. Sends a very powerful message emotionally!
Hi Kelli,
Great to see you in Aha Now community! 🙂 Welcome.
I love that you talk about the inner critic in all of us. I truly know all about that and can see how that has been an impediment in manifesting many of the things in my life.
It is one of the hardest things to work on, that inner critic and it is a constant battle. I have to admit I’m not good at this LOA stuff yet and probably need guidance. Will probably have to hook up with you very soon to discuss.
I’d definitely like to know more about the techniques to get to my ultimate goals.
Good thought provoking article and made me realize I’ve got a lot more work to do and to see what I need to do I need an expert. 🙂
Talk soon,
Barbara
Hi Barbara
yes, Im excited to be a part of it, and make more connections with other bloggers and support each other. You are certainly not alone in dealing with that issue. Because of the ease with which we focus on negative situations, feelings and thoughts, naturally the voice inside us is going to tend to lean towards that way of being. But, we can work on silencing it more and letting the ‘big’ us get a word or two in! If you are considering coaching, that definitely is a great way to work on our own personal stumbling blocks.
I am sure you are doing better than you think, but it can take a bit to recondition our thought patterns. Manifesting itself is not complicated in any way, but the process of tapping into that ease can present its challenges due to what we have picked up as true over our lives.
Hi Kelli,
The past has caused many people pain long after the situation over. We must remember that we’re not perfect because if we were we wouldn’t be human. The past wants us to believe its wrong being human.
I agree when you said we are trying to ease the pain when we make bad choices. Another problem is putting high expectations on ourselves. That makes it harder to forgive ourselves. It’s important to have a balance view of ourselves and others.
Learning to forgive others takes the power away from our past and gives it back to us where it belong. And as we learn to self-acceptance on a deeper level the past will still speak to us but not with much influence.
Thanks!
Hi Vernon
You are so right about remembering our ‘imperfect’ nature. That is something we all ‘know’ but really don’t let sink in as deeply as we should. That inner critic can be quite harsh and relentless. I totally agree that forgiving others is a way to get our power back and help us live more fully in the present. The voice does dull over time..I like how you worded that..’less influence’ That is a perfect way to put it. Thanks so much for your insights.
These were my favorite lines from your well-written post Kelli….
“It all starts with a decision..do not underestimate the power of simply making a decision to let it go, and start fresh. It is never too late to do, be and have all you want to…never, ever, ever. ”
Truer words never written!!
Jill
Hi Jill
Thanks so much for your comment. It really is a powerful thing to make decisions and set intentions. Naturally, lots of stuff has to come after to really get the ball rolling, but in that moment, we can already begin the process of changing.
Hey Kelli,
I can definitely relate to this and for the longest time I held onto an emotion that I just couldn’t seem to let go. I beat myself up constantly because I was searching still to that day for answers to why it happened. It was out of my control but it was devastating to me. It literally changed the entire direction of my life and I beat myself up constantly trying to figure out what the heck was suppose to come from all of this because my life was NOT how I had planned it at all.
It took years to literally learn to just let it go. To understand that I may never know the reason. I might not find out until I finally make it to heaven and ask the big man upstairs. It was obviously his plan for whatever reason.
I know you’re going to say I wouldn’t be where I am today had that played out the way I had wanted it to and you’re right. I can honestly say though without a doubt I would take that scenario over my current one although I am happy. I learned to let it go, I learned to take responsibility for my life and I understood that I obviously had some part of that decision making unconsciously. We can’t hold on to what was or we’ll never be where we want to go. That was a hard lesson for me to learn and it took me years to finally get that.
You’re right though, we have to let it go and I still have plenty of awesome things headed my way that I’m deliriously excited about.
As always, great lesson so thank you for that. Hope you guys are enjoying Bali!
~Adrienne
Hi Adrienne
Thank you for sharing your experience and insights. I think you have a great outlook on life, and it shows by all the things you were able to accomplish. I do know you have experienced a lot in your life that has certainly tested you.
One thing I did want to say because I wanted to offer an alternative perspective is the idea that some force beyond you decided what you can have and can’t have and that for some reason, something that would make you happy was withheld as some sort of ‘lesson or because this force didn’t think that was the ‘right’ thing for you.
I don’t think God or the Universe or whatever, is playing that sort of role. It wants us to have all the things we want. And even though that situation didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean that thing was off the table forever. I think whatever it is, is most certainly still possible for you. It may be a bit of a modified version or may not look exactly like you pictured it, but possible none the less.
The past was a very difficult thing for me. I found the way for me to release it was to write down all of the hurt and anger that I was carrying around and release it. I took some of the pages and burned them and others I shredded. It was my way of releasing them to the universe so that I could move on my my life and look forward to the future. Carrying around the past really doesn’t help us at all, but it is worth it to let it go.
I did what you said. I shifted my focus and only face my attentions to what serves me in a positive way.:)
Hey Heather
Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your experience. I love that technique..the symbolism of burning or ripping the paper is very powerful and sets a very strong intention that we are letting go and moving forward. It truly is amazing what can happen when we deliberately shift our focus. It takes a bit of practice sometimes because we can have a lot of momentum behind the negativity, but the more we do it, the more naturally we can go to a ‘happy’ place, and from there, we will start seeing all sorts of manifestations that reflect this higher energy.